Saturday, June 27, 2009

Quick Hi before Ambien

Ran around on errands today, GUESS WHAT? The floor is ALL down!! Sure i t now needs the molding put up and epoxy in some places, but it is all down and it looks amazing!! I will upload a pic tommorrow. I am writing up a quick post for tonight because I HAVE to go to church tommorrow. It doesn't matter how much social anxiety I am having, my Dad is giving a talk and I am going to be there. I want to be going every week, but it causes such anxiety, and that is so weird because I miss the people! And it isn't even the people or the claustraphobic thing lately, it is like my brain has become programmed to find church frightening. I hate it, I don't like people thinking I am mostly inactive! If it didn't cause me so much anxiety I WOULD be there every week. I miss my peeps. Some are really understanding and get depression, etc...but some are so snide and act like I am not going because I don't want to and am not a good Mormon. So it is hard. I am very slowly trying to build up my attendance. At the worst point in my Social Anxiety, it was NEVER going, not even to fun functions on other days. I don't know, you guys probably won't understand either. It is hard to explain, so to understand must be harder. I love my church and miss my brothers and sisters. Church, as a whole, just scares me right now. Arrghh forget it.

Went to Target, bought some birthday cards and got my Dad's present. Sam, I have no ideas for yet. She is hard to shop for!! You are Sam! I know you are gonna read this! Bought Icee's back home for the floor installers. Returned DVD's, got Dunkin Doughnuts. Went and got pizza for dinner. Moved the kitched table back into the kitch for my Mom, she misses it too much, the kitchen can still be painted around it. And the molding added. Picked up all the trash and sorted the living room which is still holding half our kitchen as best I could...you can walk through it now! LOL!

Gotta go take my Ambien now. It works good but could still take a couple of hours to work, especially since I slept in LATE today. I hope the power of Ambien can still win out!!Night all!!post signature

8 meaningful meanderings:

Sheri said...

Yay for the floor being down! I hope you have a good time at church tomorrow and hopefully you won't have any anxiety either. :)

mama-face said...

Oh I get it. No one can understand what someone else is going through totally; but I get the church thing. Today is Stake Conf and I call it free sunday because I don't feel quite as guilty about not going. Talk about anxiety; all those people. Every Sunday I tell myself I will only stay as long as can; really hard for the kids to understand...blah blah. I don't have a calling and that's a tough one to explain; but why do people feel they should ask that?

It is good that you have some that understand around you. I could go on but this is already the longest comment I have ever made!

Tori_z said...

Glad the floor is down at last! :)

I do understand (as best as is possible for me to, since I'm not you) about the church thing. One little bit of advice though... In situations like this it can sometimes help to go anyway. I'm not saying it always does, but sometimes facing the thing that makes you anxious head on can ease the anxiety until - eventually - there will be very little there, and you will start feeling confident about going to church. Just a thought.

Lee said...

I'm sorry about your church anxiety, but hopefully overtime you can overcome it.
And you just reminded me that I forgot to get Izzy a birthday card.
Crap.

kel said...

I've battled social anxiety myself, I know how tough it can be.

Congrats on the floor being down! And sweet dreams!

Michelle said...

It's easy for people to judge who have never had issues like that. I have weird anxieties that I struggle with every day. Weird things like going to the grocery store. I hope church went well for you today and you were able to enjoy being there.

BIBI said...

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Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment.

Rowboat said...

i used to have a lot of anxiety in my singles ward, then i switched to a married ward and it just fits me really well. i haven't had hardly any problems there! it's a blessing. but i understand social anxiety. it is tough and i do feel like if someone doesn't struggle with it themselves then it is difficult to understand. good for you for toughing it out and going for your dad's talk! i'm sure he appreciates it.

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