Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!!

Happy Halloween you guys!! Hopefully I will have a picture that doesn't make me hurl, that I can post, but just in case that ISN'T the case....HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

And here is the final day I shall post from my VERY cool book.


This Clean.
-Poltergeist (1982)

When is it safe? When we see credits rolling in front of our eyes? Hear applause? When the killer suddenly takes off the mask, shakes our hand, and says "nice working with you"?

No, it's never safe.

Once you're in the Terrorverse, you're in for good - even after the movie that brought you there has wrapped. You succeeded in vanquishing the enemy? Great. Chances are you made it to the final credits, and you'll lead a long peaceful life (especially if your movie bombs at the box office). But there will always be the possibility, however slight, that you'll be called back for sequels.

Screenwriters will keep dreaming up new villains and killing methods. Directors will get sleeker and bloodier. And the enemy will keep it's fangs and machetes razor sharp.

You'd better keep your skills the same way."

MWAHAHAHA! Seriously...if you want to stay alive for always...BUY this awesome book! It's a riot!

How to Survive A Horror Movie
by Seth Grahame-Smith

I even linked the above picture to the Amazon page!

And here is "The Monster Mash" featuring one of my FAVE movies, ARSENIC & OLD LACE with Carey Grant...good ALL year round! Seriously go rent this, you will LOVE it...hilarious!!

No Fair...JK!!!

Please I have only been tagged once before so I am NOT at all upset with being tagged. By the awesome Deb!!! Six random facts about myself....hmmmm....don't know if I have 6!! Crap!!Okay we will see how it goes...otherwise...ABANDON SHIP, ABANDON SHIP!!!

1) I should be a princess. Yup, seriously. Before it was Czechoslavakia, part of it was Moravia. As in in that's my last name (please I have written my name down's too late!). And my Uncle Garry, was quite the family historian and geneaology freak, and he found out, if Moravia was still around we'd be sad....Moravia come BACK!! I want a tiarra!!! No, not the fake one in my that can be hocked and give me money's!!!

2) I smell burning flesh sometimes. It's all I can smell, and I don't know what it IS!! I will get it and it lasts for weeks sometimes, so I constantly am smelling...what smells to me, like burning flesh. Now I know if you smell roses, THAT means something...but what is the DEAL with kinda salty burned flesh?! What is WRONG with me??! What? That IS random....right?

3) My parents always knew I was gonna be a girl. I am the only child they were certain they knew if it was a boy or girl. They always knew I was gonna be a girl and always knew they were gonna call me Wendy. They had reasons for the name....but that could be a blog post all on it's that's all you get! Anyway, they decided AFTER I was born, that I would have been a William if they had been wrong, but that was AFTER I was born. Hahaha!

4) I am obsessed with dolphins. They are the most magical creatures to me. When we go to Sea World, I don't have to go on rides, see any shows, anything. Just plant me at Key West where they have dolphins, and give me some money for dead fish, and I will stand there ALL day, practically dangling over the edge, trying to get to pet a dolphin. And I HAVE, many times! So sleek like rubber but more solid. I have gotten to rub under their jaws and slide a dead squishy fishy (which is SO gross...but SO worth it) into their happy mouths. I have been purposely splashed my them...and that is left is my biggest swim with them!! Ohhh I am dying to! And to hug one!! Seriously I have kept my family waiting for at least 2 hours before...they all wana go and DO something else, but I am "a few more minutes" and it turns into hours! And the people get photographed by people on the other shore, and you are handed a ticket if they got shots of you with the dolphins, and I have had bunches in my pockets, because I have been there...keeping my spot...for hours....and yes I buy them! This is me...yes I have been told I look like I am cooing to the dolphin. I probably AM! And no...I was not aware my chest was squishing into the 5 trays ($5 a tray) of dead fish...LOL!
5) I am a neat freak but I hate to clean. I mean if it's my room, yeah okay, not so bad with cleaning. A) I know it's only MY germs, and B) i made the mess. But cleaning is just SO boring and tedious. I mean, my Mom loves to clean. Sister Hoeger, Mom's BFF and my second mom, loves to cook. So THEY think the two of them should get to live together and we'd ALL have the best of both worlds. She SO hates to clean. Anyway, dirty dishes and bathrooms make me want to GAG! If I lived alone, it wouldn't be a problem. When alone I tend to immediately clean up after myself...but in a household?'s a mess and I don't wanna clean it up. Will only do so under great duress...and if it is so BAD it makes my OCD RAGEEEE!!! So it's quite the conundrum!!

6) I lost my two front teeth at the same moment. When my lil sister Katie, punched them out. According to HER, I was being horrid, so she got so mad she punched me. I don't remember being a pain, all I remember is her FIST, punching 2 NOT LOOSE front teeth out!! And I never let her forget it. EVER.

Okay so was that hard? Well yeah...what is random and interesting....versus what is random and makes no sense or will put them to sleep...hmmmm, LOL, it was fun though!!

Okay so I tag:

1)Erin the know you need something to do since you are homeless and used all your cool videos
2) Whitney....cuz I just LOVE to make you blog and want to know more weird things about foot dangler you!
3)ME....cuz I loves ya so and want to know more than Princess...what's her name!!!
4) New England know you are, LOL!
5)Amander....I SO need to know more about you!
6)Dad(2)....when you know such weird technical dance moves AND play Wicked....we need more info!!:P


I am just typing a QUICK (you here that you in my head? QUICK...listen to ME!) post because I HAVE to. No really!
When I started my blog...I had no idea what it was going to be like...if it would end up being mostly lame like myspace is, or what not. I just posted a post because everyone else seemed to be so INTO starting that was my reason. And then I found a few blogs that made me laugh...and freakiest thing happened. All the ones I found initially...wound up Mormon! I was like Holy Freaky!! Because yes...I am Mormon...but I didn't set out looking for Mormon blogs. I was looking for people as obsessed with movies as I AM! So I clicked on "too many to name", which is what I have under my "fave movies" and started clicking on a couple of blogs...just the ones that sounded kind of cool. And the first one I click on...saw an LDS tag on it. I was like "oooh weird..." but in a good way. And then the next one that didn't bore me (LOL), it turned out she mentioned sacrament meeting...and I was "Say Whaaaaa?" and sure enough, she talked about a baby being blessed in church. And finally found an outright MORMON mention. Anyway, it was just like an eerie in a cool way thing...everyone I found initially was Mormon too. And it was all by accident that I found them...and that they were the people that seemed cool to me.

Now I have been blogging for over a month now, and I have found some non-LDS friends too...I just... let me get to my point. Like I told someone in an email tonight...I ramble....and I flit. One subject to makes sense to ME!! Geez...lemme try to get my point across before my brain beats me at my own game!

So blogging had started out as a "just sign up"...maybe a few people I know will read it...or I will just delete it like a million other things. And then I found people who made me laugh. Made me cry (in the good sense). Made me look forward to something...and that is hard for me lately...and a lot of the time throughout my life. And then people started responding to me (which was SO weird) and liked what I had to say. And so I clicked on their blogs and found some new friends.

I found FRIENDS. That is my point. Starting this blog was the smartest decision I have made in a LONG time. And yes, it was purely accidentally this smart, but it was smart none the less. I have made some really good friends on here, something I don't ever take lightly. And I want them, YOU, all,to know how glad I am that I, on a whim, did this. I may be pessimistically optimistic...but I am SO glad I meandered this way! You guys ALL rock. Thus far (oh wait okay one not the nicest rant at me) I haven't met anyone who isn't nice and fun and thoughtful! Obviously this MUST have been meant to be. I am very happy with you Blog...keep up the good work! We are so happy together!

P.S. While I HAVE only been to one concert, I have seen these guys live and in person. Thank you Epcot in Disney World. These guys (or kinda sorta fogey's) rocked!! Love this song!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

An Apology...

"An Apology from Wes Craven

There's something I have been meaning to get off my chest. Something that's been eating at my conscience for decades now. And I'll admit, it's not easy to write without getting a little choked up....

....I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to the countless people whose lives I've cut short. The characters who've become unwilling sacrifices to my art: the buxom babysitters. The doubting cops. The overbearing parents and well-intentioned boyfriends. Teens with their whole lives ahead of them. Decent, hard-working adults. All sent to an early grave in the name of box-office gold.

Some made my job a little trickier - valiantly struggling to make it to the end credits. Others did everything but cut their own throats - running upstairs when they should've run out of the house; falling asleep when their lives depended on staying awake.

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't taken pleasure in dreaming up ways to kill them. Disembowel them. Beheading them. Burning them, shooting them, and crushing them in garage doors. I've tortured in Last House on the Left. Picked off an entire family one by one in The Hills Have Eyes. Created a child-murdering monster with the power to kill people in their dreams.

I've built a career on the blood of innocents, and I guess the guilt's finally caught up with me.

Sure, I've tried to make amends before. Tried to give my characters a fighting chance. New Nightmare was the first step towards self-aware horror movie characters. Scream went a step further. For the first time, we had people who knew they were in a horror movie. Even better, they were armed with knowledge of the rules.

And yet they died.

No matter what I do, no matter how much of a head-start I give them, it seems my characters always end up on the wrong end of a long knife. And while I'm happy that somebody's finally written them a guide to help them survive, I wonder how much good it'll really do.

Death finds a way."

I loved this foreword by Wes. Death finds a way sounds just like Jurassic Park's "Life finds a way". Jeff Goldblums' Dr.Iam Malcolm saying "If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, expands to new territory, and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously." It just gets tangled up and makes me laugh!

Happy Halloween EVE!! Tommorrow's the BIG day!! *owwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*

I need to go find something....hold on a sec......

Here ya go!

*When I stilled loved M.J. and his music...and he looks better as a zombie than he does these days in real life!

Oh, you bastard!

Okay one post make me laugh.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

10 Wildlife....and an Introduction

Haha! Tricked you, by luring you with this precious photo!! Now...READ! It's okay...NOT scary, FUNNY!!

"10 Wildlife Creatures That Are Always Evil

  1. Monkeys. Opportunistic little bastards. A monkey would sell it's own mother for a stale banana peel - which is why they are always recruited as spies by the enemy.
  2. Rottweilers. Dogs are universally good, with one exception. It seems that Rottweilers put their paw print on a contract with Satan, since they're always portrayed as rabid psychopaths or guardians of the Antichrist.
  3. Sharks. They're bad enough in the real world. In Horror movies, sharks can carry a grudge, solve problems, eat boats, and track humans halfway across the globe.
  4. Ravens. As birds go, ravens are quite pleasant. Unfortunately they are also classic harbingers of impending doom.

5. Cats. Whereas monkeys are evil because it pays well, cats are just plain evil. They don't need an incentive to sell you out or steal your baby's breath; they do it for the sheer pleasure of being rotten.
6. Rats. Where there's one rat, there's 14,000. And where there's 14,000 rats, there's some sociopath using them to murder people.
7. Bats. It's not a bat, it's a VAMPIRE!
8. Owls. Owls have been waging a PR campaign to change their perennial image as evil creatures. They've bought their way into a few family films, playing the faithful friend or endangered species, but don't be fooled - they're cold-hearted killers.
9. Sloths. There's actually nothing to suggest that sloths are evil. But seeing as they are the only animal named after a deadly sin, it's probably best to avoid them.
10. Wolves. It's not a wolf, it's a werewolf!!"

LOL, I laughed so hard at Owls. I LOVE the Harry Potter movies and want an owl of my own, so them "buying" themselves into the Potter films is hysterical! And poor sloths, like Sid from Ice Age...condemned to be evil because sloth is one of the seven deadly sins. Poor John Leguizamos Sid!!



'Don't let us make imaginary evils, when you know we have so many
real ones to encounter.'
- Oliver Goldsmith (1730-1774)

Brace yourself for some bad news - if you're reading this, there's a good chance you've become trapped in a horror movie. I know, I know - it sounds crazy, but you'll just have to trust me for a minute, OK? This book has a knack for finding it's way into the right hands - if it's found it's way into yours, there's a reason.

Questions. You've got a million. Lord knows I did. 'How's that even possible?' 'Why me?' 'Am I going to die?' Nobody knows the answers to those first two. Maybe you fell down a rabbit hole, or took one too many puffs off the ol' peace pipe. Or, in the words of Aldous Huxley, 'Maybe this world is another planets hell.' As for the last one? The answers 'yes, and that right soon' - unless you do exactly what I tell you over the next 170 pages.

I've spent the better part of my life (if you can call it that) trapped in the Terrorverse-sleeping with one eye open and one finger on the trigger. For almost 20 years now, I've tangled with all manner of ghosts, demons. slashers, and half-retarded hillbillies. I've vanquished vampires, blown off the heads of my share of zombies, even danced with the devil himself - all witout a lick of help. And you know what? I'm still here, so I figure I must be doing something right.

I've also watched a lot of good people die (spend enough time in a horror movie, and you're bound to lose two things: friends and appendages). I've also watched screen-writers and directors - the invisible gods of this godforsaken land - become increasingly clever and cruel over the years, So I decided to write down what I'd learned, in hopes the new arrivals in Terrorverse (that's you) would stand a better chance of making it all the way to the end credits. Sharing the skills I'd learned from a life spent dodging the kills.

From this moment on, nothing is as it seems. You're not a human being, you're a character - and filmmakers are doing everything in their power to kill you, even now. Supernatural powers and curses are real, and numbers like 666 and 237 can kill you just as easily as a butcher knife. Log cabins are slaughterhouses, cornstalks are antennas for evil, and aliens never, ever, come in peace.

And me? I'll be your guide through hell. I'll teach you how to peform an excorcism, survive a night of babysitting, and navigate a cemetery (without becoming a permanent addition). I'll teach you how to escape the inescapable, spot harbingers of impending doom, and defeat a haunted house. Most importantly, I'll show you how to make life miserable for the screenwiters and directors who are trying to end yours.

So I suggest you stick close, pay attention, and avoid breaking the Terrorverse's only commandment: Thou Shalt NOT Be Stupid.

Now Come with me, if you want to live...."

Cool, eh?! I thought it was hilarious that the bad guys are the writers and directors, that it's not the monsters out to get you, it's their creators! Anyone know what 237 is though? Can't figure that one out. And YES I believe in Supernatural...I watch my Jensen every week...and repeatedly on dvd...over and over again...yeah. Okay, anywho, don't you love the one "commandment"?! Because that is why people die in most horror movies...stupidity!! NOT open that door, just TURN and RUN you idiot! Have I said this to the screen or tv before? Why yes I have. There has only ever been one smart character in a horror movie...yes he died in one, but he explained why it was possible...Jamie Kennedy's Randy in the Scream movies. He knew the rules, even made a cameo in the third explaining in a trilogy, there ARE no Syd had better look out...did she listen? No...not until the end of the movie...after her entire social network was DEAD. So as Randy said...don't be stupid!! LOL!

Now scroll up and give the monkey a big kiss! Isn't he adorable?!...or is he? Mwahahahaha!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Teary Days

It is just one of those times where all I want is to give up this inner fight that rages inside me, lie down in a ball and just...not be here anymore.

And what really frustrates me, is I have no idea why I feel this way. Sure, I am tired. I forgot last night...or technically REALLY early this morning, that I had told me mom I would fix something for her. The sheets with what the "240" employees owed in inservices, we had spent Monday doing, couldn't be copied because we had written it in pencil. WHO knew pencil didn't really show up in was dark too! So I had told her I would do it. And then forgot. You DON'T want to know when I remembered. I wasn't about to let her down, so I started working on it. On the first page I learned that writing OVER the pencil and then erasing is BAD. It smudged everything. So I had to look at what one person had, erase it, remember it and write it back down in pen...over and over. By 2 pages, and only having done up to letter E, my hand was cramping and starting to shake. Two hours later, lead covering my right hand and eraser filings surrounding my lil laptop desk, I was done. However, the shaking had taken over my entire right arm up to my shoulder.

When my Mom got up for work in the morning, she couldn't believe I had done that. She said I should've just forgotten about it, but then SHE would have had to do it. By this time my dad was up for work and was making himself breakfast. My father hates mornings that involve work, so he likes to push people's buttons, tease them or get a rise out of them...he thinks it's funny, even when he says something that someone else can find offensive. He thinks he is just kidding around but he can be rude, but not think so. Today, I don't remember WHAT we had been talking about, but he said something along the lines of "Your mother loves you...I don't know why", and as I turned to get a cup, it started bothering me...and as I poured koolaid, tears started falling faster and faster. My Dad didn't even notice, he was off on a "heehee" tangent, talking to the dog, but my Mom kept going "Uh Ken" and he was oblivious. By this time I was silently sobbing. My mom finally got it through to my Dad that I hadn't found his remark amusing. And he was like half laughing "Awww Wen" and giving me a wasn't until he backed up and saw my face, that he realized I was actually not okay. And I started openly sobbing. He was really quite apologetic and hugged me a lot, but I just couldn't seem to stop crying. Even after he apologized like 5 times and I tried to stop, and he left, I couldn't shake it. My Mom kept going up to me and hugging me, because the tears just kept coming. She told me it was okay, that I was stressed and tired, and needed to catch up on my sleep. So I took my medicine and lay down on the couch, watching one of my tv shows and the next thing I now it's 5 hours later. So I dragged my self upstairs and slept for 5 more hours. When I woke up, everyone else was gone, school, work, etc. So I went on my errands, picked up Journey to the Center of the Earth at Walmart (love Brendan Frasier), stopped by the library, etc. When I got home, the parents were both home, and awhile later my mother came downstairs and just seeing her...I started tearing up again. I told her I had no idea why I was crying again.

It's like I can't stop...and I have no idea why. When I started typing how I started crying before, I teared up ALL over again. It just feels like I am not in control of myself. All I want is to curl in a ball and hide myself away. I HATE feeling these feelings, they are familiar, but that NEVER makes it any easier! It just makes me want to give up, just let the depression and other crap, take over and swallow me whole. I am just extremely tired of it all.

Okay enough of this...I am going to go get my Horror Movie book out and pick out a passage to post, since Halloween is 3 days away...actually less now, and deserves proper Halloween respect. Okay so ignore me, I had to vent. Sorry. Let me go find my book.

Seriously People, PAy AtTEntTIon

"Ten Things to Never, Ever, Ever...Put in a Child's Room

1)Any representation of a clown. Whether it's stuffed, painted or otherwise.

2)Indoor Playtents. Anything that obstructs the child's view of the room (or your view of the child) is no good.

3)Windows. In Horror Movies, windows are what kids get snatched out of by vampires and scary trees.

4)Doors. Does this sound familiar? You hear the children screaming and run to the room, only to have the door slammed in your face by whatever ghost is about to eat out their soul.

5)One of those toy Monkeys that bang cymbals together. These serve absolutely no purpose other than coming to life when something scary is about to happen.

6)Framed Photographs of Dead Relatives. Or photographs of any dead people, for that matter. It doesn't matter if the images are Abe Lincoln or Mother Teresa.

7) Ouija Boards. Come On!!

8) Any Crucifix featuring an open eyed Jesus. Directors love cutting to "creepy
creepy pupils Jesus to build dramatic tension. Don't Hand them an invitation!

9) Beds with more then 4 inches between the box spring and floor. The bed's legs should also be chained to the floor, and younger kids should sleep wearing a climbing harness tethered to a secured steel cable (in case of an attempted spritual abduction).

10) Closets. What are you, CRAZY? Nail the door shut and buy a dresser!"

-courtesy of How To Survive a Horror Movie-

Seriously people!! You know you are all thinking back...."Don't go in the Light Carol Ann"!!

Ramblings....and a Harbinger!!

I have names swimming around my head like lil fish...and they talk! They will NOT shut up. I went to my Mom's work I will Wednesday, Thursday and Friday....tired just thinking about it. She is being overloaded at work, and as Staff Development Nurse for over 240 staff could say she is a little overwhelmed by what they decided to pile on her recently. She needs to input inservices, fix story boards, find out what EVERY single employee owes her IN inservices and get them the paperwork to have it down before 2008 is over. Plus they want projection calendars for ALL of 2009 and like 5 other this Friday. Yeah....turds. So today we went through all 240 employees and figured out if they were missing mandatory inservices and/or IV inservices. These are state mandated requirements and all holy Hell could rain upom MY Mom if the State came in and 2008 wasn't ship-shape.
So I have intimate knowledge of 240 people's names and I don't even KNOW them! Nancy Alfeir you owe 3 IV's, Luz Santiago you owe all 12 mandatories and 4 IV's...etc, etc. I have Naiga's and Stephanie's and Roberta's flying about my brain....going AMOK!!! Get the NAMES OUT!!!

Anywho...let's get to a more FUN, Halloween-y subject. This one is...odd...but FUNNY. I think. Or maybe I just think you all are sick enough to find this HIGHLY entertaining...well Kristina it's worth it already!;) Oh and Whit...sick twisted HIGH SHOOLer that she is...yup, gotta do it. Just remember...NO, this is NOT a subject I would normally converse on, it even makes me a wee uncomfortable...but in this ONE instance...I think you will pee your pants laugh. If you are funny anyway.

"Know Your Harbingers of Impending Doom: Boobies

Not the sea birds found primarily near warm waters - the fatty deposits that grace the chests of mature human females. Jugs. Melons. And while it's hard to imagine anything bad coming from something so good, there's an unfortunate horror movie phenomenon. Titsonics, that turns boobies into bouncy death traps.

In the Terrorverse, young women's breastsemit a high-frequency sound (measured in mammahertz) that only horror movie villains can hear. The sounds attracts them - not because they want a peek, but because they know that naked breasts indicate the presence of at least one highly distracted or highly vulnerable victim. The bigger the boobies, the louder the noise. And when those boobies are squeezed (say, by the fumbling hands of a young male), they get louder still.

Therefore, the only safe boobies are untouched, well-covered boobies. And well-covered means buried beneath enough clothing to muffle their sound (i.e. NO tank tops). In fact, the ideal outfit for a young woman would be a parka, over a ski jacket, over two sweatshirts, over two bras - with the nippages (ok yes I CHANGED this word) duct taped for good measure. But take heart, ladies. The moment you hit 23, your Titsonic profile becomes dramatically lower. And once you have a kid, it disappears forever."
- another excerpt from How to Survive a Horror Movie-

So I felt I HAD to make you all aware of the ramifications of being a female...especially in a scary situatuon. But DO know, I HATE even the word "boobies", so "breasts" (see I NEVER said/typed quotes, so NOT my word) is NOT going to ever be a word I throw around. Nor any term for said nippages.
I refer to them as chest's (pronounched - chest-es-ez)...I am serious.
Do not mock me please. Not everyone is THAT comfy with....words. Oh, shut up. This is what I get for feeling I have to share stories.

Monday, October 27, 2008

DOLLS....Survival techniques

I bought this book called "How to Survive a Horror Movie" back in March when I was in Florida. I LOVE this book, it is SO true, ALL of it, and it is SO funny! And since Halloween is 5 days away, I thought, PERFECTION! Because if I share in say January, you will all think me weird...and let's face it, I might, but it's HALLOWEEN on Friday.

So here is my favorite part thus far.


"Sometimes Deadly things come in small packages. The World's worst pick-up line, but a superb reminder for anyone trapped in a horror movie. Dolls have always been vessels for evil, whether it's the wooden dummy who's sick of having someone's hands up it's bad place, the marionette that cuts it's own strings, or the childs toy that is through having it's buttons pushed. It doesn't matter if they're powered by dead serial killers, brought to life by ancient curses, or just plain evil - they have to be taken seriously, no matter how cute their little scaled-down overalls are.

1. Kick the crap out of it. Even if you're 12 years old, you're probably 5 to 7 times larger than your attacker. Why are you running away from something that could be imprisoned with Legos? Before you resort to the fancy tactics that follow, crack your knuckles, step in the ring, and take your yarn-haired nemesis for a stroll down Pain Lane. Rip it's limbs off. Pull it's stuffing out. Hold it by the feet and whack its' head against the sidewalk. There's a reason dolls have to rely on stealth and trickery to kill - they're not very strong. You, in the other hand, have the gift of brute force.

2. Make the Puppetteers miserable. You lost a fistfight to a doll? Well...okay, try some other tactics (But I don't recommend you go around telling people.)
The Film Makers have painted themselves in a bit of a corner. A slasher or werewolf can be played by a man in a suit, but a tiny doll faces them to rely on special effects - namely animatronics controlled by off-screen puppeteers. That means the bad guy has to be connected by a bunch of wires, and those wires need to be hidden. This severely limits the little buggers movements. If you're still running away (from a doll, mind you), these tactics will make it next to impossible for the tiny terror to give chase:

  • Get Some Fresh Air. The killer doll's natural habitat is indoors, because it's easiest for the film maker to hide it's gadgetry by cutting holes in sofas or building false floors. City Streets and Grassy Fields present a whole truckload of problems for the effects department.
  • Go For a Dip. The thought of getting wet sends chills down the artificial spines of killer dolls (and their Puppeteers).With all those electronic components, swimming is Suicide!
  • Pick the Doll Up. Yes, I know it's trying to chase you down and stab you, but hear me out. If you pick it up and hold it over your head, there will be no where to hide the wires, and thus no way for the doll to move.
3. Emply Proven Anti-Doll Technology. Being trapped in a killer doll movie is like winning the horror lottery. Let's face it - you have to be an idiot to be kicked off in one. Imagine the last thing you saw was a Cabbage Patch Kid standing over you with a knife. Imagine dying with that deep sense of shame.

Lil' Randy (licks knife)
You're my best Pal!

You (dying)
I'll see you in hell, you son...
you son of a .....
Luckily, you don't have to, because there are a few easily accessible weapons that no killer doll can survive:

  • Fire. Propane torches, furnaces, ciggarette lighters - any source will do. Your attacker is made of polyester stuffing and cheap plastic. He'll burn up faster than a Death Valley match factory's.
  • Dogs. Killer dolls are terrified of dogs, probably because dogs love killer dolls. Namely, shaking them around, pulling their insides out, and chewing their plastic buttons. And while dogs can be killed in certain horror movies, they're invincible in schlock-tastic killer-doll flicks.
  • Toddlers. Of all the dolls enemies, none is more feared than the common human toddler. Falling into the hands of a toddler is a fate worse than death, for it means suffering through an endless parade of tea parties, nap times, and dress-ups. And there is not a damn thing they can do about it, since no movie would ever let them kill the kid off."
- How to Survive A Horror Movie by Seth Grahame-Smith-

And remember, "If you're under attack by a killer doll, simply kick the crap out of it".

Wasn't THAT fun? If you liked this, tell me and I will give you a few more tips on how to survive a horror movie.....bwuahahhahahaha!

The Lifeline.... a story for Crash and Sewl's Contest

Summer arrived at the restaurant, smoothing her long brown hair. She scanned the room, looking for her friend Janice. No Janice, so she sat at a table, to wait.

Chills suddenly racked her spine. Why’s it so cold, she wondered? The cold felt like it was seeping into Summer’s bones. Maybe they’ll turn up the heat, she thought.

“Excuse me,” Summer called, as a waiter walked by. But the waiter didn’t stop; he kept on going.
“How rude!” Summer thought angrily. No tip for him, she decided.

She looked down at her placemat and noticed that it was on palmistry. It showed a hand and descriptions of what each line meant.

“A long lifeline,” Summer read, “means you’ll enjoy old age, a short lifeline means you should expect to leave this world early, depending on your lifeline’s length.”

Summer glanced down at her hand and raised it, turning it so it faced palm side up. She saw her love line, her heart line, but she couldn’t find her lifeline.
“Where’s it supposed to be?” she said aloud. She glanced at the placemat and memorized where the lifeline was located. She looked back at her hand and still didn’t see it. Bringing her palm right to her eyes, all she saw was smooth supple skin. There was no lifeline.

Weird, she thought. I hope Janice arrives soon; I’m freaking out.

The waiter walked by again, Summer reached and her hand passed through his, causing cold to streak through Summer’s body.

“What’s going on?” Summer shouted! Summer felt dizzy and the room started to swim in front of her of her eyes. Something’s not right, she thought, I’ve got to get out of here.

She ran out to the parking lot. Her blue sports car was gone. Feeling frantic, she started running. At the corner, she turned to the right, heading towards home.

As she rounded the second corner, she saw a group of people. As she got closer she saw Janice and a man.
Thank goodness, Summer thought. Janice will help me figure this out.

As she got closer, she realized the man was a cop, and that Janice was hysterical. She was crying, and the officer had his hand on her shoulder, comforting her.

“Janice!” Summer called as she stopped a few feet away.
“Jan?” Summer said again. There was no response. As Janice walked through the crowd Summer followed behind, wondering why Janice was so upset.

As the crowd shifted, Summer found herself standing with Janice in front of a wreckage. A wreck of what had used to be a blue sports car.

“No,” Summer moaned, “oh, please, no.” She walked closer and saw long brown hair falling from a smashed window of a blue sports car.

As she walked to the wreckage, she saw a battered, bloody hand lying palm side up.

Summer looked down at the palm and tears welled in her eyes and she smiled a bittersweet smile.
“Damn! Talk about a short lifeline!”

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Holy babies AREN'T Ugly!!....right?!

Seriously look at me and Johnny Depps' daughter! CUTE!!

Poem - Hunger


So Hungry to find a place to feel safe and welcome
Craving a connection of some manner, one that counts
Famished to feel anothers' hand when I blindly reach out
Starving to be accepted for the mess that is me
Ravenous for a friend who I can let go with
Wishing this great hunger could be met.

So Hungry to stop feeling so alone in a swarm
Craving the instinct to be what's expected
Famished to feel the blessings of those I admire
Starving to be whoever I was meant to be
Ravenous for the knowledge of where to go from here
Wishing the Hunger, wasn't so great.

by W.M.M.

5 COOL Things

FIVE COOL PRODUCTS...I think so for different reasons Anyway...Humor ME!!

I have many catalogs that I get that have strange or interesting items sold. Some are wicked funny, some are like "WOW, wish I owned THAT"....some are "You can't be serious", but they are all fascinating for their own reasons. SO I am sharing 5 of them with you tonight. Yes I do have more than 5, but that could be another post or two...I am SMART like that! And sorry, for some reason it won't let me post pictures tonight, so I HAD to have them first!

1)The Pee-Pee Teepees....these are genius, if I ever have babies and have boys, I WILL OWN THEM. I do NOT want to be peed on or have pee shot into my mouth or something...I have heard the horror stories!!

2)USB Heated Gloves...I want these SO hands are already freezing while I blog away and gloves you plug into your computer and warm them while you type away....BLISS!

3) The Finger Food Party Plates..............these I am just fascinated by, would people actually stick this on their finger and walk around a party like this??!

4) Birth Control many stupid teenage girls are going to actually think this is for real?! Seriously they ARE that stupid!! It's a GAG gift ladies, chewing this gum will not prevent the pitter-patter of little feet! But it is SO funny too...because people are that stupid!LOL!

5) "No.2" by Poopouri.....getting a stomach ache at a party and don't want to stink up the bathroom and be embarrassed? You spray this directly in the toilet BEFORE you go and the scents of bergamot, orange and mandarin create a "barrier against embarrassing bathroom odor"! Yes this IS real! LOL! FIGHT the STANK!!

Thoughts on Lyrics...Yeah they are Scattered Thoughts

I was trying to think of something to write about today...not an exciting weekend here, spent most of it in the house....zzzzz. So I started thinking about lyrics, as I listened to my IPOD, and how much I love them. It can be a song everyone else thinks is lame, but if I hear lyrics that talk to me...I am hooked.

When I first heard these words from Marie Digby, I felt like she had sung MY feelings, found a poem I had written somehow:
"The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes when they laughed and she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is now"
They are powerful to me, like she felt the same feelings I have felt so often, but made them accessible to everyone. Lyrics can make you FEEL. Maybe something you never felt before, or some feeling you couldn't name. Or maybe you hear lyrics and though they weren't intended to be about what YOU hear, you interpret them as this anyway.

I have never heard a song by Jason Mraz I liked, but as soon as the beat started (yes I usually listen to music first if I like the sound) and he began to sing his words just stuck in my brain. "Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
Ah la peaceful melody
Its your godforsaken right to be loved love loved love love". I like the sound of having a right to be loved. Of it being a God given right, that I am supposed to have. It gives me, personally, hope.

Then there are songs that just make points that hit home. This song called Clothes says
"Pay so much for clothes so small
Was that shirt made for me or my doll?
Is this all I get?
I looked so hot but caught a cold
I was doing just what I was told
To fit in"
How true! I look at tees they sell in the Women's section of Walmart or Target, and I am like ...yeah, if I was flat chested or an anorexic 12 year old. I love when they sing " Clothes that fit are FIIINNEEE"!

Where is The Love is a favorite song of mine, I was surprised as I only like a few songs by Black Eyed Peas and tha's usually just because of the beat, NOT the lyrics. But have you REALLY listened to the lyrics?
"But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all"
This song fills with hope for our future, that more people FEEL this way, and that they can spread these words to more and more. Wouldn't the future be a brighter place if more people felt this way, thought this way?

I know I interpret the Chantal Kreviazuk song "Feels Like Home" differently than it was intended. Pretty sure it is a love song, but when she talks of HIM, it felt to me, like she was talking about Jesus Christ. I just interpret it that way. And it could be JUST me.
"A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much"

It just makes you think, what do some lyrics MEAN to people? Do you have songs where you KNOW they are supposed to mean something else entirely, but to you, they have always meant THIS...whatever it might be?

Or is there a song you feel someone must have taken your thoughts and feelings, to be able to write it? When Dixie Chicks (and I HATE country) song Not Ready to Make Nice came out, I was like WOW. They got how I feel when I am angry DOWN pat. I know sometimes when I get angry, it is irrational, and I WANT to stop...but while feeling that way I can't do what I know will make me feel better
"I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should"
And I have a hard time with forgiveness,so even when I forgive...I usually can't forget. So "Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I’m not sure I could.They say time heals everything,But I’m still waiting." That is pure me. I am still waiting for time to heel wounds.

SO tell me...what songs are special to you just because of the lyrics...and were they intended to be seen as YOU interpret them? I have so many more...I tried to cover a wide range, but I am seriously scattered in my thinking of this post. It seemed like a good post idea, but now...I am going to do one I think makes more sense...and is maybe more fun. This is ALL over the place. Like me!!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

4th picture in my 4th folder

Yeah so Katie tagged anyone who read hers, so I shall do the same, IT'S easy....DO IT NOW!!

It's not my fault I don't cheat! This is a pic of the house we stayed in, in Florida for the last 2 years...I found the house...$100/night, 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms with pool...yes I AM that good. And they allow Max!

The One Armed Bandit...what Fun!

So my Dad took this week off from work, he wanted to get a vacation in before the end of the year and he had 2 weeks left, so he has taken this week and a week near Christmas off. He really wanted to go to the Mohegan Sun Casino, he LOVES the buffets, and wanted to do a lil harmless gambling...harmless meaning all we ever do is slot machines...and usually the quarter ones.

My Mom couldn't go because she had work and Dad wanted to go early...which was FINE with my Mom, she hates the casinos, they wreak of cigarette smoke and are really boring once you are done eating or throwing money away. And seeing as how my sleep patterns are worse than ever, I considered not going...but the whole "daddy-daughter" day, made me decide to go. So I got up early...for me...and we drove over to Kat's school to meet her, she had morning classes, and had to teach belly dance classes later, so we met her halfway and took one car. I was in the zone with my IPOD, lying in the backseat with my legs on Kat...I was comfy.LOL. So we finally got there and went inside to search for the Sunburst Buffet. Sandy decided to lead the way. As we started making our way through some of the casinos, we decided if anyone got lost, we would meet in front of this car on display...and so we walked...and walked...and came upon a suspiciously familiar car on DISPLAY!! Ahhhh...we were hungry by this point. Sandy is still claiming she followed the map, but I think she is LYING. We saw some pretty statues ad displays once we were on the right track. The wolf moved and howled. It stood over a baby waterfall too, so it was cute. This statue made of glass was gorgeous and went SO high up. I was very impressed...thus the picture! And so we finally got to the buffet and Sam and I were able to use our "special" cards, our surgeon gave us. It asks people to allow us a discount or to order off the children's menu, because we had WLS and out stomachs are the size of golf balls. Most people are good about it...only a few run ins...and it even has our surgeons name and number on it...very cool Doogie, thanks. So Sam and I got in for $10 each. Good, they didn't even have food I like...or can eat. They had a ginourmous pasta station (the only pasta I could try was gnocchi and it was cold...not supposed to be cold) and a huge fish station (it has taken years, but I only eat battered haddock or cod filets), a dessert station, a salads station and a meat station. Unfortunately they had no chicken or turkey, only red meat and chicken wings or chicken pot pie, I am a fan of neither. So I had a few bites of baked potato, a few of cold mashed potatoes, a few cold gnocchi and a few bites of salad. It was sad...I told Sandy I felt like $10 was a waste of money on me...she agreed for herself too. I had a few bites of jello for dessert and a bite of brownie and a bite of magic cookie bar (Sarge allowed only a bite)...we snuck 1 of each home in a napkin for Mom...she loves magic cookie bars!!

So we decided it smelled in every casino, the smoke free one is not seperated by ANY wall, etc. so they ALL smell just as awful as the others. So we just went in the first we found. Dad declared we weren't to spend our own money, he had saved up for today and gave us each $45...I KNOW! Sweet! Now I usually is usually Katie that makes out like a bandit or at least breaks even. So I went off by myself and chose machines I liked the look of. Now, they don't take quarters anymore, OR $1 bills, it has to be 5 bucks or more. And no, if you win, you don't hear the sound of coins or chips falling, you now get a ticket. As soon as you put your money in (we did $5 at a time) you no longer have cash you have a ticket, so if you decide, MAN I am losing on this machine...gimme what money I have prints you a ticket with the money left and it has a upc code. So you then go to either another machine and it takes it like cash, or you put it in a cashing out machine at the end and take your REAL money home. So I spent $2.50 of my first 5 and was like...this machine isn't even pretty or I went and found a machine with marashino cherries on it. CUTE. I put my ticket in, pulled once (25 cents) and won a ticket for $15! I took that sucker and put it in my pocket...that was so a keep til you cash out ticket. I continued doing really well in the sense I would be using the same $5 for like 25 minutes, I would win a buck and lose it, then win it back, etc. I was doing this for AWHILE. Kate and Sam walked by, they had lost their first $20 awhile ago apparently. I went and found Dad...he lost $5 on the penny machines...that means he lost 500 sad! So I tried a few machines, they weren't liking me, and I saw a Phantom of the Opera one. All of a Sudden I thought of Tiff and how she had just seen Phantom so I sat down. Dad grabbed my $4.25 ticket and gave me his $19 ticket...sweet man! And I started playing...and was there a LONG time...I must have pulled that handle 100 times, the money was going down, up, etc. The girls walked up...they were not happy. They had decided to use their last twenty (each) and play the $5 machines...for some reason they assumed it would be more likely to win, if you bet more. Yeah...if that were true I'd have gotten money out and done the $100 machines (yes, they DO exist)...they lost their money FAST. So they were all sitting I finally got that $19 ticket down to like 2 bucks and they were saying cash out, go to a different machine (they couldn't believe I still had another $15 to gamble from Dad. I was like one more time, the Phantom machine was cool, it made sounds and cackled,etc. So I pulled the handle one more time and got $18.25!! SCORE! They proceeded to follow me as I went back to my other faves...I lost most but at the last dollar I made $6.25 so they YELLED cash out! SO I did. Sure I spent like $59, and went home with $38.50, so I was DOWN, but that was all money I had WON!! I thought it was cool!!

We went in a few shops on our way out...we have to go back, just to check out the stores. And they have a Johnny Rockets! Only seen one in Florida! It's like s malte shoppe from the 50's!!We need to eat THERE! Sam made us stop and take this pic though...such comedians aren't they? Three Lil Wenches and a Bear.

So that was my day with the one armed bandit...hey I AM a good Mormon, I just like to pull a handle on a machine, okay?! Don't tell me you have never done it!! I've got my eyes on you....

Friday, October 24, 2008

Swans Some More?

Yes Miss Swan is BACK. I dedicate this to Whitney, it's her fave and she is going crazy!! Poor Whit, this will make us ALL laugh!!!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Urban Legends...they are SO real!

"One night a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on — the car was going to pass — when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed. Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her. Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically. Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her — and he screamed, "Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!" When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down.

The moral of the story: Always check the back seat!*"

*In another common variant of this legend, the imperiled female (and it's always a female, please note) pulls into a gas station and is frightened by the odd behavior of the attendant, who keeps trying to get her to leave the car and join him in the office. It turns out he has glimpsed a knife-wielding murderer in the backseat and is trying to save her life!*

Urban Legends are so cool, and as it is almost Halloween, I thought it was the perfect time to visit upon them. The story you read above is one that freaks me out the most, and makes me check the backseat whenever I am reminded of it!! I find Urban Legends so fascinating!

Like the one where it says you should NEVER flash your lights at anyone, because it is a gang initiation and they will turn around and go after anyone who flashes their right?! And the origin is interesting too.

Some believe it was inspired by the story of a Stockton, California school secretary named Kelly Freed, who was a passenger in a car whose driver signaled at a car full of teenagers to inform them that their headlights were off. Mistaking the hand signal as an insult, one of the teens fired a gun at the car and Freed was killed. Police determined none of the teens were gang members, nor was the incident connected with a gang initiation. Because of this urban legend that most say has NO origin to be based after, many law enforcement agencies, DO, however, tell people Not to flash their lights, as a precautionary measure...ooooohhhhhoooohhhhh!

I admit I hadn't heard of the "Aren't You Glad You Didn't Turn on the Light?" legend until the movie Urban Legends, and it has bothered me SINCE! I mean stuff like this could happen! I know it's a warning to adolescents, but it is not like this could NOT happen. In college, people probably go back to a darkened dorm room and don't want to wake their roommates so they go straight to bed...if I had been a regular college girl...I SO would have needed to put on A make sure I was safe and so was my roomie!! And NO, I would never leave my dorm room UNLOCKED, at ANY time. That is actually a huge thing colleges are trying to get across to students, Lock your rooms. For Many reasons! *shudders* And this one is basically an inspiration for "Humans Can Lick Too"...people make SURE it is your dog licking your hand, that's all I gotta say!

And let's take a look at the "Buried Alive" legend. Yes maybe it is quite unlikely that a person not really dead would be buried alive, screaming to be let out as they claw at the roof of their coffin. But I took the Psychology of Death & Dying, and this was a common fear back in the 19th Century, and was plausible. That was why people were often buried with a string attached to their finger, which led to a bell above ground. This way, if they ended up not being dead, they could ring a bell, and the Father at that cemetery could run out and save them. I found that fascinating!! And with all the weird shows I watch where someone uses a drug that fakes out even M.E.'s, it makes me want the BELL, when I die. Seriously I have seen it on CSI, NCIS, etc. It was even a Stephen King short story...ewww that one was freaky...FEELING your own I recall you probably DON'T want to know how they figured out he was alive...I think King ewwwwed me out.

I actually like the lessons most of these urban legends teach. Make sure your room or car is secure. Don't be out partying late or.....else. Don't pick up hitchhikers, don't take things from strangers. Let's face it, these are the folk tales of OUR generation. Yeah they are scary, but they DO teach us! A big lesson I think all the "man with the hook" and it's variants were supposed to teach? Don't go parking, LOL! And yes, Urban Legends are NOT just about the scary, there are ones about politicians, food, everything...but the scary ones are the most fun!! Go on, there are some great sites out there...even has plenty!

I shall leave you with one more I just found...THIS is another reason for me to FEAR clowns!!

The Clown Statue as read on About.Com

"So-and-so’s friend, a girl in her teens, is babysitting for a family in Newport Beach, Ca. The family is wealthy and has a very large house -- you know the sort, with a ridiculous amount of rooms; I mean, come on, if a house is big enough to have "wings," then you know the house is larger than it probably needs to be.

Anyways, the parents are going out for a late dinner/movie. The father tells the babysitter that once the children are in bed she should go into this specific room (he doesn’t really want her wandering around the house) and watch TV there.

The parents take off and soon she gets the kids into bed and goes to the room to watch TV. She tries watching TV, but she is disturbed by a clown statue in the corner of the room. She tries to ignore it for as long as possible, but it starts freaking her out so much that she can’t handle it.

She resorts to calling the father and asks, "Hey, the kids are in bed, but is it okay if I switch rooms? This clown statue is really creeping me out."

The father says seriously, "Get the kids, go next door and call 911."

She asks, "What’s going on?"

He responds, "Just go next door and once you call the police, call me back."

She gets the kids, goes next door, and calls the police. When the police are on the way, she calls the father back and asks, "So, really, what’s going on?"

He responds, "We don’t HAVE a clown statue." He then further explains that the children have been complaining about a clown watching them as they sleep. He and his wife had just blown it off, assuming that they were having nightmares.

The police arrive and apprehend the "clown," who turns out to be a midget. A midget clown! I guess he was some homeless person dressed as a clown, who somehow got into the house and had been living there for several weeks. He would come into the kids’ rooms at nights and watch them while they slept. As the house was so large, he was able to avoid detection, surviving off their food, etc. He had been in the TV room right before the babysitter came in there. When she entered he didn't have enough time to hide, so he just froze in place and pretended to be a statue."

Happy Halloween!! Bwahahahaha!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Picture Tag...

Mary tagged anyone who read her blog...the trickster, LOL! All you have to do is go around the house and take pictures, there's only one rule; you can't clean before you take the picture, no cleaning or cheating!

1. The Fridge....mmmmm
This is my shelf...diabetic staples, OJ, Apple Juice and milk...
This is the best invention of the 21st Century...Goobers!! Pb +J all in one jar...tasty!!!

2. The Laundry room...aka also the half bathroom...yeah barely could get a pic!LOL!
3. Well it says "What you're kids are doing now", but single here, no my "kid" is MAX and he is what else? Sleeping!!
4. Favorite shoes...okay here are my cutests kicks and the only flip flops I will wear anymore...well any by this company...these are a pair of my Sanuks, they are SO comfortable. Sanuk is Thai for Happy. Happy Feet! I love shoes, but couldn't get ALL my shoes together in 1 place...and at 12 in the morning!!
5. A Closet....this is the hall closet us girls use for coats...also the game closet...half of those are mine...I like hoodies and sweaters!!What?!
6. Favorite Room....the TV room where I watch TV and BLOG the night away...also home to the new pellet stove....LOVE warmth!! See that's the Table Mate 2 I talked about...and there is Max where he lays against my leg...he was NOT happy I got up and took pics!
7. Self Portrait...this is not right, I am in comfy pj's and no makeup so here is me and not in the mood for a pic, LOL!
8. The kitchen we are NOT slobs...I can't do dishes...the whole germophobic thing makes me gag...Mom is the clean-a-holic and she works and Kat is always's kind of her thing, since Sam does the laundry and I do all the shopping.....dirty dishes gross me out!
9. A bathroom...this is the "girls bathroom"...if it were just mine it would be immaculate, seriously...that's Kat and Sam's crap everywhere....I NEED my own bathroom....lucky Whitney!
10. My dream vacation....hmmmmm it'd be somewhere tropical or Ireland!!

Now I will be like are ALL tagged!! Mwahahaha!

My Gastric Bypass, Part 3...the end.

So I was so happy to be home. They had set up the chair so getting up was easier, because that was HARD. And painful. And I was put into bed immediately. We can't sleep on our sides after...not for weeks, and I am a side sleeper, not a back so sleeping was hard. And I slept...for a couple of hours and woke up crying out. Yeah 4 days of no food or "going" and you have troubles...I was sick to my stomach...and EW, it was difficult to go. My schedule was weird those first few weeks. I had walkie talkies (my Dad had such a good idea, because I couldn't get in bed or out without assistance and a step ladder. And so I could call someone when I woke up or needed anything. Lifesaver. I'd usually be up REALLY early, and Kat or Sam took turns, Mom had to return to work, being up with me. Then I'd need a nap around noon, and then I'd be up for a few hours, then down again. I did NOT want to eat, but I had to have so much protein a day. And these shakes were much better, just like Instant Breakfast. And I had all these special meds I had to take for awhile, one for my gallbladder (lots of WLS people end up having to get it removed...and no I didn't want to me like them so I took IT), my hospital heroin, which my Mom now monitored...thank goodness, even 2 pills helped more. Whenever I showered I insisted on getting in by myself...Sandy usually started it and set out towels and clothes, and I didn't care that it hurt, I put on my tee and underwear by myself, all I asked for help was, was getting pj pants on, cuz I couldn't bend.And I did rounds...along the main floor. Max was fascinated. I couldn't hold him, and he had to be held back from jumping on my lap, cuz he could have done some serious damage. It was so sad. So I started to get used to the shakes even though I wasn't really hungry...but a day before my 2 week appt. I yearned for something besides Mom let me suck on saltines...they had to be mushy, because the next step I hoped to be allowed on was soft foods. So we went the next day and he weighed me...I had lost 17 2 weeks! He told me that only the first 2 weeks were usually like THAT, that dramatic, because I had like eaten nothing, and my stomach, my new golf ball size stomach was getting used to it. And he okayed me for stage 2 food. I did not like stage 2. I did alright with broth, ground up sugar free popsicles and my saltines I made into mush. But scrambled eggs became a NO, as did pudding and jello. I was shocked. It was like I had to relearn how to eat again...all over, from the beginning. I had my first outing (besides shufflng in my slippers outside) down the street to Walmart, where my Dad bought me some dvd's. And then another 2 weeks had passed and I was upped to SOLID FOOD, I was so happy, I did start to get hungry...little hungers but still...I was SO sickof shakes and broth...although I had to still have shakes for awhile, my protein had to be a certain amount every day, and BeneProtein in shakes continued to be the best way. Even after I didn't HAVE to have them, they became a clutch and my Mom made them for me so there were like 8 in the fridge at a time. In Sippy cups...they were the right size and I didn't use the tops...we aren't supposed to use straws, they can give air bubbles...which HURT now. So I was on solids and had a 1/4 of a ham sandwich on wonder bread as my first meal....soooo nice. But I had hard feelings in my chest so I had to make the rounds to make myself burp. Burping is a huge new thing...I have to do it a lot more, it releases air trapped in my nu-stomach and provdes relief in my chest. Because the hard feeling....leads to throwing up. And throwing up is very different now...and not in a good way. Unless you ask me to describe, I will just go with different in a weird way. And I experienced it just after I was upped to solids. We went to Arby's and I ate 1/4 of a junior roast beef sammy, and the hard feeling in my chest was the worst it had ever been...I was crying. We left but half way home I screamed stop the car, and opened the door and threw up in someone's was horrible, but I felt so much better......I have tried to MAKE myself and can't. And January 1st we had friends over and Mom cooked a ham and I had my kiddie plate, Mom bought some for me....the plate was pathetic that commercial with the couple who waited to eat at the fancy restaurant and were starving still, so they went to a convenience was like dots on a plate. And I got so sick, but couldn't throw up and my Mom said to try but it wouldn't happen. I haven't had ham of any kind in almost 3 years. Jan 1st it will be officially 3 years. I am afraid of it. I also haven't been able to eat a scrambled egg, an omelette or pasta since my surgery. They give the hard feeling automatically. And I can eat raviloi and lasagna, but not any plain old is weird...I miss fettucine alfredo SO much! And egg noodles with butter!! MAN!

Anyway, it started to get weird when as I was doing my rounds, my underwear and pj pants started I started wearing a lot of drawstring pants and bought some new underwear...which got lose again...and again. At the end of January Sandy decided it was time for a pair of jeans for me. And I bought a pair of size 18 jeans from was the first time in YEARS I was able to buy jeans from the regular womens section. It had been guys jeans or specialty pricey jeans for so long. I am pretty sure I cried.

I have plateau'd just like Doogie said I would...I was almost at 100 pounds down when it happened and I gained 10 pounds back...which caused an anxiety attack when I saw that in March and why I NEED to find a program that doesn't bore me. I did Curves again a year or so ago but was dreading it after a month, I was losing inches but I was so bored! So I need to find something because after being so heavy for somany be under 200 pounds, is amazing. I still need to shop at Lane Bryant for nice blouses, but I can shop at Walmart for bottoms, and Old Navy, a new favorite. The thought of even weighing 200 pounds which is WAY less than what I did...scares the holy heck out of me. I don't want to be THAT person again. I have size 14 jeans and this might seem big to some people, but I am almost exaclty where the surgeon said I'd be...I AM 5'10" with a big frame...I will neve be able to be a size 6 unless I look anorexic...

So now what I need is a way to lose some more weight, if I could lose 20 pounds I would be at my goal weight. And yes, if you wonder I DO have excess skin, I DO NOT wear sleeveless shirts, but it my double tummies that really bug me...I could fit into a 12 if not smaller if it wasn't ALL this skin making 2 is enough deepest wish is to have a tummy tuck. Sandy wants a complete body lift, but she is wanting marriage and babies NOW. I just want to feel good about myself for ME...guys are not a huge priority for me right now. Heck if they lopped off that skin onmy tummy I bet that'd be at least 10 pounds!! I SO WANT a hernia...the only way insurance would pay for it...stupid body for NOT being crappy for once!!

So that is the story of my gastric bypass. The worst pain and experience in my entire life...I still am not Sandy saying it was SO worth it...but am I upset I did it or regret it? No. I have been diabetic medicine free for almost 3 years. Yup, my sugars are beautiful. I miss soda like crazy

And how I frustrate my family the most? Well I see the difference (you know with before pics) in my face a lot, but I can't really see the difference in my body...I just can't for some reason, and they call me crazy. It's probably psychological, but I still see the old me mostly......arrghhh!

The End....unless I CAN lose weight in which case I will shout it from the rooftops!! oh and thanks to Brigitte, I felt I HAD to do a before and after where I am posing with the same object...a pig...gee that's great, but it IS only because I love pigs. And I want everyones permission to only leave up the pics for a FEW days...this is NOT how I want people seeing me...self conscious much? YES!! These are some pics...I don't take many whole body shots cuz...really what woman unless they look like a model hopefully these pics are still accurate...or I look better now...hope is a wnderful thing sometimes.
Before................................. ..................... After....ugh

last night sans nice clothes or make-up....dang you all!!

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