Cupcakes...and Crisis

Well, before the crap hit the fan tonight, Sam and I had a good time decorating cupcakes. She is so sweet, she likes to make 2 dozen before holidays, and gives 3 people we know, 4 each. And she buys the little cute holiday 4-pack cupcake boxes, so they are just CUTE, and has the last dozen home for the family. But since we are SUCKING this year at getting the decorations up, I asked to be part of the process, so we decorated them tonight. Sam made orange frosting and bought this black icing in a spray cheese-like container and it came with 4 tips, so she wanted to make Jack-O-lanterns....unfortunately the can frosting pen tip...HATED us, and half that ended up AS Jacks, look deformed or drunk,etc. And the other half...well we tried some stuff. Some things turned out cute...some NOT.

Sam made us pose with our best and worst one. My best is the spider web, my worst was a spider on a web that ended up looking more like a palm tree...yeah that is a "home" one. Sam's best is a vampire Jack-O-Lantern, her worst...one that squirted so fast so it is a "ghost". LOL!











And these are all 24....yeah lucky we only give 12 away...one we call squished spider cuppie, one is deranged bat....yeah we get creative!! One of my mistakes ended up being "dog face" cuppie...kinda cute if I say so myself.





A lot of people have asked, so I will be honest. I am not doing so good unfortunately.I had a major anxiety attack tonight. One minute I was fine, and this small thing that bothered me was brought up, and I couldn't shake it, and then everything that has been bottled up inside of me, SPEWED. And I have a hard time vocally expressing myself so it is really hard...I get this upset stubbornness that doesn't ALLOW me to say whats wrong...so it can take a while to GET it out of me, which is hard on my family, I know it and I always apologize after...I don't mean to BE this way... and then the huge black ooze SPEWS out. Everything little and big that is bothering me...even if it is something I said didn't weeks ago. And then there's sobbing and apologizing for being such a burden. Feeling so out of control is scary, I know it's not healthy, but I know getting it out is supposedly good for you too. Endorphins or something like that. Whatever, not sure I believe that crap. I'm somewhat calmer now...hours later, and hopefully it will have helped to get some of the sadness out...I hate feeling like such a MESS...