Friday, October 30, 2009

Deadly Sins and Dental Pains

The Seven Deadly Horror Movie Sins

The Seven Deadly Sins lead back to the Earliest days of Christianity. They were devised as a way to keep followers from indulging in their less attractive urges: lust, pride, gluttony, wrath, sloth, envy and greed. In Catholicism, these transgressions were (and still are) were dealt with through confession and prayer. In the Church of Latter Day Horror Movies, however, there's a different set of seven deadly sins, and only one punishment...

1st Deadly Sin: DOUBT. There are two type of movie characters: those who believe your story and those who don't. And while believers are by no means safe, at least they've taken the first step down the long road towards survival. Doubters, however, can always count on being dead before the end credits.

"It was just a dream, honey."

2nd Deadly Sin: Machismo. The jock who thinks his football skills are enough to defeat the reincarnated serial killer. The redneck who intends to show that vampire how they do things in Texas. The soldier who's taken on aliens way scarier than this one. All tough, all dead. Remember, males - in horror movies, testosterone may as well be cyanide.

"You want some of this?"

3rd Deadly Sin: Independence. Have you ever seen that documentary about wildebeests? The one where it's nothing but slow-motion footage of them getting torn apart by lions and crocodiles? Great, isn't it? Funny how the predators always seem to kill the animals that are on the outer edges of the herd. The ones who are either too slow or too stupid to draw strength from their numbers. This is not a coincidence.

"Screw you guys, I'm going home."

4th Deadly Sin: Ugliness. Nobody said horror movies were fair. That goes double for people with acne, glasses, etc. You see, in the "everybody's a teen model, except the funny fat guy" world of horror movies, it's a sin to be anything less than drop-dead gorgeous. And while it's true that even the hottest of hotties sometimes gets disposed of, it's usually because he or she engages in one of the other deadly sins (especially number 7). It's rare that someone is killed for good looks alone. On the other hand, ugly people could put on body armor, lock themselves in a padded room buried beneath a mountain, and surround themselves with armed guards, and they'd still get wasted before the one hour mark.

5th Deadly Sin: Curiosity. Have you ever been in a theater when the girl (in the movie) hears a strange noise and decides to see where it's coming from? Notice how everyone in the audience starts tensing up as she climbs up the stairs? That's because they know one of the basic horror movie equations.

Investigation = mutilation.

Now that you are the character, remember that when you go to "check something out", the audience is getting tenser with every step.

"Do you think it's dead?"

6th Deadly Sin: Irresponsibility. If you're supposed to be guarding the door, then guard the door. Don't wander off to take a leak. If you're supposed to be watching the kids, don't do bong hits with your earphones on. If you're supposed to wake your friend up at the first sign of a bad dream, don't fall asleep. How hard is that? In a horror movie, if you accept a task and fail to carry it out, someone close to you is going to die.

"Trust me, the kids are fast asleep."

7th Deadly Sin: Vehicular Sex. Everyone knows the old adage about sex in horror movies. Do it and die. Well, yes and no. While it's certainly advisable to keep it in your pants while visiting the Terrorverse, there are plenty of people who have sex and live to brag about it. That's because they copulate in the comfort of their own homes, or the privacy of a respectable massage parlor. Because they avoid the one kind of nasty that is guaranteed to result in death: vehicular sex. The kind counselors have when they steal the equipment van and drive into the woods. The kind the prom king and queen have in the school parking lot. In the real world, sex in cars make great bedfellows. But in the horror world, put the brakes on that kind of thinking.

Went to the dentist today. Had my teeth cleaned, then the dentist came in to figure out what is wrong with the last cavities he filled. He used one of the scrapers to KEEP pressing down, and some areas that was fine, but when he kept doing it to the area that has made me unable to chew on the left, it was torture. he thinks it is either an air pocket in the filling, or worst case, my tooth has cracked. I hope it is the air bubble. But they can't squeeze me in until December 10th!! A month and a half more of no chewing on the left...super. And that got him so concerned that he wants to fill in ones they were just "watching"!! So 2 or 3 more cavities!! :(

I swear I think I brush good, but no matter what I do, I get cavities. For the first time, my hygeinist said some people are chemically inclined to get cavities so I think it must be ME. I have always done poorly at the dentist, even as a little kid. I thought I was going to do better hopefully. Bought a spin brush, bought that fluoride Listerine mouth wash to use after brushing. Bought the KIDS Agent Blue Cool to make me brush better if that is what is needed, but still, now I have 2 or 3 more cavities to be filled. This sucks. And I got lectured about my gums, I am not flossing enough, and now she wants me to use the GUM massagers too, and Prevadent, and all this stuff. She claims within 14 days bleeding gums should stop, but I have been doing SO much better at flossing and I still bleed. And she made me bleed worse than normal. I use Plackers because of my bad gag reflex. It is just been such a BAD week. And before I left to go to the dentist the doctor called and his secretary said my blood tests were fine. But I only did it last night at 6pm?! My Mom had hers taken Monday, but I got mine which were for a LOT more tests? Yeah I was upset to hear they were fine. Fine explains nothing! Now we are thinking, since we went in together that those were my Mom's blood tests, because it never takes them 18 hours to get blood results. Especially for the Diabetes blood work. But I have to wait until MONDAY to make sure. It will drive me nuts. I need to know. I need there to be things wrong so they can FIX how I have been feeling. I haven't even gotten the urine analysis and THAT was on Monday. I hate life right now, it sucks big time.

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7 meaningful meanderings:

Sarah said...

I JUST started flossing last week. I like it. It feels good. I only do it every OTHER day. And my dentist strongly urged me to buy ACT mouthwash, I use the blue. I am curious about my thyroid blood draws too, and I have to wait until next week.

Yaya said...

Ouch. Wanna know something crazy? I hate novacain so I get my cavities filled without any....

Sheri said...

Ouch I hate the dentist and cavaties and all of it :( ::hugs::

LadyStyx said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LadyStyx said...

Yeah. Sounds like a chemical thing. Some family friends we had while I was just little, had 3 kids. Two would do the barest possible brushing while the 3rd (the youngest) was extremely religious about cleaning her teeth (flossing and the whole 9 yards!)and brushed after every stinking meal (even snacks). I give you one guess which one had the biggest problem with cavities. Yeah, the youngest.

When I go in for bloodwork, I oftentimes get some of the results back on the same day (test in the afternoon and results within 5 hours), but when I get alot of tests, it sometimes takes a couple days to get them all back. I'll get the results as they get them in. So sometimes I end up getting 4 or 5 emails with various results in them.

TeeTee said...

i hate the dentist, and i especially hate stupid cavities!

Tori_z said...


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