Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Lows of 2009

I accidentally posted the highs and lows of 2009 out of order. Anyway, I noticed a trend the last day or so in the blogs I read. People are saying the goods and bads of the year 2009. As I have nothing else to write about I decided to do a post on both. Good things from 2009, and bad things from 2009. I am going to make this the Bad things of 2009 post, as it is so much easier for me, being as I AM Pessimistically Optimistic.

*Depression has lasted through the entire year. Not since I went through a really bad spell about 5 or 6 years ago, have I been this bad for so long. Depression never goes away, but you have waves of it normally, periods where you are at least okay. This year, I really have not experienced that. It has been waves hammering at me non-stop.

*The Lamictal Experience. That was the mood stabilizer drug I was taking into the beginning of 2009, where I was not sleeping for days on end. And then even when I weaned off of it, my Ambien and such wouldn't work for hours. I am a 10 hours of sleep minimum girl. So no sleep? SUCKED. Here are a few of the highlights from then. Here, here, and here.

*The Abilify experience where my legs wouldn't sit still and I felt like my heart was going to explode.

*One of my best friends got a divorce. She has been very unhappy and lost a lot of her faith in the church. The ward out there makes her feel wrong, so she stopped going, so she doesn't even have that support system.

*Got so sick to my stomach one day I was crying in pain, and no matter what I took, the pain would not lessen. I couldn't throw up or anything, which would have brought relief, I know it.

*While in Florida, I fell in the shower. Badly. I bruised up badly and began to have these migraine-like headaches every day. I had to go and see a chiropractor and have lots of treatments until they began to ease. But it took months. And I am still terrified of falling to this day. No one even heard me fall. I bashed my head into the spigot and slammed both my knees down into the floor, and then slammed sideways into the side of the tub, so it was really scary.

* Due to strange circumstances, I LOST many pictures I had taken for over 6 months. I was able to get some of them back due to giving them to some people, but the majority can't be found on any of my back-up cd's, so they are gone forever. Which breaks my heart for so many reasons.

* I excercised for 6 months straight, because I was terrified I was gaining weight, only to get weighed and told I had gained 20 pounds. I am not someone who can stand excercising so it was a huge deal for me, and I GAINED weight.

*I didn't get to go up to Girls' Camp. For some reason it felt incredibly important that I be there this year, but I wasn't asked to go up, and was in fact told that people were being asked NOT to ask our family to come and help, since we belong to a new stake now. I am sorry, but a Mormon is a Mormon, so I should have been allowed to go up period. I still feel I may have missed something crucial, or something important I was supposed to witness.

*They filled a cavity in my mouth, but there was an air bubble in the filling so I couldn't eat on the left side of my mouth for almost 4 months. Because they couldn't FIT ME IN to fix their mistake!

*I found out one of my closest BFF's will most likely move away, right after she has her first baby, who I am supposed to get to be Auntie Wendy for. This is going to make me cry so much, I love this friend and even her hubby is adorable, and the future baby? Going to be awesome!:(

*Went on a strange stroll through the woods with my Mom and was bitten so badly, I contemplated burning myself as some suggested just to feel some relief. As the aggravation had me in tears, I was in agony. And they left scars.

*My heart started beating too fast even on extra medication, and even felt like it was going backwards. So after weeks of this, my doctor had me wear a heart monitor for 3 weeks and made me wait over a month to learn that he isn't concerned I have an extra heartbeat. Yeah, my doc rocks.

*Peeing way too much and going hypoglycemic almost daily and after weeks of waiting for results, my doctor had no answers for me here either. I had to go see specialists if I feel it is worth it. Yeah, heck yeah, it is worth it. This is wrong!

*Was in a head-on collision. Had to go to the ER and was in major pain for weeks. My right shoulder still hurts. And the 17 year old is lying, he didn't even have a yellow light. He needs to be punished, he is lying and he is just irresponsible and needs to be taught that driving is a privilege, not a right, and that your car can be a deadly weapon.

*And because of the pain, I missed out on many days of posting which bugs my OCD self.

So there were the major LOWS of 2009.

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5 meaningful meanderings:

The Boob Nazi said...

I'm sorry, that sucks. 2009 sucked.

Little Lovables said...

So sorry for all of the suckage, I know depression and health can take a toll on even the most upbeat and perfect of situations.

Esp. about your friend in the divorce. I have been in some pretty crappy wards, and some amazing ones as well. Crappy wards have a way of lessening one's faith in that way, but you have to remind yourself that the doctrine is true, not all of the people who are also working on perfecting themselves. I hope she finds her faith again.

Lee said...

2009 sucked man...
But it's okay. 2010 will be better.
I will force it to.

Anonymous said...

That's a lot of heavy lows. :(


And I swear by my Lexapro!

Tori_z said...

WOW! You've had a rough year! *Hugs*

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