Saturday, September 11, 2010

Fragmented Thoughts

*My thoughts truly are quite fragmented lately, going from subject to subject. Part of me feels like I really have nothing new to say, part feels like I have plenty to say. It makes me want to hit myself in the gut!

*Max, as I wrote on Facebook re-hurt his bad paw. This paw that had a nail that kept cracking on him. It was so bad, hurt wise, he was on antibiotics to heal the skin around it. Then my Dad left with him on his daily breakfast jaunt, and was almost immediately back inside cradling him. His entire paw was covered in blood and it was bad. Luckily my Mom was just getting up for work so she cleaned it as I held him. He was looking away the whole time, his lower legs shaking! My Mom got most of the blood away from the areas not bleeding but that nail area, the skin bed and nail, if you touched it at all, blood would gush all over again. It was so hard to see, I was shaking too, I couldn't stand seeing Maxie bleed like that. Dad made an appointment for 11:45 the earliest he could get one. Mom bandaged Max up and he let me hold him for another 20 minutes. He wouldn't take any food!! Max loves food, especially meat!! He got down and when he is bandaged he acts like we chopped off a whole appendage, it was like that foot was no longer there so it was truly pathetic and sad. The doctor ended up agreeing THIS time that the nail was hurting Max, he in a way soldered it off really far, barely anything is left. Max left that bandage alone and is still limping a few days later. I think it hurts and it breaks your heart to see him struggle to jump onto the couch, etc. I keep helping him. He's my baby.

*I finally had my appointment with my psychiatrist this week. I don't do well at these appointments. He doesn't speak much, and I don't speak much, so my Mom says it is an interesting sight to behold. He is ancient too, so I don't feel like I have a thing in common with him. He is so old, he looks like he has been hanging out with the crypt keeper...what? It's true. I swear if he ever gets quiet AND still, I am going to think he died. Oy. I know I have veered off again. We talked about the Lithium making me SO thirsty and how I pee like every 25 minutes almost. He wasn't really interested in how I felt I was doing on the Lithium, and I had opinions from both my parents and both my sisters. I did manage to get in the big thing though. That I am really depressed. He only asked how it manifested, which frankly confused me. I was thinking what the crap is he talking about?!! I looked to my Mom while he wasn't looking with panic and she made a sign of tears, and it clicked in my brain and I was able to answer that I was crying ALL the time, which IS what I am doing ALL the time. The smallest thing, thinking I could lose Max for some reason and I am bawling and it hurts so badly. So his suggestion was to add Wellbutrin on top of my other anti-depressant. So once I start this new medication, besides Ambien so I can sleep, I will be on 5 medications. Seems so scary.

*People caused some trouble again. Said I had a photo bucket page with photos of certain people and full names and birthdates, etc. I have never even used photobucket!! I did a search after and so did Sandy and neither of us could find these supposed pictures. Today Sandy talked to those people and they provided a direct link and it was under my username. It was over a year old and contained a stencil I had used with those photos on a scrapbook program online. I had created a collage and sent it out in email form, the only way I am "allowed" to send photos. Apparently the program signed me up automatically for photobucket without my permission and saved those pics on there. So they have been there for over a year. And "people" decided to start doing searches using my email address, which makes me feel really creeped out and like my privacy is being invaded. No, I had NO idea these THREE pics from a year ago were online, but Sandy knows all my passwords so she deleted the whole account. Do I care that she did? No, only if she thinks I made that account and she says she believes programs can sign you up for others when you think you are signing up for one. So she says she knows I didn't do it. I just want my family, and that would be the people here, to know I didn't create any account. Yeah they can hurt me, I am just that sensitive, but I feel nothing for them now. I don't think there is even an ounce of love left there. They killed it. I don't think it makes me cold, I just think it makes me a person who has learned not to touch the scalding pot anymore. I finally know what to do, to not get burned. Some people are just not good for you.

*Did you know that "Kick-Ass" really did? I so think I might want to be Hit-Girl for Halloween. She was my FAVE character in that whole very loud movie!

*"Killers" with Ashton Kutcher and Katheryn Heigl was actually REALLY good! My Dad liked it even and he is SO picky! All us girls loved it, it was just a good time!

*Vampire Diaries returned last night, and it was so good!! I was so sad to see the hour end and I am already on pins and needles until next week. Katherine IS a B&^*(!! And I am liking this remake of Nikita. So far. If it ends up turning into what USA already told, I will turn it off forever, but if it stays original, I am in! I also loved Hellcats, Aly and Ashley have good chemistry and there are definite cuties on the show!

*I bought 3 series on dvd this week alone. Criminal Minds, Chuck and Supernatural. I was so not happy with how buying Supernatural went. I drove down to Target. Sold OUT!! I asked if they could check in back and they said they had sold those out too. Did they offer me any knowledge of when they would have more? NO. So I am pissed. This was THE one I was looking forward to the most! It was MY JENSEN!! So I drove all the way to Meriden's Target. I go in and look for the DVD section and find the regular Supernatural section...empty. So I go and find the lady and she follows me back so she can scan the spot and tell me if there is more in back. NO. Offer of any knowledge of when they will have more? NO. So I head out very pissed. I have one option left as with Gabby our direction thing, I have no clue how to get to any other Target's. I am across from the Mall and the Best Buy attached to it. IF they even have it, I will but it only as lone as it is no more than $40. Because Target was supposed to have it for $37.99. So I drive over and walk in worried it would be not there and worried about what its price would be. And then I see it, and it says $37.99!!! The only thing I am bitter about is that all the copies that had a keychain of the Impala were gone!! *sob*

*Anyway we started Chuck tonight, Season 3. So that Sam and Mom will be caught up when Season 4 starts. I am so good at getting people to fall for my shows, mwahaha! The Mentalist, now Chuck and Warehouse 13. Ahhhhh.

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2 meaningful meanderings:

Kristina P. said...

I never watched the original Nikita, but I recorded the new one, and I am really liking it. Maggie Q is one cool chick.

Sorry about the relatives. That's rather crazy.

Amander said...

Sounds like you might need a new psychiatrist - someone who you feel connected to and who listens to you.

And that's too bad about the relatives!

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