It was supposed to be a simple day. A relaxing day. Run some errands. Stop by the mall. Easy, fun. What a crock. It ended up being the stuff of nightmares. At least of my nightmares.
First of all it was just over 100 degrees outside. So the car was like 150 degrees inside. And it was just starting to get tolerable in the car when I got to Target. Those errands went fine. I even found Warehouse 13 in stock which pleased me. I even got a small Icee to tide me over until I got to the 7-11 in Meriden. I knew it would be mostly melted by the time I loaded the car and I was half right. I did find the perfect birthday card for Sam's birthday on Thursday.
I made my way over there and I found myself in an OCD conundrum. There was a Barq's root beer Icee!! I had never seen a root beer Icee before!! But I had it in my HEAD to get a coke one and I didn't know if I would like a root beer Icee, but I was danging myself the whole time because it was my one chance to maybe experience root beer again!! I don't get over to the mall very much at all, so the likelihood I will ever get to try it, that it will still be there, is very small. Dang it all! Bloody OCD brain!
I went in the mall and I went in through Sears and all of a sudden I remembered they never sent me my last 2 eye prescriptions like they swore they would. So I talked to the woman and she gave me the last one but said this LONG spiel about how one doctor who was here a long time left and took all his records and then they had another doctor for like 2 years, and then HE left and took his records, but HE worked in the mall also and he was the one who probably had my records. OY. Boggling my brain!
I peeked into some stores as I made my way to Claire's. I stopped in FYE, as they has so much Twilight stuff, it was so fun to look at it all, but I can never bring myself to pony up for the really cool pricey stuff and I don't want the stickers or keychains...usually. I ended up finding a great sale and bought Death Becomes Her, Blue Streak, Phantoms and Holy Man. Some are quirky movies, but I like them. Then I made my way to Claire's. I ended up buying 5 headbands, lol. I am completely obsessed. So obsessed I ended up at The Icing, which is so much pricier than Claire's but is it's sister store, and bought 6 more headbands! And one was $18.50!! Agh!! It is real cute though, peacock feathers. A lot of mine have bows. See I am very particular though with my headbands. They have to feel really loose, almost like they aren't there. Otherwise I get headaches. So all the really cute ones, with gems, and weird shaped things, they are usually made with metal bands, etc and I just cannot do those, not even cloth wrapped metal. OUCH.
I had started to get panicky at the mall. Especially since I knew I still had to drive to Wallingford to get to the Super Walmart and get stuff from there. And when my Mom called me and told me it was already 8pm I freaked out and had to get off the phone because I was about to cry, I got that weepy and panic-stricken. She tried to talk me out of going to Wallingford and while I wanted to be talked out of it, I was being stubborn too. And when I don't have people looking at me face to face I can get my way. She made me promise to eat something first, the whole Diabetes thing. So I ate a slice of pizza and I wanted to cry the whole time.
I knew I took on too much. I am still not 100% health wise, my Mom knew that, she told me yesterday it would be too much, but yesterday it had seemed like something to DO. So I tried to give myself an "out" I texted my sisters who I knew were with my Mom, okay I am leaving the mall now to go to Wallingford. To the Walmart. I got an OK back. And that was it. So I had tried to give them a chance to tell me not to go and they didn't so I went.
I did my shopping and got in line at the self check-out where things could INDEED get worse. This is exactly WHY I do NOT stand up for myself. And I should have stuck with that! There were 4 self check-out stands, 2 on the left and 2 on the right. But we were in a single line, when a stand opened up, the person next up, went to that stand. That WAS how we were doing it. Until the people behind me decided NO, we were now in 2 lines. That pissed me off. I had waited, and there they went, to the lady who was almost done and that should be where I was going. So I girded my loins and said "Excuse me, but the line starts behind me". And they were like No, this is the line for this side. And I was like "No we are doing a single line and whichever one frees up, we go to that one next". And they are smiling at me so snotty and going No Honey. It was a lady and a slightly younger man, a teen and 2 maybe 10 year olds and they are all laughing at me. I am saying to them this is not alright and you are showing no class, because I am pissed, they are USING a register now. They are talking to me in Mexican or Spanish, which is even ruder I find. And I am saying I am going to get the Walmart worker only to find out he is there and is doing nothing. And the people in the other lanes, who were people I waited behind, they are looking but not saying a word even though they did the line that way and I followed THEIR example. I am feeling sick to my stomach, humiliated and like I will burst into tears. I get to a lane and they are still saying things, the teen and kids. They leave and the kids are trying to make me make eye contact but I refuse. I wait 2 minutes before I go out as I don't want to see them, but who is 3 cars down from me? Yeah. And so the teen and kids start making comments about "how many lines are there for parking? One? Or Two? HAHAHAHAHA!" I just about lost it.
I drove home, trying to hold it in. No one came out to help me with my 12 bags, plus mail. And then I lost it. I am not standing up for myself again. What did it do for me? Except make me feel sick and humiliated? This is obviously why I have never felt the compulsion to be a person who stands up for herself, speaks up for herself, etc. It just does not pay.