Short Yo!

So we got more cookies baked and iced, the cold horses ovaries (LOL) set for cutting up or what not before our feast tommorrow. Yeah I am not a bar person, hello Mormon here. And I loathe clubs...as many have read from that club experience with Katie and Gina, I get all panicky and have anxiety attacks, too loud, too many people, get all claustrophobic. Yuck!

So I stay home, yes I am boring sue me, and do what we have done since I can remember. We make a feast of foods, and have a movie marathon. If Mom and Dad make it to midnight, we are lucky. They both have Thursday off so NO EXCUSES!

I got stuff for a cheese + pepperoni tray, veggie tray, our special ham or turkey pickle things, a bread bowl with dill dip I make. Plus some frozen food we heat up and a shrimp ring (YUCK) and Sparkling Cider for midnight. And PB Kiss cookies and sugar cookies for dessert, all freahly baked last night! MMMM!

On a side note, I was really hoping I would start the New Year, back to my normal depressed self, the kind I am used to and can live with. Things are not going to happen that way, but I try and listen to what my parents say, one step at a time. And I am trying.

So what are your New Years Eve plans? Are you a partier or a stay at homer? We don't even have events at church anymore, so no I am not skipping a church gathering....Mormons! Well, CT Mormons...well New Haven Stake Mormons!!! Bah!!

Dang It All!!

So Sam went down to Game Crazy at Hollywood Video, and nope, they do NOT rent games, how lame!! So to try out the system with a game she recognized, she had to shell out $37 for Super Marios. Super MArio should NOT be that much, it has been a game FOREVER!! Anyway, she played did, and was all, "I don't Know what to do..." *insert whine here*!!

Obviously since they were not for rent, she did not get a cooking game or a Nancy Drew for me to try. And while I was out grocery shopping...she returned it...I am SAD! I didn't even get to say goodbye. To check my Brain Age today! Target took the system and the 2 Brain Age games back since she only had them for 48 hours. Game Crazy though? Even though she had the game for only a few hours they only gave her $12 for it!!! Store Policy according to them! Idiots!! And unfortunatley she did NOT think of selling it on Ebay or Amazon at the time. She was just wanting any money she could get. That sucks! She spent $25 today on basically...nothing! It is sad, I really do miss it. Could I afford to buy the system myself? Yeah, and if buying the system was it, I would do it right NOW. But spending 30 to 40 bucks a pop on games, ONE game?! Uh, NO! If that makes me cheap, so be it! And most of these games you have never played, so if you HATE one, you can't get your money back!! That sucks. And I get tired of a game once I have won it. Hot Dish, I bought it, and never play it since I won the whole game. Sure, stuff like Brain Age trains your brain every day, but most are just plain games, object of the game? Win.

I am bummed though. Since we have never HAD a game system (brother Mike bought 2 while living at home, returned them within 2 days...and he lives in Minensota now so we have never played his XBOX), it was cool, such new thing, and I loved the stylus pen, how I wrote the answers and it took them, how it had a microphone and listened to if I got other things right, out loud. I miss that tiny black rectangle...I will try to cheer myself a bit with the thought that spending $40 on one game, can get me Heroes Season 3 next year. But I am still sighing, THIS is why I should never have touched it. I am SUCH as addict to things...good thing I have never smoked, had alcohol or hard drugs...man!

56 to 41!!

Nothing exciting today, it was Sunday after all. I DO have my very own copy of Eagle Eye, which I could KISS...but I will refrain from doing so. Just for all of you guys! Yeah...that's the reason. LOL.

Sandy DID surprise me though. I walked into her room to talk to her, and I saw a small black device that was very foreign to me. I didn't pick it up or anything, but I was like "whhaaaaa?" and I was like, to myself, Is THAT a game thingy? And I went and found her, Dad was on the computer and I was like "Hey what's going on?". NOTHING, Sam said. I tried to figure out what my Dad was looking up on the computer and Sandy was all "Stop it!", and my Dad was like "oh just tell her". Apparently, I have no idea WHEN, Sam went out and bought herself a Nintendo DS and the 2 Brain games she has seen Liv Tyler playing on the TV. She can't decide if she wants to keep it though. She tried the first game, found it ehhhh okay, and apparently games are pricey. What, I have never HAD a real game system or anything so whatever, I have no clue! And I am not sorry I have no idea because think of all the money I save NOT getting obsessed with machines that are tiny or in high tech looking boxes.

So later she asked me if I would go to Game Crazy at Hollywood video and see if they rented DS games. Well I have way too much grovery shopping to do so I said I couldn't but did look online. I found they DO have DS games, I told her I have no idea if for sale or rent. She just wants to rent one or two and see if the DS is worth it or if she will rarely use it and regret how ever much it cost her. She will NOT tell me the cost. How rude! So she is going down there tommorrow to see. I asked if she was gonna let US play it and she was like "NO! Then you might get attached and I might send it back", but when she realized I wanted to try out the Brain Age game and was like sure and showed me that you have a stylus pen and there is a microphone and what not. So I played it. It was cool, while there was new challenges, but IT deciding that you only get to test your Brain Age once? Lame! And IT deciding WHEN it will unlock more challenges? HOW RUDE! I wanted to try them out tonight, BEFORE she returns it! And so I would KNOW for my post the name of the game I tried I saw...there are NANCY DREW games I have never played! I know I am such a geek, but I have BOUGHT the PC ones, then sell them on E-Bay (what? who needs to sove a mystery a SECOND time?! When the outcome is the same? pshhhh NO!). Anyway, they have ones I have never played! Man, maybe she can be convinced to rent one and I can solve it and see, she will not have to worry that I will want her to KEEP it, once I solve it...or them, I saw at least 2, I am OVER them!! And there was one that looked like this game Hot Dish, where you like chop and cut and bake stuff, i found it cute, so I have the first one on my PC, but I LOVE cooking games that make you FEEL like you are cooking! Hmmm, please Brain of Mine, do NOT get attached, we are SO not buying it off her! So THERE! Oh and the first time I took it my Brain Age was 56, but I erased my profile and did it again, 41 baby in like an hour! Sure 20 is the target but HEY, it IS an improvement!

Nothing Much, But Here...

Okay nothing super exciting on THIS homefront, it was a lazy, kinda boring Saturday. Returned videos, ate left-over soup (mmmm), and then Sandy had picked up a copy for herself of "The House Bunny". She wanted my Mom to watch it, so we were watching it, and first, I realized it was funnier the first time, so I was glad that I did NOT put it on my Christmas list and 52 minutes in my Mom finally got the guts and walked out, she HATED it. LOL!

Sandy was a bit pouty, but I said to her " what's the most important thing?" and she responded "that I like it", but a bit begrudgingly. I finished it with her, glad it is over, I don't think I need to see it again for AWHILE. I am on the last episode of Season 1 of Lost, just need to watch the next 3 and I will be SOOOO caught up for it's 2009 premiere!! Woot! LOVE Lost!

I can't believe New Years is only a few days away, eerie!! I am finally used to writing 2008 on everything, and NOW it changes again!!

Eagle Eye was for rent today, but NOT for sale until tommorrow!! Don't hate people, but I AM picking up a copy on the Sabbath. I had vowed on the day I SAW it, I would own it the DAY it was released, and it is NOT my fault they post-poned it by ONE day! I NEED it!!

And guess what?! I slept for the first time, like a real sleep, in almost a week!! It was NICE. I can only hope it happens again. Others apparently have experienced the inability to sleep when going through a bad time with depression, so I can only hope this too shall pass. Please PLEASE pass, all of it! I would SO much rather be what is OKAY for me, than this! I seriosuly wish I could pop my brain out and slap it around a little, maybe give it a Gibb's slap upside the brain! Yeah sounds good...I think I would be dead taking my brain out, but doesn't it describe it good, visually? Well, I think so!

Man I have to go not just regular grocery shopping on Monday, but shop for New Years Eve feast food too, PLEASE everyone else be done already or go TUESDAY!!

And here is a funny AND clean Carlos Mencia video to chuckle at:

Mind of Mencia - White People Camping - watch more funny videos

Christmas Days

Christmas Eve was so nice, we baked Snickerdoodles, and I made the dough for more sugar cookies (they were gone in like 4 days! Someone even ate my special cookie!). We prepped stuff for the homemade chicken soup we were having on Christmas, and made the Egg sandwiches, so all we had to do Christmas morning is stick them in the oven for a half hour.

Next we gathered and did Secret Santa and Gifts from the Heart. We did S.S. first. Katie had me and got me some make-up (I loved the lip stuff, but finally had to tell her I was worried I would never wear the eye shadows, they were so dark and dramatic...perfect for a bellydancer and yes she decided she wanted them!lol) and I had Mike so I couldn't be there to see if he liked the Utes hat. Then G.F.T.H., and Katie went first. It was one envelope so we all waited while Dad read it aloud. She wants to pay for tickets to do the Pirate and Princess party at Magic Kingdom in Florida again, or if they don't do it, tickets for a new adventure...whoa...generous but poor Kat needs all the money she can get, but NO ONE tells Katie what to do, so Thanks Kate!! Then my Dad went. There was a special letter for each of us, too private to put here sorry. And various objects, like:
A compass to help us find our ways. A lantern so we are never left in the dark, and a lock, so we are always protected. Plus a something sweet and a movie to entertain, but the first three were so nice and cute!
Mom went next. She made us all framed pics with Christmas themes. She wants to hang them up every year, as a new tradition! So sweet! We need picture hangers, that is why they are on the floor!
Sam had done framed pictures too, but very differently. Tiny frames to keep out when the pictures go back up on our picture shelves. Pictures of US, the family.
This is a pic of the ones of me and Kat. That is my current fave pic of Katie, I took it on her birthday!!
Then it was my turn, I had butterflies. The cookbooks had arrives wrapped, totally unexpected, so I never got to see them until they unwrapped them. They were seriously, they were stunned. They loved them. 50 of our favorite family recipes, each recipe has a picture I uploaded and a quote about families, I found some good ones. They were beautiful. I was able to write a dedication page too, and it was ME who got all teary-eyed while Mom read it out loud. They look so preofessional, I am so pleased!
They are bound just as professionally as the Betty Crocker ones! My Dad loves it so much, he wants to get one for my Aunt Maureen, and when he found out I didn't get myself one (why would I, it was for them? And they were not cheap!) he wants to get me one. He'd like to order one for Mike too, I am thinking about it.

Then we picked up pizza and ate and started watching the latest Indiana Jones movie. I have not been sleeping even more so, so 15 minutes in and I was finally unconscious! I was put to bed (LOL) and slept until midnight. Dang having to pee! From then on out, I was awake every 40 minutes or so, looking at the clock. Finally at 7 am I gave up. I went downstairs, glanced at the tree, yup Santa visited us, and proceeded to watch 3 1/2 episodes of Lost. My Mom showed up at 9:30, and then Sam 15 minutes later.

We put the egg-wiches in the oven and I cut up a half dozen oranges to go along with them, then we heated up breakfast for Maxie and took him for a drive...my Dad takes him every morning so since the ER, we take him when we can. We drove around for 15 minutes, so he could run around the car with his ball, and eat his chicken. He was so MORE into playing that morning. We got home and Dad and Kat, still asleep, so we just waited until 11, like we agreed (while I was sleep) before waking them with Max's sloppy help. Breakfast was ready so all we needed was people all to gather. That took 15 minutes but finally we prayed, or I did actually, and ate...mmmm so good! And it was something different from last year!
Then after everyone took "loo" breaks, and got situated we got down to "bidness"! Everyone was loving their gifts. Katie and I were really the only ones totally in the dark about what we got. The rest of them picked them out!! Except for a few surprises. I got this Fleur-de-Lis necklace I really wanted. I have been looking for one for years, but they were either way too expensive or ugly as sin, and then I stumbled on this one, and it is even prettier than I remember!
And does my family know me or what?! Look at my dvd stash! Plus a pre-ordered copy of Season 2 of Kyle XY!!And many cute things. And then there was a final present. My Dad was very anxious about it, Apparently it had been HIS idea, and he was very proud. Mom does most of the shopping with help from us daughters, so he was giddy. LOOK:
At first I was confused. I bought myself one, with my Dad's input this past summer. I record (onto rewritable dvd's) shows on it. That's when Dad explained. I record on mine, the main vcr and Sam's vcr when I can get her to let me. This way, I can record 2 shows at a time n my room! And when we are gone for 2 weeks in Florida, I won't miss any of my shows, he was proud to tell me. So sweet, and he was so proud and happy, that was what made me really smile. He was just so proud of himself. Many hugs were exchanged and we cleaned up. And sat for a little bit, me flanked by both my parents, they both get that I am doing badly, and even today, on Christmas, it was hard. So many hugs. And then we had to get ready for the 2:40 showing of our Christmas movie.

Which ended up being "Bedtime Stories"! It was so funny and so cute. So makes up (mostly) for that awful Zohan movie! And the kids on the movie were so cute, and Keri Russell was quite good as the girl who ended up being "the right one".And then there were cameos by some of Adam Sandler's people who always show up, like . It was just a really cute movie, don't listen to stupid critics who are prejudiced!

When we got home, my Dad went to rest his leg while we started the last stages of the soup, and made the rolls and biscuits. We ate together AT our dining room table, which is rare, but was so nice, and the soup was SO good! Then we decided to watch Wall-E, which both Sam and my Dad got as gifts. And what happened 15 minutes in...and I was gone. They decided to leave me on the couch to see if that helped and left the tv on as noise. I was in and out until midnight when I just woke up and was wide awake. Yup, I have no sleep lately! I watched 2 really good movies, Death Race (okay full of swears but Jason Statham was really good in it) and The Lazarus Project (with Paul Walker and it was twisty and turny, I liked it, and it was a direct to dvd movie, so I was very impressed!) and then like 4 episodes of Lost season 1. Finally I was so desperate I took an extra half an Ambien and was lethargic until Mom found me, dragged me to my room, and I FELL asleep, sure I only got about 6 hours, as we had plans but it was deep non-waking up sleep. Please PLEASE happen again! We had dinner at Outback tonight. They even had my fave soup today, the creamy potato, and Mom and I shared a filet mignon, the meal was heavenly. When we got home, we put the pellet stove on and watched a movie I had been dying for my parents to see, Tropic Thunder!! My sisters didn;t think it was THAT funny but it made me laugh so hard in the theatres I needed to pee...but waited!! And I was able to stay awake, YAY! My Dad hated it (boo) but my Mom thought it was funny too, so I was happy a little. Then I took a shower, watched some shows on TLC, and then went onto blogger to catch up with my friends, and now here I am, writing a post.
Tommorrow I will do the exciting task of going out to buy much needed T.P. and what not AND picking up Eagle Eye, yay I LOVED this movie and am very excited to own it!! Yay!

An Apology to W!

It has come to light that a comment I made awhile back on W's blog, was taken to heart. I had meant for it to be funny, a teasing remark, but it apparently was not seen as such by my dear friend, and I want her to know how sorry I am for that. I would never want to hurt your feelings, you are such a nice, wonderful person with a quirky sense of humor and an honesty I have always respected and enjoyed.

Your friendship has meant so much to me, and I had wondered where you went, why you seemed to drop from the blogging world. If I had an inkling that I hurt your feelings, even accidentally, I swear I would have talked to you immediately! I hate having my feelings hurt, so I try to not be the kind of person who does that. If I had any idea, I promise you I would have talked to you as soon as I knew, and made sure you understood what my intentions had been. They were NEVER meant to be hurtful, ever. I care too much about you, about your life with J, your life with school. I can't imagine having to deal with school, a husband and a house on my own that doesn't have people close by. I found you to be immensely brave, especially for your younger age, you stun me with your maturity and insight. I really love having you as a friend.

I am only writing this on here, as I don't think you want to read it in my email I sent you. And there have been others, offended for you by my remark, that I want to understand I NEVER wanted to hurt your feelings. That is not who I am, or who I ever want to be. I tried to be funny, or what I thought to be funny, while sleepy from JUST that one medication. I stand by the fact that my other medications do not have anything to do with what I write. So maybe I need to reread what I write while sleepy like that. I just wanted to make sure I left comments on everyone's posts, because I felt that my friends deserved the same from me. Especially W's, whose blog I have never missed, even if I get sick, I try to get online at least by day two, I don't want people to think I have forgotten them. Not when I had been met with such a warm welcome when I began just a short time ago.

So that is all I write. I never meant to hurt your feelings W. I would never want to do that. Everyone sticks their foot in their mouth unintentionally sometimes, and it looks like that happened with you and I am so sorry. Please know if I ever do that, you can talk to me if you question what I meant. Hurting my friends is not what I would ever want to do, because being hurt by friends, is so incredibly painful, I know.

Please talk to me W. I love you. I love J. I love pot.

Today was Crazy Weird

On to something to distract my upset thoughts. Today was a seemingly ordinary day. Went grocery shopping, got videos (only because they got out Friday and Sunday...weird!), ooh I rented The Women, Death Race and Mummy 3. Lemme know if anyone wants to know if they are any good. I saw the last Mummy and it wasn't bad. I just get thrown everytime nu-Evelyn is on screen instead of Rachel Weisz.
Anyway, Mom and Sam and I were eating dinner (mmm Sammich night) when my Dad called. He was at a basketball game. He said he had hurt himself bad, his leg was really hurting. He said he was on his way home and that his professional ref career was over. So we had to wait, very anxiously. He got stuck in traffic down the street and when he finally got home he was in agony. He could barley walk with Sam under his arm, and the sounds he made were heart wrenching. My Mom (the nurse) unwrapped his leg and Whoa, it was huge, his knee. My Dad HAS bad knees, he had double surgeries years ago. We knew he had to go to the ER, he was crying out in pain. He didn't want anyone to go with him, yes we ignored him. I called Katie in the car just so she would know and not worry if she got home to an empty house.

He got in quickly to a room and we waited with him, while he sat in a wheelchair. At one point he was wheeled off for x-rays. I got a text from Michael while we waited "Who is this?" it said. i was like "umm it's my phone so it is me Wendy!" and I get no answer. So I text him back "Hello? Did you need something? Did Kat tell you about Dad?" and I get no response.

My Dad is wheeled back and a doctor shows up. The X-ray showed no breaks, but only an MRI can show ligaments ans muscles, etc. He said he thought it could be a sprain, but if it still hurt in a week go get an MRI. He gave some pain meds, crutches and this big FAT long leg brace. Dad didn't want the crutches or brace. As we were getting ready to leave I get a text from Mike in ALL caps. DO NOT TEXT ME AGAIN. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME, CALL ME....say what? HE had been the one to text me!

I think Dad is now glad for the crutches and brace. He is still in agony just laying still, and he has sprained AND broken many a leg...arm...nose, and he is positive this is NOT a sprain. So we are going to begin the process of getting him an MRI in the morning.

Oh and I learned a great lesson for you all. Creative....Girl suggested I take Valerian root with my Ambien, so I thought drops would work faster and be easier. And yes they said I could take a eyedropper ful and put it under my tongue if I wanted. Well I smelled this stuff...yeah I mixed it with a shot full (Sam loves shot glasses okay! LOL) of apple juice but the smell was so overpowering so I did it realllllllllly fast...and nearly tossed my cookies. So I have the pills too, and they smell just as heinous but the taste should not make me gag...I hope. Ohhhh the horror.

Where IS everyone?

Is it JUST me, or does everyone seem to be gone from our bloggy world? So many of my friends I have made on here seem to have...PFOOF...disappeared! I am hoping it is because of the holidays and not because I am so depressing that I have alienated my bloggy BFF's.

I have tried to always be honest in my blogs and write what I feel as I feel it. When I feel funny I try to be humorous, and when I am down, I write that too. I only hope, my friends who read this, that I am not losing you by just being me.

It is Christmas in 4 days, holy crap. I know it will sound like an oxymoron, but December has gone by SO slow for me (stupid brain), yet at the same time SO fast. Hello, Christmas Eve is in 3 days!!I can only hope ( I swear I will hurt them) the fam loves their Gift From the Heart. It was so much typing and uploading...and expensive (oh how I want to veto G.F.T.H. for next year!!), that if someone looks at it like....ohhh umm cute, I will lunge at them and beat them with gleeful abandon. Oh yes I will. They will know the wrath that is Wendy.

I swear HALF the cookies are already gone! Someone even ate MY tree cookie. It turned out all freaky kinda like a Nightmare Before Christmas tree and I iced it with 4 different cookies and showed the whole FAMILY, and no it is GONE, and they all swear "oh it was NOT me"...except that is impossible, it HAD to be one of them. Last year I even made a cookie with a big "W" on it, I am the ONLY W in the house...yeah....my Dad ate it. Ohhhhh I thought it was an M...um Ken, you are not an M, and no it was not for our LAST name and you KNEW it!! Cookie thieves!!

I admit it, I am looking forward to presents, sue me. I really really want the dvd's that were on my list and I refrained from buying or renting this WHOLE time...and I am SO curious. yes curiousity killed the cat. But hopefully you all know the second part, they fail to tell you. Satifaction brought it BACK!!!

Here is a Bob Rivers Take on Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire...you must listen to the WHOLE thing, it is funny in a Twisted Christmas sort of way. No swears no worries!

Cookies and Snowstorms

So as much as I needed sleep, Sam woke me up at 4:30, after just a few bad hours of restless attempts at catch up sleep. I was glad though because my Mom actually HELPED bake this year. We worked on the sugar cookies first, as they have to cool enough to frost.

And as holiday music played, my Dad felt he was missing out on family time, so he worked on dinner while we baked so we were all together. Max, not willing to be left out, stayed in the kitchen with us. We set down a blanket, which he rarely stayed on, but he adorable as always.

While all of this was going on, a snowstorm raged on outside. We got at least 10 to 12 inches. I loved it, AND we had nowhere to be, so "Let it Snow"!!
Yup that is our deck...and YES Dad never brought the grill in and it will no doubt RUST to death. We are expecting another one starting in the morning...yeah just in time for church. So whether there is a Christmas Sunday Service remains to be seen.

Finally, sugar cookies were out of the oven, so I broke out my peanut butter dough and we rolled them into balls. Rolling them in Splenda turns out gross (last years discovery after 1 batch cooked) so we bake them plain....they are good this way!

And they started to be cranked out the lil gems of happy in my belly-ness!

4 cookie sheets later, they were all done so the icing for the sugar cookies began...and what colors we decided on this year!LOL!So SUCCESS!! We have Christmas cookies checked off!! And the books, my gifts from the heart, got in, YES, and I ordered Mike a Utes hat and it should be there by now...and knowing my pain of a brother he is, he ignored the note and opened it already anyway and has been wearing it around Hick-a-sota for the last week.Grrrrr. But yay cookies! And hopefully I will sleep tonight, here is to hoping!
Yes me in all my pale whiteness...bloody white.

Yeah...burnout

I finally drifted off to sleep in the very WEE hours of the morning...and woke up about 3 hours later. I wanted to scream! Nooooo! I needed sleep, especially TODAY! So I lay there in my bed, warm under my plethora of blankets, for THREE hours...and nothing. My mind woke me up, just thinking about the movie I watched last night (Mad Money and it was hilarious!) for some odd reason and once one thought wiggled in, my brain just started chatting non-stop. I started to cry, this was not what I needed today. What I could handle today.

I ended up going to lunch to Applebee's with Dad and Kat at noon. Wow...I HATE Applebee's. There is no longer ANYTHING (besides dessert) I wan to eat there. I tried something new, a soup and salad combo, and it was gross!! Yuck, I am trying to get Kat to buy the gift card I have from there, since she eats there all the time with friends, and I want the money to take my Mom to lunch and a movie soon. I thought Applebee's would be good...I was SO wrong!

Since it is in the same square, we dragged Dad into Lowe's to see if he could find anything ELSE for Christmas. We found about $5o worth of stuff, so we were happy-ER. He also mentioned that no one at work carried a briefcase anymore, they all used backpacks. Hmmm. So Kat and I dropped off Dad at home and went to Target. We got my Dad a backpack and bought stocking stuffers for him AND for Mom...yeah if we didn't DO the work, neither would get ANYTHING I think. So presents for Mom and Dad from Santa, ALL set. Soon the horrid wrapping will start, agghhhh! And let me tell you, with the nametags, I always sign different names, Santa, Frosty, Elves, etc to mix it up. Last year, EVERY present I got? Santa...yeah no one else can put in any real work or imagination!! Anyway, I wanted to buy some Valerian root like Creative Artist Genius Girl suggested, so I bought pills. But really wanted the drops you put under your tongue. Plus I was hoping for some drops to wake me up. Sometimes i will have slept like 10 hours and I go out, maybe to see a movie, and start to fall asleep, and can't stop it!! but I can't drink soda and you do NOT want to see me on No-DOZE!!! So Kat volunteered to stop at Whole Foods on her way home from class. Target has NO drops of anything. We had to hurry home because Mom got out of work early and wanted to see the movie early. I cried a bit, the day had been long and stressful so far.

I was able to guilt Sam, so my parents and the two of us, went and saw "The Day The Earth Stoos Still". I liked it. I DO think the original, as hokey as it is, had a more fleshed out storyline. Keanu's character just was like BAM okay I can see human love now...does not happen like that. Maybe if it had been a little longer they could have showed him processing this strange phenomena and it would have resonated more. But I thought it was good. Not GREAT, have to buy it the day it gets out (like EAGLE EYE, December 27th PEOPLE!!), but a good movie. And if you have never seen the original, might be even better than my meanderings. The original is a fave of my Mom's, so I have SEEN it, LOL.

We went and ate at Friendly's after, but my mood was spiraling down into the darkness, more and more. My Mom sat beside me and gave me hugs as we ate. When we got home, usually we sit near the tree and just talk about Grandpa, but Dad said he had tranferred some film and videos onto dvd, so we watched some Grandpa. None of the ones he could find was really focused on him, one was a lot of Grandma, which was nice. But when I could hear Grandpa talking to Dad or whoever, his voice was just so familiar. Grandma's felt unfamilair a bit, but Grandpa's was just as I remembered. Rough and husky. I let the tears flow as Mom sat beside me, with our heads together. I miss him so much. It's a hole I just can't fill, still to this day. I just wish he were here.

I kept yawning and my Mom was like TRY to sleep, but a) I was too afraid I would wake up early and be on my own...again, and b) we, my sisters and I, were making the cookie doughs tonight. So I took a shower to wake up a bit, but while saying nights to my Mom I started drifting. But when I went downstairs, and they were all PLAY some Christmas music, I got into the process of making a quadruple batch of p.b. cookies (for the p.b. kiss cookies). Don't worry, we only bake half tommorrow, and keep the rest until we run out...they are my FAVE so I insist on quadrupling it!! Kat got the sugar dough ready, and Sam baked Grandma's famous carrot orange cookies (no we do not share this recipe, it is from our great-Grandma from Australia) so we could have warm oven heat and ice them together tonight. It was fun getting it all ready with my sisters. I was supposed to get up early tommorrow to bake, but my Mom says if I try I am dead. LOL. And we are expecting TWO back to back Nor'Easters so we will be going nowhere, us cookie bakers, so they are waiting until I wake up, no matter how late. Since I am once again running on empty.

I thought about writing my yearly letter to Grandpa tonight, but think that could be bad. I am not sure I could stop crying and am quite alone now...crying alone is so very lonely. So I will wait a few days.

Thanks you to all my bloggy friends for being here even when I am not feeling upbeat or funny. It means a lot.

Well...It is Here

It is officially the 18th, Grandpa's "anniversary"...I am trying to remember that I always (insane I know) don't consider it the next day UNTIL I wake UP from sleeping. I know, I am weird, what can I say?

I am hoping that I will spend the day with what family is not teaching/working...and can remember only good things while I HAVE to think, get a short but good cry out, and just get through the day. Then it will be the 19th and things can not be even more gloomy...until the 27th, Pop's anniversary. Yeah...it is a ...unusual time of the year at our house. Even New Years' Eve (Noni's anniversary), the start of a New Year can have it's moments. Wow, 2009 looming fast.

I just hope today can be...quick, good, and full of distractions. :) Hey, I am trying. It is all I can do.

Ornaments and some Christmam-y-ness

Yes this is our tree this year. We went with blue tinsel this year. My Mom made the...thing that goes around the bottom!!LOL!

These are some of my FAVE Christmas ornaments! And ones I put up EVERY year! All pics are clickable.

This is the Koala Bear, celebrating our pride in being Australian. It must be from my Grandma, because I don't remember NOT putting this up, and she LOVED koala bears being FROM there.

My Mom made special ornaments a few years ago for her Gifts from the Heart. Knowing how I feel and felt about Grandpa, she made it with one of my fave pics of the 2 of us when I was younger. That big headed doll is Huggins, my Hugga-Bunch doll, I have her in my hope chest.

I just love this one BECAUSE. I love the glass bubble, it shows different colors in the light, and it makes me remember Grandpa's cherry cigar tobacco.

My Mom made these a different year for Gifts of the heart. We each got an ornament with a picture of us with Max, we adore him THAT much. Another year she got us return address labels with his pic on them! I LOVE mine...and have rarely used them, so precious!

Not the best pic, but it is Santa sleeping in an armchair, i just love this ornament. Last year his hook fell off but using scotch tape Sandy fixed him for me. :)

This is one of MANY of my Mom's hand-made decorations. The first few years after marrying Dad she made all sorts of different ones. She WAS a seamstress, so they are cute! She made mice and Frosty and Santa and Mrs. Claus,etc. Some look pretty bad now....4 kids! But they are treasured!!

This I think I made in Primary when I was 4. It is my thumbprint turned into a Santa face.Go Awwww, LOL.

I had talked about how 1 year I painted plaster statues for the fam and except for 1 statue, no I did not go look for them and take pics. I did take pics of some of the Christmas ones I have done. We used to have a craft store that carried these bigger ones every year, for reasonable prices too, and most light up too. But then they closed and for that one year I did special ones, I had to send away for them. Expensive AND they did not include paints. Luckily I have acrylics and bought some of the glaze stuff to set them ( I hope forever!!Eeeesh!). So here are some of my Christmas statues I have painted.

This one is againt the wall of the mantle, it has a light that makes it look like the room is lit up. The reindeer were so bloody hard, since I painted the SNOW first...aye the brown got everywhere....thank goodness for touch-ups!

This Santa light up too, though my Mom just like him sitting there now. This one is 3 dimensional, as are the rest, so it goes all the way around, it was fun to paint because there are a dog and a cat hiding behind the tree.

Ehh not the best photo. It has a warm light to make it look hot inside the gingerbread house but my Mom prefers it as a statue. My fave part is the faux hershey kisses on top.Mmmm.

This is Frosty, yes he CAN have a light, Mom likes him on the dining room table though.

This WAS a Gift from the Heart. The Snowman heating his rump...yes the candle is missing, must put one in the groove that is there. He was my G.O.T.Hear for my Mom that year. Underneath is the special message just for her.

This is a closeup of his rear so you can SEE I made his bum pinkish and toasty, LOL!


One year I handpainted these ornaments, but never made them into actual hanging ornaments, so Mom uses the ones I felt turned out nice, like Santa up there, and puts them in our curio cabinet.

What about your houses, what decorations or ornaments are your faves? We are VERY decked out. We have decorations from the :

VERY OLD (this was Pop's my Mom's Dad)

To the VERY dear (My Mom made this Advent calendar, and I don't remember ever having Christmas without it!)

To newer loved decorations we can grow attached to in the years to come! My Mom made the stocking, replacing the ones she made when we were all born. I have my older one hanging in my room, I am that attached. Of course the stockings can't go here this year. :( The new pellet stove sticking OUT of the fireplace makes it a hazzard. And there is poinsetts with evergreen garland lights up this year, otherwise, exactly the same!

* Please do not steal any of the home-made designs/ideas. I would hate to regret sharing them with you, especially my Mom's designs, only to have a cherished idea stolen without permission! Please.

BLAST!!!! And....hmm wha?

So, I take my pills Sunday night...and...nothing happens. My pills include AMBIEN!! My super wonderful friend Ambien, which gives me yummy wonderful sleep...oh how I love it. And nothing happens.

Sure I was in a pissed off mood. I had just finished watching "The Strangers", and yeah I knew it was "inspired by true events", so it would probably end sucky. But I wanted to know how it had REALLY ended. So I turned my computer on and looked it up...and got VERY angry! I first read it on wikipedia, but thought surely NOT, so I looked up other websites and they ALL said the same thing. "Inspired by True Events" was a freaking publicity stunt. These "murders" NEVER happened. They lied. It was "inspired" by the creator having been a kid and a stranger knocking on his door and then finding out a few houses in his neighborhood were burglarized. That does NOT make a "inspired by true events" movie. The Zodiac murders, THOSE were inspired by true events, those were real murders that no one SAW happen, but we know they did indeed happen. This movie was a blatant LIE. I was furious, I HATE liars. Hate them! So I was steamed and walking...okay pacing...in my fuming-ness. So my Mom made me take my pills. She said watch a half hour of something funny and you will be asleep before you know it...well I saw an entire movie. "What Happens in Vegas", which I thought was funny. Still wide awake. So I put in the Gossip Girl I missed...saw the whole thing. Laid there for hours...and nothing. ON Ambien! I finally called my Mom and told her nothing was working, so I was going to do the grocery shopping. So I went to Price Chopper for it's deals, went shopping at Stop and Shop, and it was about 1:30pm, so I was like, might as well go to Target too, and get the personal items we needed. And some Christmas napkins, etc. I got some mac-n-cheese ( they were out of my FAVE, nachos...how DARE they!!) which was gross and a small Icey and sat for a few minutes, near the Starbucks. People ordering coffee here amuses me...chai mocha latte frappucinno whatevers. Just amused me while I ate a mostly cold macaroni noodle. Got home a little after 2:30pm...nobody home and a trunk chock FULL of groceries,etc. Urrghhh. Luckily though Kate and Sam drove up a few minutes later and helped. There was so much. We got it put away and the girls were stunned I was still so wide awake. But I was. Then I helped quiz Kate for her final on Tuesday (she got a 98 by the way, knew she'd ace it!). Since I was still awake, and the girls had classes to take or teach, when my Mom got home at 5, we took Dad down to Home Depot, figuring he could PICK out some gifts...yeah we have a small bag of lame things like GREASE!! Then he went home and Mom and I went shopping for her, some things you can buy her, without her. Shoes and dress shirts...yeah extremely picky. So we went to Payless, found shoes and socks she wanted. Then we went to Fashion Bug. Out of that WHOLE store, we found only 2 shirts, one which is only good for winter (snowflakes on it) and a short sleeve I HAD to make her try, and she loved it. She did however find 2 nightgowns she adores, and my Mom like me, loves her PJ's!! So I was like YES. Plus she saw a pair of real garnet earring for 60% off which she loved, so all went well for her!! Thank goodness! Now all she really needs is stocking stuffers, since we already got her sneakers, books, etc. Then we went to T.J. Max, they have such cool things. We walked all over. Found ginormous rice crispie treats for stockings. And found my Dad a new box, no it is NOT a jewelery box, it is rustic and he used to have a box he kept his watch and air force pins, etc in, but it broke a few months back. So my Mom was really pleased. As we walked in the light rain to the car, my Mom said she couldn't believe how awake I still was. It was 8 pm and I had been up for over 24 hours now.

I went and took a shower and went back down to help quiz Kate some more. I did good for maybe a half hour, then I was slurring words and started mixxing up words, so I said lemme put my head down for a lil while and proceeded to slip in and out of consciousness for awhile. I went and said godnight to my Mom at 11pm, and even though I slipped into a zone every so often, even as she tried to convince to take my pills and go to sleep now, I told her I was too afraid to be up early and didn't want to be alone with MY thoughts, so she gave up. I went back downstairs and was going to lie down in front of the TV and be all drifty in and out, but the girls said lie down in the room with them, so I did, I grabbed Maxie, held him like a teddy bear and drifted until about midnight. I got up, mentally slapping my cheeks to wake up. I KNEW if and when I fell asleep it would be a LONG sleep and as a Diabetic I did NOT want to wake up hypoglycemic. So I ate a snack, which my tummy did not like and was semi awake, so I fast forwarded through the days' soaps and watched Heroes ( I LOVE this show, so sad it is now gone til February!!). At 2:30 am, I took my pills and started a new show and remember nothing. So 36 hours of being awake and I finally was dead to the world. My Mom woke me at 7 am to push me upstairs and I slept until 6pm. Kate woke me, Dad and I had plans WITH her to go see "Four Christmases". So I reluctantly bit, got up, I think I could have slept another 6 hours at least, and got ready and we left at 6:30, so we could eat at BK first.

I really enjoyed Four Christmases! You don't neccessarily laugh out loud through the whole thing, but you are smiling the entire time. Dad said some of it was like BAD flashbacks which made me laugh. Oh and kat ditched us, she went for mexican with Gina, the mean ditcher, but sadly she remembered last minute she had made a promise. Anyway the movie was GOOD. I saw a new preview of a movie with Renee Zelwegger and Harry Connick Jr that looks hilarious! And it takes place in Hick-a-sota so even my dad wants to see it. We like to make fun of Mike's chosen state. The freak gets cold in FLORIDA, but lives in a state that was -10 last night. Yeah...freak. Anyway I saw a real preview for "He's Just Not That into You" and that looks bloody hilarious too. My Dad was all "girl movie" and I was like NO, the Renee one IS, and he said "it's only because Minnesota is basically the movie!"...whatever! So if you were iffy about this movie, it is basically fine, one or two things were like not neccesary but overall just plain fun.

On Thursday, we are going to see "The Day the Earth Stood Still". It is the 18th...Grandpa's anniversary, so we are doing stuff to distract the brains. We always seem to end up in the dark living room later with just the lights off, talking about him, me getting some crying out...but I think I like that. I want to remember him that day, just not DWELL on the loss too much. Plus later that night, the girls and I are making the doughs for Christmas cookies, and then on Friday, they are making me get up earlier, and we are baking and decorating. I am making a quadruple batch of P.B. cookies up for the Hershey Kiss cookies, that way we can bake half on Friday, and have another batch all ready to bake when we run out. I LOVE these, even though I make THESE with Splenda products, and they actually taste GOOD! The only sugar? The Kiss, which is 1.5 or 2 grams of sugar a cookie, so SCORE, Sam and I both can eat them fine (WLS) and Dad and I (the Diabetics) also have no trouble with it in this way! Mmmm, cookies.

I just PRAY that this doesn't happen again, and NOT tonight! Now I am off to write a Christmassy blog, which I will post either tonight or tommorrow night! I took some pics and everything! *HUGS*

Falling Through

Okay saw "Fred Claus", so funny, I loved it. Humor was good, not crude or dumb, so I give it a thumbs up! We also decorated the tree (FINALLY) tonight. Kat was not there, the lil bimbo (in our family this IS an endearment) booked a gig and was gone til almost 9:30. I will try to take some pics of my most fave ornaments, and some I made when I was little later. That could be it's own POST...cool.

I worked on a poem today. Yeah I am "morose, melancholy and morbid" as my Mom said. But when I write, I write.

Falling Through

I keep falling through the cracks
losing my view of the light
trapped in a world of nightmares
only I can't seem to wake up
I curl myself into a lone ball
rocking back and forth in mental pain
covering my ears from the taunts and insults
which is useless as they come from within
Why was it so easy for me to fall?

So easy to slip through the cracks of the sidewalk
I can hear the sounds of loved ones far in the distance
but the voices seem to echo all around me
making me turn in circles, unsure of the way to follow
the tears burn tracks of acid down my face
my heart being crushed by the weight of a thousand bricks
forcing the breath from the lungs, making it impossible to breathe
it grows colder the longer I am trapped down here
and I feel naked as my entire body shudders
I can't help but feel this is my fault
that I did something to anger a higher power
it is so lonely down here, alone with only my brain
alone with my thoughts, such a dangerous combination
the light from the cracks has grown so faint
seeming harder to reach, farther away
I need the warmth of the light on my face...
So why am I forever trapped in the dark?

Just kind of an expression of how I feel right now. If it can ever be expressed really into words.

5 COOL Things Part 3...and Marine Hunt Part 1

I actually slept again last night, I am hopeful (in sleep regards) that this will continue as I NEED it too. I mean seriously, when you already feel like you are losing your mind...do you really need to not be sleeping TOO?!! My parents went out while I was asleep (it's okay, I am sleeping crazy late, just the way it is right now) and bought about 25 different toys with the girls help. My Mom picked out the ones she says I would have bought...she's right. There were 2 Barbie's and 2 baby doll sets. Everyone was really excited. They had them all on display on the kitchen table, and BAM I see it and am staggered! Whoa, that was a lot of toys! Hopefully it will make some kids happy. And Katie has insisted on going with Sam to drop them off. Drop off is at some Marine base in Plantsville...she hopes to catch a Marine...yeah I am completely serious. What she really wants is a Navy SEAL, she says hey GONE half the year is fine with her, more time to bellydance....oh Katie.


FIVE COOL PRODUCTS...I think so for different reasons Anyway...Humor ME!

1) Tennis Raquet Bug Zapper - If you hate bugs as much as me, this invention is ingenious!! You don't have to get TOO close, just swat and ZZZZZZZPPPPPPTTTT, bug goes to bug...HELL! Plus it is totally good excercise, and you can practice your backhand as you murderize all those nasty disgusting bugs and spiders. YUCK!!
2) Dad's Cab - "For the parents who feels more like a taxi driver than a parent, the Dad's Cab Light Up Cab Meter is the perfect funny gift. Place the Dad's Cab Meter on your dashboard, and turn it on when the ride starts, choose a rate mode of extortionate, high or regular and then start the digital time clock. When the ride is over, give them one of these tariff fare cards which include payments due like: Bring me a mug of tea and the paper on the weekend, mow the lawn and weed the garden, complement my wardrobe for a week and more." Isn't this cool?! Teach your kids to appreciate rides AND get stuff for being a "taxi cab"!! If I had kids who needed shuttling...I would SO buy it!
3) How To Traumatize Your Children - This book is made especially for people like Kristina (LOL)!! You know she will someday, indeed, procreate, so this is to ease her mind, when she does have the lil gremlins!! Here is THEIR description: "Most parents don't know what they're doing -- They try their best to screw up their kids, but most still grow up to be normal adults. Well, this indispensable book takes the guesswork out of raising a dysfunctional child. HOW TO TRAUMATIZE YOUR CHILDREN will teach you everything you need to know about messing up your kids. Within these 191 pages, you'll learn how to shatter self-esteem, buy your child's love, and teach your child how to be a bad friend. " AMAZING what you can find on the net!!
4) ABC Cookie Cutters - What is more unappetizing than a cookie with a bite taken out of it? Nothing! And these special cutters, you can make sure NO ONE else wants to eat your cookies but you! Keep them ALL to yourself! You got plain round cookie cutter with a bite taken out, Gingerbread men with limbs bitten off, you are all set to HOURD some cookies!! And what bully will steal your kids cookie with a nice juicy bite taken out of it! I SO seriosuly want these!LOL!
5) World's Largest Underpants - Who needs a diet, when you are guarenteed underwear that even three people can fit into...together!! Made of 100% cotton, it has a 100" waist, so ladies, let's crack out them ABC cookies!!



A Fave Song for Christmas:

Hallelujah!!

I slept for 12 hours!! I did I did!! *does a jig* I can only hope and pray it happens AGAIN!! I can tell I need it, just this overall feeling.

Okay I want to thank everyone for their ideas on what to do for Gifts from the Heart. I put together a recipe book of treasured (well a few I had to just pick...ran out at 40!) recipes on this site Tastebook.com and it does it all professional. I was able to add pictures of the family to each page. And they can make and add recipe pages and buy them themselves. One is for Mom and Dad together. And now each of the girls can take one when she leaves home. It was PRICEY. My Mom now knows ALL about it...she HAD to know what I was up to, and I tell her everything so finally I spilled. I was going to get ONE, for Mom and the girls to share here...I was gonna do a 100 page one, all with pictures, and each page has a quote I found on family. And with shipping and handling that would have been about $50. Listen yes I AM cheap and these are gifts from the heart, okay we can do hand written notes if we want. So anyway, Mom decided the girls should each get one, so she is gonna help me out. Don't know be how much but PLEASE YES help, it was over $100 for 3 books of 50 recipes. Man...if I was more thrifty maybe I would have made each page up (not that I didn't do that on the SITE I used, but it had boxes that made it easy to organize) and had staples like make it. but this is so cute and looks so nice. Oy. So I am DONE with G.F.T.H., now I can only PRAY they get processed, printed and sent BEFORE Christmas...yeah I am worried about that. But it would have been $ 45 to get it sent the next fastest way....don't even wanna KNOW what the fastest way costs!! Plus I still have to shop for Secret Santa. But progress was made. It just took about...hmm...20 hours of typing maybe, pain in my backside and back, and major stress that I could not DO it...I can partly take not 100 recipes for that.

And we have a gameplan for 2 things. Sunday we are doing the tree. And next Friday is baking cookies day. Now I just need to get the parents to shop for themselves, and a few other half a dozen things and I can relax...except not because I am a basketcase and....forget it. I don't like to bring others down.

I am looking forward to presents...I know...I am a horrible person.

Arugala...foiled again

I don't know if it the new med (Mom thinks doubtful since it has only been in my system 6 days and I am on a baby dose, which is one pill..I am supposed to get up to 8 a day) or my own brain being "discombobulated" (the term my Mom and I like to use) so very much...but sleep, my haven of NO THINKING, is basically sucking. I was up for hours after I took my pills, my own beloved Ambien did not work again! I ended up having almost 8 hours, but with the lack of sleep of about 5 or 6 days now, it does not feel good enough. I was already running on an empty emotional tank, so add an empty tank of sleep, and life just sucks. And there is only 13, THIRTEEN, days left before Christmas!!

We have not made cookies, decorated the tree, gotten Dad to shop for Mom, Mom to shop for Dad, gotten gifts from the heart (I think I may have an idea for a joint present for Mom and sisters, but still not Dad...and this one for the "girls" I don't know if I can get it done AND made and sent on time), gotten Secret Santa gifts...so MUCH! And while I was looking forward to Christmas before I totally sank into oblivion, now this all seems totally stressful and hard. And I don't feel the spirit because I am kinda sticking to the house most days (safe haven) and just don't feel it. I know it could be due in large part to how I am feeling..but I SO needed a good Christmas, and it is just not happening. Dark forces seem to be against me...

And of course next Thursday is Grandpa's anniversary...losing him anniversary, a day I do really bad on...so I have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, with how I am doing already, that this year the day will be even worse.

I put on my I Am A Child of God necklace a few days ago, in hopes it could act like a talisman, maybe bring some light into my darkness. Or keep dark thoughts and feelings at bay. I want to feel better so much. It doesn't seem possible. I am scared every day, more and more as each day stays the same. I wish I could be an optimistic person, sure I will be better sooner or later, but that is just not me, even when I do feel more like myself.

Anyway I still have lots of typing to do, and have to make myself get off soon, even though I am only in the C's of my gift...I am not sure I can do this, I am a 2 finger typer!! I am Peter Jennings!!

Christmas Vacation

One of my favorite songs is from who else? The Griswold's Christmas movie.

8 Things...

Jillene tagged anyone who hasn't done this tag awhile ago, and I have not done one like it. So here GOES!!
8 Shows I love to Watch:

1) House
2) Bones
3) Criminal Minds
4) Heroes
5) Ghost Whisperer
6) Supernatural
7) Lost
8) Brothers & Sisters

....and so many more!!

8 Favorite Restaurants:

1) Outback Steakhouse
2) Olive Garden
3) Logan's Roadhouse (only when in FLA! *sob*)
4) Bertucci's
5) The Cheesecake Factory (and I was only there twice so far...and ate the same yummy thing!)
6) Mortenson's (LOVE family owned places that have been around for like 50 years)
7) Cracker Barrell (mostly cuz of the store!)
8) Carmine Anthony's (so $$$)

8 Things That Happened Yesterday:

1) Couldn't fall asleep until after 3 pm!!
2) Ate a grilled cheese my Dad made, Grandma style
3) Saw "Horton Hears a Who"
4) Picked up the kitchen and put dishes away
5) cried, worried, thought too much
6) watched much TV while trying to get the internet to work...and failed
7) added movies to my OWN list, almost 600 now!
8) fell asleep watching Sarah Connor Chronicles

8 Things On My Wish List:

1) tummy tuck (the excess skin from the surgery people...2 tummies!!)
2) my own bathroom
3) a high tech PRO digital camera
4) win the lotto when it is over 100 million (church might not take 10% in tithing but I could donate 10%, if not to the church then ALL sorts of charities!!)
5) private jet (then I could visit all my blog friends AND bring Max!!)
6) all my disorders disappear!! (ooohhhhh)
7) TIVO
8) a great vacation NOW and paid for

8 Things I am Looking Forward To:

1) Seeing my Aunt, Uncle and Elizabeth here before Christmas when we exchange gifts
2) Christmas
3) Florida vacation in March
4) Lost to be back in 2009
5) Kyle XY to be back in 2009
6) uhhh...hmmm...my Glade package from Whitney! That is a dream I think though...shhhh!LOL
7) errrr... if my brain/emotions ever return to even normal FOR me...oh please big guy LISTEN!
8) New Years Eve FEAST....mmmmm

Now I am with Jillene on this one. If you read this and HAVE NOT done this Tag...I know some of you started blogging AFTER me (hello dads(2)!!, LOL)...then consider yourself tagged!! Don't make me come over there!!


And no, sleep has reverted to bad, I was still awake, staring at nothing at 2:30 pm!!! Finally I crashed in my room and plugged a video into the vcr and finally slept for about 6 hours. I just finished helping Katie study for her final tommorrow and my head is swimming with big words she tried to get ME to understand, but failed! LOL. I DO so suck at sciences.

Nailgun me to the Head!!

AAgghhhhhh!! It has been a painful 48 hours!!! Sunday night I did everything as usual, and fell asleep around 6:30 am...my Dad was filling the stove so I went up to my bed to sleep. And lay there, my brain had started working overdrive the second I woke up, and wouldn't shut up! I tossed and turned and nothing! So I put my TV on, thinking the noise would lull me back to sleep. Nope. Then I put my spare glasses on and watched the TV from my bed, thinking HEY, it worked when I was downstairs. Nope. So I called up Mom, wanting her opinion. I figured if I couldn't sleep I might as well go grocery shopping. She wondered if it was the fact that I am taking Lamictal but I had no idea. So her idea, go BACK downstairs and do exactly what I was going when I fell asleep before. EXACTLY. I put the movie I fell asleep to on, snuggled under the blankets with Max behind my legs and....continued to watch the movie for the next hour. SO I called Mom again and she said go for it. I knew she was happy with me doing it, because she was going with me to see my main doctor because of my tacchycardia at 4:45pm and as there is no other car available, was going to have to go WITH me. So she was happy.

So I went grocery shopping...even went and did my Tuesday shopping, toilet paper and what not from Target. I got home and unloaded everything and put it all away...and it was only 2:30pm. And no, was NOT sleepy! Katie and Sandy both got home within half an hour of each other and Katie needed people to quiz her on her last 4 tests, because her finals on on Thursday. So while Sandy plopped down in exhaustion while I quizzed (she had an externship day until she got home at 3 and had class at 6pm for 3 hours...yuck) Kat, time whirled by until Mom honked the horn.

We were his last appointment so no wait, SWEET, and I did my usual PEN thievery...I took 3 actually...since it had been SO long since my last visit...and a few magazines...what?? I am a compulsive sticky finger at the doctors, alright!!!

He came in, we congratulated him on being a grandfather for the first time, his daughter Janina just had a baby boy Aaron 3 weeks ago. And then got down to business. I told him my med was not holding up for 24 hours anymore, that I'd been having to double up increasingly over the last few months until it was like 5 out of 7 days that I was doubling up, in essence self-medicating. He decided I needed to double up every day and in one month if things are still bad, I have to do a halter monitor, either for one day or one MONTH!! Aggghhh! I did the 24 hour one once before and it SUCKED. That could be another story...or tiny blurb at least, so anyway...that what I am doing for my tacchycardia for now.

Got home and we had dinner and watched Bones...and I drifted in and out of consciousness. They all wanted me to take my pills and go to sleep but I was belligerent...and scared...I did not want to wake up and not go to sleep again, so for around 4 hours I drifted in and out. Then was like, MAN!! I have to pre-rent my redbox movies...and started to wake up. I went and woke up my Mom just too say goodnight, and all of a sudden, the fact that I hadn't unwrapped and taken off any stickers from "Tropic Thunder" got STUCK. And then I couldn't find it, and searched and looked, until I was on OCD trembling mess. I went to just ask Mom quickly again if she had any idea, and sat there until I freaked her out when she noticed me...oops. I didn't mean for her too, but she got up to help, seeing my OCD was bad, and she had mentioned what if someone had put it with the Christmas decoration boxes, where we were storing the regular knick-knacks, it made no sense but I looked, while she visited the lil girls room. Nope, but as I headed for the stairs I saw some of my notebooks and junk from upstairs and a CVS bag was sitting there...YES I had found it, along with my missing deodorants,etc that I had bought awhile ago! I ran upstairs, my Mom was asking Sandy who was asleep, and she went back downstairs with me and hugged me and told me to calm down as I babbled apologies. She told me that I am already so OCD lately and am running on no sleep, so she tried to calm me down, but I was trembling. SO she started craving warm chocolate milk, so she sat with me for about 15 minutes, until I was a bit better and she was finished with her milk. She MADE me take my pills right then at 4am and I was gone soon after.

She woke me about 4 hours later and I rushed upstairs tired but my brain was getting a lil awake so I was worried. She told me to settle down and try...and after maybe 20 minutes I was gone again, waking a few times, but slept until 8 pm!!! Hey I was making up TWO nights of sleep! I had to tear down to the Redbox, because I thought Kat had picked them up and I had only 20 minutes left before they could charge me AND give my movies away!! So I watched Dark Night (man it is LONGER than I remembered and not as good as the first time) and Horton Hears A Who (cute).

Only one thing bugged me so my night was frustrating. My internet wouldn't work!! ALL night I tried! And it didn't make sense since the main computer worked and I don't have all my bookmarks and stuff set up on there, so I had to wait. My Dad turned the router on and then off and VOILA it is finally working...obviously. But I am extremely bad it is after 10am but I HAD to post so no one thought I was dead or anything...mmm I was gonna say something but feared I'd be smacked upside the head through the computer by all my wonderful bloggy buddies.

It has been absolutely a stressful 48 hours, add the whole doing really crappy and brain never shutting up when I am awake...and you can plainly see, life sucks right now.

So seriously, anyone wanna take a nail gun or something and bash my brain in, so all I feel is sweet oblivion....man I should take my pills...HEY!! I didn't get up until 8pm and you now know why...mostly...so gimme a break. I shall take them right now, I will have to comment on YOUR posts tommorrow OKAY?, and lay down to fall asleep! Good Morning, Good Evening and Goodnight!!

Closing of the Year Video

I fell in love with this song the first time I saw "Toys". And yes I do like this movie, I don't care what reviewers say, I thoroughly enjoy it! Robin Williams is magically fun in this movie! Just listen to the lyrics, they are wonderful.