Review of 100 Prayers God Loves to Hear, 100 Praise Songs By Stephen Elkins

Thanks to Booksneeze.com, I got to review a copy of Stephen Elkin's "100 Prayers God Loves to Hear, 100 Praise Songs".

This is a children's religious song book that includes 2 cd's with all the songs sung. Essentially each song is supposed to teach children how to pray about certain things. This is not your traditional christian song book though, it covers a great deal. You have prayers from Mother Theresa to Martin Luther, etc.

This is definitely for younger children, perfect for short attention spans. It has treasured older songs like Amazing Grace and newer songs I had never heard of before in my life.

I am not sure I would use it if I had children as I AM Christian, but it is a cute book and cd duo, very colorful and seems like kids should like it indeed.

(Thanks to Thomas Nelson Publishers for sending me a copy to review.)

Naive is Safer

Anyone heard of MSO Marketing? They want me to put up links for retailers and I was going to email them back and ask what was in this for me, but my sister made me think they were a scam so now I thought I would ask if other people had heard of them, their website looks legit....

Anyway I am not really up to talking. I didn't think things could feel any worse, or get any darker. Then life throws something at you that makes you feel like someone took a bat to your knees and makes you feel like you could throw up from all the myriad of emotions you are feeling.

I know I AM naive, because I will never understand the How's and Why's. It's like they are beyond me. I don't think I want to either. I'd rather stay curled up in my Naive Blanket, thinking good wins out over evil...even if I am fooling myself, it makes me feel safer.

Hodge Podge

Well, first, thanks for those who took the time to comment on yesterdays post. I am in a really dark place and your comments bring some light to the blackness. For my newer readers, yes I have depression, a few anxiety disorders, OCD and BiPolar Type II. (Oh and I am a Diabetic, have migraines, scholiosis, arthritis, a fast heart rate, an extra heart beat, etc...lol) I take Celexa, Xanax and just started Topamax and Lithium. I also take a heart medication and Ambien to sleep otherwise I would never fall asleep, I am just so anxious all the time. So yeah I am definitely not in a hill right now, I am in a valley, a deep scary one that cuts at my hands when I try to crawl out. What? I fancy myself a writer sometimes, I like to get descriptive.

Okay, onto something else. I caught up on all the episodes of LA Ink. Man I LOVE Kat!

I also love Dan, he is super cool and supportive, which is exactly what she needs, which she has in Adrienne too. Corey though...I don't know. He was a real jerk to her, and he could have handled things so much better. So you want to be closer to home, so TALK to Kat, don't alienate her and then quit on her like he did. Now he wants back like he didn't break her heart?! Pshhhh!! Make his WORK for it Kat Von D!!!

And I finally got to watch all the finale parts for SYTYCD! I am proud of my baby girl Lauren. I am. I got to the point like the judges, where I would have been happy if either 3 had won. But I am so sad for my baby boys Kent and Robert! They so deserved it too, and they must be just devestated. Happy as can be for Lauren, because those guys LOVED eachother, but still sad because they were SO close. And that makes me so sad for them!

They are going on tour at least, they are actually going to be at either the Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods Resort in September here in CT. I wish I had the money and the guts to go see them, that would be so amazing to get a chance to maybe meet them.

A few of the dances from Part 1 of the finale were just amazing also, so I had to post one with each finalist for you all to enjoy.

Kent Boyd & Allison Holker

Rickey.org Lauren Allison @ Yahoo! Video

Lauren Froderman & Robert Roldan (second and third finalists)

Rickey.org robert lauren @ Yahoo! Video

Depression Regression

I thought about not writing about how I was really feeling. That I could lose reader or followers, etc. And then my Mom told me if someone stopped reading me because I wrote about how I am feeling then they are not worth having as a reader. And I think she is right. Besides I made a vow to be honest on my blog, and how I am feeling is as honest as it can get.

I'm really not doing well at all. I know it is redundant, but I feel so lonely and alone. I have my family, of course. But I don't really have anyone else. My friend H is just not being there for me, no matter how much I tell her I need my friend right now. N lives in Mass. and we just never seem to connect when she is here, and W is a new Mom, so it's understandable that it is baby world 24/7. And I just have never felt too comfortable talking depression with the last two, they have never had it, and not like I do. So it can feel so awkward.

So it feels like I have no where to turn to, besides my Mom, lately. It gives me a feeling of such isolation, which terrifies me. I get this feeling where I feel like a camera is going around me in a 360 degree angle and I am alone, no one there to help me, and it panics me. What do I do if I lose it completely and there is no one there but me? I am NOT an optimistic person, I see myself withering up and disappearing. Or dying.
It's starting to feel like there is a distance growing between me and the things that make me feel secure. Like I am in the center and the things that have been known to help me: my Mom, Maxie, certain Imagery Scenarios, the Fam, music, etc. are all like 10 feet away from me in a circular pattern, so they are all at the same distance. They never were that far away before. And when I make a step towards one, they get further away, which only further frustrates me until I am running after them in tears....yeah.
Some of my family are saying they see good things from these new meds I am on. Which is nice...if true. I don't see it, and right now I don't care because I feel out of control, I feel like I am sitting in the dark, in a corner, trying to curl into as small a ball as possible. Because it hurts to be seen, because if someone can see me, then they can see my pain, and that thought it scary as all get out.

When I didn't know what depression was, I didn't understand what could be as big a deal as people sad. I got it was not good, because I saw it made my Mom and my little sister cry, a LOT, but I didn't get why. Then I was 18 and it slowly started invading me, and 14 years later, you would think I would understand it better, but I don't. I understand how it feels now, but I don't get it any better than I did before I ever had it. All I know is that it hurts, like a painful weapon, and I can cry like someone died, and sometimes I wonder if that is because someone has...me?

I am not even sure I know who Wendy M_____ would have been or turned out to be, if things had turned out a little different and I never got depressed. If I never got all the other disorders, and the OCD and then the BiPolar II. Who would I be?

Instead of this screwed up version of Wendy who cries all the time, can't hold a job because she is so messed up and can't even do the online schooling yet because she can't stop crying right now? I am just so unhappy and scared and tired of feeling like such a failure. Katie should get her test results tomorrow, Sam might have a job by tomorrow...my LITTLE sisters. And I have nothing, I do the groceries and run errands, ohhhhh. I am such a loser and such a failure, not what my parents deserved.