Bleh!!!!

I drove for the first time today since the accident. True, it was for like 7 minutes, the theater is really close. But it was scary to me. You might think, um Wendy you weren't driving when you were IN the accident, but it makes no difference. I have been scared of being a passenger and have avoided driving since the accident. The whole way there, I kept getting really bad heart beats. You know, since I still do not know what is wrong with me, and my doctor won't even see me until December 11th...sorry I got off topic. Anyway everytime a car crossed traffic, my heart started beating weird and fast. Driving felt familiar, but it did not feel exactly comfortable.

We went and saw Old Dogs, with John Travolta and Robin Williams. I liked it, it made me laugh and I needed that. Robin and John play Dan and Charlie, BFF's and perpetual loners. Dan tried marriage twice, but it didn't exactly work out...either time. One day Dan finds out he is a father to twin 7 year olds though and is left to take care of them for 2 weeks. Chaos ensues. Dan and Charlie are trying to balance taking care of these 2 kids, one played by Travolta's daughter Ella Blue, with trying to land a deal with a company in Japan. And when Dan has to choose between his new family and moving to Japan with Charlie, well he might not make the best decisions...but is it permanent? You HAVE to see. Because Charlie and Dan for the first time, are at odds with the other and tragedy is what brings them together again!

My Dad drove home, which I was relieved for various reasons. Not only was it frosty out, I was sleepy. I am having trouble sleeping again. I will take my meds, which includes AMBIEN, and will still be up 3 to 4 hours later. I am trying everything. I am already extra tired because I am healing, but now this?! I crashed on the couch when we got home and only roused when my Dad brought me a sandwich. Then I watched Ace of Cakes for an hour and then talked with my Mom about all my worries. I had an anxiety attack last night, AND even though I took my pills at 4:30am which you should know by know is amazing for me, I was still awake when my Mom arrived at 7:30am. I had the lights off, tv on low and something soothing and NO sleepy feeling at all. It is also scaring me, becuase last year at this time, remember I started that med that made me an insomniac for like 10 weeks until it was out of my system, and then for like 4 months after it would take hours for my meds to work. I cannot handle that happening again. I realize it is not as bad as days of no sleep, but I am so tired all the time lately and this is like the what broke the camel's back.

I just am anxious about something else and with this in the last week, I am an emotional wreck. My nerves are frayed and I am worried I will implode and do it in a place, like a friends house. And I do not want to have a crying anxiety attack in front of anyone. So BLEH, I hate this week!