Publix Italian Days Giveaway!

When it comes to cooking traditional Italian dishes the possibilities are endless, and you don’t have to travel all the way to Italy to taste the tradition! With Italian Days, available exclusively at Publix, you can find great prices and coupon savings on some of your favorite brands including Progresso, Green Giant, and Muir Glen and purchase everything you need for great Italian recipes like, Meatballs and Twisters.

While visiting Italian Days at Publix from February 16th through February 29th, you can also enter the Taste the Tradition Italian Days Sweepstakes for a chance to be 1 of 500 shoppers that will win a $100 Publix® gift card, sponsored by General Mills.

To enter to win the Taste the Tradition Italian Days Sweepstakes and download great coupon savings and delicious recipes, look in-store or follow the instructions below:

1. Click – Stay up to date with the latest General Mills promotions happening at Publix, by visiting ClickCallMail.com. Once you’re registered and logged in, you can participate in any the current promotions.


2. Call – If you’d prefer to enter the sweepstakes and participate in other promotions via telephone, feel free to call the General Mills hotline, at 1.800.627.6059, and be sure to say that you want to enter the 2012 Italian Days Sweepstakes. Please be sure to provide your complete contact information (Full name/address/zip code/phone #).


3. Mail – If you prefer to participate via mail-in entry, print and mail your complete contact information (Full Name/address/zip code/phone #) to 2012 Italian Days Sweepstakes, P.O. Box 44257, Atlanta, Georgia 30336.

SOMEONE will get $25 GIFT CARD TO PUBLIX!!! To ENTER:

Leave a Comment about what you love Ita;ian?

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

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BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Monday, February 22th , 2012!

“Disclosure: The Publix Club gift card, information, and giveaway have been provided by General Mills through MyBlogSpark.”

Gabby, God's Little Angel by Sheila Walsh

If you want to teach your little girl about having a guardian angel, this is a decent book to give to her. It's cute basically, but with very lovely and lively illustrations.

Some of the words are going to be difficult for the younger reader, so that was a little surprising. It would make it drag out forever to have a small child try to read it aloud.

The basic what it's about is this: Gabby is one of many guardian angels in training, with colorful illustrations. The head angel, Raffles, hands out assignments to the little angels.Gabby's is to watch over a little girl named Sophie, who gets into all sorts of trouble.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com [...] book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 [...] : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Sequin Bible - Pink, Not too Great

I actually got this in paperback form, which I think is really smart for young girls. They can be more kid-like in how they carry it and it is less heavy so that means less chance of dropping it! This was part of my participation in booksneeze.com from Thomas Nelson publishers.

This arrived and it was just so adorable and cute, I knew the little girl who was almost old enough to start bringing a Bible to Her church, would ADORE it!

I was saddened to note that there wasn't really any "help" in this cute Bible. I assumed since it is for children, it would have either summaries of what each chapter meant, or something, but it didn't. It just would have made sense, being for kids, that they could understand what they were reading. They messed around with the language a bit, but I felt not enough to help young kids GET the Bible.

So while being pretty on the outside, I ended up feeling it was not enough in the inside. So while it may be a good "starter" Bible to give children as they are first asked to bring a Bible to class on Sundays, I would suggest finding alternatives so they really understand what they are reading.

*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the (...) book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 (...) : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

45th Pillsbury Bake-Off Giveaway Winner

And the winner of the Pillsbury Bake-Off Gift Pack is.....................Raven in a Blue Room! Congrats to you!!

Publix Great Deals on Great Meals Winner

The Winner of the Publix Gift Card is........................................ Tina!! Congratulations!!!

Publix Great Deals on Great Meals Giveaway

Preparing a meal that everyone will enjoy can be easier said than done. With a little help from the Great Deals on Great Meals event at your local Publix, you can please your pickiest eaters without breaking the bank or a sweat in the kitchen.

During the event, visit GreatDealsOnGreatMeals.com to download $9.50 in coupons* and find delicious meal ideas for any time of the day. While you´re there, start your savings with a recipe for an easy Taco Night at home, which features brands you love, including Old El Paso®.

*Coupons are valid from February 10, 2011 through February 23, 2011.


I have been provided with the opportunity to give away an additional $25 Publix Gift Card so:

To Win:

Leave a Comment about what items you are most excited to save money on?

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

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BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Monday, February 28th , 2011!




(General Mills provided you with the gift card and information through MyBlogSpark)

45th Pillsbury Bake-Off Giveaway

Calling all home cooks! Do you have a million dollar recipe idea? The 45th Pillsbury Bake-Off^® Contest is open for entries and one simple recipe idea could help you take home the dough!

Pillsbury is looking for original recipes that taste and look delicious, are easy to prepare and that families across America will love to eat. Consumers can submit recipes in one of four recipe categories:

• The Breakfast & Brunches category includes casual brunch or weekend family breakfast ideas. For example, sweet rolls, pull-aparts, pastries, breakfast breads, egg dishes or breakfast sandwiches.


• In the Entertaining Appetizers category, entrants can submit appetizers and snacks to serve at casual gatherings with family and friends or for holiday entertaining. For example, bite size appetizers, tartlets, pinwheels, puffs, bruschetta or focaccia.


• The Dinner Made EasyTM category encourages home cooks to create easy-to-prepare main dishes that will delight your family. For example, pizzas, calzones, sandwiches, foldovers, casseroles, chilis, soups or savory pies.
• Quick and easy treats for anytime celebrations can be entered into the Sweet Treats category. For example, cookies, pies, tarts, brownies or bars.

Entries are being accepted online between now and April 18, 2011, at www.bakeoff.com. One hundred lucky finalists will compete for a chance at the grand prize during the contest finals, which take place March 25-27, 2012 at the Peabody Orlando Hotel in Florida. You´ll also find contest details, including eligible products, prizes and the official rules, on the web site.

The recipes will be judged for 1) taste, 2) appearance, 3) creativity and 4) consumer appeal. All entries must meet the requirements of the recipe category and appropriately use two of the eligible products in at least the quantity specified.

Sue Compton of Delanco, N.J. was named the grand prize winner of the 44th Pillsbury Bake-Off^® Contest in 2010 for her original Mini Ice Cream Cookie Cups recipe. At the 43rd Pillsbury Bake-Off® Contest in 2008, Carolyn Gurtz walked away with the million-dollar grand prize for her Double-Delight Peanut Butter Cookies. At the 2006 competition, the 42nd Contest, Anna Ginsberg, a stay-at-home mom who you might know from her blog, Cookie Madness, earned the $1 million prize for her Baked Chicken and Spinach Stuffing.

If you would like to win a Pillsbury Bake-Off^® gift pack that includes a Pillsbury Bake-Off^® apron, recipe book and pen, do the following:

To Win:

Leave a Comment about what you think goes into coming up with a winning recipe?...1 Entry

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

Follow My Blog...1 Entry

Add My Button to Your Page...2 Entries

BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Monday, February 28th , 2011!

*The product, information and prize packs were all given to me from Pillsbury through MyBlogSpark.

Invasion By Jon Lewis Review

This book is about teen Colt who loses his parents when they are hit head-on by a drunk driver. He is sent to live with his grandfather in Arizona and must start his life all over. He begins to be exposed to creatures, secret organizations (C.H.A.O.S.) and gadgets, he never even imagined could exist. And his determination to discover the real truth behind his parents accident pushes him further down the "rabbit hole". Colt's new friends join him in his pursuit.

First off, I thing it was really well written. The author conveys Colt's feelings when he loses his parents and things of them so well. This was my first Lewis book and I thought it was fun! It had great twists and the technology and creatures were just great. And I read it in one sitting, and it left me wanting more. I can't believe Lewis won't be releasing Book 2 until 2012!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Progresso Soup Can Spark Winner

I am bad. *slaps own hand* I am overdue by 10 days announcing the winner of this Giveaway. It is...................Karen!!!! Yay!! Soup is good in the winter. Yup.

Progresso Soup Can Spark Giveaway

Thanks to MYBLOGSPARK, I got to try one can of Chicken Tortilla Progresso Soup and one can of Light New England Clam Chowder Progresso soup.While no one in my family cared for the Chicken Tortilla, finding it too spicy for our palates, my sister stole the Light Chowder for work before I even knew it was missing. It is one of her favorite soups by Progresso, so her opinion, is that it is awesome and she loves being able to have clam chowder still but with less guilt.

Giving you a taste worth talking about with new varieties, Progresso continues to provide convenient options made to taste great and encourage good food choices, too. It’s important to make food choices for yourself and for your family that are both satisfying to your taste buds and nutritious.


Progresso® New World Recipes™ – Inspired by Mexican recipes, explore one of the fastest growing ethnic cuisines by giving the Progresso New World Recipes line a try. Made with authentic Mexican ingredients and seasonings, four new Progresso soups will be hitting grocery shelves near you - Chicken Tortilla, Meatball & Rice, Black Bean Jalapeno and Chicken & Vegetable.

Progresso Light - America’s number one Light soup just got better, as all 13 existing Progresso Light varieties are now packed with bigger pieces of white meat chicken, more tender pieces of beef or added vegetables. Need even more to talk about? Progresso Light New England Clam Chowder is the first creamy Light ready-to-serve soup that holds true to the Progresso Light name with just 1 Weight Watchers® POINTS® value per serving!

Progresso Reduced Sodium – With 49 percent of shoppers concerned about high cholesterol1, Progresso understands the importance of soluble fiber and reduced sodium diets. New Reduced Sodium Tomato Parmesan soup is one more tasty option that has a delicious blend of flavors and carries the “May Help Lower Cholesterol”2 benefit. In addition, five additional Reduced Sodium soups also carry the “May Help Lower Cholesterol”2 benefit.

Progresso High Fiber – With 9 out of 10 Americans not getting the recommended Daily Value of fiber, Progresso High Fiber line of soups are packed with 7 grams per serving. Giving you one more thing to talk about, Progresso brand’s first Chili Soup just joined the High Fiber family!

For more information about the new and improved varieties of Progresso soups as well as great recipe ideas, visit www.progressosoup.com today! Also, check out Progresso on Facebook to “Like” the brand and keep up with the latest news on your favorite Progresso products, both new and old!

Giveaway!!!

The winner’s prize pack will include VIP coupons for two cans of Progresso soup, a spoon rest, a soup can rack and a soup mug with matching spoon.

To Win:

Leave a Comment about which flavor soup you really buy...1 Entry

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

Follow My Blog...1 Entry

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BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Sunday, December 26th , 2010!

*The product, information and prize packs were all given to me from Progresso through MyBlogSpark.

Cinnamon Burst Cheerios Spark

Thanks to MYBLOGSPARK, I got to try the newest flavor of Cheerios. New Cinnamon Burst Cheerios.

New Cinnamon Burst Cheerios will delight your taste buds with the delicious flavor of real cinnamon and the perfect balance of at least 8g of whole grain per serving; at least 48g recommended daily. Cinnamon Burst Cheerios contains 20% of the Daily Value of fiber (or 5g per serving), has 9g of sugar, is low in fat, saturated fat free and naturally cholesterol free. Made with real cinnamon, Cinnamon Burst Cheerios delivers a surprisingly wholesome eating experience, providing your family with a delicious and nutritious breakfast that is sure to kick-start any morning!


I personally found the cinnamon a little strong. It would seem pleasant at first then have a fiery after-bite. But hey, I am not a huge fan of cinnamon, but I can see people I know ADORING this. I personally am an Original or a Honey Nut girl myself. Go Cheerios!



*(The Cinnamon Burst Cheerios and Flip camera were all given to me from Cheerios and MyBlogSpark.)

Yoplait Frozen Smoothie WINNER!!

The winner of the 3-speed Kitchen-Aid blender and coupon for 2 Yoplait Smoothies isssss............

Jen of Get Lucky!

Please send me your full name and address to my email so I can send that information along!

And stay tuned, I have 2 Blogsparks coming up!

Yoplait Frozen Smoothie Spark Giveaway

Thanks to MYBLOGSPARK, I got to try two of the flavors of Yoplaits new frozen smoothies! I chose Triple Berry and Strawberry Mango Pineapple, though there is also Blueberry Pomegranate and Strawberry Banana.

Are you among the seven out of every ten individuals who don’t eat the recommended two servings of fruit per day (1 full cup)?

Yoplait^® Frozen Smoothies are a quick and easy solution to help you get those important nutrients, plus a whole lot more, and now they’re available in a new, delicious Blueberry Pomegranate flavor!

Each package of Yoplait Frozen Smoothies contains one full serving of fruit (1/2 cup) and only 110 to 120 calories per serving. In addition to containing live and active cultures provided by Yoplait® yogurt, when prepared with skim milk and made according to package directions, Yoplait Frozen Smoothies are also a good source of calcium.

As seen on The Biggest Loser, which airs on Tuesdays at 8/7c on NBC, Yoplait Frozen Smoothies are also easy to make! To whip up perfectly blended smoothies in a snap, simply empty the package containing Yoplait frozen yogurt chips and frozen fruit into your blender, add skim milk, and blend. It’s that easy!

I used the handy Smoothie button on my blender, which blends ingredients at optimal speeds for deliciously smooth results. In just two minutes, I was able to enjoy a great tasting Yoplait Frozen Smoothie as a guilt-free snack.



Found in the frozen fruit aisle of your local grocery store, Yoplait Frozen Smoothies come in four delicious flavors, including: Blueberry Pomegranate, Triple Berry, Strawberry Banana, and Strawberry Mango Pineapple.

Don’t forget to visit Yoplait on Facebook and Yoplait on Twitter and “Like” or “Follow” the brand to keep up with their latest and greatest products.

My sisters and I decided to all try them out together. Sandy really liked the Strawberry Mango Pineapple. But we all agreed you could NOT taste pineapple AT ALL and barely mango also. Sandy swears she could taste banana though which was funny. We realized this needed to be blended more because we got chunks of yogurt which did not taste good chewing. I liked the simple cool flavor of the strawberries, but was very sad I couldn't taste the pineapple.

Katie loved the Triple Berry, it had "a kick" that she needed from a smoothie. She drank most of the whole package, loving the kick of blueberry the most. I found it very interesting but too strong for my taste, I liked the first more, but I could see the appeal. I am not a huge fan of blueberries, so I could see how that might influence my taste.

And the Kitchen-Aid Blender made it all SO easy to make. I used the High button first to break up the big chunks and then the Smoothie button just ground it into a smooth mixture. It is a amazing piece of kitchen machinery!

Click HERE to be taken to a link to the Yoplait Frozen Smoothies mini microsite, which your readers can visit to receive an online coupon for $1.25 off any one flavor of Yoplait Frozen Smoothie.

GIVEAWAY!!!

To Win:

Leave a Comment about which flavor Smoothie you most want to try...1 Entry

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

Follow My Blog...1 Entry

Add My Button to Your Page...2 Entries

BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Wednesday, December 1st , 2010!

NOT listing this on Prizey people so sign up!!!

*Yoplait provided me with the product, and information, and KitchenAid® provided me with the 3-speed KitchenAid® blender through MyBlogSpark.

Cut Off

I am feeling basically ruled by my disorders as of late. Even with the now 5 medications to try and control my depression, anxieties, OCD and BiPolar, I feel like they are crushing me down and cutting off my air supply. They are also making the few things I enjoyed before, things I just can't enjoy.

I feel no motivation to DO anything anymore. It is hard to just get out of bed, I really don't want to, I want to sleep all the time. So when you just want to sleep, you have no energy. I have been sucking back 5 Hour Energy drinks just to stay awake and be around my family. Which makes Sandy worry as caffeine is apparently not good for BiPolars but I need my family. So I am barely on the computer at all, so that means I am lucky if I play catch up on reading blogs. The thought of actually writing blogs seems stupid, as it seems like I will just lose you all if I am depressing day after day. And I can't lose my only friends. I don't talk to anyone else.

I rarely go to the movies anymore. And I definitely don't go by myself anymore, which used to get me out of the house if I felt trapped. And you know I am a movie-holic.

I lay here on the couch and I am confused. It was cry ALL the time. Then a scary deadness inside. Now it feels like I am not good, but not bad, but while you may think that is good, it isn't. But I have this utter feeling of trepidation that something is hanging over my head and the minute I believe that it will come crashing down on me and hurt worse than the crying pain. I know you might think I am crazy, but I know when things are bad in me, when they are not right, when they are wrong. And what I am feeling feels wrong. It scares me, not assures me. I have a feeling the ground beneath me is very thin, and I am being set up to fall through to a much darker pain. Because Lucifer knows I have given up. I told my Mom that. I'm done. She told me she will try for me while I can't try for me for now, which made me cry of course. I am just so tired and want it to be over. But as a good Mormon, I want it to be God's will and he want me to go "home" now too.

Thank goodness for my mother. If I didn't have her to talk to, who knows what I would do sometimes. When you are so out of control, emotion wise, it is hard to control yourself. Luckly she gets it, she had depression so she understands a lot of what I talk about. She talks me through tough spots until I am feeling like I got the feelings I felt trapped inside me, OUT.

So I am sorry I am being a sucky blog friend. I am not much of a person anymore if it makes you feel better. I am tired all the time, and the newer meds are making me even more tired...and peeing all the time, I am an old lady. I will have a giveaway soon. Get to try smoothies so have to do that soon.

I wish I was stronger. I feel like I am letting so many people in different parts of my life down. I am just tired of ME.

Life As We Know It Review

I went with my parents to see "Life as We Know It" the other day, and while my Dad claimed it was a "girly" movie, I beg to differ. After all, poop was involved. If poop is involved, that makes it a movie for both men and women in my opinion. And there is the fact that it was really funny and has Josh Duhamel for the ladies and Katherine Heigel for the men. And as a ABC soap-a-holic I HAVE to point out Josh got his start as All My Children's Leo and claims it and is proud of it, another bonus/star for him!

The premise of the movie is Holly (Heigel) and Messer (Duhamel) are set up on a date. She by her BFF, he by his. It is disasterous debacle, leaving them loathing the other. Which ends up being difficult as their BFF's get married. Get pregnant. Have their baby Sophie and name them god-parents. All of this leaves them stuck together more than they can stand. And then they both recieve the call you never want to get. You best friends are dead. Sophie is alone. Holly and Messer band together at this time in grief and wait for Sophie to be returned back to her home and to hear what her future is. They never imagined their friends would leave custody to the two of them in their house.

They love Sophie and they want her to be happy so they attempt to take care of a baby, which they actually know nothing about. Learning to change diapers, what babies eat, how to stop the screaming, this is all new to Holly and Messer, and the only person they have to count on is...the other?! How can that be when they loathe the very sight of each other? And what happens when Messer gets offered a job in a different state? Can these two messed up adults grow up and be parents to Sophie? Or will they need to give Sophie up so that she can be raised by someone who wants her?

Miss Swann at Halloween

Book Review - You Changed My Life by Max Lucado

This gift book is classic Max Lucado. And I LOVE it! Lucado is such an uplifting author and he continues to do so here. His topics cover things from kindness to compassion, and you are then given inspirational stories of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. A bunch of short stories to get you to start thinking on your own, and maybe of people in your own life who have made a major impact on how your life was changed for the better. It really makes you THINK.

This book IS perfect for gift-giving. Give it to someone who you feel has made a difference in your life who deserves the recognition of such a book. I can think of a few people who deserve this book, so I may have to purchase a few copies, plus I want to keep my copy for myself. Max really finds a way to get into your heart, and he succeeded again with me.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com http://BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

October Birthday

It was Katie's Birthday yesterday. The poor thing is sick as a dog though. She called in sick and went to the doctors for her birthday. She has a sinus infection and is on the VERGE of bronchitis. Yuck. Katie really hates her job at my Mom's facility, she is way over-extended, not treated very well and the equipment she has to work with is limited and not very good. Not what she is used to working with. She interviewed at another place recently. It was a longshot, they said they had a list of people wanting the position. It is 32 hours versus 40. The facility is redone and bright and you get like a max of 6 patients at a time there. They do things off grounds, etc. It just sounded perfect for Katie. She was at the top of the list with another woman. Well they made her an offer. 32 hours, a dollar more an hour than she is getting now and they sound ex cited for her to join them. We told her she should give herself a birthday present and QUIT on her birthday! She didn't want them as a reference, she had only worked there 2 weeks so to just quit and take this other job. But she was unsure. The only thing we could convince her to do was call in and leave a message for her boss that she was calling out sick.

Well she decided on her birthday she did know one thing, she didn't want to go back to work at that job so she called her boss. What did he spend 5 minutes doing before she could get a word in edgewise? Lecturing her on how she wasn't ALLOWED to to call in sick for 90 days. She didn't have sick days to call up and say she wasn't showing up for work because she was sick. He didn't care that her doctor TOLD her she was contagious for the next 48 hours, he needed to spend 5 whole minutes berating her. All I know that happened next is Katie said "I think we have a bigger problem"....Oooh I wish I had the time to grill her about this call!

Anyway she was sick so we stayed in. Though if she is better I may be dragged, kicking an screaming to the Haunted Graveyard on Saturday as an extension of her birthday. We brought in Olive Garden after MUCH debate, Katie sick and depressed means she can't make up her mind for about an hour. While people went to get it, I showered. Then we ate dinner around the table and talked. Then we did presents. I went first, I got her the first season of Army Wives, which she loved. Yay. Sam got her a sweater and a mix cd. She also got clinique make-up, Frederick's of Hollywood underwear (yuck TMI), gift certificates, Disney's Robin Hood, Mulan, hair stuff, enzymes, another sweater she wanted, a gorgeous Rennaisance-y blouse from The Pyramid Collection (look up their web page!! WOW!) AND a Garmin Navigation system for the cars. Her OWN "Gabby". She was quite spoiled and pleased.

Then we watched Robin Hood and it had been a long time, that movie is so good. We had her "cake" which was 2 apple pies, a traditional one and a crumb top one. The second is my kind. As soon as the movie was over, my Dad helped her up to bed, at 10pm (!!) and there wasn't a peep from her again.

Sick on your birthday bites.

Debbie Downer

Sorry that I haven't been posting or commenting. I am really mad at myself actually. It's not a vacation thing or a choice. It's more of a motivation thing. See, I don't have any, in regards to anything. Blogging, going to the movies, getting out of the house a lot...I'm not doing that. Except for forcing myself to do grocery shopping and errands, I am basically shutting myself in. I can't seem to help it, I have just lost all interest in everything. This bout of depression or whatever it is, is one of the scariest I have ever dealt with. It gets worse, never any better.

And circumstances are not helping improve the feeling. That endo. appointment being cancelled, when I had anxiously awaited it for 2 months to get the blood test results was a blow. Having them not fit me in for another 2 months, that turned into a stab. The fact that I have had to put away a lot of my clothes because they are not fitting has torn my self esteem apart. I feel like the surgery was a waste. I feel so fat and ugly, it has made me cry so much, like right now talking about it. I have had people who shattered my trust return to turn those shards into ground dust and make me choke on it. Everything makes me cry. Everything is just too hard. I can't take it.

I tell you if it weren't for two things, I probably wouldn't be here. I probably would have done something reckless to make the pain stop. If it weren't for the fact that I believe so much in my Mormon religion and if it weren't for my Mom, who is my sounding board and right now, my strength, I think I would have taken a bunch of my very potent drugs and just gone to sleep so I never had to wake up. I know it's morbid but these thoughts go through my brain a lot. My Mom says it's natural to think like this when you feel like I do...I don't know.

And my sisters I thought would be more understanding. I thought they would get how extremely bad things were for me, how this was unlike anything I've had, at least in more than 7 or more years. Katie, well, she is just so busy with her new job and her friends that I barely exist. Which is better than how things are with Sandy. Sandy I thought maybe would be a krutch for me, would get that I was dangerously broken. But whether she is off herself or whatever, I can't count on her. If she isn't yelling at me about not helping enough with cleaning the house, then she is yelling at me about not helping make meals. It's not like I am deliberately not trying to be helpful. She really doesn't get that I have no motivation or fight in me. That just getting out of bed or taking a shower lately takes a lot out of me. She doesn't get that I stay up even later lately and spend time helping my Mom get ready for work, just to be around my Mom, because it gives me comfort and sometimes even strength. I just wish she would open her eyes and see what a dangerous path I am on right now. I am walking atop the edge of a razor blade that seems to go on forever. One wrong move and I am going to fall and slice myself in two, dying. I wish she could understand that ME, I am afraid to be alone in my own head. It is scary and lonely and is basically my enemy now.

I keep descending into darkness on this roller coaster from Hell. It keeps plummeting and I am screaming my head off, but it never stops. There's no safety bar, so I can barely keep myself from falling into the dark abyss.

I am just so tired. I have given up. I have no more try left in me. It's scary how I am feeling and I worry. I feel...lost. I just want to get in bed and go to sleep and never think again, just stay in limbo forever. It's safer there.

Sorry if you read the whole thing and it got you down. This is my blog and this is how I am doing. I am doing bad. We decide this Sunday if the Wellbutrin is helping me or worsening my depression. I don't know, I can't see it. I just see DEPRESSION, period.

Mmmmm TV

Just a quick post as I still feel like I can't breathe and keep crying and so that kinda dampens my mood and feeling like blogging. So I decided to go somewhere nowhere near my emotional feelings.

Fall TV so far. Yup, one of my true loves. The returning shows so far? Gossip Girl is good, I think once they are back in NY, all of them, it will be better. Chuck and House I am waiting to watch with my Mom and sisters...yes it DOES kill me. And Castle I have to wait for Sandy to watch, agghh! Okay Glee was AWESOME!! The music was incredible and I actually ended up feeling for Beiste at the end even though she was so mean to Artie and Finn. I can't wait for next week's episode!! NCIS was really good, though Sean Murray (McGee) looks way TOO thin! I am worried about him now! One Tree Hill is GOOD, I was so relieved that someone finally found Clay and Quinn's bodies! And Life Unexpected is great too. Criminal Minds was good, but I am so upset JJ is leaving next week for ever. Survivor...interesting people, but it seems unfair to pit the young versus the old. Vampire Diaries is AWESOME!!!! I was in shock when Damon snapped Jeremy's neck, and was so relieved he had the ring on!! And I was so shocked Caroline was turned!! Totally not expecting that turn of events.

And what new shows have I given a chance?

Well first there was Hellcats, yes a cheerleading show and I like it! It is like Bring It On every week, and I love that! Nikitae is one is also a new fave. I was afraid it would feel JUST like the USA show which I had watched for a few seasons and in the first episode it changed my mind and showed me this is a reinvention of Nikita and it is a GOOD one, this show is hot!!

Hawaii Five-O was the most amazing show. I adored everything about it. Action, my gorgeous Alex, hilarious Scott Caan, and Chin and Kona rounding out the team perfectly. And we have a bigger mystery of what does that key open, something Steve's father had been trying to figure out, and apparently there are dirty cops in the HPD. This show was FUN, and the relationship between Steve and Danny is priceless!

I also enjoyed The Event. You know it is funny. I told my Mom, I think Lost prepared me for this show. With all of Lost's flashback's into different times in their pasts, the flash forwards and the sideways world, I was able to keep up with the here is one character and 23 minutes ago, then 8 days ago, then this character and 1 year ago, etc. I think Lost made it possible for me to keep it all straight in my head.

But the other show on Monday that I really liked, as much as Hawaii Five-O, was Chase. It is a kick butt show and it is led by a woman. It seems she is the center of the team, so it is kind of a female empowered show. They are all US Marshalls chasing bad guys, man seriously chasing, and it just clicked with me, I like it and hope it stays! Definitely better than Jay Leno Show re-runs.

I still have to give Undercovers a shot. And a couple more shows not yet premiered. Plus The Mentalist starts up again tomorrow, AND Bones and Fringe. And Smallville, Medium and Supernatural on Friday. And then Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters on Sunday. I LOVE TV Premiere time, it is so exciting to finally have those cliffhangers resolved!