As it is in it's final countdown to Halloween, I cracked open my favorite book, "How to Survive a Horror Movie" by Seth Grahame-Smith.
A Horror Movie Parenting Guide
Being in a horror movie is hard enough. Raising a kid in one can be hell. If you're a proud parent of a creepy child, keep this quick reference guide handy in case of an emergency.
SYMPTOM: My child's "imaginary" friend is talking through his or her index finger.
TREATMENT: Your child's "imaginary friend" is actually a very real manifestation of his or her psychic abilities. Therefore, listen closely to whatever it has to say, and act accordingly - even if it tells you to cancel travel plans or cut your spouses head off.
SYMPTOM: My child is speaking a language he or she has never studied.
TREATMENT: This is a classic demonic/satanic possession symptom, though it can also result from a mischievous ghost using your child as a human hand puppet. (*Note: If your child is speaking Latin or speaking backward, you've definitely got a possession.) Either way, summon a Catholic priest, who will be able to determine whether an exorcism is necessary.
SYMPTOM: My child is having conversations with the TV or dead people.
TREATMENT: Your child is probably being visited by a lost soul with some unfinished business or who is just looking for companionship. Usually nothing serious. In fact, the ghost can be quite nurturing and educational. However, they can cause physical harm in rare cases. Proceed with caution.
SYMPTOM: My child's nanny just hanged herself in front of us.
TREATMENT: Unfortunately, your child is the seed of Lucifer, heir to the throne of eternal agony.
SYMPTOM: My child screams obscenities at me, slams doors in my face, and tells me that I am going to rot in Hell for all of eternity.
TREATMENT: There's nothing wrong with your child.
Okay, now to my appointment. Wow I had no idea things could go WORSE than I imagined. My imagination is really good too. Well first we decided to weigh me before the doctor got in. Big mistake. Not that waiting for my OBGYN appt. tomorrow would have made things any better. Not unless my primary doctor's scale is...wayyyy off. Because according to this one, I have not only not LOST weight, I haven't even maintained. In fact, according to his scale in Exam Room 3, I have gained 15 POUNDS!! I am numb, I am in that much pai
n. My parents say i eat pretty good, and the only things was I should be more careful of eating sweets. So I have been doing that. And for the first time in my LIFE, I have been excercising. On Sunday it will have been 6 MONTHS. Or should I say, would have. Because I have no intention of going through that pain and the stress it is causing me, if I can't even maintain my weight. I crossed the number I vowed never to cross again. Which was why I started excercising 6 months ago, to never get NEAR that number. So yeah, I started shattered.
Then he arrived, and I talked to him about being hypoglycemic almost 2/3 a month. And I showed him my fasting numbers and while they are GOOD, they have
never been THAT good. So he is concerned. He is making me do the fullest range of blood testing that I have ever had, including checking my thyroid, etc. It is scary that he doesn't know why I am hypo so much, that he has no clue as to what is going on with my Diabetes. I HAD to bring up my Diabetes, he has't had me have an A1C test on over 2 years!
Then I brought up my concern over needing to pee like every 20 minutes. And that even if it is like nothing, I feel the NEED that I have to go. This worried him also so I had to do a urine analysis. And it figures, the one time I need to pee, I can't. They got a few drops maybe, but said it was fine. Whatever.
But then it came time to talk about the whole reason I was ther
e to see him. My pulse even at rest being so high as 117. The fact that even when it is slower, like in the 70's, it feels like it is trying to pump itself OUT of my chest. It is so scary. I know what my tacchycardia feels like, I am used to that now, I can recognize the symptoms. This is different. And when I described these feelings to him, and he understood I would recognize if it was me needing a larger dose of my heart medication, he became worried. I thought he would make me do an EKG, and I even prepared myself, if they made me do a 3 night Halter Monitor. Which was torture. You can't take a shower because of the connected electro
des, which there are like 6 of at least. And it was so uncomfortable, during sleep, just sitting around. So I was scared, but prepared. But not prepared to hear him tell me he wanted to monitor my heart for 3 WEEKS! I about had heart failure! Then he claimed it was different and you can do all normal stuff like showering, so I was like...oookay. He directed me to a different room where a nurse brought a box in. It only needs to have 2 electrodes, I unclip the electrodes when I shower, and then plug them back in when I am dry. The monitor is the size of a LARGE walkie talkie, but I can keep it in a sweater pocket or pants pocket while I am up, but for sleeping the nurse suggested t-shirts with front pockets. She had to u
se the same monitor once and said it was the only way that it didn;t get wrapped up and pulled off, etc. So we bought a 4-pack of Fruit of the Loom guy shirts with pockets. We are talking 21 nights people! With THIS:
*This is the ONE electrode I WILL show you.
*This is the wire coming out from the bottom of my shirt. When I use the thing that looks like a cellphone holder, it all twists up under my shirt and I look like a freak.
*And this is the device the wires from the electrodes attach to. That I have to carry around in some way, at all times.
I am being monitored by "big brother", okay a place in Texas, 24/7. Seriously, if I get really bad, they may call and ask me what I am doing to get the heart response I am having. 21 days people!! It is already BUGGING me!!
I have OBGYN tomorrow, and I have to go do the blood tests on Wednesday, and I have a dentist appointment on Friday for a cleaning and they are supposed to fix the cavities making it impossible to chew on my left side. I HATE this week, it is already so much worse than I ever imagined.