Thursday, October 28, 2010

Life As We Know It Review

I went with my parents to see "Life as We Know It" the other day, and while my Dad claimed it was a "girly" movie, I beg to differ. After all, poop was involved. If poop is involved, that makes it a movie for both men and women in my opinion. And there is the fact that it was really funny and has Josh Duhamel for the ladies and Katherine Heigel for the men. And as a ABC soap-a-holic I HAVE to point out Josh got his start as All My Children's Leo and claims it and is proud of it, another bonus/star for him!

The premise of the movie is Holly (Heigel) and Messer (Duhamel) are set up on a date. She by her BFF, he by his. It is disasterous debacle, leaving them loathing the other. Which ends up being difficult as their BFF's get married. Get pregnant. Have their baby Sophie and name them god-parents. All of this leaves them stuck together more than they can stand. And then they both recieve the call you never want to get. You best friends are dead. Sophie is alone. Holly and Messer band together at this time in grief and wait for Sophie to be returned back to her home and to hear what her future is. They never imagined their friends would leave custody to the two of them in their house.

They love Sophie and they want her to be happy so they attempt to take care of a baby, which they actually know nothing about. Learning to change diapers, what babies eat, how to stop the screaming, this is all new to Holly and Messer, and the only person they have to count on is...the other?! How can that be when they loathe the very sight of each other? And what happens when Messer gets offered a job in a different state? Can these two messed up adults grow up and be parents to Sophie? Or will they need to give Sophie up so that she can be raised by someone who wants her?

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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Miss Swann at Halloween

Monday, October 18, 2010

Book Review - You Changed My Life by Max Lucado

This gift book is classic Max Lucado. And I LOVE it! Lucado is such an uplifting author and he continues to do so here. His topics cover things from kindness to compassion, and you are then given inspirational stories of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. A bunch of short stories to get you to start thinking on your own, and maybe of people in your own life who have made a major impact on how your life was changed for the better. It really makes you THINK.

This book IS perfect for gift-giving. Give it to someone who you feel has made a difference in your life who deserves the recognition of such a book. I can think of a few people who deserve this book, so I may have to purchase a few copies, plus I want to keep my copy for myself. Max really finds a way to get into your heart, and he succeeded again with me.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

October Birthday

It was Katie's Birthday yesterday. The poor thing is sick as a dog though. She called in sick and went to the doctors for her birthday. She has a sinus infection and is on the VERGE of bronchitis. Yuck. Katie really hates her job at my Mom's facility, she is way over-extended, not treated very well and the equipment she has to work with is limited and not very good. Not what she is used to working with. She interviewed at another place recently. It was a longshot, they said they had a list of people wanting the position. It is 32 hours versus 40. The facility is redone and bright and you get like a max of 6 patients at a time there. They do things off grounds, etc. It just sounded perfect for Katie. She was at the top of the list with another woman. Well they made her an offer. 32 hours, a dollar more an hour than she is getting now and they sound ex cited for her to join them. We told her she should give herself a birthday present and QUIT on her birthday! She didn't want them as a reference, she had only worked there 2 weeks so to just quit and take this other job. But she was unsure. The only thing we could convince her to do was call in and leave a message for her boss that she was calling out sick.

Well she decided on her birthday she did know one thing, she didn't want to go back to work at that job so she called her boss. What did he spend 5 minutes doing before she could get a word in edgewise? Lecturing her on how she wasn't ALLOWED to to call in sick for 90 days. She didn't have sick days to call up and say she wasn't showing up for work because she was sick. He didn't care that her doctor TOLD her she was contagious for the next 48 hours, he needed to spend 5 whole minutes berating her. All I know that happened next is Katie said "I think we have a bigger problem"....Oooh I wish I had the time to grill her about this call!

Anyway she was sick so we stayed in. Though if she is better I may be dragged, kicking an screaming to the Haunted Graveyard on Saturday as an extension of her birthday. We brought in Olive Garden after MUCH debate, Katie sick and depressed means she can't make up her mind for about an hour. While people went to get it, I showered. Then we ate dinner around the table and talked. Then we did presents. I went first, I got her the first season of Army Wives, which she loved. Yay. Sam got her a sweater and a mix cd. She also got clinique make-up, Frederick's of Hollywood underwear (yuck TMI), gift certificates, Disney's Robin Hood, Mulan, hair stuff, enzymes, another sweater she wanted, a gorgeous Rennaisance-y blouse from The Pyramid Collection (look up their web page!! WOW!) AND a Garmin Navigation system for the cars. Her OWN "Gabby". She was quite spoiled and pleased.

Then we watched Robin Hood and it had been a long time, that movie is so good. We had her "cake" which was 2 apple pies, a traditional one and a crumb top one. The second is my kind. As soon as the movie was over, my Dad helped her up to bed, at 10pm (!!) and there wasn't a peep from her again.

Sick on your birthday bites.

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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Debbie Downer

Sorry that I haven't been posting or commenting. I am really mad at myself actually. It's not a vacation thing or a choice. It's more of a motivation thing. See, I don't have any, in regards to anything. Blogging, going to the movies, getting out of the house a lot...I'm not doing that. Except for forcing myself to do grocery shopping and errands, I am basically shutting myself in. I can't seem to help it, I have just lost all interest in everything. This bout of depression or whatever it is, is one of the scariest I have ever dealt with. It gets worse, never any better.

And circumstances are not helping improve the feeling. That endo. appointment being cancelled, when I had anxiously awaited it for 2 months to get the blood test results was a blow. Having them not fit me in for another 2 months, that turned into a stab. The fact that I have had to put away a lot of my clothes because they are not fitting has torn my self esteem apart. I feel like the surgery was a waste. I feel so fat and ugly, it has made me cry so much, like right now talking about it. I have had people who shattered my trust return to turn those shards into ground dust and make me choke on it. Everything makes me cry. Everything is just too hard. I can't take it.

I tell you if it weren't for two things, I probably wouldn't be here. I probably would have done something reckless to make the pain stop. If it weren't for the fact that I believe so much in my Mormon religion and if it weren't for my Mom, who is my sounding board and right now, my strength, I think I would have taken a bunch of my very potent drugs and just gone to sleep so I never had to wake up. I know it's morbid but these thoughts go through my brain a lot. My Mom says it's natural to think like this when you feel like I do...I don't know.

And my sisters I thought would be more understanding. I thought they would get how extremely bad things were for me, how this was unlike anything I've had, at least in more than 7 or more years. Katie, well, she is just so busy with her new job and her friends that I barely exist. Which is better than how things are with Sandy. Sandy I thought maybe would be a krutch for me, would get that I was dangerously broken. But whether she is off herself or whatever, I can't count on her. If she isn't yelling at me about not helping enough with cleaning the house, then she is yelling at me about not helping make meals. It's not like I am deliberately not trying to be helpful. She really doesn't get that I have no motivation or fight in me. That just getting out of bed or taking a shower lately takes a lot out of me. She doesn't get that I stay up even later lately and spend time helping my Mom get ready for work, just to be around my Mom, because it gives me comfort and sometimes even strength. I just wish she would open her eyes and see what a dangerous path I am on right now. I am walking atop the edge of a razor blade that seems to go on forever. One wrong move and I am going to fall and slice myself in two, dying. I wish she could understand that ME, I am afraid to be alone in my own head. It is scary and lonely and is basically my enemy now.

I keep descending into darkness on this roller coaster from Hell. It keeps plummeting and I am screaming my head off, but it never stops. There's no safety bar, so I can barely keep myself from falling into the dark abyss.

I am just so tired. I have given up. I have no more try left in me. It's scary how I am feeling and I worry. I feel...lost. I just want to get in bed and go to sleep and never think again, just stay in limbo forever. It's safer there.

Sorry if you read the whole thing and it got you down. This is my blog and this is how I am doing. I am doing bad. We decide this Sunday if the Wellbutrin is helping me or worsening my depression. I don't know, I can't see it. I just see DEPRESSION, period.

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