New month...oh happy joy joy. That's from some random movie, can't recall which. No I can't say I am doing any better. Sorry if that makes me a downer but I strive for honesty on my blog. I am still having daily panic attacks and crying a lot. It's not even over the same thing it was at first. That tragic event that happened to a loved one is still as tragic, and I fear the next time I see anyone as I don't know how that will set me back. Right now I am just filled with insecurity and feelings of worthlessness. They can be overwhelming and so very scary.
Even the good things happening to my sisters. Katie passed her COTA exams and has been offered a job at basically every place she has interviewed at. She has her choice of kids or geriatric patients or Traumatic Brain Injury wards, etc. Sandy went back for a second interview for that phlebotomy position and is waiting to hear. So both my baby sisters might soon have jobs in their chosen careers. And that makes me happy for them...but it also makes me feel like the failure in the family as well. I can't even quiet my brain long enough to DO anything meaningful.
Anyway, TV shows started being released onto dvd. So far I have bought Gossip Girl, Heroes, House, One Tree Hill, Lost, Brothers & Sisters and The Vampire Diaries. Oh yes, in case SHE is still reading, I paid with my check book, all are completely paid for by ME. AND I plan on buying 11 more before I am done. I love my TV on DVD. What do you think we have been watching ALL summer? That's right. My Mom just learned to love and lost Wonderfalls. May it Rest In Peace. I also turned her into a Warehouse 13 addict, a Chuck addict, and she is also very angry that Haunted was cancelled (long ago) and Threshold. Amazing shows, especially Threshold, just getting really good too! We just started the first episode of Tru Calling tonight, I think she likes it and will be pissed at how it cuts off abruptly just as it is getting real good too.
I am having a weird reaction to the Lithium. I am craving some things I was not craving before. Protein, especially in the form of Milk is the number one. My Mom did some research and while it isn't listed as a side effect, many patients mention it on websites. I drink Milk period. But now I crave glass after glass. I need it. And I want chicken all the time, I am constantly eating a sandwich. Plus I have a thing for grape juice lately and I thought I loathed grape juice. Mom thinks maybe it's the iron or something. Plus there is the water cravings. I seriously do not like plain water, but I drank 4 bottles in a row the other night, I couldn't get enough. And of course, I pee like every 20 minutes. We don't see the endocronologist and get to know the results of my blood work for like 2 more weeks, it is so aggravating. I want it to be something, I can deal with a real ailment that has options. A clean slate gives no hope and I have enough no hope for a continent!!
I decided a week ago that I wanted to try The Secret Life of The American Teenager and I just finished 2 and 1/2 season online. Whoo. Tiny screens and difficult websites. Some of the content made me uncomfortable and surprised me as it is on ABC Family and is heralded by young viewers and parents alike, but for the most part it is a really good show and I am now deeply invested in the lives of Amy, Ricky, Ben, Adrienne, Grace, Ashley, etc.
I am about to go watch Why Did I Get Married Too? I saw most of the first one on TV one night, though I missed the first 45 minutes at least (sad), and it was powerful. I can't wait to see what happens to these people this time!