Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Hurt Feelings and other Quandries

Sorry I didn't post or comment last night. I did a NO sleep thing again, and had a panic attack around 4pm, so I took a shower to relax and was told to lay on the couch and relax, Sam even gave me her DS to play Mario.

Anyways, I feel asleep on the couch at about 9pm and slept until 2:30 in the morning before waking with a migraine...could anything possible get any worse? I think not. No sleep, a night of crying then waking up from SLEEP, to a migraine. It kept me up for hours. But then I did sleep. And my parents took me out to dinner went to Chili's and I was SO stuffed. I rented 4 Redbox so I needs to get hopping!! I am going to try and shhh copy two so I only need to watch 2 tonight. Mirrors and My Best Friends Girl. The two I may "borrow" are The Family That Preys and Swing Vote. I will tell you if they was good, yes WAS.

20 meaningful meanderings:

The Boob Nazi said...

My extended family reads my blog, so I have to censor myself now. If I want to vent about them, I do it in person to people. It makes me angry. I have such good stories from Christmastime, but I have to hold them in.... DANGIT!

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So said...

I pretty much always sensor myself because I KNOW that my family reads my blog.

I don't really see how what you posted about would be upsetting but some people are more sensitive than others. I hope this all works out.

Mary said...

I also have to do quite a bit of censoring b/c my family, friends from school, and kids from my sunday school class read it! So, my husband gets of alot of the venting his way...poor guy.

ramsam said...

My blog is not a tell all either, just because you never know how people willt ake stuff, and I have fretted over things I have written, but it has all been fine so far. You may need to just tone back things- although I will say that I have never thought you posted anything inappropriate.

That being said , though, you are allowed to have reasonable feelings concerning your family- and it sounds like he is just uncomfortable with anything that doesn't portray him as the perfect brother. Well, nobody is perfect! I bet noone else even thought a thing of it!
It is too bad you have to feel stressed over this small thing. Just shrug it off and chalk one up for experience. Or, start another completely anonymous bog and re-name everyone and LET IT RIP there just for your own sanity!
Good Luck.

Jillene said...

Sorry about your brother. I have to censor my blog a TON because I know that my family members read it.

Sorry about the migraine. I feel you on that one as I have had one for 3 days now.

Mina said...

I'm sorry you're stressed. You are such a tender-hearted person, so it must be hard to think you've unintentionally hurt your family.

That said, I think the GOOD news here is that your brother and his wife lurk around your blog! To me that shows that they care enough about you to read your feelings. If he was a totally insensitive jerk, he wouldn't take the time. He obviously loves you. So it may be hard to look at it that way at the moment, but I think it may help in time.

Spasm said...

you didn't need that with your challenges girl... tell him to kiss off !

you are only one of three on my org blog, so your chances of winning the challenge are great :)

Natalie said...

I'm w/ everyone else. There are a ton of things that I would LOVE to say on my blog but can't because I'm not sure who would read it and how they would take it. It stinks. Sometimes I wish we could all just say whatever and get it all out in the open once and for all anyway.

Brigitte said...

It sucks but you really do have to be careful what you post. Not just because of potential hurt feelings... but search engines are so expansive! Negative things you write about your brother or his wife could hurt THEIR relationships with church leaders or potential employers and friends!

True Story - I've been trying to get one of my friends to start a blog but she refuses because she is over hiring people for a certain company. She told me that they totally screen people by looking them up on the internet. If the person has a bunch of pictures of them partying on myspace then they don't hire them... AND they look to see if they have blogs or if people write about them in blogs. They figure it's the best way to research someone's character.

So I can kinda understand your brother's beef with being talked about on your blog. Just writing his name ONCE on your blog makes it so your blog comes up when people search for HIM. So everything you write about him is being read by his business associates, old HS friends, ward members, etc. And that's not exaggerating!

With google analytics I have seen people google a bunch of people I have linked on my blog. I always wonder if I should email that person and let them know someone has googled them and found their blog through mine. I've also noticed business associates googling my husbands name and my FIL. That's just the world we live in!

Personally, I googled one of my cousins and came across my bishop's family blog! The only reason their blog came up was because in ONE post my bishop's wife talked about running into old family friends at a restaurant. Their old family friends happen to have the same last name as my cousins... no relation to my cousins... yet it came up in a search engine for my cousins! It was just weird to come across someone I know when searching for someone else that they have no connection to!

So THAT'S why people use fake names... not because they fear their identity being stolen, but because somethings you don't want shared with your bishop or old crush from High School! As for church relationships - I KNOW bishops google their ward members to see how they are REALLY doing. Maybe not all, but my dad is a bishop and has done it when he was really concerned about a certain individual, and I'm pretty sure he's not the ONLY bishop to ever do this.

Anyways... I'm writing a novel here but just thought I'd share a little insight to the damages blogs can have. I censor myself so much. I really want to start a completely anonymous blog that can't be traced back to me or anyone I know. That way I can unload all my frustrations and feelings, you know? I started my blog after reading ONE. I had no clue how many people have blogs and read blogs. I wish I had started it without any real names.

Brigitte said...

yes I already wrote A TON... but I just wanted to say one more thing. LOL.

I KNOW you had no mean intentions. You are SO not the kind of person to intentionally hurt ANYONE! It's obvious you care a lot about being a good friend to everyone around you.

I hope I didn't make you think otherwise with what I said earlier. I admit that I don't know the full situation or history between you and your brother. I just wanted to share some insight that I've learned the past year.

Love ya girl! {{hugs}}

Kristina P. said...

I agree with everyone else. YOu have to be very careful with this.

Amanda and I have talked about this a lot. There are people who don't read my blog. However, if I said anything negative about a friend or a family member, you can bet it would get back to them, and they would start reading it immediately.

I am VERY careful about what I say on my blog, and when I do tease people in my real life, they always know about it first.

the letter Bee said...

Yeah, I agree. I know it's tempting to use a blog as a personal online journal, however we need to remember that it is online. That means we should make sure we wouldn't mind what we write being read by EVERYONE.

If I didn't have Sitemeter on my adoption blog I would think NO one ever read it (because I disabled the comments). In reality, daily I get a fair amount of hits. It's really eye-opening to realize how many people have access to the information on your blog.

Amander said...

I just have to second Kristina's comments. I also think if you (the general "you" - meaning all of us) have a problem with someone, it's better to talk to them first, so they don't have to read about it on your blog.

I also liked Bridgette's comments - I wouldn't really care if someone wrote something mean about me on their blog, but I would care that everyone in the world has access to that. We all affect a lot of people when we post about our lives on our blogs.

Amander said...

Wendy,
I also wanted to add that although it is your blog and you have every right to voice your feelings, that doesn't mean they don't have consequences.

If you choose to post things that your brother (or anyone) doesn't like, you are choosing your blog over your relationship with him. Even if that doesn't seem fair to you, that it sort of the ways it goes.

CaJoh said...

Sometimes it is difficult to tell if what you say will offend someone. Even if you don't intend to— someone will somehow take offense. Perhaps to bridge the gap your brother may want to do a guest post, or even run some stories by him first before you post them to ease the pain.

Sure hope that you can smooth out those rough spots before they become potholes that you have to swerve too often to avoid.

Erin The Great said...

I know how you feel about the censoring... It sucks and usually cuts your blog fodder in half. I hope you start sleeping better :)

Lee said...

I have to constantly censor myself because my mother and apparently sister read my blog.
Which pisses me the hell off. I should be able to write whatever I want.
I'm sorry that you had to go through that. Maybe eventually they'll realize that what you said ISN'T A BIG DEAL.
Jeese.

Anonymous said...
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Michelle said...

I have a blog that is open to invited readers only (mostly family) where I vent. :) I did that after posting a "letter you would never send" on my blog about someone I thought never in a million years would read my blog...and then she did. Ooops! :)

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