Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Small Tear Talk

I am going to wait until I upload all the pictures I took today, to write about the really great day we had with Katie. Plus, things didn't end well for me tonight and I don't want it to taint the post I write about her birthday.

After 10pm events converged and I had a meltdown. To some people, I got upset over a small thing. But to me it wasn't and it ended up spiraling out of control. I was so upset I just wanted to be alone, kind of, but my Mom wanted me to talk to her. Which ended with her saying some things that just shattered me. While I might have not found them so cutting while I am feeling rational, at this time, they sliced me to pieces. And so I locked myself away, too upset to let anyone talk to me. Then I let Sam in, thinking okay, I will talk to her and she will understand, but she ended up reinforcing the cutting words. No matter what I explained, she could not get that it felt like past failures of mine had been thrown back in my face. And it was by far, too much for me. My Mom can be stubborn though so eventually she wore me down, and so I cried. A lot. I talked out why things led up to my meltdown and why I felt what had been said had been beyond hurtful. She never meant them to sound that way, but I could see them taken as only one way. So we talked everything out, until really late. I am hanging with Katie watching Lie to Me right now. I worried I ruined the last 1 1/2 hours of her birthday but she said not at all and we hugged. Now we sit in front of the warm pellet stove and watch "Cal Lightman" solve cases by detecting lies.

So I am an emotional wreck so I don't want to write about any of the good things tonight. I want to keep them good. You know? So sorry for the down post, but it was just a dreadful end of a night for me. Katie did love my present though.

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4 meaningful meanderings:

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Sheri said...

Sorry the night turned out like that, but at least you can look at it now more rationally ::hugs!::

Kristina P. said...

That's too bad. I hope you can still maintain some of the good memories.

Tori_z said...


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