Wise Words, Where IS the love...

I decided to post this song because I just love the messages contained within the lyrics. I am sure the majority of you have heard it many times, but I am also guessing, it has been awhile since you listened to it. So I am posting the video, and then the lyrics. I hope you listen to it AND read the lyrics, maybe at the same time. They are powerful. And I think in these times in the world, the song is getting more and more powerful. I think radio stations need to begin playing it again, over and over again, until the WORDS penetrate our minds. So, I wanted to share it, for you to rehear it, remember the wise words spoken. It isn't just a song. It is truth. Truth we are seeing or hearing about every single day. And not just truth about countries around us in pain, turmoil and war. But pain, turmoil and wars going on HERE, in the US too. We think it is third-world countries that need all our help, but we need help too. There is so much strife in our backyards, and people pretend that it isn't there, but it is there. And we need to remember that and remember that helping everyone is wonderful and should be done, but we have to remember to help ourselves too. The soup kitchens, the shelters, they are there for reasons. Because people in our backyards need help, and there isn't enough of it happening here either. So if you have 2 dollars to spare, maybe one should go to another country's needs, but maybe before you hand that second bill over, you should remember all the homeless, the needy, the wounded soldiers, etc., that need help HERE too. Share the love. Don't let there be songs that ASK us, WHERE is the Love?

Where is the Love? Lyrics

What's wrong with the world, mama?
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world's addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring the trauma

Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the U.S.A., the big C.I.A.
The bloods and the crips and the K.K.K.

But, if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah

Badness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all,

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and hear them cryin'?
Can you practice what you preach?
And would you turn the other cheek?

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love?
(Love)

Where is the love?
(The love)
Where is the love?
(The love)
Where is the love?
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace are so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong?
Nations droppin' bombs

Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So, ask yourself is the lovin' really gone?
So, I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong

In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love

Where's the love, y'all, come on
(I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on
(I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach?
And would you turn the other cheek?

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love?
(Love)

Where is the love?
(The love)
Where is the love?
(The love)
Where is the love?
(The love)
Where is the love?
(Love)

Where is the love?
(The love)
Where is the love?
(The love)
Where is the love?
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' the wrong direction

Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema

Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity?
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality?
Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity

That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found
And ask yourself

Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love?

Sing wit me ya'll
(One world, one world)
We only got
(One world, one world)
That's all we got
(One world, one world)

And somethin's wrong wit it
(Yeah)
Somethin's wrong wit it
(Yeah)
Somethin's wrong wit world world world yeah
We only got
(One world, one world)
That's all we got
(One world, one world)

Sugar Doll!

Thank you so much to Sheri who gave me the very cool Sugar Doll Award! I love this name!! LOL!


And now to list 10 things about myself:
1. I am a notorious nail biter and somehow, in the last year, I picked up biting my lips, which I absolutely HATE, but cannot stop myself.

2. I have become claustrophobic in the last few years and have a hard time being on airplanes for even 2 hours.

3. I can see what is going on in the heads of other people, feelings, thoughts, etc, but I can't figure out what I am feeling or thinking most of the time.

4. I am now officially addicted to potato and cheese perogies. SO yummy!

5. I am not over my fear of driving or cars. It has been over 2 months since the accident but I still tense up at the sight of headlights. Ugh.

6. I have a stuffed pig named Christopher and I do indeed fall asleep in my bed holding onto him, my arms feel weird not holding onto anything. SHUT UP, :p!

7. I get so depressed never getting anything real in the mail, so when I do, like Yaya sending me mixed cd's, it makes my whole day.

8. I really find it hurtful when people make fun of my germaphobia. I am not doing it to get out of dishes or to get my own drink or snack, it really freaks me out, and bothers me. And all I can think about is washing my hands or sometimes needing a shower just to FEEL clean again.

9. I am a contradiction in many ways. One is that I am SUCH a homebody, but if I am stuck in the house too long I climb up the walls. So I want to be home, but I can't handle being closed up for too long. Errands even, alleviate that feeling.

10. I have a thing about feeling left behind or lost I guess you would really say. If I am supposed to be with someone and can't find them or get ahold of them, I start to panic.


And pass this on to 10 bloggers:

1. Izzy at Izzy's Insanity
2. The Boob Nazi at How Could You Not?!
3. mama-face at Blog-Ignoramus
4. Just So at Just So
5. Sarah at That's What She Said!
6. Connie at The Sexy Rays
7. Mary at Mary the 1st I am, I am
8. Toriz at Torizworld
9. Denise at Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys
10. Amanda at AJQ
    

Evil Me...cue the evil music

Thanks for the people who left comments on my last post, it was MUCH appreciated, just so you know.

I have decided I must be a bad person. Not for yesterdays reasons, etc, but because I am ticked off for certain reasons. The President talking yesterday? I SO did not tune in for even a second. And it makes me mad all the shows are re-runs or not on, because he decided he wanted to talk. I mean one or two channels airing him, okay. But most channels? And it also ticked me off last Friday when everything was cancelled for the Haiti Benefit. I KNOW I am a horrid person, but the same program was on over 32 channels! Every major station, all news stations, a lot of the purely cable stations. Now do NOT get me wrong, the Haiti situation is huge. But there are huge situations going on ALL over the world. So was it neccessary to have it on that many channels? Haiti needs help but what if you are already helping and do NOT want to see Madonna badly sing "Just Like a Prayer"? I saw her sing it, and badly, and I am sorry, it ticked me off that there was nothing left to watch on television BUT this. Tragedy is happening everywhere but it doesn't get to take over half of cable to raise money for it.

I think it is great, the "stars" decided to do a benefit to raise money. Of course if THEY gave a little more, as they rest of us are feeling the recession, even more would be going over there. But first off, there are a lot of places raising money for Haiti, you see commercials everywhere and as you drive around town there are signs and what not for donations. So George Clooney's benefit is not the one way people are raising money. I just find it irksome. Yeah we want to help, please I want to be able to help anyone in need, but that doesn't mean that everyone wants to watch this benefit. A few channels I get, but what made THIS form of raising money MORE important than the other places raising money? The so-called "stars"? See, I am a bad person. I think these things. And look, I am typing them up too.

I just think you should have a choice of what you are watching, instead of it being forced down your throat. Again, I support helping Haiti. They are not the thing that irks me. It is having all my choices taken away because "they" decided something is more important FOR me. So they put it on every channel, leaving you with either watching what they chose for you, or having to resort to a dvd or video, that just doesn't seem quite kosher to me.

Am I alone in this? Am I a bad person? I want there to be help for those who need it, but I think the way they are doing it, is just not giving you much of a choice. I mean, we are paying for cable, whether it be 40 channels or 240. Why do we have to pay to have George's face on almost ALL the channels?! Why should someone have payed for 240 channels that night when it was the same show on every channel?! It is like the movie Demolition Man, where every restaurant is Taco bell. Is that a choice? NO! Ugh, I am so boring. And evil apparently.

Random Musings on Randomness

Sometimes you get the impression that someone else does get what you are going through, even though you feel no one else could ever feel the way you do. But nonetheless, in those brief moments when it feels like you are not the only one, that you are not alone, it is such a comfort. It is like you feel a hand resting on your shoulder, going, it's okay, I am here too, you are not all alone in this fight. The feeling IS brief, at least for me, because I have a hard time imagining anyone else can feel the way I do. And for the length that I have felt it. Some people try to be nice, by revealing they WENT through it a few years ago or whatnot, but while I appreciate knowing you can understand the feelings, it is also hard knowing for you, it

is over. A thing of the past. Because for the past 13 years, this has been an on-going battle for me. And I know there are times when it has not been AS bad as other times, but it is still always there. So when is it my turn to get to say to someone, I get it, I went through it for years, but I am better now? It is just a little frustrating. I just had to get that out of me.

So, movies last night...yeah I saw ONE. Yes, I am serious. I started Saw VI, and I realized, as I have admitted I am a wimp with this franchise, that I hadn't read the full summary on Wikipedia, which I like to do so I know when I might really want to fast forward. Then I read it, and realized I didn't remember everything from the previous movies. And as thin a story as you may think it is, they try to tie each movie together. Saw I has been linked by a situation or person all the way to Saw VI. So I had to read up on ALL the Saw movies. And then, that was when one of my conditions set in. I felt an overwhelming NEED to have someone else GET what was going on on the franchise. Not all the gory details, but what is going on with the killer, and his proteges and all that crap. So, it could be my OCD, or it could have been me be

ing Manic from my Bi Polar, who can tell the difference?!! But one of them, or both, had me typing away, I used wikipedia's summaries, but some of the stuff wasn't in the descriptions and some of it was too much info. I knew it would be my Mom I would need to have a basic understanding of this franchise, so I deleted most of the really gory unnecessary crap. I would write, and here a trap happened for like 5 people and it was many traps...then just say how it ended if it was important to the storyline or just say and on to the next part of the story. So I was up Manic or OCD all night getting this ready and printed. Finished at about 5 am. So yeah I didn't see any of the GOOD movies! I wanted to watch Saw VI first to get it over with. I just need to know Jigsaw's full agenda and if all the bad guys are caught. But apparently I will have to wait for Saw VII, which is a green light, and they say it will most likely be the last. I DO think it is time already. Tobin Bell's character has been dead since Saw III!

I just was watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians, yes I do watch it, but OCCASIONALLY. But they agreed to do boxing for charity, it was supposed to be good clean fun, but Rob was beaten the crap out of. His protective mask came off twice and the second time, he was on the ground and the guy continued beating him for 7 seconds. No one stopped him. I am just saying, if I was a celebrity, even for notoriety like these people, I would NEVER volunteer to be beaten up and TRUST that normal people would not want to beat the crap out of me!! Idiots! I have to say I was proud Kim went in and did it after what happened to her brother, but a girl who is dying was there to see Kim, so Kim felt if this girl could fight for her LIFE for 2 years now, she could fight for charity. Kim is a wimp though, and her Mom was all, enough!! But she went all the way through the match, so good for her. I don't like her much though. I like Khloe for some odd reason.

You know how people will say about a person, of she is a high-spirited girl or whatever? I suddenly feel like I have had all the spirit drained out of me. And that, that spirit, is what makes a person. Makes them who they are, makes them interesting, makes them unique, all of that. And I don't have any spirit left, so what does that make me? I am like an empty shell of what a person is supposed to be and there is just no way to re-grow that spirit. I can see that at least. I am not interesting, not particularly a funny or vivacious personality. I am just this. A shell of a person who has kept on holding on, waiting for the day when all the promises of things getting better would come true. And that day is never arriving and I find it hard to accept, yet I also find in inevitable. Things have been a certain way for so long, the likelihood of such a huge change, as it would have to be, is quite unlikely. So this is my life. A broken spirit in an empty shell, who people just look on as the depressing girl, and I just can't help that. I could pretend I suppose, to be all bubbly and happy. But remember that blog romance of the Mormon girl in love with her RM BFF? It would be like that. All my stories and posts, would be fictional. I could do that, I think I could write fiction. I won Whitney's Glade Lady contest and was in the running with my Palm Reading Halloween story, got a prize...I think. So I could totally write my life as it maybe should be. But wouldn't that be even worse than being the depressed girl blogger? Being the lying blogger?

I don't know, I all of a sudden after a short break from my post had to write this part down too. It stemmed from feeling like someone could lie to me and it was alright. It made me feel...insignificant and unimportant. Just a lot of lousy emotions I don't need, but can't ever to seem to shake for long. It made me feel like I didn't matter. That promises made to me, are just not that big of a deal. Like I am worthless. And that feeling is painful. I am so tired of pain. Shouldn't it be tired of me? After all these years? When will it be my turn to just be...okay?

movieeesssss

I know I rent too many movies at once...when they are one night rentals. I can't help it though! I am trying to save money for Florida in May, where I like to have 2 straight weeks of retail therapy, so in order to save money I have to do redbox and over night Blockbuster rentals. Tonight I have Whip It, Surrogates, Saw VI, St. Trinians, Marines 2 and some movie that looked col with Vampire Diary's Iam Somerhalder. I also got 3 free rentals at Blockbuster but luckily I get those for 5 days. But that is 6 movies I have never seen in one night. It may be impossible, most likely even, but I shall still TRY, by golly.

I am going to start with Saw VI and I may look for a cheat so I know what happens before it happens...this series is like the only one I often NEED to do that with, because it is SO incredibly bloody and gory. They actually freak me out! But the concept from the first one was so interesting. Bloody gross but interesting. And they have been able to tie them into eachother, even with Jigsaw DEAD, so I admit, it is a guilty terrified pleasure. Then I shall go to St. Trinians which I think looks funny, then see where I go from there.

So, alas, I cannot do a long post tonight, movies are screaming at me, GET OVER HERE WENDY!! And I am weak, I go to them immediately.

Zoey and Errands and RED

Okay it is a weekday, so I will talk about something hopefully more interesting. I met ZOEY on Friday. Okay there will be no pictures, I know BOO, but Weezie is unsure of how much exposure she wants Zoey to have on blogger, and she is the Mom, so no problem. Plus she posts pics on Facebook so that makes me happy enough. So sorry for none on here, but I get Weezie, she is a first time Mom too.

OKAY. So, I woke up real early for me, but thanks to my friend, 5 Hour Energy, I felt I could conquer the day! We stopped by Price Chopper and had them make a mix of pink, orange and yellow gerber daisies. They are one of Weezie's faves. She had them all over for her wedding. We also brought the chocolates we had for her parents and for her and Zak.

We got there and there were plenty of H's about. Weezie's brother Matt and wife Hydi were there with their 2 youngest, Lucy who is 3 and Gretchen, who is about 5 months. And Sister H!! And TWO babies, yeah!! I got to hold Zoey first, thanks Sandy!! They call her big at just over 8 pounds but to me she is small. Sure, a lot of H. babies are born way smaller, like 5 or 6 pounds, but still, tiny! She is so skinny and she tries, I swear to do a back bend ALL the time. It makes me wonder what she was doing inside the womb.

She was very serious and a wee bit unhappy while we sat there. She was getting hungry so Weezie had to take her back and feed her. It was feeling a little awkward there. It seemed like they all wanted to go. And Sam and I had thought we were supposed to be getting to know Zoey and visit with Weezie. So I was like, want company? I felt like I would throw up asking, but I wanted to spend time with Weezie and Zoey. Sam felt it would be too awkward so she left. I got to hold Gretchen too, who I ADORE! She is such a jolly baby it is so adorable! She smiles and giggles and it makes you laugh! I stayed with Weezie while the others left for the restaurant. Zoey was not done. LOL. Then we got in the car and were driving to J.Timothy's Taverne when Zak was on the phone with Weezie. Maybe hearing his voice triggered something but Weezie seemed down after that.

I had fun with everyone at the restaurant, but my friend was not okay. I am not going to go into depth, so she doesn't feel embarassed but Weezie is struggling and feeling blue and worried it isn't normal. We all tell her it is way normal to be emotional, but I am not sure she believes it yet. I got to hold Zoey again at the restaurant. She was sleeping with a full belly. But then the lil stinker made a HUGE stinker that required an entire outfit change, lol! Anyway, Weezie ended up going home after lunch. I asked the rest if I could run errands with them. I had no plans, I was expecting to hang out with Weezie for awhile, so I wanted to get out of the house! They said sure so we helped Weezie get the back to her car and she left. I am glad it was Friday so Zak would be there to help with the baby all weekend. Let Weezie get some rest.

So I got in the van with Sister H and Matt's family. We went to Babys R Us to get Gretchen a high chair. Lucy was all over the place having a ball. She remembered my name after I told it to her in the restaurant so that was cute. She is such a cutie! I actually pointed out the high chair thing they got. They wanted one that went on a chair, and I was like there are some over here too, reclines and turns into a toddler seat. I think I was glossed over because 5 minutes later it was like, this one is PERFECT. It is fine, I am not a Mom so my opinion might not be wanted or whatever, but I secretly thought to myself, I found IT!! Ha! Sister H also picked out more cute outfits for Zoey, she is a Grandma, she can't help it! :)

We went to Trader Joe's after and Lucy pushed one of those kids carts and I got to hold Gretchy again!! Oh she is so adorable! So happy and giggly! I bought a few things I thought my Mom would like, but I was wrong. It is NOT almond butter she likes! Dang it all! She likes cashew butter and they no longer sell it there! Booooo! We also stopped by Dress Barn and Lucy was hiding in the racks. It was almost 5 so we didn't go to the mall after all, which was sad, but as they drove me home, Gretchen only settled down when I let her hold my finger and she fell asleep so I kept it there until we were at my house. I said goodbyes and then went inside. I worried I was a nuisance so I emailed Sister H, but she told me I was ridiculous and said Lucy had called me Auntie Wendy!! That made me wanna bawl! I would so run errands with them more, I am serious H's!!

Since I was up so early, there was still so much DAY left, so I asked my Mom to dye my hair and she agreed. She asked if I would let her trim it. Sandy was like NO, don't touch it, but I was like you can trim like an inch or so. I mean, I like having shorter hair, but Sandy and Katie have been saying how much they like it the length it is. So my Mom was like quick, lemme see your hair, and while Sam was in the bathroom cut a piece off. I was like, ahhh now Sandy will have to let Mom trim it. Only I didn't realize how much she cut off, so this is a hair cut, not a trim. I have short hair again.

So I was all worried and excited. We had the new professional coloring stuff I picked up from our beauty supply store, that is actually meant for DARK hair, but it is the red I want! And the last time I picked a color for regular hair, it was a dull red. So I mixed the ingredients I had to buy together...(note: find an aromatherapy thing at the supply store, the smell burned my mother's nostrils)...and then my Mom applied it. Since it is for dark hair, we only kept it in for 23 of the 30 minutes it says. And I went for a shower after. I was positive as I rinsed that I was going to be disappointed AGAIN. The hairs that came out, as my Mom really scrubs it in really HARD, did not look bright red. So I was all sad as I went downstairs. My Mom and Sam said it was red, but I reminded them they said it last time I hated it. So my Mom dried it for me and they were like, it is RED, Wendy! I went to the bathroom mirror, scared I would be disappointed again, and there is was...MY RED!!! I was like "it's the red, it's the red!!" over and over. I was a bit giddy I admit.

So here is my hair before Friday, this was New Years Eve so visualize about another half an inch more hair:

And this is me by Friday night ( I am leaning forward, my hair barely touches the bottom of my ears):

But it is MY red, I have found professional products that emulate the Feria color they stopped!! Yay!! I am so happy!!

Sunday Shoosh

Seeing as it is Sunday night, and not as many people read blogs on the weekends, I am going to save my post about meeting Zoey and spending the day with Sister H and her son's family, for a weekday. It just feels like a waste to do a really good post during the weekend these days. People don't read them or don't bother to respond. I have no idea why, I was posting normal posts every day, and I still do most of the time, even on weekends. But even people who were regular posters like I am, are just making a passing wave on weekends. Maybe it is the Winter, I don't know. I hope things pick up soon, but until they do, I am saving my thoughts on a good post for this WEEK.

I did go see Legion tonight. I know, it's Sunday, but I needed to get OUT. Out of the house and just not up the wall. No one wanted to go with me, so I went by myself. The last time I went to a movie all alone was years ago. It was kinda lonely, and a wee bit spooky. It was one of the largest theaters and like a total of 10 people, and they all sat towards the front, so it was just me higher, and I would rather there had been some couples or gaggles of girls around me, I guess it is comforting knowing there are people "around". I kept hearing noises behind me, it was freaking me out. Didn't love going alone.

I really liked the movie though. Paul Bettany was great, and I KNEW I knew the guy playing Jeep was familiar!! I was like...wait, that MAN looks like the kid who used to be on American Gothic, like an eon ago. And I was right! As soon as the end credits started and I saw Lucas Black's name, I was like, boo-yah, I was RIGHT!! Sorry, I like when I am right about an obscure person I haven't seen in like, forever! Anyway, I really liked Legion. I found the battles cool and the one between Michael (Bettany) and Gabriel was FIERCE. This movie I so get. I watch supernatural tv shows and movies, so this is not the first time I have heard stories of angels hating humans. Being jealous of God's love for us over them. So if God turned his back on us and was like go ahead exterminate them, in these stories, angels would be jumping with glee, and killing us all. People who watch Supernatural, you get me. LOL. It is kind of like that. But Michael goes against God. He does what he thinks got NEEDS, over Gabriel who is doing what God WANTS. Yeah, I think we are all on Michael's side. Angel Michael thinks we are still worthy of God's love and his love. So he fights for us. And the baby who can save us all. Who happens to still be in the tummy of his momma who plans on giving her baby up. OY! But things do NOT go according to plan. And that is what makes such a great movie! I really liked it. I could see a sequel happening too. But that could just be me wanting one. This could be it, but it is still cool.

Miss Swan and the Candy Shop

Whole Foods/Trader Joes...Must go DOWN

I really need to ask, what is up with Trader Joe's and Whole Foods all of a sudden? It is like the "in" store of supermarkets. Everyone wants it noted that they shop at these places. Hey look at me, the celebrities show in magazines, I shop at Whole Foods! I must be a good person, I am so green and healthy and stuff. WHATEVER!

People like my sister shopping there, I get. She needs certain gluten-free products. She likes food like almond butter and soy milk and goat cheese spreads, etc. She is a health food person. She is always eating weird pasta made from a word I can't remember, and eating Kashi and blue corn chips and stuff they prepare for you there, salads and sandwiches, etc. I get her shopping there. And she has found a few finds that the family likes, like their fruit leathers. We like those and so we eat a few items from there. So I get people who like hard to find foods and people who are health nuts.

I also get people who shop there because they have to. People who have to eat ALL gluten free or all soy based products. Yada yada.

But it is no longer just them. It seems to be the "cool" thing to shop at Trader Joe's/Whole Foods. Um okay, Stop and Shop has organic fruit and vegetables, so don't be using that excuse. And like THAT many people care if they are organic, hello this is a recession, I will pay 89 cents a pound for regular ole oranges any day, instead of organic ones that are 1.59 a pound.

I think a lot of people shop there just to be like other people. Whole Foods has a wide selection for that kind of store, but it does not compare to the choices and range of food in a normal grocery store. And more mainstream brands are offering natural alternatives. You can now get all natural baked Cheetos and the like. So what is making these stores that were once just doing fine, now be crowded all day every day. I was at Trader Joe's today with friends. They needed a list of things. They are addicts like Katie, they have favorite foods they can only get at these places. True I did buy 2 items, but I had a reason. I thought it was almond butter my mom loved (I was wrong, it was cashew butter, dang it all! And they no longer sell it) and my Mom wanted some natural blueberry preserves and our 2 local grocery stores had nada. They had a brand my Mom has tried but hates. So I was like, yes! See, a certain need, just because I was there. I did not go out of my way to shop there, or do all my shopping there.

Why do people all of a sudden feel the need to hop on this bandwagon? An orange is an orange. My store has a natural food section, if I wanted that crap, which I don't. Sorry Katie, that is your food. I also know I SAVE money shopping at a place that has reasonable prices. My generic crispy rice is going to be way cheaper than Whole Foods versions.

I don't know why I am having such a beef about it but I am. People who have shopped there regularly and people who need special foods, I get them shopping there. And maybe if you need that special ingredient you can ONLY find at a store like this, I get that. If I fall in love with almond butter, I would get stopping by once in a blue moon for a few jars. But to go there regularly, when you have no real reason? I just find that a waste of money and I think a lot of people are just shopping at the "in" place. Oh look, Jessica Simpson shops at Whole Foods, I love her, I think I will shop there now! Who cares if I am on a limited budget and I only get 1 ounce of this hummus for 5 dollars. I am a "cool" shopper! So pretentious!

Ohhh, lemme just roll my eyes. I am sick of seeing every celebrity and wannabe celebrity photographed leaving a Whole Foods with a full cart. You just overpaid for food by like $100 at least. And people who just like the atmosphere or feeling of these places? Electrocute me. Unless there is a NEED, shop at the normal stores. You save money, you have coupons, etc. Stop shopping at these high end places just to be up with the current thing. EVEN Top Chef, it made me wanna scream that they shopped there every time! They do not have the best prices, so that fish they bought to make a amuse bouche that is less than an inch big? Money down the toilet bowl!!Aghhh!!

Now remember, if you have a real need, or have been a regular shopper, I have no beef. If you are in love with their chips, I get an obsession! I am just sick of these stores all of a sudden being packed, just because it is the newest craze. it IRKS me. I-R-K-S.

P.S. Love ya all. Talk about meeting Zoey tomorrow. Want permission to post any pics I took. Thanks for listening to my rant! Feel SO much better. LOL!

Sorry to Not Post and Walk Away

I am meeting the Zoey finally and I have to get up at 11am and this means even if I take my pills real early, they won't work for a long time, so I will be so tired. Thank goodness for 5 Hour Energy, I will be drinking some of that so I get Zoey time!!

Ooh maybe Gretchen will be there too, and we will have TWO babies to cuddle!! Cool!BYE!! Talk to you tomorrow night!!

My Computer SUCKS

As you all know, my Dad just nuked my laptop and then we had to ADD everything back, but I am still having trouble! I keep on being redirected on like EVERY single link I click on! Random sites I am sent to and once in a awhile disgusting porn! I ran Norton and Ad Aware and Spybot, but it is still happening!

Now I am trying a new program, Malwarebytes. Someone said it finds things that Norton and other AV programs can't. We shall see. But I am just so unhappy right now. I do not feel like coming up with something to blog about. I am so frustrated. What else can I do?!

I just can't even enjoy the internet lately, and the net is my friend! Sorry, I am feeling pissy.

Inventions and COnspiracies

I watched the newest Ricky Gervais movie tonight. The Invention of Lying. It was INSANE! I liked it, didn't love it, but liked it. There were some really funny parts. Commandments on Pizza Hut boxes, and the geriatric facility being called "A Sad Place for Hopeless Old People". Oh my gosh my Mom started choking she was laughing so hard, since she works at a geriatric facility! LOL! It is VERY quirky. I love his quirkiness. And after watching this movie, I so appreciate white lies and...TACT. Oh my gosh, where would we BE if we had to live in a world like this?! Where everyone tells the truth, ALWAYS! Oh man, you might think me odd to appreciate lies now, but watch this movie, and you too shall see that lies, can be a blessing! Imagine going up to someone and telling them they are a loser and ugly and fat and have no redeeming value in society. Because you tell the truth, and don't have the social norm of tact and politeness. Sure maybe everything you said was true, but that is why lies CAN be okay. You don't actually tell someone that! Oh and watch the outtakes too, I LOVE ones with Ricky, he has this INSANITY laugh he always has! If you watch bloopers for Stardust and Night at the Museum 2, you can hear his insane laugh there too! It is so weird, it makes you laugh!

Katie did not like her first day of externship. She didn't talk to me about it specifically, but I know she talked with my parents. Poor kid has to drive all the way to Hartford for the first and then to Middlebury for the second. It is like an hour drive to the Hartford one, with morning traffic. She had to leave the house at 6:45 to make it for 7:45!! Insanity, she was up at 5:30am!! I was still wide awake, I said goodbye to her when she left! This is going to be a long 16 weeks. And Katie with not enough sleep? Well, she is going to be a WITCH soon, I know it. I do know, that except for lunch she never got a chance to use the bathroom, and I am pretty sure, bathroom breaks are mandatory in the US. And she goes non-Dibaetic hypoglycemic if she doesn't eat often enough, and she went it. But they didn't give her any other breaks. My Mom says she should get a lunch break that is at least 30 minutes and also 2 15 minute breaks. I am not talking about peeing, I am just talking breaks. And she doesn't even get paid for an externship for school, so the least they can do is let a girl pee and eat enough to not get sick! Aggh! I hope she can get through these 16 weeks. She is so stressed out, if something happens, I just worry that will be it and she will want to quit. She has done 1 1/2 years, all that is left is 16 weeks, so I want her to finish for herself! So badly! Rotten teachers.

Wanna know something weird? It is like, maybe the world reads The Boob Nazi's blog! She is praising the show Dexter, telling us to go rent and watch the first season. So I look it up on Blockbuster... no store withing 25 miles carries Season One! Then I am like, I think my library has it!! So I go online, yup we have a copy of each of the 3 seasons but all are rented out, and have people in line waiting to rent it. BOO! What did you do, Boob Nazi, email that blog to the state of Connecticut?! I am now most anxious to know if this show is for me! Grrr!

I have Pandorum to watch tonight, I hope it is good!! It looked so cool, I was pissed I missed it in the theaters! I also have Gamer and Whiteout, but told Mom I would wait for her to try out Gamer. But Pandorum, here I come...right after my soaps...gotta know if Michael has spilled the beans that Dominic is an undercover cop yet!! I LOVE Dominic!!! GH rules. James Franco was just...weird, as Franco the serial killer artist. It was odd. LOL.

Bonnets Movies + Wendy= Blech!

Since Katie is starting the first of those dreaded externships in the morning, we decided to let her pick the movie. WHAT a mistake! I said I would stay as long as it wasn't Betsy's Wedding or 5th Element. I love 5th Element, but these two movies are ALL Katie ever wants to see! I should have stuck with one of those. She picked Pride & Prejudice!!! Agghhhh!!!!

Those of you who have known me the longest, know I LOATHE bonnet movies. They are SO boring. I have seen Sense & Sensibility (zzzzzz) and the Mormon and Bollywood versions of Pride & Prejudice (borrrring) and the Gwyneth Paltrow Emma. SO I know I loathe them! Sandy was like, IF you watch this the whole way through, this being the Kiera Knightley version, and you still hate it, I will not bother you again, at least about Jane Austen movies. And I hoped I would fall asleep...no such luck! When I want to stay awake to see the cool action movie, I am gone, but when I want to fall asleep? Wide AWAKE.

Except for the last 7 minutes, where Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy finally (man finallyyyyy) admit their mutual love and get together, the movie was as boring as I thought. Sandy says I am a freak. Oh well, I will try to not sob at being a freak for hating bonnet movies. Bahaha! There was only one version of an Austen movie I was like, NOT BAD! It is called, Lost in Austen, where a modern day girl switches places with Lizzie Bennett, and screws up the story so BADLY, but in the end Mr.Darcy falls for her and she rights the Jane mistake and Lizzie stays in modern day London where she is much happier. It is cute. otherwise they are all BORING. That is right, all you bonnet lovers, I hate the Jane Austen classics, with a passion! They are too slow moving for me, I want to throttle the characters!

Ahhh I feel ever so much better. Though here is a peculiar thing...I am really depressed since the movie finished, something about it, made me feel really low and depressed and anxious. Makes me hate it more. And it is kind of stuck so I have periods of depressing sadness wash over me, and I blame Jane Austen. Yuck! Blech! Blah!

Weekend Stuff

I am still promoting my last post on my current fave songs, so click HERE to go and enjoy some music videos!!

Anyway, I was feeling housebound this week so I went out this weekend to GET OUT and keep busy. Sandy went with me. I was all for retail therapy, but only came home with one thing! Boo! We went to Target first, that was for my parents though. We got a new Washer, and it requires HE clothes detergent, so we bought 3 bottles even though they weren't on sale. Yuck, I hate doing that, it was like $45! It isn't my money but I don't care, it is best when it is on sale for $10 or less...it is never less, lol.

Then we went to Fashion Bug. Man, I used to find SO much there, it was full of cute tops for women with real CHESTS, but now it is like a hunt to FIND something cute. Otherwise it is all YAWN, boring! I found this though, but I think it looks way better on me! LOL!

Then we went to Payless Shoes. There was actually a cute pair of wedges I really liked, but only in a size 10, but while that is my size for sneakers usually, it isn't for other shoes, necessarily! And we couldn't find it in 91/2 or 9, my pretty shoe sizes! Grr! And the one other pair, kinda graphic-y were only in 9 and hit my big toe meanly, and they were so cute! Actually Sandy looked in her sizes too and couldn't find my wedges anywhere. Weird. Then we stopped in Bed, Bath and Beyond, but there wasn't anything Valentine's Day-ish, so we went over to TJ Maxx. This is all in one square.

We found Katie a present as a "good luck on your last semester for Occupational Therapy Assistant". This is the HARD semester, the externship. Katie has felt for the last 2 years that her teachers are out to get her. They have had sessions and she has made her feelings about them and their teaching CLEAR, even in front of the Dean, so she feels they have been harder on her. And that they are using the externships to get her to quit. You have 2 externships, one for 8 weeks, then the other. Katie was given the 2 most dreaded ones. So now I am thinking, she may be right, these teachers may be out to get her. No one wants either of these, and she got BOTH. People who requested one of these, did not get them, so that sounds suspicious, don't you think? Katie had Traumatic Brain Injury for the first 8 weeks, then works for 8 weeks in a maximum security psychiatric facility. Poor Kat. But we found her this gorgeous tile inlay table, small thing, but so pretty! And so fits in with her bellydancer stuff. We also found a KitchenAid cake pan for 8 bucks, boo-yah! We went home with Taco Bell and watched The Mentalist with my Mom. Sandy and my Mom are NOW huge fans, ever since I made them try the first season on DVD. So yeah, I am the REAL fan though.

Then on a different day I decided I needed to get out so I went to a 10:20pm showing of The Lovely Bones. It was so good. Sad yes. But really good and this in-between world Susie is in is amazing! I am glad, personally, they glossed over exactly what happened to her. Anyone who has read about the book OR movie knows what happens to Susie, so I appreciate the fact that Peter Jackson didn't want the movie to be all about THAT. He didn't want it to be like that Dakota Fanning movie, which everyone refers to as the movie where Dakota was...that. Ugh. So I think he leaves you knowing what happened, exactly even, he just doesn't force it on you, like WATCH this horribleness! I like that he wanted to concentrate on the bond between Susie and her father. If anyone has read the book though, I am so curious as to what happens with Mr. Harvey in the book. And what the differences are? I was also wondering if they really never found the safe?

More Music...BUT Different

These somgsa are from my personal discoveries or love, etc. Guess I am just in a music sharing kind of mood. I want people to fall in love with the same songs I am personally in love with. You may know ALL these songs, but maybe you don't know it, or hadn't known the artist or name of it, so who cares?! It is great music! Those of you who ACTUALLY listen to the music...thank you. It takes AWHILE to compile all these videos, so I appreciate it!

1234 by Plain White T's (♥, I didn't think there was a song besides Delilah that I would like, I was so wrong!)

Fireflies by Owl City (found when I listened to a Top 40 of 2009 countdown on VH1. I fell so in love with the sound and the singers voice I again downloaded every song I could get my hands on!)


Michael Franti & Spearhead's Say Hey (I Love You) ( It just has something about it, doesn't it? I shake my head and move my shoulders even as I type, lol!)


Gary Jules' Mad World (This song can just play over and over and I don't mind. It is calming, sad yet uplifting. I like the combination.)

Max Morgan's Ya Better Believe (It just has a great beat, I love to walk to it, it makes me slam my feet into the pavement. Hey you, you BETTER BELIEVE I'M NOT FADING AWAY!!)


Annie Little's Fly Me Away (what can I say? I fall for songs I see in commercials. I love her voice and how carefree this song is!)


Glee's version of Imagine (okay I admit, I like this show, but SOLELY for the music, so I could probably post every song's video, but I chose this one as it makes me almost cry, the singers with the ASL singers, is just...choke you up beautiful! It gives me chills.)

Hawk Nelson's Friend Like That (I found these guys accidentally, but am I ever glad for a mistake! This song is my fave so far!)


Orianthi's According to You (Itunes help page accidentally linked me to her and I had to download her entire album, tonight!! )

Mixed Cd's and New Music to Love

I love to make mix cd's for people, but I have gotten used to the fact that I never get them myself. I make them for so many people, my family, friends, my cousins, friends of my sisters... but no one ever makes them for me. I like to make them for fun, but most often as a pick-me up for someone, or to expose them to new music, etc. The last one I received was from my friend Weezie, like in 2004 or 2004. Yeah I do not get them. LOL. So I was delighted when my friend Hannah gave me one as part of my Christmas present (including a necklace with a lil cuppie cake charm, so cute!!). We have very different taste in music, so it was like, ooohh an adventure!

So when I had to go run errands farther away, I grabbed the cd and was determined to listen to it all the way through. As my first mix cd in years, I was like, I am going to listen to it all the way through, no matter what. Kill Hannah is her fave band (I know, weird to be named Hannah too! lol), she even has a tattoo of this image from one of their albums on her wrist. Sadly (I am sorry Hann!), this was not one of the people on the cd I liked. I hoped I would, as she adores them, but their sound is just so not me. Most of the songs I had never heard, and was shocked when I learned that some were bands I have music for on my Ipod, but just had never heard these songs by them.

So I will tell you what I loved from this amazing mix cd, which I LOVE! First there is an AWESOME Christmas song by FallOut Boy called Yule Shoot Your Eye Out, I loved the lines "don't come home for Christmas, you're the last thing I wanna see, underneath the tree"!! You have to listen to it, it just sounds so cool! LOL! I also fell in love with 3 other Fall Out Boy songs I have never had the experience of hearing: What a Catch Donnie, Golden and I Don't Care. My fave of those 3 is What a Catch Donnie. It kind of speaks to me, the lines that go: "I have troubled thoughts and a self-esteem to match". Maybe that was why I was tempted to go to the website of those jerk jackasses. Any boost in self-esteem, even them liking my insults, is a boost nonetheless. Ugh. Anyway here is What a Catch Donnie is case you have yet to experience it:

I also fell in love with the Panic at the Disco's songs called New Perspective and That Green Gentlemen. I only liked one song from their original album so I had never bothered listening to any others, so I was pleasantly surprised to fall hard for these 2 songs. I like the thought of living life from a new perspective, even if, for me, it is not doable right now, just sounds great. And That Green Gentlemen just is so fun, I want things to change for me and for it to be alright too. So I included that video, it is a cool video too.

Those were the more well loved bands though. There were others I had never heard before. The song called Open Happiness, is featured in a Coke commercial, which is a bunch of famous singers singing together. I love it, it is really catchy and I highly recommend it. It is fun to watch too, so I guess I will include that one too. See if you don't move your body listening to it. It can be hard to find if you don't know what you are really looking for:


Then there was the Hayley Williams song Teenagers. Now you all know Hayley as the lead singer of Paramore, but this is a song just from her. It is featured in the Jennifer's Body soundtrack. It really got into my blood and got it pumping so it too became a current fave. There was also a song called Wine Red by a group I have NEVER even heard of, called The Hush Sound. I loved it so much I went and downloaded as many of their songs as I could! They are awesome!! There is just something about their voices that hooked me as soon as I heard the first lines of this one song by them. GIVE it a listen!!


There was a song or two I knew, like the Cobra Starship song, Good Girls go Bad and this old one I can't even remember who sings it. And Miley Cyrus's Party in the USA, which I do love! And a Meg & Dia song I have already but love. My last favorite song on this mix cd is a remake of Three Little Birds by I THINK a member of Panic At the Disco!:


This is why I LOVE mix cd's, you can experience music you have never gotten to hear before and find new music to LOVE! So, anyone wanna send me a mix cd?! LOL. If you seriously do, email me and I will emailo you my address! I had so much fun with the one Hannah gave me! Thank you Hannah!!

Befuddled

When things confuse me...it is sometimes like, ohhh that is so a mental trap. Do not go there Wendy. You see I followed a link on The Boob Nazi's site, which led to this blog supposedly written by some return missionaries. And they are the biggest pigs in all the land. I even TRIED to give them a shot. Because the concept of seeing the world from the male Mormon's eyes, sounded like a good concept. I have loads of female Mormon blogger friends, wouldn't it be nice to hear from the males point of view? Uhm...NO! They are horrid! They rate women, tell some they are way too fat for their taste or too whatever, and it is like, you think this is what honesty is all about? Because they ramble on about how their blog is to be completely honest, but all you get is horn-dogs who degrade women and don't seem to care. They freely admit to making out with women they then call ogres behind their backs. That is not what I call honesty, that is just meant to be mean and hurtful.

And are they even brave enough to go by real names or photos? Of course not!! It is all anonymous in case the women figured out who they are. IF, they are real. Some people think this is all a ruse, like that blog I also got sucked into, as many of you also did, that one about the Mormon girl in love with her male BFF, and he just didn't see it, so there was such juicy drama, etc. And then we found out it was all made up, that it was written by another blogger we knew, who is married and stuff, and it was just a joke. Yeah so funny. NOT. Anyway, there are many believers that this is all a fake blog, designed to make itself popular by being such horrid "guys". So maybe there is one person writing this, male or female, who just LOVES the attention he/she gets by posting as several "men" (I use the term loosely) who are jerks.

It was sad how their honesty was all pure slamming down of women's self-esteems. I was really disappointed. I was also enraged. I was shaking, it hit a spot that just pissed me off. So I left a long comment. Sure, I was worried it would come back to haunt me, I do not need comments on my blog from mean people who hate that I hate their "heroes". Yeah, for some reason, these guys have almost 500 followers and most seem to BE females. Who are loving their stories...say what?! I just don't get it.

So where does the mental trap thing go, you may be asking? Well I went back to see if commenters had ripped me apart, instead I found one of the authors seemed to like my scathing comments and wants to know if I will be back to comment?!! I was like I am only checking to see if they roasted me alive, and that my comment was too much for you people. But it is THAT kind of attitude that is the don't go there Wendy! Do NOT get sucked back into going back to that website, simply because they enjoyed your insults. I know you might find me odd, like, Wen, why would that make you feel like you need to ever go back there? Do I have any real idea why? Uh...no. I appreciate that I was able to get that anger off my chest, and it was...appreciated? Is that what you would even call it? Here is what I wrote on their page after perusing it for a while:

"Wow. I only stopped by because how much Boob Nazi hates your blog, and that is saying a lot. She can appreciate controversy. But after reading some of your pathetic postings, I have to agree with her, you are all sad little dirt bags.

You claim this blog is for the sake of honesty, but I am not seeing this so-called honesty. All you are really doing is degrading females, those in your own wards even, and being contemptible. I thought it might be alright at first, honesty from guys of my faith...but all I see? A bunch of losers who think it is okay to demean women. To tell one she is too fat to be cute, or tell one she pulls off pasty real well!! You are doing wonders for their self-esteem. Like the world isn't sucky enough without you two knocking women down a few more pegs?!

There is honesty and then there is just being jack asses because you can get away with it. And that is all you are doing here. If this was a blog about being honest, you wouldn't be such 2-dimensional "characters". IF, this blog is even real and IF there is even more than one of you writing this. I have read some good blogs that turned out to be as fake as your stats most likely are.

And I am not gay at all, so don't get excited, but I have had a lot of hot Sister Missionaries in my Ward. And the reason they go on missions (besides a faith as strong as any guys)? So they don't end up married to idiots like you!!

I am sorry Boob Nazi, I am not trying to usurp your contest with Stephanie, I just had to read some of what you were saying they were about, and it made me sick. I might actually fear now that any guy who is a RM, is a jackass. They have ruined the illusion that a Return Missionary is honorable and respectful and had TWO YEARS to appreciate not having women around!! Ugh, I really DO need Pepto Bismol now."

See, scathing right? But one of them said it was too big for their insult sidebar and when was I coming back? I should be like, I am so done with that, they really do make me pissed off and I hate their degradation of women. So why does that seem like a challenge I was handed? See this is why it feels like a personal mental trap to me. What, you think I can't lambast you even more? You think I can't find you any more revolting? Because frankly I already do. They are so bad, I held back in fear they would retaliate by saying mean things to me. I don't do well with insults personally. Like I want them going here and calling ME fat and ugly and stuff. NO! So I even censored myself.

Does this post make any sense? Maybe not. But I had nothing else to write about and I could not believe this blog. I couldn't believe that these were supposed to be RM's, the guys most Mormon girls want above all others. YUCK. Not if they are all male chauvinistic pigs! I just found my reaction confusing. I was so upset people don't think I should ever go back to that site again, but my comments being appreciated were nice, but they are pigs...so mental trap see? Which freaking way do I turn to get out?! Man...I hate my over-analytical brain.

P.S. And please, someone explain to me, WHY they have that many female followers when they insult women, and demoralize them and stuff? I am befuddled. BEFUDDLED!

There are no GUY movies

Why is it that guys think they have an ownership almost, on action and thriller movies? Because I have to say, I love them way more than a lot of guys, I go see them in the theater and I then BUY them on dvd, so this being a "guys movie" thing is so over for me. Movies I like? Are Wendy's movies, 'kay?

I had to share this new trailer with you all, as it looks bloody awesome! Repo Men with Jude Law and Forrest Whittaker.

Wordless Wednesday

A picture IS worth a thousand words...excuse me!!! Oh I have to add the Pepto Bismol commercial music is stuck in my brain...yeah thank goodness it is wordless!! LOL!

Tuesday Misc.-nous

No that isn't actually me, but it is how I feel a little. A bit pouty. I did NOT meet lil Zoey today....yes sad indeed. TOTALLY understandable though. My sisters got to talk to Weezie herself, today. Weezie gave birth Saturday and apparently has had people visiting since she got home. Saturday was 4 days ago...just 4 days people. She popped an 8 pounder out 4 days ago and has had MANY visitors already. She was doing fine with that until more people showed up last night to visit, and I mean night time. And that apparently was the straw that broke the camel's back. She feels so overwhelmed and weepy now. She was weepy on the phone when she explained to my sisters she was just too overwhelmed with everything. She asked if we would come next week. And if she didn't call about Monday, to call her, since she is stubborn. You see, Zak goes back to work on Monday. I am sure her Mom will be there, but it will be a huge adjustment for Weezie. And I am not sure what she means by "next week", like if we are talking more than one day of going over, but if she wants company and help all week, I am there for my Weeze and my lil Zoey!

So yeah, I am sad I didn't meet Zoey, because I am excited to get to know her and have her get to know me. But I totally understand. Weezie is being overwhelmed, so people if you can hear me through space and time, back off a little! Let the woman breathe. And Weezie is a rock, she tries to not let herself get worked up over anything, even though she is SO allowed to, especially just having given birth, but she tries to be calm and stuff at all times. Apologizes if she gets weepy! So for her to admit to feeling this way, is huge. So that means it has been building up inside of her, so I hope she gets some rest and de-stress time. Her Mom is kind of living there, but I am not sure if Weezie minds her around, she has given the parents time to nap which is good, as I hear that is rare with a newborn. I just hope, should we call up Sunday and ask if she wants us over Monday to help, she answers honestly, and I DO hope, I admit, she says yes get over here and meet my baby! Because I was so excited, I kept waking up every half hour and looking at the clock! That usually happens when we are going somewhere the next day, like Florida or a day trip, or like during the Holidays, so you see how giddy I am to meet this sweet baby. And apparently someone said she was kinda ugly the first day, but is getting cuter now, which made me laugh so hard! Maybe her face was just squished in and now things are like...popping back out into their natural shape? I don't know, but I can't wait to see for myself!

Anyway, since I was so in that frame of mind, I could NOT go back to sleep so I ran errands. Went to Target, Blockbuster, Sally's Beauty Supplies, Walmart, the movies with my Dad and sisters, and back to Walmart to finish the shopping as I had to stop to go see the movie and all done and back before NCIS started! Wooo. I wanted a Coke Icee from Target really bad! Everytime I have been there since before Christmas the light was either on for Coke flavor or the machine was down!! So I was like YES, when I saw it. Plus some new underwear...what?...TMI? Then I went and rented Fame, Post-Grad and a drama called The Girl in the Park, with Sigourney, Kate Bosworth and Keri Russel. Here is the synopsis from IMDB: "Enduringly traumatized by the disappearance of her 3-year-old daughter 15 years ago, Julia Sandburg has cut herself off from anyone once near and dear to her, including her husband Doug and her son Chris, who tried for years to penetrate her wall of isolation and despair, without success. But when Julia meets Louise, a troubled young woman with a checkered past, all Julia's old psychic wounds painfully resurface, as does her illogical and increasingly irrational hope that Louise may be the daughter she lost so long ago."

I am 18 minutes in, so far...BORING. I also rented The Gate which I couldn't believe I found, I have never seen it, and it is like old, but I saw it for sale during Halloween at Walmart and have wanted to see it since! Stephen Dorff like 7 years old! The worker was like, when did we get THIS?! Score! Plus I got Final Destination 3...I require it for reasons I shall not say, and some cutesy Nickelodeon musical movie. It said makers of High School Musical and Tammin Sursok, so I caved. Those 3 were free with my New Releases though, so, yay.

Then I went and spent some serious time at Sally's picking out a new red product to try in my hair, to see if I can get that same color... I am hopeful...again, but hopefully with good reason this time. Here is a swatch from online, though the sample at the store looked much more like my color:Then my Dad called and I had 30 minutes to decide if I could make it to see The Princess and the Frog. I wasn't IN Sally's yet and had Walmart to do. So I had one item in my cart at Walmart and called him and he convinced me to stop and he would go with me after the movie. So I saw The Princess and the Frog. It was cute. I LOVE real animation, Disney's especially. But the music was disappointing. You kind of expect Disney films to now to have amazing songs in them, but this...well it just didn't. That was what was lacking for sure.

Dad and I managed to fill the tank and get the shopping done in like 38 minutes. AND get home. God timing too as I was going hypo-glcemic. So it was a full day of errands, and man...the movie is still boring...this cast is WOW, so I hope it gets better!

P.S. I am totally on Team CONAN by the way, NBC, you SUCK!!!

Helloes and Goodbyes

Tonight I stopped by the church for a Farewell. The Jay's are moving to Arizona where a majority of their kids have settled down, with their families. Even their son who lives here is trying to move to Arizona also with his wife Beth and their 3 kids. But it is hardest seeing Brother and Sister Jay go. My Dad has been friends with Sister Jay since they were kids. So I have known them both my ENTIRE life. I have pictures where I am being held by Brother Jay, when he had a totally full head of hair and a mustache!! So not how I picture him. He has been 'stache free and has had a buzz cut for like, EVER.

Anyway, they have been fixtures of my life and are leaving CT for good on Thursday. The house they had like basically bought was suddenly bought from under them, so they will be staying with their son Jeff and his family, but I think the Jay's will love getting real quality time with the grandkids they haven't gotten to see daily, while they pick out a new house. It is sad though. They were such a part of our ward, and like I said, for my entire life. Sister Jay has been my teacher, my YW's president, my basketball coach, my Head Coach to me being her assistant coach, etc. Brother Jay has been my ride to seminary for 2 of the four years, my Bishop for a LONG time, etc. Even before he was Bishop, I could always count on a handshake every Sunday from Brother Jay. It is really sad to see them go.

Onto the hello portion. Tomorrow I am going to meet Zoey in person!! Sister H was there tonight and was like, WHY have you not stopped by yet?! I was thinking, well she was born Saturday and it is Monday, maybe parents aren't ready that fast!! But I am super-excited I will meet her when she is just a 4 day old. Unless we call Weezie tomorrow morning and she is like, uhhh I am not ready for visitors yet, ignore my Mom. I am hoping she does want us there though!! Yay!! I am so bringing the pro-like camera!! I thought I took really awesome pictures of...another baby, so I am excited!! And I want some taken of me with Zoey!! This isn't just a baby, this is my BFF Weezie's baby! A baby she said I am an Auntie to!! I will so teach her to draw and paint!! It will have to be another day, but I am so planning on buying her some supplies now so she can start as soon as her hand can grip things!! Weezie is crafty too, so I see artist in her future!! SO excited, I am jittery!! This baby is family, even if through love and friendship, she is real family. So this is an extremely important meeting!! ZOEY!!!!! I am excited...can you tell?

Zoey

Alas, I have disappointed a few of my fans. I do not have all the information on the beautiful Zoey's birth already up and here. Sadly, since she was just born at 11:30 am on January 9th...so yesterday, I have not gotten to go see her yet or hold her, or get the great gossip! But here is what I know in a nutshell:

Zoey Alex B. was born at 11:30am January 9th. She is 8 lbs 4.5 ounces and 21" long.

Weezie went into labor the day and night before but stayed at home for hours with her Mom and Aunt Nay, who were her doulas. So they walked her through the pain and contractions. Her water broke just around 7 am, and they then all headed to the birthing center. Where she entered the world. Finally I am sure Weezie is feeling! And Weezie is doing well according to her family members. Well look at these smiles:

She was a birthday present for her Auntie Milla too, so niece and aunt share a birthday, how wonderful! She gets her middle name for a very special reason. She happens to have an Uncle Alex on BOTH sides of the family!! Weezie has her baby brother Alex, and Zak has his younger brother Alex. So she is named for her uncles!! SO cute!!

As Weezie put it "she is happy and healthy. And fat!". LOL. I don't think she is fat at all, but Weezie having an 8 pounder is like, whoa! Weezie is not a large person, she is very petite. So GO Zoey and Weezie! And from the pictures I have seen of her, she so has her Daddy's chin!

And look at her smiling at Sister H./Jahoodie!! Her so-happy Grandma!!

So that is all I have for now, I anxiously await getting to meet her in person for the first time, and I will definitely bring my camera with me, so that everyone can see what a beautiful baby Zak and Weezie made, and who I can always call now, my niece Zoey. She is going to be one majorly loved baby. Not just by her awesome parents, or grandparents. Or many, many Aunts and Uncles...by blood. But be people who were made her family, and by people who would love her regardless. She has been someone we have been waiting for, for like forever!!!

CONGRATULATIONS Weezie, Zak and Zoey Alex!!

Can't talk now...

My computer has been fixed!! But I have to find all the programs I normally USE!!

Guess what? I forgot to back up my current bookmarks, so I am missing everything I have bookmarked since MAY!! If I asked for a sight or link, please send it to me again!! I have NO IDEA what I am missing!! *face in palm*

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppp...eeeeeeppppp

That is the sound of me not having a computer. Like a robot hitting into a wall over and over. *sighs* Dad took the laptop early so hopefully it will be fixed earlier. And he already said I now have a YEAR of Norton Anti-Virus for FREE! Oh Norton catch all viruses and trojan horses, I am so sad! Yeah so I don't really have a computer to use tonight. Not going to sit alone in the unheated dining room by myself, when I could be in the TV room next to a pellet stove with my Maxie. So a real post and reading and commenting will have to wait. It is like 15 out people!! And expected to be in the negative numbers in the next few days. Hopefully my laptop, which I feel now deserves a name, will be up and running for those days.

On an EXCITING front, I learned my Weezie is in labor, so baby Zoey could be here already or soon!!! And I was told by the Weeze herself, this baby is my niece too! SO, Auntie Wendy very soon!!

Brrrrr. Bye now.

Could life get any...?

...suckier? Seriously, right, there couldn't possibly me anything else that could go wrong, that would make me feel even MORE aggghhhhh?!! Right?

Umm wrong. My computer has been acting weird for a few days now. It's not enough that my Ipod was corrupted the other day, January 1st, so I had to restore it to factory settings and PRAY I didn't lose my music. Or that I had to order a new laptop battery because mine decided it was done, no, now my entire laptop is bad and needs to be nuked.

When I was doing one of my OCD projects, I ended up with desktop icons for porn from looking up song lyrics. What the heck?!! SONG lyrics! Then, one day, the net started not letting me go to sites I always go to. Even like NBC.com! Then I started to hear commercials, but no page had a commercial or song playing! Then I was being redirected to this weird web page no matter what I searched for. Then the internet started shutting down whenever it wanted. Then it started shutting down ALL the time. Then I would turn on my computer and it would be frozen. Over and over it did this. Then even when I wasn't online, I would hear commercials playing.

So I ran Ad-Aware and Spybot, but doing those did nothing. My Norton is expired but it still will detect so I ran that...only to have the computer freeze halfway through. And you KNOW, how long this takes right??!! So I had to reboot and it froze, so I rebooted again and restarted Norton. After hours it said I had 2 viruses, but didn't show me how to fix them. So I ran it again, hoping my Dad would be up by the time it was done. I also left him a note about the newest problems. He found viruses and trojan horses. And they are failing to be fixed. So he is most likely going to have to blow my computer away...again! We backed up onto my external hard drive, but then he ran the test on it, I mean how stupiud would it be to save the viruses, etc.?! And there was one on my external hard drive, but that one was deletable. Thank goodness.

But now I can't even trust this computer. I NEED, yes really, NEED, to be able to still blog, and check emails, but otherwise, I can't do anything because I am worried what will happen!! It just feels like, enough is ENOUGH already!! Share the crappiness around would ya?! What did I do?! So the only 2 things my Mom wants me doing, until I am in a calmer place, play on the computer and watch tv, has been HALVED!! And watching TV unless you can really get into what you are watching, which doesn't always work, even for me, can do nothing! So I am left with an overwhelming need to slam my head repeatedly into a wall. A concussion could be welcome.

Ehhhh Wednesday

Ugh, that movie Live, the Russian Roulette movie? Sucked big time. 3/4 of it was like a fake documentary that David Krumholtz was producing as Eva Mendes "struggled" to get her pet project on the air. So it takes 3/4 of the movie for her and the lawyers to get the show through the court system, etc. And the last half hour is the show. There are 6 contestants, and one gun. There are 5 blanks and one real bullet. When your name is called, you stand in the "barrel" and put the gun against your head and pull the trigger. The 5 that live each get $5 million dollars. The loser, dies and the family gets nada. So you have 1 person who NEEDS the money to pay off his son's medical bills and not lose the farm, you have the gay guy who wants his family to not have to work like horses, you have the actress who wants to do this as "art", the wanna-be actress, the adrenaline junkie and the college graduate who wants to experience LIFE. Yeah so stupid. 4 go and all get blanks...and look sick before they pull the trigger. Mendes is getting happier and happier as the numbers go up. Then there is just adrenaline junkie and man who really needs this money. Adrenaline's name is called. He pulls the trigger and shoots himself in the head. Everyone is screaming at first, then they are all applauding!! Like amazing show! Yuck! Even Mendes had to go throw up, because she liked the kid and she just had a part in his death. But Krumholtz talks her up until she is like yeah, I did something revolutionary. So she goes out to meet with the press where a man shoots her 3 times until she is dead. News reports that the network doesn't think the show had anything to so with the "tragic death of the greatest TV icon in history"...yeah right!! Then it goes to One year later and they are having the show again! Hosted by the ex-wannabe actress who has a career thanks to the show. And David's voice saying how the show is held once a year!! Thanks to the awesomeness of Mendes' thinking. The end!!! I KNOW!! I thought there was going to be a lesson to be learned here! I mean the only times this kind of "show" worked and was actually allowed has been in movies where it is a bleak future time! Death Race and Gamer and etc. So this was depressing and just WRONG. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE. What a waste of money and my time!

Anyway today was a real lazy day. I slept a lot, because of all that lost sleep. Had to talk out a lot of anger feelings with my Mom. I am just so angry and scared about all these feelings. I feel, very alone and scared. So I had to get that off my chest. Again, I am allowed to do nothing. Which is for the best, as I can FEEL myself looking for something to be OCD about. I just wish there was a switch on my brain, that I could set to off sometimes. Wouldn't that be ever so nice?

Oh crap I just saw a commercial for Chuck starting next week! I still have all of LAST seasons episodes to watch if I want to still be a Chuck viewer!! AND I think I missed an episode or two because I only see 20 tapes over there...and there was 22! CRAP.

Movies are my Salvation

So I am still under strict orders to NOT do...well anything again tonight. I am allowed to blog, play games online, read my email and also watch tv and movies. Otherwise I have to go wake my Mom to make her stop me, which I don't want to do, so I am praying nothing...yeah how sad is that...I am praying that nothing pops into my head. I would like to be thoughtless, though that sounds bad, but it is not the same way thoughtless is usually used. I just want to be free of any thoughts, they are what gets my OCD started. I also can't think of doing a craft even as a friend suggested because I would get OCD about that! Have to finish or what not. Because I am 9 months behind...at least...on my scrapbooking, which I want to be caught up on, but I am not even going to think about that right now...it is good I haven't ordered the 188 photos I need from the last 5 months or I would probably be doing that. Thank goodness I didn't. Whoo.

Anyway, I went and saw Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel last night, and I don't care what anyone says, I found it so cute!! It made me laugh too, which was very much needed. I also saw half of the dvd Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, before I fell asleep. It has Michael Douglas and Jesse Metcalfe and Amber Tamblyn. Metcalfe, a reporter thinks DA Michael Douglas is tampering with physical evidence on murder cases. Using one cop to switch or replace evidence that has the defendants DNA on it, and that is how he has won 17 trials in a row after a really disastrous period. Tamblyn works for the DA but it dating Metcalfe and doesn't know what story he is working on. Metcalfe decides the only way to prove it is to set himself up for a recent murder. He finds out what the weapon type was and his friend tapes him buying one holding a newspaper with the day's date on it, so people will see he bought it AFTER the murder. He does this with the shoe type that was found, buys a pair on ebay, records getting it with a current newspaper, etc. He even buys a small dog and gets it to bite him where the cops suspect the murderer was bitten by a small dog and documents it. So he gets himself arrested pretending to be drunk, and one of the detectives sees the bite and the rare shoes and they bust into his apartment and find a switchblade and stuff they think is evidence. Then the bad cop takes over the investigation, and with NO real physical evidence linking Metcalfe to the crime (as he IS innocent), he still knows DNA is going to make him look guilty, either his own or the victims. He is arrested and that is when I fell asleep. So I need to see how it plays out, if Tamblyn believes her BF or her boss she trusts, and if Metcalfe can pull off the biggest story of the century. I don't even know these answers: Will the videos be found and erased by the bad cop? Will Metcalfe get OUT of prison? Will he get his story? Or will Douglas win and become governor by framing people, including this innocent reporter? I am dying to find out!!

I am first watching this dvd I rented today which is due back tomorrow. It has Eva Mendes and Jay Hernandez and Katie Cassidy and David Krumholtz. Ooh and Jeffrey Dean Morgan!! ♥ It is like a reality show, but Eva Mendes wants to make it FRESH!! It is called Live. And she decides to make a show where it pushes the envelope. The show is Russian Roulette, with contestants competing for 5 million dollars on-air, complete with loaded guns!! How this would ever get on the AIR, I don't know because it is not set in some dark future, like Gamer or Death Race, but it sounded very intriguing, and the cast is stellar, so here is to hoping for the best. Then I am so watching the rest of my other movie tonight...hopefully I don't fall asleep again. But I wouldn't be that upset, I am still SO tired. SO freaking tired, it is unbelievable. I had trouble sleeping though, but my mother told me that the kind of stress I had put myself in, doesn't just go away, it can last days, so that may be screwing up my sleeping. Man, that sucks.

I am trying to keep things relatively light...how am I doing? Okay?

I am so looking forward to seeing Leap Year, it is out this Friday!! It looks so cute! I love Amy Adams in this type of role! Also I am SO looking forward to these 2 romantic comedies, I had to include the trailers so you could see why! Alex O'Loughlin in one and Gerard Butler in the other! Now that is reason enough right there!!

The Back Up Plan: Okay this is with J.Lo and she can ruin a movie, but this has my second love (after Jensen Ackles) Alex O'Loughlin in it people!! He IS hot. Like his picture is with the definition of hotness! It isn't shown in this movie but in real life?? He has a Scottish accent!! Drool worthy!! Watch it!!

And...The Bounty Hunter. Jennifer Aniston and Gerard ♥ Butler, who is so hot also!!Watch NOW! You will LAUGH!

OCD New Year

Sorry I have been MIA on my blog and commenting on your blogs. I have been having a really hard time with my OCD since the New Year started. It figures it is time to start anew, and I am racked with obsessive tendencies.

If it isn't one thing, it is another. When I finish one night of HAVING to do something, the next night seems to find something else to be compulsive about. Even if it is "stupid" or "lame". I don't feel like going into detail, but it was bad the last 2 nights.

Something stupid got stuck in my mind so I HAD to do it, and all of it. Only it was a much bigger "project" than I had ever imagined, so Saturday night I worked on it from around midnight to 7:30 am...and I was FAR, so FAR from being done. But I was finally able to stop myself.

Last night though as I started about 11:30pm, and time went by so fast, but in a dragging way for me, I realized I was going to either have to push this onto ANOTHER night or finish it somehow and I knew to finish it, would be not a good thing...but when I thought of having to work on this silly (I know it is, but when you are OCD and a thought won't get out, if you are weak like me, you let the ocd take control) project on another night, I got the hot-cold flush I only get when things are BAD, I mean really bad or scary people. So I knew I would not stop until I was totally done. My Mom finally understood when I told her about that feeling and how upset I was, that I just needed it to be done. But I didn't finish until 12:30 pm. Yeah I was sitting in the same position doing this STUPID thing for 13 hours. And I KNEW I didn't WANT to be doing it. I know that will sound odd to most of you, needing to do something you don't want to be doing, but it is very much a part of the disorder. I don't have a good handle on this disorder, I admit it. Not lately anyway.

So when I was finally done, I called my Mom at work, ...and I sobbed on the phone. She understood I didn't want to do what I had been doing, but that it would haunt me, if I didn't do it, do it then, and finish it. I know it sounds very contrary and opposing thoughts, and maybe jumbled and confusing. Well add all that up together and you may understand one aspect of living inside my head. That is why the last few days have been so scary. I feel so out of control and if I even THINK, I will get something else stuck inside my head and I am so tired of this. I had to stop for a minute right then when I typed the last sentence as I could feel the tears welling. I am so tired of being...well essentially, me. It is too much, these last few days have felt like my own personal hell, and I am just so exhausted with it all.

My Mom made me PINKY SWEAR tonight, that I won't DO anything other than relax and stuff. I told her I needed to blog and see if my friends were okay. But otherwise I am only allowed to watch the tv and play online Scene It. Stuff I normally enjoy. Because I admit it, I am a basket case and I am scared. I feel like I am losing it, and that is scarier than anything.

I don't mean to be a downer, but I needed to get this off my chest. Maybe writing it out, will release some of the burden from my load. That would be nice, I feel like I am suffocating under this load. A little breathing room could be nice.