Poem - Pretend to Be Busy

Pretend to be Busy

I always pretend to be busy as the social butterflies drift right past me
It’s not like they look my way or pay me any attention whatsoever
To feel though like an interloper in this life is excruciatingly painful
Feigning that I am unaffected by belonging nowhere is a white lie I allow myself
Embracing the fact that I am unseen however is not an option I can allow myself
When I feel so dispirited, If I’m not careful I think I could actually just fade away
Not a memory in anyone’s mind, not a someone to be mourned
You don’t mourn what you never knew existed, don’t remember what you never even forgot
It’s not that I never tried to fit in, I searched for an entry point high and low
Finding only a labyrinth of people’s backs turned to me, blocking me, my cries unheard
I tried to push my way through the crowd, only to be swatted away like a fly
So I sit alone and pretend to be busy and unaffected by life happening all around me
While inside I cry out for someone to find me before I fade away in the labyrinth completely