Tuesdays Scares

You all know how much I adore snow. Everything about it. When it started snowing early Tuesday, I was ecstatic! Around sunrise I opened the sliding door and just breathed in the scent and the chill curled around me, giving me goosebumps. I tried to catch a snowflake or two by leaning out the door, but I only had socks on so I could only lean so far. I even took some pictures of it snowing...I have no laptop myself still (The HARD drive is NOT HERE YET!!) so I can't upload them. I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke, it was still snowing and hard, I was smiling as I headed to my room.

When I awoke later it was STILL snowing. This was a shocker. During our "huge" storm we only got 5 inches maybe. Out of the supposed 12 to 16!! This was to be 1 to 3 inches and it was at least 5 inches already. I have however found the one thing I can put on the negative side of snow. Driving in the snow. We were going as a family to see Percy Jackson at 7:10 and I was worried. I also had planned on going to Blockbuster before we left to rent movies. Boring TV and all. So I called my Dad and he said we would still go see the movie. He said if I went out, as he was on the highway for over an hour now due to traffic and did not know how the side roads were, he would rather I take one of the Corolla's as they were best in the snow. And that is my Mom got home with one first, ask her how the roads were. So she got home shortly after, and said they roads were 'not too bad". So I was stoked, my OCD liked that things could go according to plan.

It wasn't even that cold out even though it was snowing, a sweater and my Tink jacket with a hat and scarf were perfect. So I set out to Blockbuster, which is normally 5 minutes away. As soon as I backed out of the driveway I could tell our neighborhood's roads were bad. I was sliding a little everywhere, but I figured West Street and those roads would be well plowed and salted, etc. I even got don the hill to West Street fine. The street wasn't so good though so I began to feel nervous and slowed down even more. I made sure to give even more extra space between cars and stop WAY before red lights. It was nerve-racking but I was like, get the movies, go home and Dad drives us to see the movie.

As I turned onto West Main Street, that was when I knew I was in trouble. I took my normal way I go to Blovkbuster, not bothering to THINK that it is a hill. So as I try and go up the small incline I am weaving to make it up, and the incline is very small here. It is the going down part that is the real HILL. At the top I suddenly lost control, and the car slid sideways, I was braking and hit a snow bank and was praying the car would stop as I got closer to a big oak tree. I was terrified of another head on collision. The snow stopped me and I could tell I didn't do any damage so I was scared, a LOT, but I kept going. I slowed even more so, worried the cars behind me, a truck, were pissed. But I was scared. I was almost down the hill, going maybe 10 mph, when the car slid sideways again toward a curb and cement bridge. I slid into it. I didn't move. The truck behind me went around me, didn't even stop. I was so shook up, the fear from the accident was like BACK full force. I pulled away, and heard some crunching but I was so close to Blockbuster, I needed to get there and out of this car. So I finally made it, feeling like I was going to throw up. I was shaking as I checked the car out, which seemed fine, so the crunching must have been snow and ice. I went inside to get the videos I went out in the snow for, I was so regretting having gone out. I could have waited, the snow was so hard still, it was over 7 inches by this point.

I went in and knew what I was going to do. I was like, I am going to be as slow as possible because I am terrified to drive home. No, it felt like it would be unfair to ask someone, who was at home snowblowing or shoveling, to come and GET me. So I took about an hour in the store, but still felt terrified. And then it was like 20 minutes until the movie so I called home. I got my Mom and told her they should go without me because I would not make it even to meet them and then I told her why I was taking so long. She told me Dad had already vetoes trying to go across town to see the movie and that I should have called if I was scared. She said to get in the checkout line and she'd call me back when someone was ready to get me. Katie called 3 minutes later and asked where I was and said she'd see me soon. I went out to the car and sat. I knew, if they were being safe, it would take awhile, but I was getting more and more anxious as time went by. My heart was bothering me BIG time, I just felt ill. The snow kept falling heavy. The other corolla finally got there and it was Katie and Mom and Dad. My Dad got in with me and drove with me to Bertucci's, so we could all (Sam stayed home) have dinner. The 4 of us had all had bad days, my Dad said, so we needed some good food, and Bertucci's is on one of the way home. So we sat and ate. I cried a little on my Mom's shoulder. Dad reminded me of his snow rules and added the one I wish I had thought of, when it snows take the wussiest way to get where you are going.

So I am still shook up and determined NOT to drive in the snow again! It was really difficult to realize I had a Sear's Optical appt. the next day, I was going to cancel it if my Dad said the driving was iffy. Luckily the roads were beautiful today for the most part or I would have gone hermit and stayed in. I am still so afraid to drive and Tuesday just reinforced those scared feelings. Yuck.

The Accident

So, I got enough energy after a 3 hour nap and a percocet, to write something for my blog. Yay. Hope it lasts long enough to finish the whole post. Puh-lease!

So, it was November 18th. I was really excited. It was my 4 year anniversary since the day I had my weight loss surgery. So we were going to eat at The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Plus the next day, I had the New Moon party at my friend Hannah's house, which I was excited/scared about. (we talk a lot through emails but the getting together thing was like, brand new for us). So I was getting pysched about everything. Only my Mom and Dad went with me to dinner. Katie was teaching and Sandy just didn't want to go out. So my parents and I drove to West Hartford where we actually have a CF.

So we went and Mom and I shared the Chicken Costelletta. I wish there was one closer because the I would TRY other chicken dishes which all sound yummy, but I KNOW I like this one dish so I always get it, all 3 times I have been there, lol. My Dad had their pot roast and we all got so full. So we ordered 3 pieces of the Fresh Strawberry cheesecake to go. As we left the restaurant, I took a picture of my parents and a pic of myself, because I was going to post a celebratory post on it. So this was us about 5 minutes before things went to Hades.What a difference 5 minutes can make...

We walked over to Whole Foods where we had parked, talking about how we were going to go home and eat cheesecake, and my Mom gave me a present, well a pick out a dvd series you want present, which made me smile.

We were headed home, Gabby our GPS was giving us directions. Mom let me sit in the fromt passenger as it was MY special day. We had a green light and so we were driving straight. We saw a really large black pick-up all of a sudden. It was turning left straight into our lane. I remember seeing the lights get closer and closer, unbelievably closer. The lights didn't slow down, and they didn't try to swerve. I remember screaming. According to my parents, I screamed "Oh NO!", all I remember is, I screamed. Then the next thing I remember is pain. I don't remember seeing the crash happen. All of a sudden I was in pain and looking at an airbag. The light inside the car was so strange, (Mom later said it was the trucks lights shining directly into our car, because it was that big of a truck) and it was smokey. I started to panic, I thought the car was on fire and that it could explode. I remember hearing my Dad yell, "Oh my God. Are you both okay?", but I don't remember answering. I remember hearing him scream out to the other car "What did you DO?!!". My mouth felt huge and hurt really bad and I was starting to freak out. Mom said to get out of the car and I felt confused, but I did it, and then I didn't see her, so I panicked. I helped her out of the car and that was when I lost it.

I started crying and hyperventilating. People were asking if I was okay, but my Mom had to speak for me, saying I was really shook up. I told her my mouth hurt but I couldn't tell if I was okay or not. We went to a corner to get out of the way, my head still buried in my mother's neck, crying. I am sorry if I seem like a baby. I have never been in a head on collision. I ws in accidents as a kid, my Dad was always being side-seiped, but I don't remember those accidents. And this was different. I SAW it happening, I knew it was not going to be okay. Anyway, I couldn't breathe it felt like, and things seemed so wrong somehow, and my mouth was burning and throbbing. Firemen were all of a sudden there asking questions and I had to answer this time. I told them what hurt but that I wasn't sure if that was it. I just couldn't tell, I was so scared. My Dad was calling the girls because his wallet must have fallen out when he got out of HIS car and went into the one, our new Honda Accord, we drove to CF in. I never even saw what the accident looked like. The fireman was asking me questions, birthdates and numbers and medical conditions. My Mom said yes, she wanted me to go in an ambulance. My mom seemed fine and my dad said he hot his head, but they were saying they were fine, but I wasn't sure. My body felt like it was at a distance from me.

So ambulance people were all of a sudden there, wrapping my neck in a brace. Then they were there with a backboard and made me lean back until they were carrying me, which was so scary. I couldn't see my parents anymore, so that was really scary. They asked me all these questions as they were strapping me down with endless straps. I tried to answer, but I was so scared and so cold and confused. They placed me on a gurney and strapped even more things over me. They all left me for a few minutes, and I was strapped down, cold and in pain, wondering where my Mom was. If the girls were there yet. They asked where they were supposed to be taking me and they said my parents had picked Hartford Hospital. We weren't in an area where we knew any of the hospitals, so they picked the closest one. Joe was my ambulance guy. He was in the back with me. By then more things were hurting that I could feel, so when Joe asked me to tell him everything that hurt, I was able to say: my chest, and it hurts to breathe. My knees. My mouth and nose. He looked at my knees and said he didn't see anything. He felt along my chest which made me really burst into ow's. I couldn't stop crying. I could finally hear my Mom up front but couldn't see her. We started moving which was scary and Joe kept asking more questions, feeling areas. I called out to make sure it WAS Mom's voice and it was. Joe was really nice, he kept trying to get me to breathe slower, telling me it wasn't going to help me any, but could he really blame me? I hurt and I was scared out of my mind.

We were in the ambulance for about 15 to 20 minutes and then they were carrying me out and we were in a bright place. A guy took off the brace and had me move my head around, which was uncomfoartable but apparently good to them. Because he was taking off all of it, the brace and all the straps. Which made the lady who drove the ambulance mad, because until I was admitted, it was law I stay strapped in apparently. They put many bracelets on my hand, and my Mom was finally there holding my hand. I was so cold. They unstrapped me and made me sit up, and that was when I realized my back was killing me too. They made me stand up and I felt so dizzy. I finally noticed my Dad sitting at a desk as he answered questions. He had been brought over by an ambulance too. And was admitted to the ER too. They told us to go sit in the waiting room, that we were going to be admitted to the "gold pod" and that it would get us in and out faster. I found it so weird as Mom and Joe walked me to the waiting area, that we were being placed IN a waiting area. We were in a head on collision, we didn't drive ourselves because we were hurt. So it just seemed weird. Joe sat with us and had us answer more questions. He continued to tell me to hold my breath and then breathe out slowly. I was breathing so fast still. We had to sign things. Dad joined us and had to sign lots too. My Mom was sitting funny and we were finally talking about the accident to each other. My Mom had been in the back, no seat belt. Luckily tonight she had been sitting directly behind me and not in the middle. She had used her arms to brace herself, but had jerked around too. She was finally feeling really achy and in pain, but she wouldn't let herself be admitted. She said it was to be expected, your muscles bunch up when you see you are going to be hit and then the accident even braced, plus she says when you are hit muscles move and clench so she said NO.

Joe left finally, which was a little scary for me, he was the one medical person who seemed nice and was paying attention to us. When I told him the cheescakes were in the car he commiserated what a horrid shame that was. So he said goodbye and left. We sat there, huddled close. I couldn't stop crying. I was seeing it over and over in my head. And my Mom, is not as iron strong as I thought, she was working at being calm, really really working. I couldn't stop saying stuff like "why didn't he stop? He never even tried to move!" and stuff like that. I had felt my Dad try to swerve and felt out car's breaks try but there was no avoiding the accident, because the driver never slowed or tried to get out of the way. It was like he thought if he kept going, WE could make the accident not happen. My sisters arrived which made me bawl even more. I have no idea why. I hurt so much and there were my girls and I was scared, it was just all too much. My Dad was glad they were there for multiple reasons. He was worried that Gabby, the GPS would be stolen. Yes, seriously. He was waiting to be examined himself and he was worried about Gabby. That had me blubbering about the cheesecake and how it must look now. The MAIN reason I wanted to eat at CF. They were actually able to make me laugh for a second because I was crying about cheesecake too. So they left to go to the police station and get the report and see if the car place was still open so they could rescue Gabby at least.

We were waiting for almost 2 hours and then they finally had a room for Dad, and one for me, far from one another. Mom went with me. They gave me a gown and no one returned. Mom stayed with me. She told me my face looked really weird, not just my mouth anymore. When I finally needed to use a restroom I was aghast at the red patches all over my neck and lower face. Joe had wondered at one point how hard the airbag hit me and also commented that the smoke I saw was cornstarch which the airbags had in them. He said I might be allergic to it. Now I knew why. I shuffled carefully back to the room and waited with my Mom. She was really hurting now, leaning her face into my leg as we waited, with Glee on the TV, but I couldn't pay attention to that. Everything now hurt. I checked my knees out and figured Joe was right, they looked fine. But they hurt. And my back and neck and head were killing me. My chest was throbbing. And we just continued waiting. We watched the whoever they were, behind the desks, just chatting and looking up things on google!! We wondered WHO actually worked there besides the cute black guy who did admitting. My Mom went and checked on Dad, he too was still waiting. We waited more, an hour had gone by.

I got a text and my Mom got my phone out for me and it was from my Dad asking if I had seen a doctor yet. I was like, nope, what about you? He texted back, not one in sight, and then typed how now brown cow? Which made me laugh which hurt!! I talked with my Mom, now that tears were sporadic. I was so pissed that this happened. I was like, I am NOT missing Hannah's party tommorrow, NO, no way. My Mom was trying to calm me down, tell me I had to see! I hadn't even been checked out yet, but I was adamant. It didn't matter I was in agony, I did not want to miss this oppurtunity. I was supposed to go outside my comfort zone and really wanted to get a chance to be comfortable with Hannah, so we could be good friends. So I was now in pain AND pissed. So I texted Hannah, just as the doctor finally arrived, and told her I had been in a head on collision but was going to try my best not to let this guy ruin this for me. She was worried for me, but I had to stop now.

He felt along my chest and pressed so hard I wanted to bawl again. He had me get up and felt along my spine and hit some areas that made me cry out. He checked out my face. He told me I was going to be in a lot of pain, especially in the next 3 days. He told me I was going to have to ice my sore areas a lot. He prescribed me percocet and skelaxin, a muscle relaxer. He told me a surce would bring me some percocet and that I was free to go. Except no nurse showed up so I had to wait. Mom went to Dad, as he was next up and he got the same RX's as me. Finally a nurse brought me a pill and we could go, even as we tried to talk my Mom into getting checked out. NO. So we got into the car, which scared me and I shuddered the whole way home. Sure it was cold, but being in a car, scared the crap out of me. We got home and my parents made me take a bath after I took the skelaxin too. As I lay there I felt vindicated as brusies started forming on my knees. I KNEW it!

Of course they didn't immediately look like this, this is how they started looking about 3 days after the accident. How they still look. Yeah, if they LOOK painful, yes they are that much MORE painful in actuality. And as the days passed more bruised popped up, like my pictures from the other day:

This is the left inner side of my left boob/chest. It feels this painful on both sides, but this was the side that bruised. I think having large chest's is the only reason my rib cage doesn't LOOK like this. They got in the way, essentially. I think if they didn't my chest/rib area would hurt even more than it does now. I thought at one point that I was getting better, which yes actually worried me, because I am so not over this. It plays over and over in my head, making my cry. I haven't driven myself anywhere since, being IN a car makes me anxious. I should have not said I was worried because tonight, Thanksgiving night, I feel as badly as I did the first few days. Driving up to my Aunt's for Turkey Day, might have been a mistake.

My Dad didn't hurt at first, he was all I am good the next day, and went to the police and Gabby was safe indeed. He also took pics of our car so I could see. The other car has a flat tire...yeah, and might need transmission work...aww poor baby, our new 2 year old car is dead!! But within another day or so, Dad began to feel the pain and still hurts a lot. My Mom didn't go to work the next day, or the next, she was in agony too. Finally on Sunday the 22nd, Sam took her to the ER where she got to spend 6 hours, and she got pain meds and was told she'd bruised her ribs really good and wasn't to return to work until the 27th, Friday. She says we are crash buddies. I love my Mom. So yeah the pain has been back in full force the last 2 days actually. Trying to take a bath last night was actually painful, nothing was comfortable. Tonight it is really bad. Oh and let me tell you something I found out. Hiccups following a car accident are agony. They have made it so bad a few times, I cried. So I have been doing a LOT of sleeping. Even when it has been 14 hours since I took a pain pill, I fall asleep so easily no matter how hard I try not to. My Mom tells me not to fight it. My bosy needs it or something to recover from the trauma. So yeah, I have not been up to much, but emailing my friend Hannah and a quick hello post, and that kind of thing. Even if I get more than this typed up tonight, I have no idea how I will feel tommorrow, so I will see how it goes.

And you may ask, did you go to the New Moon party and if you did, HOW did you do it? Yes I did go, I am that stubborn. And percocet and 4 bottles of 5-hour Energy people. And I do not regret going either. That is another post though.

Like I said toward the beginning. What a difference 5 minutes can make. Finally yesterday the blame was put on this 17 year old driver. He claims he didn't see us. But I find that hard to believe and he had a yellow light he decided to try and beat. I want to sue him and his family. I don't care if it was him driving. What was a 17 year old doing in that huge truck if he isn't even a good driver?! We have to replace a car and they do not give you all the money to replace a car, so I want us to sue. We are all still in pain, my Mom missed a week of work, and she is going to try to go in tommorrow, but she is in such pain still. I want him to pay. There are consequences for what he did and I want him to learn them.

Scaredy Pants

I really hate when I have Obsessive-Compulsive episodes that cause me so much stress. These cooler days, and the fact that I was already close to anxiety overload, got the ide in my mind to get my winter clothes out of the attic. I decided to bring a clothes basket up with me so I didn't have to bring down the plastic bins. I didn't think I had that much cold weather stuff, besides my pajama bottom obsession. Yeah, I was wrong. The amount of clothes piled above the top of the basket was more than another basketful. And I was in the attic. As I have mentioned, I HATE our attic. It scares the crap out of me. I feel like I am going to fall or go through the floor, etc. It panics me being up there. So when I got to the point of that much clothes, and no way down with THAT basket of clothes, I started panicking, and when it felt like Sam wasn't willing to help me out, I started crying. Sitting up there in the scary attic, near the ladder.

Eventually Sam got me down and she went up and passed me down clothes until it was just a basketful of clothes, and then she brought that down. So I was putting clothes where they belong and then it was time for what I was scared of. Trying on my jeans. I was wearing a pair of my favorites that I had kept out and they were not comfy. Everything but where it was buttoned felt good, but buttoned, it did not feel great. I know that after jeans are washed, it can take at least an hour for them to feel comfy but these were not. And this of course freaked me out, and I tried on all my jeans and I fit into them, but they feel tight at the stomach. Now, I have been working out for almost 6 months, so this is freaking me out! I did not go through the pain of that surgery to ever go back to what I was. My Mom says maybe the working out has repositioned my weight, Sandy says maybe I have built muscles in my stomach, whatever it is, it is scaring the holy heck out of me, and has obliterated my self-esteem. We are getting one of those jeans stretchers that stretches the waistband before you put them on, and I hope that works, because I bought so many jeans in this size and I have NO money, and they fit everywhere perfect, they just feel tight when I button them. Not even zipper them, just button them.

I am scared that this is just a way I am deluding myself into thinking (hopefully) I can still fit in my jeans. Part of me tries to justify it, by saying, jeans shrink in the wash and you always have to give them time to strecth when you first put them on anyway. So this is just stretching them before I put them on. But again, I am afraid I am deluding myself. Which also scares the crap out of me. But I have been working out for 5 months, and before I did nothing, so what am I supposed to think? This is just NOT what I needed, when I am feeling overwhelmed over health questions, and just the anxiety I can't get rid of. So I probably shouldn't even be writing about this, as I am supposed to be "not thinking period", but you know me. I write about what is going on, and I try and be always honest. These jeans fit when it was still cold in March. So HOW, 7 motnhs later, with me woking out for 5 of them, can they feel tight? Is it true and I am bigger? Is my Mom right? Is Sam? Is it just the way of jeans? I am terrified. I hate working out, it has been stressing me out for awhile. Is it doing nothing? Is it making me gain muscle weight?

I am feeling really vulnerable and scared and I guess I want to know what you think, and your thoughts and experiences on jeans. I am sorry this is such a down post, but it is what I am feeling right now, and that is what I try to do. I am so scared.

H Family Visit

Tonight we had some company, unexpected but very welcome. The Bishop and his wife, otherwise known as Jorge and Ja-hoodie (by me), came over for visiting teaching and dinner. As I have mentioned, our families are BFF's, so they are like family, no they ARE family. Ja-hoodie (juh-who-dee) has been a second mom to me on occasions, holding me while I cry, etc. So I love them a lot and they hadn't been over in forever, so it was so good to see them. And Ja-hoodie/Sister H. is hysterical, so I had some much needed laughter. I tell you it is a family trait, they are all just so funny, constantly cracking you up and are just fun, wonderful people. We got to talk about new family members, Sister H is a Grandma again, Gretchen was born about 2 weeks ago to her third child. That would be Matt, who is like a big brother, since I have known hime, since I was about 2. I have known Jorge and Ja-hoodie and their 6 children all Katie's life, so that would be almost 29 years. So Milla, Seth and Matt were like older sibling, Naomi was my BFF, and Weezie and Alex were like my little sister and brother. Now Naomi and Weezie are two of my BFF's, I'd love to be more of a friend with Milla and Sister H/Jahoodie is a close friend too. The kind you can always count on to make you feel welcome and loved and such.

We had a delicious homemade chicken dinner, thanks to my Mom. As we sat around the table, many fun stories were told, and I really got to laugh a lot. It felt so good. I know I am not laughing enough. You know it, when you realize you have not been doing enough of it in a long time. And when Ja-hoodie asked me how I'd been doing, part of me wanted to grab her and my Mom, drag them off to a different room, so I could tell her all about this whole relative situation and how it has been making me so upset and depressed, which has triggered other things I have been worrying about, so I sometimes make myself sick. Just so she really knew how I was doing. It felt like me going "eehhh" was a lie, because I am not even "eeehh", I am bad and I know it and am just trying to take it day by day. So I wish that was what I could have done. But Dad and Jorge and Kate and Sam were all in the room, so I didn't feel comfortable with that. And I got shy a little, because we haven't seen much of them lately. Yes, we just saw them for Lash's shower and Lash and Al's wedding, but it was a wedding that they were the family of, you don't get to sit and talk, and definitely not talk serious stuff. Wow sorry, let's get off that subject line.

We then decided to eat the free frozen cake/ice cream cake, I got from Schwann's, through Lee mentioning on her blog, that she got free ice cream. I should have just gone with sherbert like she did, because though Bishop and Sister H, loved it, none of my family did. And my Mom was so excited because she hates plain ice cream cakes and wished for one that was half cake, so that was why I picked that, and it was pretty gross I have to say. Nothing redeeming about it at all. I so wish I had stuck with sherbert or a pizza or something, because it was a big disappointment! I got my computer out and we looked at pics of the new families, including the sonogram of Weezie's, where it is a 3-D image but the baby is only 14 ounces and it looks kind of like melted wax. A little freaky I have to say, but that technology is amazing!! And Sister H recieved a few sample pictures from Al and Lash's wedding photographer, so we got to see those. Lovely! We were laughing a lot, but once it was 9:30pm Jahoodie told Jorge (okayhis name IS George but I call him Jorge) they better go, it was past his down time, and hers.

We so have slacked off, both our families, on getting together. And I so want to remedy that. I want us to have dinner together once a month for sure, and that doesn't include like if we went to the movies or had lunch or the parents went to dinner with them and their other best friends, the F's. Us and them, at one of our houses, at least once a month. We all say how much we miss talking, so that is what we should do! I am already feeling quite shaken because it sounds like Weezie is going to move away, and I always thought she'd stick close to home. And losing her is very upsetting. Now I am freaking that the parents will move away too, yes I am a perpetual professional worrier and I can make a mountain out of the teeniest molehill. Yup.

Anyway, I am watching Gossip Girl. Already on Season 2, disc 3. It is about to get really good, as Chuck's dad bites the bullet soon, so his slimeball Uncle takes over Bass. LOL! I love this show, such DRAMA!!

Bra Beefs and Bugs

Yeah okay, so any male followers may want to skip this post because I am talking about some personal beefs I am having with Bras. It just struck me tonight that I am so sick of them...alas not wearing one is SO not an option. I happen to have inherited my Grandmother's chest, so I have had to deal with a big chest most of my life. Seriously I had a real bra in third grade, it was not some cutesie training bra, it was the real thing, so I have spent a LONG time trying to find a bra that works for me. Playtex, the 18 Hour bra, everything. And no I cannot afford to have specially made ones like a relative does, that work great, but knowing bras, it is probably an underwire.

I LOATHE underwires, I feel like they are a corset around the chest and are seriously uncomfortable. I get that they are supposed to be superior in keeping "the girls" up where they should be, but I am not one who is into torturing myself. I say it is bad enough that we women have to deal with them everyday, but do we really have to experience torture just to keep them encased and NOT at our knees?! And I am not even someone who cares WHAT my bras look like. I don't need frills and crap, I just want to be comfortable and not feel like a 90 year old woman. I get mine from Cacique which is a sister store of Lane Bryant. And I love when I buy a new bra, the first few times you wear them, it is like Hallelujah, they are right where they are supposed to be!! Then something happens and every time you have to tighten those arm straps more and more to keep the ladies from sitting at your waist, until you can't tighten it anymore. And since I don't use underwires...which means I don't know if bigger chested women who do have this problem...I have to "adjust" all the time. They gravitate towards eachother and are like a butt...on your chest. So gotta go excuse yourself and pry them apart. So embarassing. And yet I typed it...oh geez I am being too free today, huh?!

And I do not want to be one of the bullet bra ladies. You know the ones, they look like they are wearing bras from the 1950's, they come to a point, so look out or you may get killed. Seriously look at the pic below, those are scary!!

Queen Latifah had a line for like 5 minutes at Walmart but sadly I have not seen it since that one time. Now that woman has chest's so I was hopeful but they take it away like that! Grrr. LOL! Hopefully this post has been making you laugh, it is really the reason I decided to air my grievances put LOUD. LoL!!

I also realized something about bugs last night. I was innocently walking back to the TV room last night and froze as I saw one of those ginormous mosquito things, and this one was like WAY bigger than the size of a daddy long leg. Not only am I TERRIFIED of bugs (I am also Arachnaphobic to the nth degree), but that is not the whole story. Even after I used a fly swatter to kill it (die die die!!), the fear was still there for hours! I realized that they also make me feel unsafe. It's like your house is supposed to be your haven from what scares you, and this horrid little disgusting beast invaded your safe zone and marked it's territory. Like a dog! For hours I was slapping at areas I felt things crawling on, and itching at places I thought I had been bit (yes I know those aren't the kind of mosquitos that suck your blood...don't care!), it was a nightmare! Man I hate bugs soooooo much! I don't find them neccessary ONE BIT!! I don't wanna hear about the circle of life either, God could have invented something else for bug eaters to eat. I am serious. Loathsome creepy crawlers!! Did anyone see I'm A Celebrity Tuesday night? I could so NOT have gone in that room. I am shuddering just thinking about it!!

So that is what is irking me today. Okay not all tht is irking me today. It has been a sucky day. One of those days where little things just start adding up until you feel immensely overwhelmed, know what I mean? Just like one tiny thing too many. So thank you sister for leaving the car so empty the gas light was on and I had to stand in the rain and fill it. Thanks Target AND Walmart for having only 3 cashiers open on a day where both stores were crazy busy. You get my drift. Just one thing too many. I did get bad toxins out, Sam and I did the Walk Away the Pounds Mile with Kick-Boxing. That one is so hard and so tiring, I was soaked in sweat when we finished. My hair was soaked, I was a mess. Sandy was all "dontcha feel great now"...chipper people can get on my nerves, lol. Especially since NO, I dod not think I feel good sweating. After a shower, maybe I feel that good feeling, but standing there slick as a greased pig? Uhmmm....NO. :)

Urban Legends...they are SO real!

"One night a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on — the car was going to pass — when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed. Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her. Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically. Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her — and he screamed, "Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!" When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down.

The moral of the story: Always check the back seat!*"

*In another common variant of this legend, the imperiled female (and it's always a female, please note) pulls into a gas station and is frightened by the odd behavior of the attendant, who keeps trying to get her to leave the car and join him in the office. It turns out he has glimpsed a knife-wielding murderer in the backseat and is trying to save her life!*

Urban Legends are so cool, and as it is almost Halloween, I thought it was the perfect time to visit upon them. The story you read above is one that freaks me out the most, and makes me check the backseat whenever I am reminded of it!! I find Urban Legends so fascinating!

Like the one where it says you should NEVER flash your lights at anyone, because it is a gang initiation and they will turn around and go after anyone who flashes their lights...cool right?! And the origin is interesting too.

Some believe it was inspired by the story of a Stockton, California school secretary named Kelly Freed, who was a passenger in a car whose driver signaled at a car full of teenagers to inform them that their headlights were off. Mistaking the hand signal as an insult, one of the teens fired a gun at the car and Freed was killed. Police determined none of the teens were gang members, nor was the incident connected with a gang initiation. Because of this urban legend that most say has NO origin to be based after, many law enforcement agencies, DO, however, tell people Not to flash their lights, as a precautionary measure...ooooohhhhhoooohhhhh!

I admit I hadn't heard of the "Aren't You Glad You Didn't Turn on the Light?" legend until the movie Urban Legends, and it has bothered me SINCE! I mean stuff like this could happen! I know it's a warning to adolescents, but it is not like this could NOT happen. In college, people probably go back to a darkened dorm room and don't want to wake their roommates so they go straight to bed...if I had been a regular college girl...I SO would have needed to put on A light...to make sure I was safe and so was my roomie!! And NO, I would never leave my dorm room UNLOCKED, at ANY time. That is actually a huge thing colleges are trying to get across to students, Lock your rooms. For Many reasons! *shudders* And this one is basically an inspiration for "Humans Can Lick Too"...people make SURE it is your dog licking your hand, that's all I gotta say!

And let's take a look at the "Buried Alive" legend. Yes maybe it is quite unlikely that a person not really dead would be buried alive, screaming to be let out as they claw at the roof of their coffin. But I took the Psychology of Death & Dying, and this was a common fear back in the 19th Century, and was plausible. That was why people were often buried with a string attached to their finger, which led to a bell above ground. This way, if they ended up not being dead, they could ring a bell, and the Father at that cemetery could run out and save them. I found that fascinating!! And with all the weird shows I watch where someone uses a drug that fakes out even M.E.'s, it makes me want the BELL, when I die. Seriously I have seen it on CSI, NCIS, etc. It was even a Stephen King short story...ewww that one was freaky...FEELING your own autopsy...as I recall you probably DON'T want to know how they figured out he was alive...I think King ewwwwed me out.

I actually like the lessons most of these urban legends teach. Make sure your room or car is secure. Don't be out partying late or.....else. Don't pick up hitchhikers, don't take things from strangers. Let's face it, these are the folk tales of OUR generation. Yeah they are scary, but they DO teach us! A big lesson I think all the "man with the hook" and it's variants were supposed to teach? Don't go parking, LOL! And yes, Urban Legends are NOT just about the scary, there are ones about politicians, food, everything...but the scary ones are the most fun!! Go on, there are some great sites out there...even about.com has plenty!

I shall leave you with one more I just found...THIS is another reason for me to FEAR clowns!!

The Clown Statue as read on About.Com

"So-and-so’s friend, a girl in her teens, is babysitting for a family in Newport Beach, Ca. The family is wealthy and has a very large house -- you know the sort, with a ridiculous amount of rooms; I mean, come on, if a house is big enough to have "wings," then you know the house is larger than it probably needs to be.

Anyways, the parents are going out for a late dinner/movie. The father tells the babysitter that once the children are in bed she should go into this specific room (he doesn’t really want her wandering around the house) and watch TV there.

The parents take off and soon she gets the kids into bed and goes to the room to watch TV. She tries watching TV, but she is disturbed by a clown statue in the corner of the room. She tries to ignore it for as long as possible, but it starts freaking her out so much that she can’t handle it.

She resorts to calling the father and asks, "Hey, the kids are in bed, but is it okay if I switch rooms? This clown statue is really creeping me out."

The father says seriously, "Get the kids, go next door and call 911."

She asks, "What’s going on?"

He responds, "Just go next door and once you call the police, call me back."

She gets the kids, goes next door, and calls the police. When the police are on the way, she calls the father back and asks, "So, really, what’s going on?"

He responds, "We don’t HAVE a clown statue." He then further explains that the children have been complaining about a clown watching them as they sleep. He and his wife had just blown it off, assuming that they were having nightmares.

The police arrive and apprehend the "clown," who turns out to be a midget. A midget clown! I guess he was some homeless person dressed as a clown, who somehow got into the house and had been living there for several weeks. He would come into the kids’ rooms at nights and watch them while they slept. As the house was so large, he was able to avoid detection, surviving off their food, etc. He had been in the TV room right before the babysitter came in there. When she entered he didn't have enough time to hide, so he just froze in place and pretended to be a statue."

Happy Halloween!! Bwahahahaha!