Sunday, August 16, 2009

Dejected and Rejected

Well, Girls Camp starts in the morning and my Aunt said today she was all set with help and really wasn't supposed to get help from people in another Stake anyway. I will never understand that crap, we are all Mormons, so if I want to help at a function of the church's, what is the problem? I don't know why, since it is so much hard work, but I was really looking forward to it, and it was like the only thing I have had to look forward to. So knowing I am not going for certain, made me have a crying meltdown. I feel like, heck I can't even volunteer my services at a church camp I love, they are being rejected. So I feel rejected, and very, scarily depressed. All of a sudden, I am questioning everything about myself.

I feel like I have no purpose, that I am nothing. And that is scaring me to death. Everyone is something, but not me, I do nothing really. I feel lost. And out of hope. There is nothing for me to look forward to, only an endless road of more of the same. Me being lost and empty and alone. This is all I am going to write tonight, if I dwell on how lost and scared I am feeling, I think I will start heaving again, I was crying so hard you could hear it throughout the house, and I don't want that, especially as it is late, so I'd be alone and crying. Even worse. Goodnight all.

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9 meaningful meanderings:

Izzy said...

OH MY GOSH Wendy T_T don't feel that way its all okay god thats sad news :(

You are not worthless dont you ever feel that way you are awesome and you create wonderful art and have alot hope in your heart,
dont ever feel like that you are a good friend and you shouldnt let something like this get you down.

I understand I really do but maybe you can help in a different way dont just think all hope is lost because its not ^_^

youll figure out something to do I know it :D

Alyson (New England Living) said...

We all have purpose. Find your passion and pursue it. Take a class on a hobby you want to develop. Create something that you can look forward to. I always feel that once you find your passion, then you find your purpose.

rychelle said...

i'm sorry things didn't work out for you to go camping, but since you're sick you probably shouldn't have been up there anyway.

i find that when i'm feeling a little lost a good way to remedy that is to volunteer. it doesn't have to be at your own church, it can be at any church, hospital, shelter or food bank. helping out people who are less fortunate than yourself really puts things into perspective.

Sarah said...

I agree with the volunteering comment. I used to volunteer with elderly with dementia and then later with alcohol and drug addicts. It literally changed my life. If I had more time and didn't work I would still be doing it, at a couple of places probably :)

Lee said...

You know you're important, and you know you're someone!
It's their loss, and their stupid rules.
(No offense, but that's why I prefer Christianity).
Mormonism just kind of baffles me.

Jessica♥ said...

Awe, Wendy.
That's what we're here for.
Your blogger friends to keep you happy.
Quite honestly, I feel this way a ton. Like your life sucks completely and wondering if it will ever get better.
It will!!
This may not be your day, or week, or summer, or year.
Do something you love and stick by it. Look at the brighter side of things. =]

Jessica♥ said...

I meant to write *hugs* haha, I can't type.

Amander said...

Wendy, I have to agree with Rychelle, maybe you can volunteer somewhere else. Maybe you can help with the YW weekly activities, or maybe you could find a job working with teenage girls. It sounds like those things could really help you!

(And Lee, fyi, Mormons are Christians :) )

Tori_z said...

It's understandable that you're feeling that way, but try not to let the disappointment get to you. Just because they don't need your help doesn't mean nobody does. Their rejection of your offer of help isn't a reflection on your worth. *Hugs*

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