Pessimistically Optimistic Meanderings

Sequin Bible - Pink, Not too Great

2011-08-12T04:50:00.001-04:00

I actually got this in paperback form, which I think is really smart for young girls. They can be more kid-like in how they carry it and it is less heavy so that means less chance of dropping it! This was part of my participation in booksneeze.com from Thomas Nelson publishers.

This arrived and it was just so adorable and cute, I knew the little girl who was almost old enough to start bringing a Bible to Her church, would ADORE it!

I was saddened to note that there wasn't really any "help" in this cute Bible. I assumed since it is for children, it would have either summaries of what each chapter meant, or something, but it didn't. It just would have made sense, being for kids, that they could understand what they were reading. They messed around with the language a bit, but I felt not enough to help young kids GET the Bible.

So while being pretty on the outside, I ended up feeling it was not enough in the inside. So while it may be a good "starter" Bible to give children as they are first asked to bring a Bible to class on Sundays, I would suggest finding alternatives so they really understand what they are reading.

*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the (...) book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 (...) : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

45th Pillsbury Bake-Off Giveaway Winner

2011-03-03T06:04:00.002-05:00

And the winner of the Pillsbury Bake-Off Gift Pack is.....................Raven in a Blue Room! Congrats to you!!

Publix Great Deals on Great Meals Winner

2011-03-03T05:57:00.001-05:00

The Winner of the Publix Gift Card is........................................ Tina!! Congratulations!!!

Publix Great Deals on Great Meals Giveaway

2011-02-19T02:42:00.002-05:00

Preparing a meal that everyone will enjoy can be easier said than done. With a little help from the Great Deals on Great Meals event at your local Publix, you can please your pickiest eaters without breaking the bank or a sweat in the kitchen.

During the event, visit GreatDealsOnGreatMeals.com to download $9.50 in coupons* and find delicious meal ideas for any time of the day. While you´re there, start your savings with a recipe for an easy Taco Night at home, which features brands you love, including Old El Paso®.

*Coupons are valid from February 10, 2011 through February 23, 2011.

I have been provided with the opportunity to give away an additional $25 Publix Gift Card so:

To Win:

Leave a Comment about what items you are most excited to save money on?

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

Follow My Blog...1 Entry

Add My Button to Your Page...2 Entries

BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Monday, February 28th , 2011!

(General Mills provided you with the gift card and information through MyBlogSpark)

45th Pillsbury Bake-Off Giveaway

2011-02-19T02:30:00.002-05:00

Calling all home cooks! Do you have a million dollar recipe idea? The 45th Pillsbury Bake-Off^® Contest is open for entries and one simple recipe idea could help you take home the dough!

Pillsbury is looking for original recipes that taste and look delicious, are easy to prepare and that families across America will love to eat. Consumers can submit recipes in one of four recipe categories:

The Breakfast & Brunches category includes casual brunch or weekend family breakfast ideas. For example, sweet rolls, pull-aparts, pastries, breakfast breads, egg dishes or breakfast sandwiches.

In the Entertaining Appetizers category, entrants can submit appetizers and snacks to serve at casual gatherings with family and friends or for holiday entertaining. For example, bite size appetizers, tartlets, pinwheels, puffs, bruschetta or focaccia.

The Dinner Made EasyTM category encourages home cooks to create easy-to-prepare main dishes that will delight your family. For example, pizzas, calzones, sandwiches, foldovers, casseroles, chilis, soups or savory pies.

Quick and easy treats for anytime celebrations can be entered into the Sweet Treats category. For example, cookies, pies, tarts, brownies or bars.

Entries are being accepted online between now and April 18, 2011, at www.bakeoff.com. One hundred lucky finalists will compete for a chance at the grand prize during the contest finals, which take place March 25-27, 2012 at the Peabody Orlando Hotel in Florida. You´ll also find contest details, including eligible products, prizes and the official rules, on the web site.

The recipes will be judged for 1) taste, 2) appearance, 3) creativity and 4) consumer appeal. All entries must meet the requirements of the recipe category and appropriately use two of the eligible products in at least the quantity specified.

Sue Compton of Delanco, N.J. was named the grand prize winner of the 44th Pillsbury Bake-Off^® Contest in 2010 for her original Mini Ice Cream Cookie Cups recipe. At the 43rd Pillsbury Bake-Off® Contest in 2008, Carolyn Gurtz walked away with the million-dollar grand prize for her Double-Delight Peanut Butter Cookies. At the 2006 competition, the 42nd Contest, Anna Ginsberg, a stay-at-home mom who you might know from her blog, Cookie Madness, earned the $1 million prize for her Baked Chicken and Spinach Stuffing.

If you would like to win a Pillsbury Bake-Off^® gift pack that includes a Pillsbury Bake-Off^® apron, recipe book and pen, do the following:

To Win:

Leave a Comment about what you think goes into coming up with a winning recipe?...1 Entry

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

Follow My Blog...1 Entry

Add My Button to Your Page...2 Entries

BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Monday, February 28th , 2011!

*The product, information and prize packs were all given to me from Pillsbury through MyBlogSpark.

Invasion By Jon Lewis Review

2011-01-06T04:54:00.002-05:00

This book is about teen Colt who loses his parents when they are hit head-on by a drunk driver. He is sent to live with his grandfather in Arizona and must start his life all over. He begins to be exposed to creatures, secret organizations (C.H.A.O.S.) and gadgets, he never even imagined could exist. And his determination to discover the real truth behind his parents accident pushes him further down the "rabbit hole". Colt's new friends join him in his pursuit.

First off, I thing it was really well written. The author conveys Colt's feelings when he loses his parents and things of them so well. This was my first Lewis book and I thought it was fun! It had great twists and the technology and creatures were just great. And I read it in one sitting, and it left me wanting more. I can't believe Lewis won't be releasing Book 2 until 2012!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Progresso Soup Can Spark Winner

2011-01-05T04:32:00.001-05:00

I am bad. *slaps own hand* I am overdue by 10 days announcing the winner of this Giveaway. It is...................Karen!!!! Yay!! Soup is good in the winter. Yup.

Progresso Soup Can Spark Giveaway

2010-12-17T02:38:00.002-05:00

Thanks to MYBLOGSPARK, I got to try one can of Chicken Tortilla Progresso Soup and one can of Light New England Clam Chowder Progresso soup.While no one in my family cared for the Chicken Tortilla, finding it too spicy for our palates, my sister stole the Light Chowder for work before I even knew it was missing. It is one of her favorite soups by Progresso, so her opinion, is that it is awesome and she loves being able to have clam chowder still but with less guilt.

Giving you a taste worth talking about with new varieties, Progresso continues to provide convenient options made to taste great and encourage good food choices, too. It’s important to make food choices for yourself and for your family that are both satisfying to your taste buds and nutritious.

Progresso® New World Recipes™ – Inspired by Mexican recipes, explore one of the fastest growing ethnic cuisines by giving the Progresso New World Recipes line a try. Made with authentic Mexican ingredients and seasonings, four new Progresso soups will be hitting grocery shelves near you - Chicken Tortilla, Meatball & Rice, Black Bean Jalapeno and Chicken & Vegetable.

Progresso Light - America’s number one Light soup just got better, as all 13 existing Progresso Light varieties are now packed with bigger pieces of white meat chicken, more tender pieces of beef or added vegetables. Need even more to talk about? Progresso Light New England Clam Chowder is the first creamy Light ready-to-serve soup that holds true to the Progresso Light name with just 1 Weight Watchers® POINTS® value per serving!

Progresso Reduced Sodium – With 49 percent of shoppers concerned about high cholesterol1, Progresso understands the importance of soluble fiber and reduced sodium diets. New Reduced Sodium Tomato Parmesan soup is one more tasty option that has a delicious blend of flavors and carries the “May Help Lower Cholesterol”2 benefit. In addition, five additional Reduced Sodium soups also carry the “May Help Lower Cholesterol”2 benefit.

Progresso High Fiber – With 9 out of 10 Americans not getting the recommended Daily Value of fiber, Progresso High Fiber line of soups are packed with 7 grams per serving. Giving you one more thing to talk about, Progresso brand’s first Chili Soup just joined the High Fiber family!

For more information about the new and improved varieties of Progresso soups as well as great recipe ideas, visit www.progressosoup.com today! Also, check out Progresso on Facebook to “Like” the brand and keep up with the latest news on your favorite Progresso products, both new and old!

Giveaway!!!

The winner’s prize pack will include VIP coupons for two cans of Progresso soup, a spoon rest, a soup can rack and a soup mug with matching spoon.

To Win:

Leave a Comment about which flavor soup you really buy...1 Entry

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

Follow My Blog...1 Entry

Add My Button to Your Page...2 Entries

BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Sunday, December 26th , 2010!

*The product, information and prize packs were all given to me from Progresso through MyBlogSpark.

Cinnamon Burst Cheerios Spark

2010-12-17T02:20:00.002-05:00

Thanks to MYBLOGSPARK, I got to try the newest flavor of Cheerios. New Cinnamon Burst Cheerios.

New Cinnamon Burst Cheerios will delight your taste buds with the delicious flavor of real cinnamon and the perfect balance of at least 8g of whole grain per serving; at least 48g recommended daily. Cinnamon Burst Cheerios contains 20% of the Daily Value of fiber (or 5g per serving), has 9g of sugar, is low in fat, saturated fat free and naturally cholesterol free. Made with real cinnamon, Cinnamon Burst Cheerios delivers a surprisingly wholesome eating experience, providing your family with a delicious and nutritious breakfast that is sure to kick-start any morning!

I personally found the cinnamon a little strong. It would seem pleasant at first then have a fiery after-bite. But hey, I am not a huge fan of cinnamon, but I can see people I know ADORING this. I personally am an Original or a Honey Nut girl myself. Go Cheerios!

*(The Cinnamon Burst Cheerios and Flip camera were all given to me from Cheerios and MyBlogSpark.)

Yoplait Frozen Smoothie WINNER!!

2010-12-02T04:59:00.002-05:00

The winner of the 3-speed Kitchen-Aid blender and coupon for 2 Yoplait Smoothies isssss............

Jen of Get Lucky!

Please send me your full name and address to my email so I can send that information along!

And stay tuned, I have 2 Blogsparks coming up!

Yoplait Frozen Smoothie Spark Giveaway

2010-11-24T00:38:00.003-05:00

Thanks to MYBLOGSPARK, I got to try two of the flavors of Yoplaits new frozen smoothies! I chose Triple Berry and Strawberry Mango Pineapple, though there is also Blueberry Pomegranate and Strawberry Banana.

Are you among the seven out of every ten individuals who don’t eat the recommended two servings of fruit per day (1 full cup)?

Yoplait^® Frozen Smoothies are a quick and easy solution to help you get those important nutrients, plus a whole lot more, and now they’re available in a new, delicious Blueberry Pomegranate flavor!

Each package of Yoplait Frozen Smoothies contains one full serving of fruit (1/2 cup) and only 110 to 120 calories per serving. In addition to containing live and active cultures provided by Yoplait® yogurt, when prepared with skim milk and made according to package directions, Yoplait Frozen Smoothies are also a good source of calcium.

As seen on The Biggest Loser, which airs on Tuesdays at 8/7c on NBC, Yoplait Frozen Smoothies are also easy to make! To whip up perfectly blended smoothies in a snap, simply empty the package containing Yoplait frozen yogurt chips and frozen fruit into your blender, add skim milk, and blend. It’s that easy!

I used the handy Smoothie button on my blender, which blends ingredients at optimal speeds for deliciously smooth results. In just two minutes, I was able to enjoy a great tasting Yoplait Frozen Smoothie as a guilt-free snack.

Found in the frozen fruit aisle of your local grocery store, Yoplait Frozen Smoothies come in four delicious flavors, including: Blueberry Pomegranate, Triple Berry, Strawberry Banana, and Strawberry Mango Pineapple.

Don’t forget to visit Yoplait on Facebook and Yoplait on Twitter and “Like” or “Follow” the brand to keep up with their latest and greatest products.

My sisters and I decided to all try them out together. Sandy really liked the Strawberry Mango Pineapple. But we all agreed you could NOT taste pineapple AT ALL and barely mango also. Sandy swears she could taste banana though which was funny. We realized this needed to be blended more because we got chunks of yogurt which did not taste good chewing. I liked the simple cool flavor of the strawberries, but was very sad I couldn't taste the pineapple.

Katie loved the Triple Berry, it had "a kick" that she needed from a smoothie. She drank most of the whole package, loving the kick of blueberry the most. I found it very interesting but too strong for my taste, I liked the first more, but I could see the appeal. I am not a huge fan of blueberries, so I could see how that might influence my taste.

And the Kitchen-Aid Blender made it all SO easy to make. I used the High button first to break up the big chunks and then the Smoothie button just ground it into a smooth mixture. It is a amazing piece of kitchen machinery!

Click HERE to be taken to a link to the Yoplait Frozen Smoothies mini microsite, which your readers can visit to receive an online coupon for $1.25 off any one flavor of Yoplait Frozen Smoothie.

GIVEAWAY!!!

To Win:

Leave a Comment about which flavor Smoothie you most want to try...1 Entry

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

Follow My Blog...1 Entry

Add My Button to Your Page...2 Entries

BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Wednesday, December 1st , 2010!

NOT listing this on Prizey people so sign up!!!

*Yoplait provided me with the product, and information, and KitchenAid® provided me with the 3-speed KitchenAid® blender through MyBlogSpark.

Cut Off

2010-11-06T02:54:00.002-04:00

I am feeling basically ruled by my disorders as of late. Even with the now 5 medications to try and control my depression, anxieties, OCD and BiPolar, I feel like they are crushing me down and cutting off my air supply. They are also making the few things I enjoyed before, things I just can't enjoy.

I feel no motivation to DO anything anymore. It is hard to just get out of bed, I really don't want to, I want to sleep all the time. So when you just want to sleep, you have no energy. I have been sucking back 5 Hour Energy drinks just to stay awake and be around my family. Which makes Sandy worry as caffeine is apparently not good for BiPolars but I need my family. So I am barely on the computer at all, so that means I am lucky if I play catch up on reading blogs. The thought of actually writing blogs seems stupid, as it seems like I will just lose you all if I am depressing day after day. And I can't lose my only friends. I don't talk to anyone else.

I rarely go to the movies anymore. And I definitely don't go by myself anymore, which used to get me out of the house if I felt trapped. And you know I am a movie-holic.

I lay here on the couch and I am confused. It was cry ALL the time. Then a scary deadness inside. Now it feels like I am not good, but not bad, but while you may think that is good, it isn't. But I have this utter feeling of trepidation that something is hanging over my head and the minute I believe that it will come crashing down on me and hurt worse than the crying pain. I know you might think I am crazy, but I know when things are bad in me, when they are not right, when they are wrong. And what I am feeling feels wrong. It scares me, not assures me. I have a feeling the ground beneath me is very thin, and I am being set up to fall through to a much darker pain. Because Lucifer knows I have given up. I told my Mom that. I'm done. She told me she will try for me while I can't try for me for now, which made me cry of course. I am just so tired and want it to be over. But as a good Mormon, I want it to be God's will and he want me to go "home" now too.

Thank goodness for my mother. If I didn't have her to talk to, who knows what I would do sometimes. When you are so out of control, emotion wise, it is hard to control yourself. Luckly she gets it, she had depression so she understands a lot of what I talk about. She talks me through tough spots until I am feeling like I got the feelings I felt trapped inside me, OUT.

So I am sorry I am being a sucky blog friend. I am not much of a person anymore if it makes you feel better. I am tired all the time, and the newer meds are making me even more tired...and peeing all the time, I am an old lady. I will have a giveaway soon. Get to try smoothies so have to do that soon.

I wish I was stronger. I feel like I am letting so many people in different parts of my life down. I am just tired of ME.

Life As We Know It Review

2010-10-28T01:11:00.000-04:00

I went with my parents to see "Life as We Know It" the other day, and while my Dad claimed it was a "girly" movie, I beg to differ. After all, poop was involved. If poop is involved, that makes it a movie for both men and women in my opinion. And there is the fact that it was really funny and has Josh Duhamel for the ladies and Katherine Heigel for the men. And as a ABC soap-a-holic I HAVE to point out Josh got his start as All My Children's Leo and claims it and is proud of it, another bonus/star for him!

The premise of the movie is Holly (Heigel) and Messer (Duhamel) are set up on a date. She by her BFF, he by his. It is disasterous debacle, leaving them loathing the other. Which ends up being difficult as their BFF's get married. Get pregnant. Have their baby Sophie and name them god-parents. All of this leaves them stuck together more than they can stand. And then they both recieve the call you never want to get. You best friends are dead. Sophie is alone. Holly and Messer band together at this time in grief and wait for Sophie to be returned back to her home and to hear what her future is. They never imagined their friends would leave custody to the two of them in their house.

They love Sophie and they want her to be happy so they attempt to take care of a baby, which they actually know nothing about. Learning to change diapers, what babies eat, how to stop the screaming, this is all new to Holly and Messer, and the only person they have to count on is...the other?! How can that be when they loathe the very sight of each other? And what happens when Messer gets offered a job in a different state? Can these two messed up adults grow up and be parents to Sophie? Or will they need to give Sophie up so that she can be raised by someone who wants her?

Miss Swann at Halloween

2010-10-27T02:05:00.001-04:00

Book Review - You Changed My Life by Max Lucado

2010-10-18T03:52:00.002-04:00

This gift book is classic Max Lucado. And I LOVE it! Lucado is such an uplifting author and he continues to do so here. His topics cover things from kindness to compassion, and you are then given inspirational stories of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. A bunch of short stories to get you to start thinking on your own, and maybe of people in your own life who have made a major impact on how your life was changed for the better. It really makes you THINK.

This book IS perfect for gift-giving. Give it to someone who you feel has made a difference in your life who deserves the recognition of such a book. I can think of a few people who deserve this book, so I may have to purchase a few copies, plus I want to keep my copy for myself. Max really finds a way to get into your heart, and he succeeded again with me.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com http://BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

October Birthday

2010-10-13T02:52:00.003-04:00

It was Katie's Birthday yesterday. The poor thing is sick as a dog though. She called in sick and went to the doctors for her birthday. She has a sinus infection and is on the VERGE of bronchitis. Yuck. Katie really hates her job at my Mom's facility, she is way over-extended, not treated very well and the equipment she has to work with is limited and not very good. Not what she is used to working with. She interviewed at another place recently. It was a longshot, they said they had a list of people wanting the position. It is 32 hours versus 40. The facility is redone and bright and you get like a max of 6 patients at a time there. They do things off grounds, etc. It just sounded perfect for Katie. She was at the top of the list with another woman. Well they made her an offer. 32 hours, a dollar more an hour than she is getting now and they sound ex cited for her to join them. We told her she should give herself a birthday present and QUIT on her birthday! She didn't want them as a reference, she had only worked there 2 weeks so to just quit and take this other job. But she was unsure. The only thing we could convince her to do was call in and leave a message for her boss that she was calling out sick.

Well she decided on her birthday she did know one thing, she didn't want to go back to work at that job so she called her boss. What did he spend 5 minutes doing before she could get a word in edgewise? Lecturing her on how she wasn't ALLOWED to to call in sick for 90 days. She didn't have sick days to call up and say she wasn't showing up for work because she was sick. He didn't care that her doctor TOLD her she was contagious for the next 48 hours, he needed to spend 5 whole minutes berating her. All I know that happened next is Katie said "I think we have a bigger problem"....Oooh I wish I had the time to grill her about this call!

Anyway she was sick so we stayed in. Though if she is better I may be dragged, kicking an screaming to the Haunted Graveyard on Saturday as an extension of her birthday. We brought in Olive Garden after MUCH debate, Katie sick and depressed means she can't make up her mind for about an hour. While people went to get it, I showered. Then we ate dinner around the table and talked. Then we did presents. I went first, I got her the first season of Army Wives, which she loved. Yay. Sam got her a sweater and a mix cd. She also got clinique make-up, Frederick's of Hollywood underwear (yuck TMI), gift certificates, Disney's Robin Hood, Mulan, hair stuff, enzymes, another sweater she wanted, a gorgeous Rennaisance-y blouse from The Pyramid Collection (look up their web page!! WOW!) AND a Garmin Navigation system for the cars. Her OWN "Gabby". She was quite spoiled and pleased.

Then we watched Robin Hood and it had been a long time, that movie is so good. We had her "cake" which was 2 apple pies, a traditional one and a crumb top one. The second is my kind. As soon as the movie was over, my Dad helped her up to bed, at 10pm (!!) and there wasn't a peep from her again.

Sick on your birthday bites.

Debbie Downer

2010-10-06T01:10:00.002-04:00

Sorry that I haven't been posting or commenting. I am really mad at myself actually. It's not a vacation thing or a choice. It's more of a motivation thing. See, I don't have any, in regards to anything. Blogging, going to the movies, getting out of the house a lot...I'm not doing that. Except for forcing myself to do grocery shopping and errands, I am basically shutting myself in. I can't seem to help it, I have just lost all interest in everything. This bout of depression or whatever it is, is one of the scariest I have ever dealt with. It gets worse, never any better.

And circumstances are not helping improve the feeling. That endo. appointment being cancelled, when I had anxiously awaited it for 2 months to get the blood test results was a blow. Having them not fit me in for another 2 months, that turned into a stab. The fact that I have had to put away a lot of my clothes because they are not fitting has torn my self esteem apart. I feel like the surgery was a waste. I feel so fat and ugly, it has made me cry so much, like right now talking about it. I have had people who shattered my trust return to turn those shards into ground dust and make me choke on it. Everything makes me cry. Everything is just too hard. I can't take it.

I tell you if it weren't for two things, I probably wouldn't be here. I probably would have done something reckless to make the pain stop. If it weren't for the fact that I believe so much in my Mormon religion and if it weren't for my Mom, who is my sounding board and right now, my strength, I think I would have taken a bunch of my very potent drugs and just gone to sleep so I never had to wake up. I know it's morbid but these thoughts go through my brain a lot. My Mom says it's natural to think like this when you feel like I do...I don't know.

And my sisters I thought would be more understanding. I thought they would get how extremely bad things were for me, how this was unlike anything I've had, at least in more than 7 or more years. Katie, well, she is just so busy with her new job and her friends that I barely exist. Which is better than how things are with Sandy. Sandy I thought maybe would be a krutch for me, would get that I was dangerously broken. But whether she is off herself or whatever, I can't count on her. If she isn't yelling at me about not helping enough with cleaning the house, then she is yelling at me about not helping make meals. It's not like I am deliberately not trying to be helpful. She really doesn't get that I have no motivation or fight in me. That just getting out of bed or taking a shower lately takes a lot out of me. She doesn't get that I stay up even later lately and spend time helping my Mom get ready for work, just to be around my Mom, because it gives me comfort and sometimes even strength. I just wish she would open her eyes and see what a dangerous path I am on right now. I am walking atop the edge of a razor blade that seems to go on forever. One wrong move and I am going to fall and slice myself in two, dying. I wish she could understand that ME, I am afraid to be alone in my own head. It is scary and lonely and is basically my enemy now.

I keep descending into darkness on this roller coaster from Hell. It keeps plummeting and I am screaming my head off, but it never stops. There's no safety bar, so I can barely keep myself from falling into the dark abyss.

I am just so tired. I have given up. I have no more try left in me. It's scary how I am feeling and I worry. I feel...lost. I just want to get in bed and go to sleep and never think again, just stay in limbo forever. It's safer there.

Sorry if you read the whole thing and it got you down. This is my blog and this is how I am doing. I am doing bad. We decide this Sunday if the Wellbutrin is helping me or worsening my depression. I don't know, I can't see it. I just see DEPRESSION, period.

Mmmmm TV

2010-09-23T02:41:00.002-04:00

Just a quick post as I still feel like I can't breathe and keep crying and so that kinda dampens my mood and feeling like blogging. So I decided to go somewhere nowhere near my emotional feelings.

Fall TV so far. Yup, one of my true loves. The returning shows so far? Gossip Girl is good, I think once they are back in NY, all of them, it will be better. Chuck and House I am waiting to watch with my Mom and sisters...yes it DOES kill me. And Castle I have to wait for Sandy to watch, agghh! Okay Glee was AWESOME!! The music was incredible and I actually ended up feeling for Beiste at the end even though she was so mean to Artie and Finn. I can't wait for next week's episode!! NCIS was really good, though Sean Murray (McGee) looks way TOO thin! I am worried about him now! One Tree Hill is GOOD, I was so relieved that someone finally found Clay and Quinn's bodies! And Life Unexpected is great too. Criminal Minds was good, but I am so upset JJ is leaving next week for ever. Survivor...interesting people, but it seems unfair to pit the young versus the old. Vampire Diaries is AWESOME!!!! I was in shock when Damon snapped Jeremy's neck, and was so relieved he had the ring on!! And I was so shocked Caroline was turned!! Totally not expecting that turn of events.

And what new shows have I given a chance?

Well first there was Hellcats, yes a cheerleading show and I like it! It is like Bring It On every week, and I love that! Nikitae is one is also a new fave. I was afraid it would feel JUST like the USA show which I had watched for a few seasons and in the first episode it changed my mind and showed me this is a reinvention of Nikita and it is a GOOD one, this show is hot!!

Hawaii Five-O was the most amazing show. I adored everything about it. Action, my gorgeous Alex, hilarious Scott Caan, and Chin and Kona rounding out the team perfectly. And we have a bigger mystery of what does that key open, something Steve's father had been trying to figure out, and apparently there are dirty cops in the HPD. This show was FUN, and the relationship between Steve and Danny is priceless!

I also enjoyed The Event. You know it is funny. I told my Mom, I think Lost prepared me for this show. With all of Lost's flashback's into different times in their pasts, the flash forwards and the sideways world, I was able to keep up with the here is one character and 23 minutes ago, then 8 days ago, then this character and 1 year ago, etc. I think Lost made it possible for me to keep it all straight in my head.

But the other show on Monday that I really liked, as much as Hawaii Five-O, was Chase. It is a kick butt show and it is led by a woman. It seems she is the center of the team, so it is kind of a female empowered show. They are all US Marshalls chasing bad guys, man seriously chasing, and it just clicked with me, I like it and hope it stays! Definitely better than Jay Leno Show re-runs.

I still have to give Undercovers a shot. And a couple more shows not yet premiered. Plus The Mentalist starts up again tomorrow, AND Bones and Fringe. And Smallville, Medium and Supernatural on Friday. And then Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters on Sunday. I LOVE TV Premiere time, it is so exciting to finally have those cliffhangers resolved!

It wasn't Safe to Come Out of the Water

2010-09-17T03:20:00.002-04:00

First, I want to respond to those who suggested why not just go private? Well there are two reasons. One, I'd be giving more control to those I foolishly invited to read this blog long ago, I want to be able to be found by new readers and meet great new people like I have met some of you. And two, this was discussed with my family later Wednesday night as we ate cookies and milk. And from what I have seen and sadly learned, I believe these people would be so angry and petty they did not have access to what I was saying or could be saying about them, that they would break any deal made, until my page was made public again or until thy were invited to read it. Because when I talked about not getting new readers my Dad was like, have your page now be a synopsis of what you are about and invite people who are interested to email you and you can email them an invite to a private blog page or something like that. But when I presented my theory that these people would demand access, most agreed with me. Maybe I didn't include it but they don't want to be mentioned by US anywhere on the entire internet, not even "alluded" to, which is ridiculous I KNOW. So no giving them fake names to talk about them because so far, they can't agree to stop reading my blog.

Even on PRIVATE sites AND blogs, they never want to be mentioned by name, relationship or alluded to. So this is a whole other side to paranoia. Sandy asked these people what if I accidentally mention you in the next 5 years and they actually think no slip up should be made for at least 10 years. I don't know what perfect world they think they are living in, but they need to get their heads out of the...clouds. Of course I was going to say clouds.

Anyways, I cried a lot last night. Couldn't get the whole incident out of my brain. Did not help me at all, that is for sure. So Thursday was supposed to be a calm down day. I knew it was going to be difficult for however long it takes to reach a decision and I know for ME, it was going to take time, for this to not bother me SO much. To get over seeing in person the lack of faith in me, to have someone question my trust so unjustly, to try and calm the anger that IS justified at people, and I held so much back. I hurt last night.

So today it was nice to go out to dinner with my parents and sisters at a diner. We got home and us girls were watching a Chuck. And that is when the girls started getting texts from the people we hadn't expected to hear from again, wanting to come over again. I had to work so hard to keep calm, not cry or get angry or weepy. I kept expecting the deal to be brought up, to hear what wasn't working for them or if they wanted to agree or whatever, I was on EDGE. Nothing, just reminiscing. Such a let down. I wanted it to be just over.

So no I wasn't allowed, nor was the family allowed to have a drama free day. I think even those excited about the visits, also felt the stress, as it was just there. I just...it was more than I was prepared for. I am worried I am headed for a big anxiety attack. BIG.

Some Days Just Stay In Bed

2010-09-16T01:57:00.002-04:00

It wasn't the day I had imagined the night before. I thought Wednesday was going to be a sleepy slow day. I thought I might make meatballs with my Mom so we could had subs on Friday. I thought we might watch a few episodes of Chuck on TV later that night. But it wasn't to be.

Instead I was woken by Sandy and told I needed to be dressed in 15 minutes. Something major familial wise was going on and I knew it wasn't going to be easy or pleasant. And I knew I wasn't prepared for it. I hadn't had time to get used to the idea, and I knew I wasn't ready for it mentally. I know I am doing badly. I don't need someone else to tell me that. I was THE one who told my doctor how bad I was doing which is why I am trying another new med. So this isn't a shocker, I was not strong enough to handle something like this. Not today, not this week, not this month. Right now I can admit I am the weak link. I am struggling just to live through each day.

I AM sorry I cannot say what familial crisis I am talking about, I am not allowed to. In the beginning of my blogging it was up to me, now I don't have control over everything, which is ironic. This blog is for me, to get MY thoughts and feelings out, to be therapeutic for ME, but because I foolishly invited some to read it, I now have to monitor myself. That gives them control over me, which is not cool. Someone with my mental disabilities struggles to fight for the control back, and people who were meant to care are also taking some control away from me. Strange. Everything, everyone has control of me, but ME.

So the family meeting...it was a killer. I know, I personally felt battered, bruised and hurt. I am not used to having my trust come into question withing any part of the family. When I give my word on something, that is it. Because I don't give it lightly, not for years. It isn't as easy to get me to promise something as it used to be, I have to truly believe I can do it. And I don't lie either. Sandy says I can't lie. According to her even what I consider my straight face when I try, looks like I am going to laugh. And then I can only hold it like 15 seconds before I am laughing for real. I no longer am comfortable lying, unless I am trying to joke. So to have my word doubted when there is no basis for it to be questioned not only hurt like I was stabbed, it felt uncalled for.

I had kept all my promises, I had kept all my deals, even though other people had NOT kept theirs which at times made me ponder going back on MY promises. But I couldn't do it, that is not who I am. There is someone in particular I do not want to see hurt and I made promises directly to that person, so I tried to keep that in mind when the anger got really bad. And the anger was deserved. Especially tonight, when certain things were revealed. Like the fact that people who swore they would not read this anymore, never stopped. So they know things I never wanted them to know. Like me being Bi Polar and being on Lithium, etc. I feel like they deliberately invaded my privacy and that makes me feel really vulnerable and like they don't respect me.

Nothing has been decided after all this struggle and pain. Talking must go on and final thoughts must be given before a final decision on the subject is reached. Basically I just really want my parents to be happy. I would like some privacy back, Sandy reads my blog that was the whole point, her reading it to reassure him, trust me it isn't YAY on my part all the time, when I am pissed at her she reads it HELLO! So that should be enough, she has done a good job. I want my parents to smile more and be happy and laugh. I want them to look forward to emails and packages in the mail and stuff like that.

Me? I am pretty used to not being okay. If I could ensure my parents happiness and get my sisters squared away with jobs in their chosen careers, they could really just take me now. There's really not anything left for me and I am so tired. So Tired all the time. No I am not morbid, just realistic. I really have nothing left in me. Not even fight.

Am I the Only One With Their Arm Raised??!

2010-09-15T02:54:00.003-04:00

Or is there someone else who bought Season One of Glee and Fringe Season 2, and Prince of Persia and Letters to Juliet today? *pants* Raise your hand if you lost that huge of a chunk of change like me? C'mon my arm is getting tired!!!

Well if you didn't you miss things like this, that's right you can hear it but you can't SEE it:

Trying To Drive me WONKY!!

2010-09-14T04:01:00.002-04:00

I swear to you it is TRUE!! The grocery store is trying to drive me completely insane!! Each Monday I have gone for the last month, something else has changed or moved or is different, it is confusing as all get out!

And they are making the aisles SMALLER too, my Dad noticed that one, it is like being in Walmart now. To get past another cart you have to really maneuver carts or scrape handles, and you never had to do that at Stop and Shop before!! This might have something to do with the competition we are "getting", a Shop Rite and a BJ's, but I think that makes no sense. We got a Price Chopper and S&S did nothing and Price Chopper is closer than either of these other 2 stores marked destinations.

But they started changing the store weeks ago nonetheless. And some of the pairings are REALLY weird combinations. Why would soda go with bread? Why put soups and mac and cheese on the other side of the juice aisle?! Why is the magazine aisle now sharing an aisle with the rice and canned veggies?!!! It makes no sense at ALL!! I have no sense of where anything is ANYMORE!

They have changed some aisles over the course of the last like 15 years, but one aisle has never changed. Aisle 2 has always been cookies, crackers and coffee and teas. GONE!!! They had some weird combo that horrified me. It is all the way down in aisle 8 now! Horrifying! And the bargain aisle, things on sale that week? GONE. What the flip?!! I have to LOOK myself! What kind of a shopper do you take me for?!

And then there aisles with food only on one side, the other side empty and covered in clear plastic. There are several of these. If there isn't enough food, WHY can't we have our bigger aisles back? They are even messing with the freezer section, they added another side and put the food usually on the right, onto the left....now the left is empty....say what?! And the bakery used to have a big case for their rolls and bagels, now it's gone and there is a baby size one for rolls in its' place. Bagels...I have no idea if they are gonna make bagels, who knows!

They already took away the baby Dunkin Donuts a few months ago and now all this! It took us almost 2 hours to grocery shop Monday because it was like shopping on vacation. You have no clue where anything is! I felt like I was going nuts, this is MY grocery store, so why did it feel like foreign soil?!!

NEW Pillsbury's Sweet Moments Winner!!!

2010-09-13T04:12:00.003-04:00

Well I hate to practice tough love but it is NOT my job to email winners of my giveaways, I have done it before when I have the time, but sometimes I have no time. Hey I have stuff going on too. So sadly for one person, the 48 hours is UP.

HAPPILY for another, is we have a NEW winner.........Rich and Mallory!!!! Congrats!!

Please email me with your info within 48 hours or a new winner will be picked.

Fragmented Thoughts

2010-09-11T03:40:00.003-04:00

*My thoughts truly are quite fragmented lately, going from subject to subject. Part of me feels like I really have nothing new to say, part feels like I have plenty to say. It makes me want to hit myself in the gut!

*Max, as I wrote on Facebook re-hurt his bad paw. This paw that had a nail that kept cracking on him. It was so bad, hurt wise, he was on antibiotics to heal the skin around it. Then my Dad left with him on his daily breakfast jaunt, and was almost immediately back inside cradling him. His entire paw was covered in blood and it was bad. Luckily my Mom was just getting up for work so she cleaned it as I held him. He was looking away the whole time, his lower legs shaking! My Mom got most of the blood away from the areas not bleeding but that nail area, the skin bed and nail, if you touched it at all, blood would gush all over again. It was so hard to see, I was shaking too, I couldn't stand seeing Maxie bleed like that. Dad made an appointment for 11:45 the earliest he could get one. Mom bandaged Max up and he let me hold him for another 20 minutes. He wouldn't take any food!! Max loves food, especially meat!! He got down and when he is bandaged he acts like we chopped off a whole appendage, it was like that foot was no longer there so it was truly pathetic and sad. The doctor ended up agreeing THIS time that the nail was hurting Max, he in a way soldered it off really far, barely anything is left. Max left that bandage alone and is still limping a few days later. I think it hurts and it breaks your heart to see him struggle to jump onto the couch, etc. I keep helping him. He's my baby.

*I finally had my appointment with my psychiatrist this week. I don't do well at these appointments. He doesn't speak much, and I don't speak much, so my Mom says it is an interesting sight to behold. He is ancient too, so I don't feel like I have a thing in common with him. He is so old, he looks like he has been hanging out with the crypt keeper...what? It's true. I swear if he ever gets quiet AND still, I am going to think he died. Oy. I know I have veered off again. We talked about the Lithium making me SO thirsty and how I pee like every 25 minutes almost. He wasn't really interested in how I felt I was doing on the Lithium, and I had opinions from both my parents and both my sisters. I did manage to get in the big thing though. That I am really depressed. He only asked how it manifested, which frankly confused me. I was thinking what the crap is he talking about?!! I looked to my Mom while he wasn't looking with panic and she made a sign of tears, and it clicked in my brain and I was able to answer that I was crying ALL the time, which IS what I am doing ALL the time. The smallest thing, thinking I could lose Max for some reason and I am bawling and it hurts so badly. So his suggestion was to add Wellbutrin on top of my other anti-depressant. So once I start this new medication, besides Ambien so I can sleep, I will be on 5 medications. Seems so scary.

*People caused some trouble again. Said I had a photo bucket page with photos of certain people and full names and birthdates, etc. I have never even used photobucket!! I did a search after and so did Sandy and neither of us could find these supposed pictures. Today Sandy talked to those people and they provided a direct link and it was under my username. It was over a year old and contained a stencil I had used with those photos on a scrapbook program online. I had created a collage and sent it out in email form, the only way I am "allowed" to send photos. Apparently the program signed me up automatically for photobucket without my permission and saved those pics on there. So they have been there for over a year. And "people" decided to start doing searches using my email address, which makes me feel really creeped out and like my privacy is being invaded. No, I had NO idea these THREE pics from a year ago were online, but Sandy knows all my passwords so she deleted the whole account. Do I care that she did? No, only if she thinks I made that account and she says she believes programs can sign you up for others when you think you are signing up for one. So she says she knows I didn't do it. I just want my family, and that would be the people here, to know I didn't create any account. Yeah they can hurt me, I am just that sensitive, but I feel nothing for them now. I don't think there is even an ounce of love left there. They killed it. I don't think it makes me cold, I just think it makes me a person who has learned not to touch the scalding pot anymore. I finally know what to do, to not get burned. Some people are just not good for you.

*Did you know that "Kick-Ass" really did? I so think I might want to be Hit-Girl for Halloween. She was my FAVE character in that whole very loud movie!

*"Killers" with Ashton Kutcher and Katheryn Heigl was actually REALLY good! My Dad liked it even and he is SO picky! All us girls loved it, it was just a good time!

*Vampire Diaries returned last night, and it was so good!! I was so sad to see the hour end and I am already on pins and needles until next week. Katherine IS a B&^*(!! And I am liking this remake of Nikita. So far. If it ends up turning into what USA already told, I will turn it off forever, but if it stays original, I am in! I also loved Hellcats, Aly and Ashley have good chemistry and there are definite cuties on the show!

*I bought 3 series on dvd this week alone. Criminal Minds, Chuck and Supernatural. I was so not happy with how buying Supernatural went. I drove down to Target. Sold OUT!! I asked if they could check in back and they said they had sold those out too. Did they offer me any knowledge of when they would have more? NO. So I am pissed. This was THE one I was looking forward to the most! It was MY JENSEN!! So I drove all the way to Meriden's Target. I go in and look for the DVD section and find the regular Supernatural section...empty. So I go and find the lady and she follows me back so she can scan the spot and tell me if there is more in back. NO. Offer of any knowledge of when they will have more? NO. So I head out very pissed. I have one option left as with Gabby our direction thing, I have no clue how to get to any other Target's. I am across from the Mall and the Best Buy attached to it. IF they even have it, I will but it only as lone as it is no more than $40. Because Target was supposed to have it for $37.99. So I drive over and walk in worried it would be not there and worried about what its price would be. And then I see it, and it says $37.99!!! The only thing I am bitter about is that all the copies that had a keychain of the Impala were gone!! *sob*

*Anyway we started Chuck tonight, Season 3. So that Sam and Mom will be caught up when Season 4 starts. I am so good at getting people to fall for my shows, mwahaha! The Mentalist, now Chuck and Warehouse 13. Ahhhhh.

Pillsbury's Sweet Moments Winner!!!

2010-09-11T03:33:00.002-04:00

The Pillsbury Sweet Moments Winner IS...........................

Janet Faye!!!

Please send me your info within 48 hours or the next person in line will get picked!

Hodge Podge of Information

2010-09-03T05:47:00.003-04:00

New month...oh happy joy joy. That's from some random movie, can't recall which. No I can't say I am doing any better. Sorry if that makes me a downer but I strive for honesty on my blog. I am still having daily panic attacks and crying a lot. It's not even over the same thing it was at first. That tragic event that happened to a loved one is still as tragic, and I fear the next time I see anyone as I don't know how that will set me back. Right now I am just filled with insecurity and feelings of worthlessness. They can be overwhelming and so very scary.

Even the good things happening to my sisters. Katie passed her COTA exams and has been offered a job at basically every place she has interviewed at. She has her choice of kids or geriatric patients or Traumatic Brain Injury wards, etc. Sandy went back for a second interview for that phlebotomy position and is waiting to hear. So both my baby sisters might soon have jobs in their chosen careers. And that makes me happy for them...but it also makes me feel like the failure in the family as well. I can't even quiet my brain long enough to DO anything meaningful.

Anyway, TV shows started being released onto dvd. So far I have bought Gossip Girl, Heroes, House, One Tree Hill, Lost, Brothers & Sisters and The Vampire Diaries. Oh yes, in case SHE is still reading, I paid with my check book, all are completely paid for by ME. AND I plan on buying 11 more before I am done. I love my TV on DVD. What do you think we have been watching ALL summer? That's right. My Mom just learned to love and lost Wonderfalls. May it Rest In Peace. I also turned her into a Warehouse 13 addict, a Chuck addict, and she is also very angry that Haunted was cancelled (long ago) and Threshold. Amazing shows, especially Threshold, just getting really good too! We just started the first episode of Tru Calling tonight, I think she likes it and will be pissed at how it cuts off abruptly just as it is getting real good too.

I am having a weird reaction to the Lithium. I am craving some things I was not craving before. Protein, especially in the form of Milk is the number one. My Mom did some research and while it isn't listed as a side effect, many patients mention it on websites. I drink Milk period. But now I crave glass after glass. I need it. And I want chicken all the time, I am constantly eating a sandwich. Plus I have a thing for grape juice lately and I thought I loathed grape juice. Mom thinks maybe it's the iron or something. Plus there is the water cravings. I seriously do not like plain water, but I drank 4 bottles in a row the other night, I couldn't get enough. And of course, I pee like every 20 minutes. We don't see the endocronologist and get to know the results of my blood work for like 2 more weeks, it is so aggravating. I want it to be something, I can deal with a real ailment that has options. A clean slate gives no hope and I have enough no hope for a continent!!

I decided a week ago that I wanted to try The Secret Life of The American Teenager and I just finished 2 and 1/2 season online. Whoo. Tiny screens and difficult websites. Some of the content made me uncomfortable and surprised me as it is on ABC Family and is heralded by young viewers and parents alike, but for the most part it is a really good show and I am now deeply invested in the lives of Amy, Ricky, Ben, Adrienne, Grace, Ashley, etc.

I am about to go watch Why Did I Get Married Too? I saw most of the first one on TV one night, though I missed the first 45 minutes at least (sad), and it was powerful. I can't wait to see what happens to these people this time!

Pillsbury's Sweet Moments Giveaway

2010-08-29T01:37:00.003-04:00

Thanks to MYBLOGSPARK, I got to try Pillsbury’s new Sweet Moments Bite-Size Brownies in Chocolate Fudge. Just like all of Pillsbury's products they were delicious. I look forward to trying the other Sweet Moments varieties.
Pillsbury introduces two new ways to enjoy life’s little luxuries with Sweet Moments Bite-Size and Molten Lava Brownies! Pillsbury Sweet Moments, now available in the refrigerated baked goods section of your local grocery store, are perfect for indulging any time of the day. The Bite-Size Brownies, which are layered with either rich caramel or fudge and chocolaty coating, are just the right size to grab and go for a quick pick-me-up. They’re ready to eat, so are ready right when the craving strikes – no preparation necessary! And, at 60 calories per brownie, they’re just enough to satisfy your sweet tooth. And to reward yourself for a busy day well spent, try a Sweet Moments Molten Lava Brownie, which are served in single-serve bowls and are also available in rich caramel and fudge varieties. Each are covered in decadent chocolate or creamy caramel and topped with a chocolatey drizzle. After only 15 seconds in the microwave, the brownie bowls are warm and ready to enjoy. When chocolate bliss is this easy, how could you resist pausing for a Sweet Moment at the end of your day?
So in review there are bite size brownies in chocolate fudge and chocolate caramel and the molten lava brownies also come in chocolate fudge or chocolate caramel. Mmmm.
Thanks to MyBlogSpark, I received a Sweet Moments Prize Pack which includes a VIP coupon for one of the new Pillsbury Sweet Moments and a chocolate spa kit.

1 lucky reader will win a Sweet Moments gift pack like the one I received.

To Win:

Leave a Comment about which of the new Pillsbury Sweet Moments desserts are you most excited to try...1 Entry

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

Follow My Blog...1 Entry

Add My Button to Your Page...2 Entries

BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends September 8th!!

*Disclaimer: I received a Sweet Moments gift pack in exchange for my honest opinions. The gift pack, information, and additional gift pack for giveaway were provided by Pillsbury and MyBlogSpark. I did not receive any monetary compensation. All opinions and thoughts expressed in this post are my own, and different people may have different outcomes.

The End of Miss Condescending

2010-08-26T01:07:00.002-04:00

So...She didn't want to be emailed by ME again, like ever. Remember? So I made a comment as I told you all on her blog. Remember this "I said don't throw stones at glass houses. That she was the one who emailed ME. How would I know she was joking? She has no idea what my monetary situation is here and I thought she would be less judgemental. That I tried to show her I was worried about her and as an older person I do have more experience with bills. Why is that an insult?"

Just sheer facts. Don't throw stones. How would I know she was joking? She doesn't know my situation so she can't comment. I thought she was less judgemental. I was just worried for her. As an older person I have dealt with money issues longer. It is just facts, not insults. NONE.

She decided however not only could she have friends of hers comment insults to me on yesterdays post, but that SHE was allowed to email me. I can't email HER, but she is allowed to email ME. And what an email it was. As soon as I saw her name I knew I couldn't deal with it on my own, that I needed support. So I had my Mom stay and sit on the couch and read it out loud. I had no idea what to expect, but I was past the point where I was expecting anything good from her anymore. My expectations proved right.

She told me she couldn't believe I left that as a comment. That is was the SAME as an email. Which I found really interesting. She said no emails so I didn't email, nothing could make her happy. I think she actually wanted me to take her last email, insults and all and say nothing back. Just TAKE it. Well you know what, I have been TAKING it for my entire freaking life. That is one of the things I am encouraged by my family to do, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF Wendy. Do it. So I DID. I left a reasonable comment. I could have been snide and mean and called her out and named her, etc, but I am not like her, I can't be like that. So I just simply didn't take it, I talked back.

And what do I get? I am told by HER, I am condescending. That she does not need to be condescended to be ME. That while I am right and she doesn't know how I have money, I don't know how much money she has dealt with for the past 8 years (8 years. Wow. When I WAS her age.). How she deals with money from an inheritance and for lots of reasons. How her parents are accountants. How SHE knows about money. How she's been talked to about money and how to pay for bills all 24 years of her life (yeah I am so sure her parents took a 5 year old and did bills). How she doesn't like people telling her how to spend her money because she's already gotten it 400 times. (Sounds like other people have problem with her spending habits, not me) And nooooo, none of that was condescending at ALL. Mmmmm.

Oh but wait we are NOT done by a long shot. No you have to stay for the part where I started crying!. See I know, I know, I am overly sensitive lately because I am doing not so hot, but these statements are a little over the line I feel.

She tells ME not to contact HER again in ANY way. Not to read her blog. Then she told me to seek Professional Help. She crossed a line, and a big one at that. You want to turn a comment about putting the TV and internet you are whining about on a credit card into a huge fight, that is your odd choice. But to in any way, bring up my disorders and use them against me to inflict pain, etc, that is NOT okay. And NO, me being open about my disorders does not make them an open source for people to use to put me down. I shared because I am honest and because maybe it teaches people more about these disorders. No one has a right to use them to put me down to make themselves feel superior. Then she tells me if I leave a comment she will block my IP address, and she will be making all emails from me SPAM.

And then she tells me that next time someone sends me a lighthearted comment, which ACCORDING TO HER YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE IT ENDED WITH AN EXCLAMATION POINT!!!! Seriously, has anyone else ever heard of that?!! Of course you haven't because it isn't true! My Mother is a published author and she had never heard of such a thing! Anyway she tells me next time don't get offended and send the most condescending email I have ever read. SAY WHAT?! Because we are talking about the one that said I WAS responsible with money and try not to jump down people's throats because she said I was bringing America down, and that I am the one in her 30's, while she is in her early 20's so I have more experience with such monetary matters.I defended myself and it is true. I am older, she is younger. Deal with it lady!

That she said she's already spent enough time worrying if she's offending me too badly. But she won't be worrying anymore.It takes too much of her day and the emails have bothered her. That she doesn't need to be worrying if she's hurting my feelings. She has to worry about doing that with people in real life.

That last paragraph was kind of amusing actually after the crying paragraph. Because when had she worried about offending me? When had she stopped to think if she was hurting my feelings? Because I hadn't seen it once. She talks about condescending people being her pet peeve, but the only person who has been condescending is HER. So ironic. I wrote from my heart and I meant it each time. I was just being honest and factual. I am older. At 18 my grandfather died and for the first time I had a bunch of money and well things went not so great. We also sued MetLife at that time because we didn't GET the money he had set aside for my parents, so you learn a lot when you are suing Snoopy. I blew through have my inheritance and had to learn the very HARD way how to try and fix things. I took an accounting class. My Dad knows a lot about money and goes over it with us all the time, since I was about 11. I had a savings account. I have a checking account, multiple credit cards and the rest of that money in funds. If I use a real credit card I write a check out when I get home. Period. I don't care if her parents are accountants, she isn't. Even if she was, if she was still 24, I would say the same thing. I am 8 years older, I have dealt with it longer than you. It isn't an insult, just a fact.

I don't think she wanted things to get better between us. I think she needed someone to hate, so she had something to distract her and I was the unlucky one. Because I felt each of my emails back to her was showing and telling her, I care about you. I just wanted you to be happy. Don't you see that? And all that she took from it was insults which I don't understand how she found.

My Mother was not happy with the email. She said the girl was obviously unbalanced. I appreciated that, but the see professional help was haunting me. You can't say that to someone who has problems without it doing its' damage. Sandy showed up at one point and I asked if she had read yesterdays post yet and she said no. I told her the person I wrote about said I should seek help and she said some people just have opinions on your health, and I told her, no this wasn't an email looking out for me. I know the difference, I have gotten those. So I said I would send her the last email to so she could read it after the post. She reads all my posts.

After they all left, I was really upset. I was so upset I wanted to leave a rude remark on her blog under a different name so I was so not myself, I was creating a fake email when Sandy showed up and she was pissed off. I was caught in the act, she made me stop. She got it but she told me I wasn't (I know BABY sister) to ever go that girl's blog, comment on her, etc. And that she wanted me to block her if possible from my email and my blog. That she had written her an email telling her to stay away from me and my blog (awwww!), that she can't treat her sister like this. We tried to figure out how to block her for like 25 minutes but can't figure it out. Sandy then wanted to know how to delete comments. I knew I had 2 comments on yesterdays post, one supportive from Kristina and a rude one from Anonymous, either written BY her or one of her friends. I thought Sam wanted to delete that one. Only there were more comments I didn't know about. And Sandy didn't let me read them either. One LONG one by another anonymous, apparently I will lose a reader after all according to Sam, and one by her, herself. Sam wouldn't let me read it either. Sam left a comment for them, I doubt they bothered to read it, but it made me really proud to have her for a sister.

To have her defend me, it made me, well...yeah, it made me want to cry. You think your siblings can't stand you and then they defend you and say sweet thing about you that you didn't know they thought of you. I SO wish I knew what she emailed her. I don't think Sam will ever tell me though. My sister is a good sister, I have her at least, even though I don't have who was supposed to be my friend.

Judged by the Non-Judgemental

2010-08-25T01:58:00.003-04:00

I am really finding it hard to deal with anything right now. And just so you all know, NO I am not lying and the tragedy is actually about me. My Mom suggested that maybe someone thought that. It's not, just about someone very close and loved, so I can't seem to get past it and it has flared up all of my problems so much, that I am just crying all the time and having panic attacks over nothing. It hurts to breathe and the slightest thing can cause me to cry, even if it seems silly to others. So it is real late, no Kristina around to email and get a immediate response. But I can't stop myself so here goes my post. Somethings are just too much and I have been pushed too far and if I don't get these feelings out...I don't know, I just need them OUT. NOW.

So I was surprised to see an email from someone I considered a blogger friend in my inbox. She was one of the few I had still been commenting on lately, because I knew she was starting somewhere new. I felt lost and didn't want that for her too. It is hard to feel so alone. I wasn't expecting an email that was biting and it took me off guard and yeah, made me cry. I had made an offhand remark to her about money, basically because I care and don't want her to be lonely. I was shocked and hurt when I got the short email and sent one of my own saying how I WAS responsible and try not to jump down people's throats, and that I am the one in her 30's, while she is in her early 20's so I have more experience with such matters. I think that makes total sense don't you think, almost 10 years on someone GIVES you more experience. I wanted this over, I can't DEAL with this conflict, but instead of being the easy going person I thought she was, she thanked me for putting HER down because of her age and she hadn't known I saw her that way.

Which killed me! I never said that, in NO way could you take that in context even, from my short to the point email. So I gave in and emailed back again, struggling to hold it together, even though this is KILLING me. Because it IS, having to deal with this on top of that fact that all I really want to do is go to sleep and never wake up? Yeah I KNOW it is an unhealthy feeling but I am struggling right now. Maybe if she was reading me still she'd know that and be giving me a freaking break. Anyway, I write to her that I have always thought her more of an equal, that she has an old soul. That I felt like her initial comments were putting ME down because of the fact that I live at home and have mental disorders. And that hurt and isn't fair because I have been in charge of my money since I was 18. And that I was just trying to find a way she could be happy in her new place.

Well I would think you could find nothing insulting in that. I would think you could only find that complimentary and be shown, wow, somewhere cares about me. But I am wrong. She pounced on everything that didn't make sense, to her. HOW was she insulting me? Of course I could be insulting her but it only works one way apparently. Telling me I am why America is in a crisis is so not an insult. And that it was RUDE of me to suggest that because of my AGE, I deal with money more often. Have I seen how many expensive items she has bought over the years? She spends money all the time.

Yeah I LOVED that part. Rude of me. PLEASE people can someone explain to me how a simple FACT of nature is rude? I am 8-9 years older than this woman. So when I started making money babysitting, she was still IN diapers. When I was left the inheritance from my grandfather at 18, which I made all sorts of mistakes with and learned a LOT of lessons with, she was maybe 10 years old. So I am pretty FREAKING sure, I have been dealing with money longer than she has. And due to that inheritance and the mistakes I made I have spent plenty of money. And I to this day stimulate the economy though I admit I spend it on smarter things than others. So how is it rude to say I, because of my advanced years, deal with money more? And you know what else? I also do the grocery shopping and errand shopping for this household, so I have to stick to a budget for FIVE people, not one single person. TRY THAT.

So I still wanted this to be okay though. I know, some of you would be why Wendy, but I don't like to fight with people I thought were my friends, I thought I knew. So I tried again. I told her it felt like she was chastising me like I was a child, because of my disorders. And that I know how expensive items are but that I also know how lonely it must be moving to a new place and I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible. And that it isn't rude, because when I WAS 18, she was maybe 10. That I am older and have had to deal with it longer. THAT IS ALL. That I thought she got that I don't go around insulting people and HOW would I know it was a joke? It broke my heart.

I thought it would finally get through to her that I never insulted HER. That whatever was bothering her she would stop taking out on ME. That she would email back and it would finally be okay. Like I needed it to be. Was praying for it to be. But of course me prayers aren't exactly being answered lately. She wrote back. To tell me her comments never suggested my disorders or living at home made "me a silly child". Yeah loved that line, that was all her, guess what it made me feel since I never called myself that? See she is allowed to read between the lines and find things that weren't there, but it is illegal for me, even though I think by that statement we see she does think low of me. She told ME not to email HER.

Yeah I loved that one too. Because SHE started THIS. See, she doesn't like people being condescending, it's a pet peeve. Ironic, considering that is all she has done to me since she first emailed. See when you email or text someone and you want them to know it's a joke, you add LOL, or J/K, or something so they know you didn't just slap them across the face. She never bothered. And apparently this silly child assumed wrong when she though talking to her would get things worked out so they could remain friends. I don't like fake people. And I guess she is fake because she is not who she pretended to be. Some nice, non-judgemental, free-spirited, funny person. Silly child? You have no idea what I have been through in my life, what I have had to endure, what I have to wake up knowing for the rest of my freaking life. Don't YOU call me a silly child. You have NO idea how long I have had to be an adult. WAY longer than is fair.

And then she ended her last email with, can you guess it? Yes you may be older but I live on my own. I have a full-time job. I deal with more money than you do (um does she know what is in my checking or in my mutual funds?!). I am incredibly smart about my money (I could say things here) I don't need you to tell me how to spend it (evil Wen suggesting you buy that TV). I dislike getting advice from people when it's not asked for.

Yeah she actually ended it with that line. She wrote a POST complaining about her situation and I made a ONE line comment at like 4 in the morning one day supporting HER blog though she doesn't bother to comment on here anymore, and she manages t0 put me down 4 days in a row. And I kept waiting and waiting for her emails, hoping it was finally going to be the one where she was back to the girl I KNEW and she was going to be herself and sorry for being PMS-ing or whatever and that she appreciated my wanting her just to be happy. Because I told her time and time again that is all I wanted. Why isn't that enough for her? I would love for people to tell me they want me to be happy and she just is spitting on it, twisting it and making it ugly and I can't understand that.

Happiness feels so unattainable to me, so why would someone who is being wished it repeatedly, throwing it back in your face? I went to her blog and posted since no emails. I said don't throw stones at glass houses. That she was the one who emailed ME. How would I know she was joking? She has no idea what my monetary situation is here and I thought she would be less judgemental. That I tried to show her I was worried about her and as an older person I do have more experience with bills. Why is that an insult?

And that is that. Knowing her sway, if she chooses to go public and badmouth me outright I could lose most of you. I am not sure if I would be surprised because I thought I knew her. I really did. But obviously I don't. There were some traits she has that made me think if I needed to, I might be able to talk to her about deep stuff. I guess it is a good thing I never acted on that. I could probably name her as she goes by on here, but that's not me. I needed to vent my hurt, is all. I can't take anymore see, and I feel like I am barely hanging on. I am so very tired.

WHY now? I just do not get it. I have been following her and commenting for almost 2 years, so why did she have to pick NOW to pick one simple sentence and implode against me? At a point where I NEED friends, not need to lose them or need to battle them. Why?

Untitled

2010-08-24T05:59:00.003-04:00

No matter how hard I try

I always end up facing the darkness once again

I beg the Heavens for sweet release from this torture

But no prayers seem to work, it is my destiny to live in this bleakness

I fall to the ground begging to be set free from this agony

To be given a new chance in life, a new road to travel

But I am just looked down at with pity at my weakness

I am supposed to have the strength of will to perservere.

I cry my tears, feeling so alone, so mocked at my weakness

Knowing I am failing at my personal tests that I am meant to pass

I pound the ground until my fists are bloody because I am too fragile

My heart broke long ago, leaking my inner strength slowly away

I cry out asking for help, begging for a helping hand

Knowing I can't do this on my own, knowing I will fail alone

I bury my face in the dirt and debris, uncaring, choking as I gasp for help

Please don't leave me alone in this, I can't do this, I lost the strength long ago

Something always pushes me back into the darkness

Please don't leave me there alone this time

Please reach down and take my hand

Losing It

2010-08-20T04:25:00.002-04:00

Sorry Guys. I have been reading and doing some commenting, but as for me myself writing...well the post I left the other day still stands.

And it isn't getting any better or any easier. I continue to feel like I am going to throw up at the influx of emotions I feel. Odd how a tragic event can be that bat that breaks your knees, day after day after day. I wish I could be like other members of my family and put it in a box while they deal with their everyday lives, but that's not me sadly. I just am unable to compartmentalize like they can. It pops up in my mind all the time, so much so that I am having panic attacks all the time. If I think about it or the people, I most likely start sobbing. It weighs so heavy on my heart that it hurts and is so hard to breathe.

I know I am being vague with what this tragedy is, but this isn't something I would talk about on the blog. Not unless the involved party wanted it talked about for some reason you know? Which wouldn't happen for a LONG, LONG time if ever. Plus not all are aware yet of anything being...different.

I kind of wish I was like those people. Ignorance is bliss. But I know I would know eventually, it is just a fact. It would have been said, maybe even casually right in front of me and I would have freaked out and it would be old news but not to me. So I would have known eventually, I guess I just wish I could have hung onto to the innocence of not knowing what I know now, for just a little longer. Because once you know something, there is no taking it back. I mean seriously, think about it. You can't go up to a person and say their parent is dying and then take it back. They now know the truth and have to live with that until their parent is gone for good. Once the truth is out there, especially when it's not something good, it is out their forever. There is no forgetting it or checking it off and going on, bad news is there to stay.

It kind of made me wish I was a kid again. So that not only was I unaware of anything bad, but I wasn't going to be told of anything bad. Kids have it nice after all. The bad stuff is kept from them. Secrets they won't learn until much later in life.

I wish I was a kid again. Maybe the emotions would leave me be, so I could stop crying all the time. Maybe I wouldn't read the title of one of my blog friends posts and want to rip her a new one because it hit a little too close. Maybe I could get through the day without someone looking at me and asking "Are you alright?".

"No. I am far from alright. Something bad happened...not even to me, but I am freaking out and losing it."

Review of 100 Prayers God Loves to Hear, 100 Praise Songs By Stephen Elkins

2010-08-18T02:29:00.002-04:00

Thanks to Booksneeze.com, I got to review a copy of Stephen Elkin's "100 Prayers God Loves to Hear, 100 Praise Songs".

This is a children's religious song book that includes 2 cd's with all the songs sung. Essentially each song is supposed to teach children how to pray about certain things. This is not your traditional christian song book though, it covers a great deal. You have prayers from Mother Theresa to Martin Luther, etc.

This is definitely for younger children, perfect for short attention spans. It has treasured older songs like Amazing Grace and newer songs I had never heard of before in my life.

I am not sure I would use it if I had children as I AM Christian, but it is a cute book and cd duo, very colorful and seems like kids should like it indeed.

(Thanks to Thomas Nelson Publishers for sending me a copy to review.)

Naive is Safer

2010-08-17T01:32:00.002-04:00

Anyone heard of MSO Marketing? They want me to put up links for retailers and I was going to email them back and ask what was in this for me, but my sister made me think they were a scam so now I thought I would ask if other people had heard of them, their website looks legit....

Anyway I am not really up to talking. I didn't think things could feel any worse, or get any darker. Then life throws something at you that makes you feel like someone took a bat to your knees and makes you feel like you could throw up from all the myriad of emotions you are feeling.

I know I AM naive, because I will never understand the How's and Why's. It's like they are beyond me. I don't think I want to either. I'd rather stay curled up in my Naive Blanket, thinking good wins out over evil...even if I am fooling myself, it makes me feel safer.

Hodge Podge

2010-08-14T04:35:00.003-04:00

Well, first, thanks for those who took the time to comment on yesterdays post. I am in a really dark place and your comments bring some light to the blackness. For my newer readers, yes I have depression, a few anxiety disorders, OCD and BiPolar Type II. (Oh and I am a Diabetic, have migraines, scholiosis, arthritis, a fast heart rate, an extra heart beat, etc...lol) I take Celexa, Xanax and just started Topamax and Lithium. I also take a heart medication and Ambien to sleep otherwise I would never fall asleep, I am just so anxious all the time. So yeah I am definitely not in a hill right now, I am in a valley, a deep scary one that cuts at my hands when I try to crawl out. What? I fancy myself a writer sometimes, I like to get descriptive.

Okay, onto something else. I caught up on all the episodes of LA Ink. Man I LOVE Kat!

I also love Dan, he is super cool and supportive, which is exactly what she needs, which she has in Adrienne too. Corey though...I don't know. He was a real jerk to her, and he could have handled things so much better. So you want to be closer to home, so TALK to Kat, don't alienate her and then quit on her like he did. Now he wants back like he didn't break her heart?! Pshhhh!! Make his WORK for it Kat Von D!!!

And I finally got to watch all the finale parts for SYTYCD! I am proud of my baby girl Lauren. I am. I got to the point like the judges, where I would have been happy if either 3 had won. But I am so sad for my baby boys Kent and Robert! They so deserved it too, and they must be just devestated. Happy as can be for Lauren, because those guys LOVED eachother, but still sad because they were SO close. And that makes me so sad for them!

They are going on tour at least, they are actually going to be at either the Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods Resort in September here in CT. I wish I had the money and the guts to go see them, that would be so amazing to get a chance to maybe meet them.

A few of the dances from Part 1 of the finale were just amazing also, so I had to post one with each finalist for you all to enjoy.

Kent Boyd & Allison Holker

Rickey.org Lauren Allison @ Yahoo! Video

Lauren Froderman & Robert Roldan (second and third finalists)

Rickey.org robert lauren @ Yahoo! Video

Depression Regression

2010-08-13T02:31:00.003-04:00

I thought about not writing about how I was really feeling. That I could lose reader or followers, etc. And then my Mom told me if someone stopped reading me because I wrote about how I am feeling then they are not worth having as a reader. And I think she is right. Besides I made a vow to be honest on my blog, and how I am feeling is as honest as it can get.

I'm really not doing well at all. I know it is redundant, but I feel so lonely and alone. I have my family, of course. But I don't really have anyone else. My friend H is just not being there for me, no matter how much I tell her I need my friend right now. N lives in Mass. and we just never seem to connect when she is here, and W is a new Mom, so it's understandable that it is baby world 24/7. And I just have never felt too comfortable talking depression with the last two, they have never had it, and not like I do. So it can feel so awkward.

So it feels like I have no where to turn to, besides my Mom, lately. It gives me a feeling of such isolation, which terrifies me. I get this feeling where I feel like a camera is going around me in a 360 degree angle and I am alone, no one there to help me, and it panics me. What do I do if I lose it completely and there is no one there but me? I am NOT an optimistic person, I see myself withering up and disappearing. Or dying.
It's starting to feel like there is a distance growing between me and the things that make me feel secure. Like I am in the center and the things that have been known to help me: my Mom, Maxie, certain Imagery Scenarios, the Fam, music, etc. are all like 10 feet away from me in a circular pattern, so they are all at the same distance. They never were that far away before. And when I make a step towards one, they get further away, which only further frustrates me until I am running after them in tears....yeah.
Some of my family are saying they see good things from these new meds I am on. Which is nice...if true. I don't see it, and right now I don't care because I feel out of control, I feel like I am sitting in the dark, in a corner, trying to curl into as small a ball as possible. Because it hurts to be seen, because if someone can see me, then they can see my pain, and that thought it scary as all get out.

When I didn't know what depression was, I didn't understand what could be as big a deal as people sad. I got it was not good, because I saw it made my Mom and my little sister cry, a LOT, but I didn't get why. Then I was 18 and it slowly started invading me, and 14 years later, you would think I would understand it better, but I don't. I understand how it feels now, but I don't get it any better than I did before I ever had it. All I know is that it hurts, like a painful weapon, and I can cry like someone died, and sometimes I wonder if that is because someone has...me?

I am not even sure I know who Wendy M_____ would have been or turned out to be, if things had turned out a little different and I never got depressed. If I never got all the other disorders, and the OCD and then the BiPolar II. Who would I be?

Instead of this screwed up version of Wendy who cries all the time, can't hold a job because she is so messed up and can't even do the online schooling yet because she can't stop crying right now? I am just so unhappy and scared and tired of feeling like such a failure. Katie should get her test results tomorrow, Sam might have a job by tomorrow...my LITTLE sisters. And I have nothing, I do the groceries and run errands, ohhhhh. I am such a loser and such a failure, not what my parents deserved.

I am just SO exciting

2010-08-12T00:31:00.002-04:00

Well let's see, right now I am watching Dog the Bounty Hunter because I find it fascinating now for some reason. I even looked up Dog's family. He has 11 children (unless he doesn't acknowledge ones not from his marriages) from his 5 wives. Only one wife gave him no children. One child died as a baby. One daughter Barbara Katy, died the day before his wedding to current wife Beth. She was the first child to receive a bounty hunter's badge, posthumously, when Dog placed it in her coffin. Aww!

His first wife gave him Duane and Leland, the two sons you see on the show regularly. His second wife, I think may be Mormon, because his son Wesley is Mormon. J.R. is his brother and Zebediah was the child that died. His third wife Lyssa gave his the now deceased Barbara Katy, Nicholas and Baby Lyssa, who is also a bounty hunter on the show. Beth used to hold the record as having been the youngest woman getting her bounty hunter license at 25, but Lyssa got hers at 19! Yeah I know a lot, I know. The fourth wife gave no children, but was the one who convinced Dog to move to Hawaii. She also helped bounty hunt and raise 6 of his children and one of her own. His current wife Beth gave him two children, Bonnie and Garry. They also adopted one of Dog'g grandchildren(Barbara's son).

Just from the 3 siblings on the show, Dog has 6 granchildren so far. That leaves 4 children who could have who knows how many kids, especially who 2 being Mormon, LOL!!!

Oh and then....ohhhh exciting, I taped 8 hours of my BRAND new obsession! LA Ink!! I know I am just blowing your minds with my excitingness!!

And then if I have time? So You Think You Can Dance!!!

I know you are clutching your hearts with the daringness of it all! I am so exciting, especially this summer!

Movie Tuesday

2010-08-11T02:45:00.002-04:00

Well I was able to get Fragile with Calista Flockhart, but the haunted house one was all out, they only had like 5 copies. BOO. Especially since the worker chick said I should check it out, because it was really good and that these two were the only worthwhile ones!! AHA!! SEE I KNOW what I'M talking about!!

I also rented Death at a Funeral, The Stranger (with Stone Cold Steve Austen...I just like saying that), Under the Mountain, The Joneses and The Visitor.

I am sure you have all seen commercials for Death at a Funeral and it could be as LAME as I thought it would be, which is why I got that one from Redbox! Martin Laurence, Chris Rock, Tracy Morgan, etc.

The Stranger is "Pro wrestling legend Steve Austin stars as a man with no name, no memory and absolutely nothing left to lose. But when he finds himself hunted by both the FBI and the Russian mob, this amnesiac decides to fight back. Pursuit cannot stop him. Torture will not break him. And with every beating, bullet and betrayal, he'll remember another piece of the horror that took away his career, his family and his identity."

Erica Cerra is in this and I LOVE her! She plays Jo Lupo on Eureka ans is AWESOME!!

Under the Mountain looks really cute! It is about teenage twins who battle dark forces hidden beneath Auckland's volcanoes. It's got Sam Neill so I am hopeful it will rock.

The Joneses stars Demi Moore and David Duchovny. "Perfect couple Steve and Kate Jones, and their gorgeous teen-aged children Jenn and Mick, are the envy of their posh, suburban neighborhood filled with McMansions and all the trappings of the upper middle class. Kate is the ultimate trend setter - beautiful, sexy, dressed head-to-toe in designer labels. Steve is the admired successful businessman who has it all: a gorgeous wife, big house and an endless supply of high-tech toys. Jenn and Mick rule their new school as they embody all that is hip and trendy - cool clothes, fast cars and the latest gadgets. But as the neighbors try to keep up with the Joneses, none are prepared for the truth about this all- too perfect family."

The Visitor looks really amazing! I saw a trailer for it before a movie the other day and NEEDED to see it. "In Connecticut, the widower and lonely Professor Walter Vale has a boring life. He teaches only one class at the local college and is trying to learn how to play the piano, despite not having the necessary musical talent. Walter is assigned to attend a conference about Global Policy and Development at the New York University, where he is to give a lecture about a paper that he is coauthor on. When he arrives at his apartment in New York, he finds Tarek Khalil, a syrian musician, and Zainab, a Senegalese street vendor living there. He sympathizes with the situation of the illegal immigrants and invites the couple to stay with him. Tarek invites him to go to his gig in the Jules Live Jazz and Walter is fascinated with his African drum. Tarek offers to teach Walter to play the drum. However, after an incident in the subway, Tarek is arrested by the police and sent to a detention center of immigrants. Walter hires a lawyer to defend Tarek and out of the blue, Tarek's mother Mouna appears at Walter's apartment from Michigan. He invites her to stay in Tarek's room and while trying to release Tarek, Walter and Mouna get close to each other and he finds a reason to live an exciting life again."

Watching Death at a Funeral and The Stranger tonight. They have to go back tomorrow so they are the obvious choices!

Even I Have My Limits and the Why's

2010-08-10T04:11:00.003-04:00

Well it is official. Fangoria's Frightfest 8 movies get out today. But even I have my limitations and standards people. I have watched the trailers for all 8 movies. And this is ME, the ultimate Horror fan. Ummm.....

There are only TWO of the 8 movies that I want or am even willing to see. One is Dark House. A house that was an orphanage where there was a massacre. These guys decide to build the ultimate haunted house with amazing holographic imagery and actors, only it ends up this place really is haunted and the spirits are pretty pissed off and death, gruesome naturally, begins. The other is Fragile and stars Calista Flockhart. She joins a special hospital suddenly, and they only have 8 children left. One child Maggie, seems to be haunted by a girl they think she has made up. Only soon a secret seems to have been unleashed and they are all being punished for what happened to this other little girl. Normal horror movie concepts right?

WHY won't I see the other 6 movies you ask?

1) Cannibalism is so not my thing. There is a reason I stay away from movies like The Hills Have Eyes, etc. Why would I want to see people forced into the practice?!! 2) A guy who falls so in lust with the woman who is not his fiance he helps her keep on attaining eternal life by taking others lives...and Wes Bentley just creeps me out in general. 3) A woman who becomes obsessed with a man who finds his people to kill and eat online? Yeah, NO, disgusting and the fact that it was based on real events disturbs the crap out of me. 4) A movie where some fools go to hunt a 3,000 pound boar and end up getting hunted themselves by the locals and the wild pig...so basically kind of like cannibalism!! EW! 5) A woman who loses her baby and goes away to this house (where horrible thing happened to kids...yeah WHY go there, probably weren't told) to heal but can't figure out if she is being haunted or going crazy from grief. I just am not comfortable with the whole setup, I think it is tactless. 6) A semi-truck in the outback is slaughtering people, with all sorts of ways...there is NO help IN the OUTBACK people. And it just looks really, extremely gorey. There's things in the back of the truck people!! It's called Road Kill!! And I LIKED The Hitcher! But this looks like I would throw up! *shudders*

So those are the reasons I won't be watching the other 6 movies. Shame they had to ruin so many of them with cannibalism, I find that disgusting and a concept I am not willing to even deal with. I also don't like mutated inbreds, another reason I don't watch things like The Hills Have Eyes, etc.

Even this horror buff has her standards and limitations.

Walmart Box Top Winner!!!

2010-08-09T01:06:00.002-04:00

The Winner of the Walmart Gift Card thanks to Walmart and Box Tops on participating General Mills products IS.......

Courtney from New Hampshire (annasmama0702@gmail.com)!!!

Send me your info so I can send it off to the people at Blogspark!!

TLC Rant

2010-08-08T03:51:00.002-04:00

I am sorry I know I mentioned it briefly on Facebook but the train wreck on TLC that is DC Cupcakes, while true, like a car wreck you just have to watch, it is still a WRECK!! It is SO obviously scripted first off! I mean PLEASE, like you couldn't tell the guy was going to be horrible at icing the cupcakes, so that the last girl was going to HAVE to be the one who was good at icing cupcakes, etc, etc!! Even the way they talk sometimes, it's like, is the camera guy holding cue cards so you have a general idea of what you are supposed to do next?! Because we ALL knew the lady was gonna be pissed off when you chose the lighter color in her swatch, so you had to do them all over again! OY!

And then how annoying Sophie especially is, aghhhhhh!!! She has two annoying sides! The sickeningly annoying chipper and peppy side, and then when you cross her, there is the evil angry as a devil side! Katherine is slightly toned down compared to her sister anyway, but she will jump on that peppy bandwagon too, and it's like, STOP, real people don't act like that!!

REAL reality cooking shows that are entertaining and about baking are Ace of Cakes and Cake Boss. They have large orders each week for specialty cakes or orders, and the cameras follow them around, as they have fun, fights, fires, etc. REAL unplanned fires. Not have the lady walk away to chat on her phone so the ganache catches on fire which was SO obvious. UGH! Duff really has decorators who have the walls crumble down on them. Buddy really has idiot cousins burn the cakes so they have to start all over again, it isn't all preplanned NONSENSE! I enjoy the spontaneity of it, the REALNESS of it. It's like the cooking competitions, seeing disasters happen is part of real life, so seeing how Duff or Buddy and their teams deal with those disasters is part of the entertainment.

But Katherine and Sophie's "so-called near disasters" that never quite happen gosh gee willikers thank our lucky stars, is just so not working. It leaves a nasty taste in your mouth. Everything ALWAYS works out! They even happen to just have a artist friend at home who can run right over and help them build a wire dog...it felt like Peewee's Playhouse!!! Seriously it was like who is our guest for this week? What are we going to learn to make this week? So stupid! Really if you have watched it, they have a "guest" every week, besides maybe a special guest artist! The firefighters, the roller derby girls, the Greeks, the Dog People, etc. Instead of the mailman showing up at Peewee's door, it is a different charity showing up at Katherine and Sophie's Bakery "Lab" door every week. *gags*

Whereas the other guys have multiple clients they are delivering to so it doesn't feel like a children's show! I love me some Duff♥ and Buddy. Duff most of all, I would die to get to spend time at Charm City Cakes, their cakes are ART.

Hallelujah!!!

2010-08-05T03:39:00.002-04:00

Adechike is finally GONE!!! I was on pins and needles, worried it could be Robert that went, but thankfully, finally Adechike was finally recognized as being the LEAST talented by America! It just took THEM 7 weeks, but he is finally gone so I will try to make do with that knowledge.

I think Wednesday's performances just showcased that Adechike had to go. Robert did great overall and his Viennese Waltz was actually pretty and not boring like I find waltz's normally. Lauren's duet with Ade was just on fire! And Kent's performance with Neil was just...breathtaking. I will post all three of these routines here so if you missed them you can enjoy them.

The three best people (non-injured) made it to the final three in my opinion. Kent, Lauren and Robert. I do think Kent should win, but at the same time, if any three won, I would be happy for them. I have a feeling all three will find work and quickly!

Lauren

laruen @ Yahoo! Video

Robert

robert 4 @ Yahoo! Video

Kent♥

Neil Kent Travis @ Yahoo! Video

BLAST!!

2010-08-04T01:18:00.003-04:00

She read it AND caught me while I was in an Ambien stupor!! I was asleep on the couch, as I fall asleep there every night. I had just awoken and was getting a drink from the fridge when I hear "Makeup Nazi hmm?!!", and my heart sank. So what did my sharp as a downy pillow mind think of? "Heheeheeeheeeheeeaaahaahaaaheeeeeeeeeeeeee" and close. Yeah my rebuttle skills when I am half asleep are STELLAR. I thought the whole conversation, as it was, WAS HILARIOUS!

And Katie wanted to know what the reference to "Makeup Nazi" was and Sandy explained, which had me laughing inside until I felt dizzy! Man, I need to get a clue when I am tired, that my perception of things is SKEWED!

Went to Macy's and bought the Clinique Pore Minimizer Instant Perfector in very light, and also picked up the Nuetrogena 3-in-1 Concealer for Eyes.

These two ended up costing me more than I thought, so that eyeliner is going to have to wait sadly enough. I will have to use the cheap $1.99 Rimmel stuff I have from Florida. Which is a pain because it is water-proof so I will have to use eye make-up remover every time I use it. Grrrr.

Grave Mistake

2010-08-03T02:07:00.002-04:00

I made a grave error people. I went through ALL the makeup I own...in front of my sister Sandy. Who I now think I will partly refer to, just in my head, as the makeup Nazi. It was such a MISTAKE!! She threw away hundreds of dollars of MY makeup!! She started just laying up on her bed, then she was like "haven't you had that for like 2 years?!!" and ended up beside me, making ma hand her ever single piece of make-up for her to inspect and smell.

One of the resons being apparently I have no nose...holes? Ducts? Whatever, I seem to have no sense of smell unless they really stank, because things smelled fine to me and then Sandy would smell them and look horrified that I had been putting that near my eyeball or on my lips. And when she saw that some stuff had expiration dates, ooohhh boy. Some of them she agreed did not smell or look wrong at all so "for now" she is "letting" me keep them. Yeah my baby sister is letting me keep the makeup I spent money on. She tore a Clinique item I use all the time from my very hands and my favorite under eye concealer!! *sob* She says if I can afford to buy all these shows soon on dvd I can afford to get new stuff of that!! WHAT?!! I am saving for those dvd series!!!

Remember my lip gloss collection, it was all over the place and included this which was totally FULL of my collection of glosses?

Yeah it has a couple in each level rolling around because it is THAT empty!! *sobbing openly* They all smelled fine to me! Some even smelled FRUITY, but Sandy, makeup Nazi, said they were "off" and they went into the garbage bag.

At one point I managed to sneak my favorite eyeliner out of the bag. It was ONE thing, and it is my most favorite eyeliner and I have never had trouble. And she didn't notice for quite a bit...I was in her room though, and she discovered it and realized it was one she had discarded, she what did she do you ask? She BROKE it right in front of me so it was unusable!! SO mean!! And then she moved the bag so I couldn't reach it anymore!!

Oh man and when I opened the last holder of makeup...oh dear. I knew I was going to be in trouble when she saw what was in one of those drawers. See I had really liked these cream shadows by Revlon and had bought a BUNCH of them and they were like 10 bucks a pop. And they did not smell I swear! I believe. Yes it is true, they were at least 10 years old...she hit me!! She had called up the rules on the laptop earlier about how long makeup is good for, but do those people think we are rich?!! Like I can afford to buy my mascaras every 3 months!! I am not made of money!

So she ended up getting rid of about HALF of my makeup collection, which is a LOT. It filled like a CVS/Walmart bag and weighed a ton! She has NO mercy!

Now just to get the blemish concealer, under eye concealer and eyeliner, I have to spend over 40 dollars!!! That is INSANITY!! Thank you for listening to my rant.

Walmart Box Tops for Education Review and Giveaway!!!

2010-08-01T04:34:00.003-04:00

The Box Tops for Education program is an easy solution and this year Walmart is making it even easier! From Aug. 3 - Aug. 31, head over to your local Walmart to find 4 Box Tops on participating General Mills products and earn more cash for the participating school of your choice. As your one-stop destination for all your needs this back-to-school season, Walmart is helping you save more and earn more with the Box Tops for Education brands you love.

With over 20 great brands and more than 40 products participating, here are just a few favorites that include 4 Box Tops that you can find at Walmart this August: Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal, Pillsbury Toaster Strudel pastries, Trix Yogurt, Hamburger Helper skillet meals, Totino’s Pizza Rolls snacks, Nature Valley Granola Bars and Betty Crocker Fruit Roll-Ups snacks. Be sure to keep an eye out for Box Tops on great products from Kleenex, Ziploc, and Hefty too!

I got Juicy Juice, Lucky Charms, some Pizza Rolls and some Betty Crocker Cake mixes. Wonderful to shop and know it is going to be FREE!!

I was provided with a $25 Walmart gift card to use to purchase my favorite participating Box Tops items.

They also are to provide me with an additional gift card to give away to one of me readers!!!

To Win:

Leave a Comment about the must-have item that they’ll be purchasing from Walmart this back-to-school season...1 Entry

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

Follow My Blog...1 Entry

Add My Button to Your Page...2 Entries

BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Sunday, August 8th!!

*The gift card, information, and giveaway were all given to me by General Mills through MyBlogSpark.

Canna Talk

2010-07-31T02:29:00.002-04:00

It is 2:30 am and there is a family get together at my Aunt's tomorrow.

We spent all evening finishing up the last 5 episodes of Harper's Island.

I, of course knew who the killer/killers were, but now my Mom and 2 sisters

do too and are finally satisfied, so I am sorry, but we were on a roll!

SYTYCD....sniff

2010-07-30T04:50:00.002-04:00

Okay so I was SO glad to see Jose finally go! It was a relief! I was however pissed to Adecheke NOT in the bottom three! I have only like TWO, count them, TWO dances he was in. The one with Kent and the one with Comfort last week. So I was shocked when he slipped by AGAIN and it was sweet Billy Bell who ended up in the bottom three again. I found that min boggling!

Did people MISS Billy's performances last night. The Bollywood with Robert and Billy and Ade's routine last night? It raised goosebumps!!

billy 62 @ Yahoo! Video

And then Lauren somehow managed to wind up in the bottom three?!! America were you HIGH while voting?!! Did you not see her DAZZLE with Allstar Alison in this Broadway routine?

lauren 62 @ Yahoo! Video

I tell you I don't know what they were thinking. The one thing I can say is they were smart enough to leave my Kent alone, the most talented I think, besides Lauren, and they left awesome Robert alone for once!

So Jose is finally gone...but so is Billy! That should be Adecheke! The final 4 should be Kent, Lauren, Billy and Robert. Adecheke hasn't grown at all! Everyone else has improved as dancers, grown, but Adecheke is just like he was, still thinking his smile can get his through to the end. Dude, the smile works for Kent, because he has grown, he does keep getting better...you SUCK!

It's just my opinion. It is my blog after all.

Salt

2010-07-29T03:55:00.002-04:00

We saw Salt all together as a family this past weekend and it was AMAZING! My MOM is in love with it, I think she could have sat there and watched it from the very beginning ALL over again, that is how impressed she was with it. It was so good to see a woman kicking butt like that, it is always refreshing.

Evelyn Salt is a CIA Operative. During one mission she meets and falls in love with her husband who is a Spider specialist. During a present day interview with a Russian, Salt is told a story about sleeper Russian spies, taken as children and created to be the perfect instrument. And that one such spy is going to kill the Russian President. And that the spy's name is Evelyn Salt. Salt freaks after she leaves him as she tries to get a hold of her husband and gets no answer. She alerts her colleagues to get hold of her husband ASAP, that this could be a trap or a trick. When she decides she has to escape to go find her husband, the CIA goes after her. With a vengeance.

Is this all just to get to her husband, a man who is just essentially a bug guy? Or is she in fact a sleeper spy bent on evil doings? Or could there possibly be something in between?

And either way, who is running things? What is their true agenda? And why has Salt's husband gone missing?

There are many questions that will be raised, that will need answers. Prepare yourself as you are stunned by some of the answers and by some of the ways more questions are raised! This is one GOOD movie!

Kat & Sam

2010-07-27T02:02:00.005-04:00

I was going to talk about the movie Salt today, but that will have to wait because I am so excited for my sisters and want good vibes and thoughts going their way!

Katie picked a date to take her test, and if she passes, she will be a Certified Occupational Therapy Assistant. She had offers at those places she didn't want her externships at, they all wanted her and that was before she graduated or took the test, so I can only imagine, what kind of offers she will get once she has her license. She is all set to take it next Thursday, August 5th!! Oh my goodness, that is so SOON!!! She has been studying SO long and she is so smart so I can't imagine her not passing, but I am still so nervous for her!

And Sandy, our little phlebotomist, top of her class, who hasn't been able to get a job because they all want a year of experience! Well she has an interview for a 20 hour/week job in our town! It would be so perfect! One of her friends from the school (not at the top of the class mind you) works there (I have no idea how she got a job but Sam missed out months ago) and has even said it is a good place to work. And Sandy really had about given up, was starting to think she would have to go BACK to school for something ELSE even though this was what she had fallen in love with. But all of a sudden today she has an interview TOMORROW!! And she is so nervous! It is her first interview EVER and she worries she won't know what to say. She got a blessing, but she has already found she can't sleep tonight. Totally understandable. I hope she gets the job!! She could get the experience she needs and either get more hours eventually there or go somewhere else and get enough to have insurance coverage, etc. I think this could be so good for her and make her happy. Plus 20 hours is a way to ease in, and it is rotating hours, so it'll be all over the clock so it should be interesting.

Keep your fingers crossed for my baby sisters!!!

Power Outage

2010-07-24T03:23:00.002-04:00

Ugh it was out for 24 hours in my town, we were special it turns out. The storm it down really close to us. Apparently, we did get a tornado and it touched town 4 times. And just having the conditions to have a twister caused trees to crash down, overhangs at gas stations to crash, floods, etc. At J. Timothy's, a restaurant only 3 exits from us, a tree crashed on a car with a woman inside and a chimney and an exhaust vent were ripped away by the wind. Yeesh.

I don't do well with no electricity. It makes me panic. I know it didn't as a kid. That I found it cool like other kids, but as an adult with my particular set of problems, it makes me feel like I am choking. Like I can't breathe. And we even have a little generator my Dad will break out if it starts to last a long time, which it did. So we eventually had dvd's to watch on the big tv and a fan to share, and when my parents and sisters went to bed, he rigged it so, yeah wires were everywhere, but they all had their fans on in their rooms to cool them and for the noise to sleep. But it didn't matter to me. Showering in the dark, not fun. Not being able to open the fridge for more than a second because the food was going bad inside? Scary to me.

All I could think about was please let the power go back on. I have no idea why, but I find it reassuring. I kept staring at where the vcr lights normally would be, hoping to see them flicker back on. Nope. I was really starting to lose it so by about 6 am I called the power company myself and actually got a live person. Gave her our whereabouts and then she tells me that they don't even have an estimate for my area and she can't tell me WHY!

I had, by this time, seen through snowy cable, that out of the 54,000 that had been powerless, only 19,000 remained and I wanted to know why we were not back in business! This is Southington, nothing happens here!! My Mom got up to get ready for work, unlucky her, and had to hug me because I did freak out by this time, crying wise. I just wanted what I guess is my security blanket back on.

But it wouldn't come back on, not for another almost 10 hours.

Apparently one of the places it hit was Bristol which is right next to us. Actually according to where my Dad says it hit, one street over and it would have been Southington, but the street it hit is technically in Bristol.

And then tonight we were close to losing it again. The thunderstorm was like stuck in position over our house for an hour and the lights flickered. NOT cool. Went through the fridge and freezer and did have to trash some food. Going to replace it tomorrow. Oh boy, do I love rebuying food I already bought for the fam this week...not.

p.s.

2010-07-23T05:47:00.000-04:00

p.s.I will talk about my hatred of the 24 hours of no electricity tomorrow.

Febreeze Home Collection

2010-07-23T05:22:00.006-04:00

This is way overdue. That's what happens when you are so sick for such a long time, and then get sick again. OY. But these products are FABULOUS so I must tell you about them in the very least!

Thanks to the people at My BlogSpark AND the people at Febreeze, I got a Febreze No-Spill Solution kit that included a Febreze Flameless Luminary Starter Kit, refills in diferent scents and a Febreze No-Spill Wood Diffuser.
Say goodbye to spilled potpourri and candle wax. The Febreze Home Collection wants to introduce you to their no mess, no spill line-up that’s perfect for creating a refreshing atmosphere.

The newest addition to the Febreze Home Collection, the No-Spill Wood Diffuser, combines everything you love about WoodWick diffuser technology and Febreze scents, offering a unique fragrance experience. The scented oil is drawn up through the dowel into the wood top, creating a hassle-free way to freshen your home.
I got the Wood Diffuser in this very scent, Honeysuckle Orchid, and it is still going strong, more than a month later! We put it in the "hot spot", the bathroom, and it has been helping tremendously and still has a 1/3 of the liquid left in it! I saw how much these go for in the stores and I would definitely say they are worth their money!
If you’re looking to add character to your décor, then the Febreze Flameless Luminary is for you! The Febreze Flameless Luminary has interchangeable shade styles and the refreshing atmosphere of a burning candle without the danger of a flame. For a limited time, you can fill your home with the newest scent, Honeysuckle Orchid.
Cherry Blossom Whimsy is the first shade we chose to try, and my Mother was so in love with not only how it smelled, but how it LOOKED. She hasn't wanted to try any of the other scents yet. Finally, since she is sleeping, while I am writing this, I put the Cranberry Pear one on. We also have Willow Blossom to try but I have a feeling that one will take some struggling as it doesn't have a pretty shade. I did save the Cherry Blossom one and we do have one more to use. I think my Mom knows they are not cheap and wants to stretch their use. She swears she can still smell a scent, so whatever makes her happy, I am just glad she is SO happy with the product!*Febreze provided me with the Febreze No-Spill Solution Kit, information, and all includinces through MyBlogSpark.

Thanks to Febreeze for getting to try these amazing products! And thanks to Blogspark!

Current Obsessions...from an Obsessive Compulsive

2010-07-21T04:14:00.002-04:00

1) Maruchan Chicken flavor Ramen NoodlesMMMM!! Deliciouso!! I have liked them in the past sure. But since the gastric bypass I don't think I have been interested in even trying them, so it has been over 4 years. Suddenly the other day I get an INTENSE craving for them, and have had them 5 days in the last 7! And I am NOT getting sick of them at all! They seem to get yummier!

2) MILK
Okay yes it is true that I have ALWAYS loved milk, which has perplexed MANY friends or classmates, etc over the years. I just adore milk, it was always something we drank plenty of in my family and it didn't have to be forced on us. But since we got back from Florida, it is like I have this NEED for it, this need for the protein only Milk will do for. I gulp it down, I have glassful after glassful, and it never seems like enough! I have no idea what is going on, but there never seems to be enough milk in the house. Just today I picked up 3 gallons and I KNOW I will need to get more by about Thursday. That is like a gallon a day! OY!

3) Warehouse 13I ADORE this show from SyFy. It just started it's second season, I own Season One, got if for my birthday, and now I have my sister Sam and my Mom hooked. They watched the first season as I re-watched it and made me hold off on watching the newest episodes until they could watch them with me on dvd, so we only have tonight's episode to catch up on. I adore PETE, he is hysterical and his impersonations are awesome!
4) H20I dunno. Probably because of the fact that I am taking lithium so I am peeing like every 20 minutes, and with the 90-110 degree weather we are having here on the East Coast, I am sucking it down. And sure I drink water year round as I don't have as many options as people who are not a Diabetic and a gastric bypass patient, but it is usually flavored with Propel packets or something, I rarely drink water plain, unless it is really HOT. But I will be in the air conditioned house ALL day and be sucking back plain cold bottled water period. It is so unlike me and another thing I cannot figure out. It is weird and very unlike me. I like my water flavored, but I am not caring to in the last month.

Slacker Reasons

2010-07-19T06:33:00.002-04:00

I have reasons for being MIA the last few days and for being MIA for the next few days. They are GOOD reasons too! I HAVE MY LAPTOP BACK!! My Dad has put all the programs back on too and put on my last updated uhhhh not feeling techy here, the last time I backed my laptop to my external hardrive. So I am going through it al and organizing, deleting, renaming, re-downloading, etc. So just gimme a few days and I am BACK in action!

NOOOO!!!!!

2010-07-16T05:59:00.002-04:00

Okay I realize Ashley was injured, but we were THIS close to finally being rid of Jose. And much as the judges may love his "charm" *gag*, he does not have the talent of the other dancers! Too many have gone home in HIS place! I am disappointed in the judges this time. Letting personality overshadow the fact that he has no talent is ridiculous!

The Best of the Night

2010-07-15T06:40:00.002-04:00

Sorry, lame I know, but I'm sick...insert pout here.

So this is the best dances of the night on SYTYCD. The best dance with an AllStar, and the Best Dance with 2 Competitors.

It is competitor Robert with All Star Allison in a routine by Travis Wall.

robert 7 @ Yahoo! Video

The second is Suprisingly Adecheke (as I LOATHE him) and Kent ( I LOVEEEE HIM!!!) choreagraphed by Dee Caspary

kent adechike @ Yahoo! Video

Endocronologist...not as fun as the name sounds

2010-07-14T01:14:00.002-04:00

He was nice enough I suppose. I had to answer SO many questions about my Diabetes and about these episodes with going hypoglycemic all the time. He wanted info on all my meds and so many answers about my gastric bypass, some answers I couldn't even provide! My answers just made him write more and more notes into my brand new chart. A chart that was filling up already.

I have never had my thyroid checked, so after I changed into a gown...can we all say YUCK?...I was freaking startled when it felt like he was choking me from behind!! Apparently that is how you check a person's thyroid. And he told me, he couldn't tell if I had an enlarged thyroid or if it was just me...what does that MEAN?!! Is it just me? Whatever it is, is me, so what the crap did that comment mean? So neither of us knows if I have a thyroid problem.

He ended up having a myriad of theories of what could be causing my problems. One includes my gastric bypass being the problem. That it is breaking down the insulin SO fast, that when my sugars should be at their highest, 2 hours after eating, they are instead already gone, thus I go hypoglycemic. So after I got the blood work done, he prescribed me a drug to try just before I eat, that will slow down the breakdown of insulin.

AFTER my blood work and urine work. I have never had a doctor order so many tests before!! He has 20 boxes checked off and 3 things added in his handwriting!!! TWENTY-THREE!!! How many bottles will THAT take to run that many tests?!! And it is a 24 HOUR Urine test!! EW!! I have never had to do one of those! And with me peeing all the time, it will be a nightmare!

I am gonna have a jug of blood taken and a jug of pee by my side! GeeeeeeRRRROOOSSSS! I actually want it to be something like my thyroid, they have drugs to fix that. And it could explain my weird weight gain and inability to lose weight even when I excercise!

Argghhh!!! Tests, tests, tests. I have always hated tests. What is this, summer school?!!

Pity Party

2010-07-13T02:36:00.002-04:00

Okay I admit it, I want a little sympathy. I was finally doing a bit better although I was still feeling really weak, but the cough was lessening and the stabbing pain in my side was gone. The sniffles, eye watering, etc were all LONG gone. It was my parents turn, though I had NO idea how they had got it, since my stint was in May. So I never expected to RE-GET sick. I mean Sam and Kate haven't even gotten sick once!

Yeah, I am sick again. I feel like crap...on a stick! The coughing is back, sniffling, sneezing, watering, etc. The headaches are back. I am back to square ONE! Only this time I don't even have a real laptop to work on, as my Dad has still not finished working on mine!

And instead of getting to sleep tomorrow, I have my first appointment with the endocronologist, which I am SO nervous about. I have no idea what he will ask me!! What if it is something I can't answer?!!

I am having a pity party. Party of one! Boo.

SYTYCD LOVE

2010-07-10T02:50:00.003-04:00

Having accidentally recorded 8-9 last night instead of 9-10, and MISSING *GASP* So You Think You Can Dance's Results show was a travesty! Luckily I have mastered the craft of finding sources that will show me episodes of shows like this one ASAP, so I was able to view it almost immediately! And I wept for Alex Wong as many of you also did, when it was revealed his achilles tendon was detached. OUCH.

But this also made me want to relive some of the great dances I have experienced as a viewer of SYTYCD. I started watching when Season 4 began. The year of Chelsie and Mark, Katee and Joshua, Twitch and Kherrington and Courtney and Gev. Yeah, I think I picked THE season to start viewing, personally.

So here are a few of my favorite routines:

Jeanine and Jason

Chelsie and Mark (My FAVE!!)

Melissa and Ade

Kayla and Kupono

Katee and Twitch

Karla and Jonathon

Katee and Joshua

Kherrington and Twitch

What do you think?! We cover addiction, fear, breast cancer, everything!!

The Last of the Birthdays is Done

2010-07-09T02:57:00.003-04:00

The faery I got for my sister Sam. The Cancer/Caring one by Jessica Galbreth she fell in love with in Florida. This is a website's pic, it doesn't even do her justice. Sandy also got movies, dvd series including Daria the Complete Series, a blue gemstone silver ring, gift cards, books, skull sheets, a personal blender, 2 new remotes for her Ipod thing, a few other things and a faery from my parents called Shimmer by Sandy's favorite Selena Fenech.

We did bowling, with the big bowling balls too. I did bad. Both games. We shared Frosty's on the way home since it was another 100 day here on the East coast. We hung out, worked on the full chicken dinner Sam wanted. When my Mom got home from work, we opened presents. Then we finished working on dinner until it was ready and ate it while we watched When in Rome. Then we played Disney Trivia, me and Mom against Sam and Kat. We won!

P.S. Did anyone else want to CRY when it was revealed on SYTYCD that Alex would have to leave to have surgery?!! If you don't read my friend Sheri, then watch this video. What makes it so amazing that Alex Wong does this so perfectly isn't just that it is not his genre. It is HOW FAR from his genre it is. He is a ballet dancer. He danced for the Miami Ballet Company until he left to pursue SYTYCD! So him doing THIS like this with Twitch is AMAZING!!

Crazy Errand Day...And Do NOT Stand Up 4 UrSelf!!

2010-07-07T01:34:00.003-04:00

It was supposed to be a simple day. A relaxing day. Run some errands. Stop by the mall. Easy, fun. What a crock. It ended up being the stuff of nightmares. At least of my nightmares.

First of all it was just over 100 degrees outside. So the car was like 150 degrees inside. And it was just starting to get tolerable in the car when I got to Target. Those errands went fine. I even found Warehouse 13 in stock which pleased me. I even got a small Icee to tide me over until I got to the 7-11 in Meriden. I knew it would be mostly melted by the time I loaded the car and I was half right. I did find the perfect birthday card for Sam's birthday on Thursday.

I made my way over there and I found myself in an OCD conundrum. There was a Barq's root beer Icee!! I had never seen a root beer Icee before!! But I had it in my HEAD to get a coke one and I didn't know if I would like a root beer Icee, but I was danging myself the whole time because it was my one chance to maybe experience root beer again!! I don't get over to the mall very much at all, so the likelihood I will ever get to try it, that it will still be there, is very small. Dang it all! Bloody OCD brain!

I went in the mall and I went in through Sears and all of a sudden I remembered they never sent me my last 2 eye prescriptions like they swore they would. So I talked to the woman and she gave me the last one but said this LONG spiel about how one doctor who was here a long time left and took all his records and then they had another doctor for like 2 years, and then HE left and took his records, but HE worked in the mall also and he was the one who probably had my records. OY. Boggling my brain!

I peeked into some stores as I made my way to Claire's. I stopped in FYE, as they has so much Twilight stuff, it was so fun to look at it all, but I can never bring myself to pony up for the really cool pricey stuff and I don't want the stickers or keychains...usually. I ended up finding a great sale and bought Death Becomes Her, Blue Streak, Phantoms and Holy Man. Some are quirky movies, but I like them. Then I made my way to Claire's. I ended up buying 5 headbands, lol. I am completely obsessed. So obsessed I ended up at The Icing, which is so much pricier than Claire's but is it's sister store, and bought 6 more headbands! And one was $18.50!! Agh!! It is real cute though, peacock feathers. A lot of mine have bows. See I am very particular though with my headbands. They have to feel really loose, almost like they aren't there. Otherwise I get headaches. So all the really cute ones, with gems, and weird shaped things, they are usually made with metal bands, etc and I just cannot do those, not even cloth wrapped metal. OUCH.

I had started to get panicky at the mall. Especially since I knew I still had to drive to Wallingford to get to the Super Walmart and get stuff from there. And when my Mom called me and told me it was already 8pm I freaked out and had to get off the phone because I was about to cry, I got that weepy and panic-stricken. She tried to talk me out of going to Wallingford and while I wanted to be talked out of it, I was being stubborn too. And when I don't have people looking at me face to face I can get my way. She made me promise to eat something first, the whole Diabetes thing. So I ate a slice of pizza and I wanted to cry the whole time.

I knew I took on too much. I am still not 100% health wise, my Mom knew that, she told me yesterday it would be too much, but yesterday it had seemed like something to DO. So I tried to give myself an "out" I texted my sisters who I knew were with my Mom, okay I am leaving the mall now to go to Wallingford. To the Walmart. I got an OK back. And that was it. So I had tried to give them a chance to tell me not to go and they didn't so I went.

I did my shopping and got in line at the self check-out where things could INDEED get worse. This is exactly WHY I do NOT stand up for myself. And I should have stuck with that! There were 4 self check-out stands, 2 on the left and 2 on the right. But we were in a single line, when a stand opened up, the person next up, went to that stand. That WAS how we were doing it. Until the people behind me decided NO, we were now in 2 lines. That pissed me off. I had waited, and there they went, to the lady who was almost done and that should be where I was going. So I girded my loins and said "Excuse me, but the line starts behind me". And they were like No, this is the line for this side. And I was like "No we are doing a single line and whichever one frees up, we go to that one next". And they are smiling at me so snotty and going No Honey. It was a lady and a slightly younger man, a teen and 2 maybe 10 year olds and they are all laughing at me. I am saying to them this is not alright and you are showing no class, because I am pissed, they are USING a register now. They are talking to me in Mexican or Spanish, which is even ruder I find. And I am saying I am going to get the Walmart worker only to find out he is there and is doing nothing. And the people in the other lanes, who were people I waited behind, they are looking but not saying a word even though they did the line that way and I followed THEIR example. I am feeling sick to my stomach, humiliated and like I will burst into tears. I get to a lane and they are still saying things, the teen and kids. They leave and the kids are trying to make me make eye contact but I refuse. I wait 2 minutes before I go out as I don't want to see them, but who is 3 cars down from me? Yeah. And so the teen and kids start making comments about "how many lines are there for parking? One? Or Two? HAHAHAHAHA!" I just about lost it.

I drove home, trying to hold it in. No one came out to help me with my 12 bags, plus mail. And then I lost it. I am not standing up for myself again. What did it do for me? Except make me feel sick and humiliated? This is obviously why I have never felt the compulsion to be a person who stands up for herself, speaks up for herself, etc. It just does not pay.

A Very Happy UnBirthday to Meee

2010-07-05T11:59:00.000-04:00

It is Over, my Birthday, and I am so okay with that. I find Birthdays can be very stressful. I have no idea if it is my disorders and BiPolar, etc, but I find my birthday to be a bit overwhelming in the last few years. So while I like it, I am also glad it is all done with. But it was a really nice day.

They all woke me up, including Maxie, with HAPPY BIRTHDAYS and jumping on my bed. I had slept like crap, no matter how stressful my birthday makes me, it is still like a holiday, so my body makes it hard to sleep, darn it all! I got dressed and then went down to my decorations!!

Beautiful butterflies!! Or Flutter-by's.

And Hibiscus (my fave) plates!

And my Mom went out and cut off some hydrangeas for me, since blue is one of my favorite colors!!♥♥♥

I blame this slightly caught in the headlights look on the fact that I hadn't been up too long, lol!

My Mom made us Egg McM____'s for breakfast, and we also had fresh watermelon and it was delicious, I was so stuffed. Homemade ones are SO much better! YUM!

We ended up playing Disney Trivia after cleaning up, though Mom and Dad were as they said useless as they are both sick, which is why our annual waterfight will be a day when they are both feeling better. Mom described herself as a "noodle" tonight, that means she is so not feeling good. Anyway, that took quite a while, but was really fun and my team won, wahoo!

Then we did presents!! Katie got me Harper's Island the series and Sandy got me the Jessica Galbreth fairy Silver Moon!! Both had been on my birthday list!

And Maxie got me a present too, look he got me Percy Jackson & the Olympians:The Lightning Thief! I gave him a smooch for such a wonderful gift!

I also got a silver emerald ring, When in Rome, Book of Eli, Alice in Wonderland, pre-ordered copies of Lost, Heroes and House and Warehouse 13. And to top it all off, the Jessica Galbreth fairy Persistent (aka Taurus). So here are my two new faeries, Persistent and Silver Moon:

We hung out for awhile talking and then decided it was time head to West Hartford to Olive Garden, because for all we knew it could be more than an hour wait and we were all starting to get hungry. Strangely enough, it was only a few minutes wait and we were seated, but then came the BLOW. The one item on the menu that I LOVE, that I ALWAYS get, the Chicken & Gnocchi Veronese, was taken OFF the menu. LAST WEEK. I can't eat pasta because of the gastric bypass and I found an item at Olive Garden I could no only eat, but that I ADORED, and they take it AWAY!! This was me:

Then I noticed they still had the bloody Gnocchi soup though, so that made Katie ask, since they HAD gnocchi still, if I could substitute gnocchi for pasta in another dish. Because the waitress when we asked her about it said "but the chicken alfredo is very similar" (except it is with fettuccine and is with sliced chicken not yummy breaded chicken!!). So Katie asked and we got it. It was not the same, but it was decent and it was my beloved gnocchi. I prefer my Chicken and Gnocchi Veronese, but I will take chicken alfredo with gnocchi substituted as many times as I can get them to do it! And then they signaled, I said, the waitress, so I said I am going to the ladies room, but no one stopped me, and when I got back there was a piece of black tie mousse cake on the table and my FAMILY sand Happy Birthday to me out loud!! LOL!

I was SOOOOOO stuffed! I felt like I was going to explode, and I just wanted to sleep! But I didn't fall asleep at all, I was quite delighted. When we got back it was even hotter, the new flowers my Mom had just planted yesterday were dying so they began watering them. Sandy wanted to take some pictures of me with the hydrangeas and I loved the 2 pics she took of me.

Then we went inside and my Dad brought down some dvd's that had me when I was younger, bt my sisters and parents too, but it was cute to watch. I was being such a dork in one of those home movies!! OY!

Then we got ready to watch my Dad and Katie set off fireworks, it was like 100 degrees outside but we were going to rap ourselves in blankets, because the mosquitoes were out in FULL force!

I even got to hold this Merlin's Wand one, very cool and scary too!

Some of the neighbors even watched our little firework display from their yards, lol. Then we went inside and after my Dad took a quick shower, we started my Birthday movie. Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief!! I LOVE this movie!! Sandy had never even seen it! Poor Maxie was shaking like a leaf from about 7 to midnight, because of fireworks. Hiding. Poor baby. About 35 minutes in we got hungry and got out the dill dip and bread for dipping, the watermelon, potato salad and chicken-cream cheese-pickle things. Delicious!! And about 45 minutes later we paused and did my birthday "cake". My "cake" this year was glazed doughnuts and iced brownies. Sandy decorated my brownies though!!That piece missing is my first piece!

Pretty huh? We finished up the movie around 11:38pm. It was a mighty fine birthday indeed.

Happy Birthday...to ME!

2010-07-04T03:54:00.002-04:00

Wendy Marie M.
born July 4th at 1pm on the dot
8 lbs 10 oz.
18 inches long
to
♥Kenneth and Colleen M.♥

Ew NOOOOO!

2010-07-03T02:56:00.002-04:00

I am gonna be older in less than 24 hours dangit!! When you want time to SLOW down, it always seems to go by way too fast!

I am also having a real down period. Feeling really frustrated with myself, that I can't stop feeling so out of control and like things are just so beyond my control. Nothing feels in any kind of order. Even the things that were in order are out of order because of the whole getting sick thing, so it is all just discombobulated! And my computer not having anything on it is just not making me happy, it is like another strike against things. Yuck.

I am not liking the feeling of getting older on top of that all. It's like, you want me to BE OLDER TOO?!! Psshhh. Not gonna admit it though. I'm gonna be a different age for the third year according to most everyone else. Pshhhh. Seriously. That's right, one more time. Pshhhh.

THE ECLIPSE PARTY...BE JEALOUS!! LOL!!

2010-07-01T03:49:00.000-04:00

Oh my goodness I was a nervous wreck as I got ready for the Eclipse party. My heart was knocking against my ribcage and I felt like I was going to throw up. I hate being me, I wanted to go, I was looking forward to it, but my nerves always get to me. It's like my Mom says. Good stress or bad stress, your body can't tell the difference. So I said goodbye and left a few minutes early so I could stop at the gas station for a big bottle of water. As I am driving there, my heart is beating really hard and all of a sudden I think ' did I take my pills?', so I call home and I didn't! Such a spaz! So Katie drove them down to me while I bought water and programmed Gabby with Hannah's address.

I got to Hannah's just after 6 as planned. The party was starting at 7, I like to be places early period and it gave Hannah and me time to talk before it got crazy. The party this time was going to be CRAZY busy. Last time it was like 20 people. This time it was 50+ people! Friends of friends of friends were coming, it was so complicated and Hannah's mom Nay, had to organize it all and pre-buy the tickets, it was like OY! We were still hoping Molly was going to be able to get us a private theater. Molly, Hannah's 17 year old sister, works at the theater and they adore her there! Seriously!

So I got the pre-tour. A lot of the same decorations were used inside, but there wasn't a lot to choose from in Eclipse. It was the backyard that was really cool! They had it decorated for Bella's graduation party! And further back, they had 3 different areas for pictures, which I will post when I get them, I had ones taken with Hannah. You had the Volturri, which one is fallen here,
they fixed it and it was spookier when it was darker. And there eyes glowed red in the dark, it was so cool! Then there was Edward here, who was nestled between some trees, so it was like you were in the woods with Edward, though you can see the backyard next door, but whatcha gonna do? Ask the neighbors to move their laundry thing, etc? Well yeah! No, just kidding...sort of, LOL!

And then there was the coolest one! The tent that housed Bella, Edward and Jacob! Look how cool that is!

Okay I will post some more pics of the decorations now. It seems as good a time as any. And they do know how to decorate I think they do fabulous work!

A couple of people went into sugar comas from these glasses. They kept sucking the lollipop like blood and by the time it was time for us to leave for the movie, they didn't want to look at candy! LOL!

These were the special prizes. The big ones, you got to put your names in for. The small ones would be for the quotes/trivia portion of the evening.

This was a special cut out Edward for a bean bag toss. They had wolf shaped beanie babies to toss through Edward's mouth and whoever tossed the most through won a special prize.

They decided to have the food done by someone else this time, which I think was brilliant on their part, they had so much less to do in that one area, they just had to pick it up. There were a few homemade things, some tapenades, but otherwise, it was from Costco or these people. I don't have shots of when ALL the food was out inside the house, this was just the first few things:

They had cheese and grapes. Then a strawberry and brie platter. Hummus and pita chips. Cauliflower dip. Olives and marinated mushrooms. Bruschetta and blue cheese on italian bread.

Outside was Graduation food fare. Sandwich fixings, macaroni salad, pickles, sodas and iced teas.Even Sangria...though I have no idea what that is, though I do appreciate that someone put this sign on it:

Okay so that is what the party looked like. SO Hannah and I were sitting and catching up, it was so good to see her and it ended up being SO easy to get back into the flow of how she and I communicate! I was worried it would be like starting over from the very beginning for us, but it was like there was never any interruption. We talked about who some of these 50+ people were. Apparently Sister H. was bringing a church friend, and she had asked to bring like 10 people (how are people that brave/daring?!). And Amber, Hannah's cousin, she had a bunch of friends coming and they had asked to bring a bunch of other people too (again, the daring with strangers?!! I don't get it!!I am scary shy true, but still!), and Nay had a bunch of her friends this time, which I say is good for her. Sister H and her church friend Adele and some of her group showed up early, but what was weird was when the introductions happened I had to explain yeah, well I actually go to the same ward as you, I just don't go too often, you probably know my parents, the M_____'s, my Dad Ken, yeah he's the ward clerk? And she was like, right, oh you look like him, I can see it now! Oy okay I know I don't go often, I don't do well with crowds. And when I do, I kind of focus on nothing, I don't look at the congregation, and then once sacrament meeting is over, I am out of there! But still! Geez. And then I had to explain it to her two daughters and they recognized the last name.

Adele is adorable though, she is a Brit, they have been part of our Ward for 3 years and her daughters lose their accents most of the time, but not her. And she is a CRAZED DIE HARD Twilight fan. She owns every piece of jewelery you can imagine. She has it. Shirts, sweatshirts, watches, etc. And after the party...socks! LOL! She is a sweetheart!

Anyway, Hannah and I somehow ended up, trapped in the room with the 2 daughters and their friend Mariah. The daughters are Kristie and Lindsay. They are all going to be juniors, but Lindsay is 18. I am going to have to ask her about that, maybe our stupid schools wouldn't accept some of her stuff from the UK? Anyway, we were having a pretty good time talking movies. I really liked Lindsay and Hannah seemed to like her too. She was our kinda girl.

More people were arriving. It was time to eat so we moved to the inside table and were munching on the hummus and stuff. I loved the bruschetta. That was my main food for the evening. Weezie, Zak and my Naomi arrived. I hadn't seen Naomi since last summer so it was great to see her and she looked great, so much happier than when I last saw her. For awhile it was in the house, outside, inside, etc. Talking with Hannah or Weezie or Naomi. (Peeing a LOT in between. Stupid Diabetes and stupid Lithium making it even worse!)

Here is Weezie and Naomi! Weezie and Zak got a sitter for Zoey just so they could go to the party! Woot!

Here is Hannah and Zak. Yeah Hann will probably kill me for this pic, but I don't have any others with her until I get the pics of her and me!! Zak showing off his Ipad for the zillionth time yesterday. *yawn*

Ooh I did get a decent pic of my favorite of her 4 tattoo's. The HP crest. Do you know how many people asked to see it throughout the night? Even at the theater! It was funny!

And here is the lovely Molly, our Theater connection. She is such a ham when I take my camera out!

Trivia was different this year. One question or quote every 20 minutes. And whoever raised their hand first got to answer. Nay was asking the questions and Zak agreed to be her spotter. And they said if you won you got to pick something from the prize basket, and if you won, please don't play again so other people can win too. THANK GOODNESS! Adele won first and got the socks, the one thing she does not own, Twilight socks, lol!

Desserts starting being placed about and some were really good, like the brownies and cookies. Someone made a Bella cake. There were graduation cap cookies. Someone made a "cheap" version of the vampire cupcakes Hannah made last party. These were just smeared to look like a vampire bit them, Hannah's recipe had them filled with gel and so you see why I say cheaper version.

The bugs were getting bad outside but if you wanted to do trivia, you had to go where the trivia was, outside. It was totally pitch black by now so we were all given glow bracelets. A, it would make us know we were together at the theater, and B, I think it was going to help Nay and Zak see whose hand shot up first with trivia. LOL. We ended up, thank goodness, doing it all, back to back. I had studied, and except for a few quotes and questions, I think my questions would have been harder I tell you! Some were so hard no one could get them and after I got my prize, Zak had taken over reading by then, reading by cellphone light, and he called mine cheating as people kept calling out and I thought about it, did process of elimination and called out an answer and it was right. I got me some bandaids! People said to ignore Zak, I got my prize fair and square. I love Zak but he can be irksome sometimes, like right then. It hurt him saying that, that I didn't deserve a prize in front of over 50 people. It was kind of humiliating. Anyway, here are my way cool band-aids:

Molly was starting to worry. They were only supposed to be playing the movie in 6 theaters and we were hoping to get the 7th theater. She had been texting people working at the theater so she decided to leave at 10 and see what was going on. Someone was like bring the manager some desserts and she was like I will bring him lots of bribery food! She called like 20 minutes later and said there was already 1100 people there! That people were parked on the parking lot hill things. It was really worrisome.

Antony, Hannah's Dad handed out the goody bags and the magnets Adele brought that she had made, which included bookmarks and yummy rings and keyrings and this really cool pocket calendar. And a magnet I already have on my fridge. It has the date of Part One of the Breaking Dawn Movie, which is November 18, 2011!! That is so far away!!

Anway what is so cool about this pocket calendar is that it has the calendar for the months until July 2012!! Which I am guessing is when the final movie will be out!! It is so cool, here is a peek at mine:

There was a line for the bathroom at this point, which I was in, since it was about 10:26 and we were supposed to leave for the theater at 10:30. Nay handed out the tickets. I went with Hannah, Amber, Nay and 3 other women in a van, where the woman was adamant about not going anywhere until every single one of us had a seat belt on. It was a little odd, since the youngest person in the car was 20. As we neared the theater, Hannah and I both shielded our eyes, not looking. Hannah looked up once though and freaked but I managed not too, but her reaction had me freaking out. I could feel myself getting nauseous and my heart beating faster. We parked near the back of the theater in a non-space and met up with the rest of our 50+ party. It was 10:40pm. Nay went around to the front to go see Molly about what was going on. We all stood in back hoping we would be snuck in all black ops style. I got to hang with Hannah and Naomi and Weezie and Zak. And Lindsay for a minute before she got pulled back to her group of friends. We were there for a long time though. It was after 11, and then it was almost 11:20 when Molly came out and said we were going in a side exit door. Which was between a horde of people. Who did not like us going between them and the wall. And then we stopped, surrounded, and I freaked. I had a panic attack. Not full fledged crying, etc. But I was on my way I am sure. I was in the, face going tingling, couldn't breathe, felt sick phase. I was in a panic. Hannah was next to me, and of course she understood and didn't like it either. She was trying to distract me by naming colors. I think Crayola colors, because I heard macaroni-n-cheese at one point. I love that Hannah gets it, gets me. I don't have to have any pretenses around her.

Finally we moved and we were walking straight into a smaller sized theater where a guy was ripping our tickets. Molly was blocking the door as people were trying to get into our theater who were not in our group! Fudge, the security guard was supposed to be there to help her but was a no show! At first it was a private theater except for a woman in a wheelchair (who sat right in front of me with her big poofy hair!!) and her party of 4. We had like 20 minutes before the movie should have started so I went to the bathroom, with it's 4 whole stalls and waited in a LONG line with Sister H to pee. I was prepared to hold it for the whole movie!!

I walk back into the theater and Molly is talking to a co-worker and she stops me and asks me if I am alright? I was shocked. I admit it. No one ever notices panic attacks besides my family who is used to them, and Hannah who has them herself. I suppose Molly being Hannah's sister, she has experienced it, but for me, her noticing and checking if I was okay was a HUGE deal for me. I told her it was just a panic attack, and she was like, I am so sorry, which just made me like her ever MORE. I told her it was fine and walked to my seat. Of course inside if I was brave, I would like to have been, Molly you are such a wonderful person, thank you for noticing and then given her a big hug.And then told her like it or not she is now one of my favorite people. But I am me, so I just think these things. BLEGH! But Molly is a sweetheart. A HAM when I want a nice pic of course. Yeah she would KILL me if this ever get on Facebook! LOL! And she would know it was me immediately, so no one taking it!

So 12:01 arrives...and passes. Bye-bye. Way passes. It is like 20 past 12. At 12:25 they start putting people in our theater. Boo! Then the movie previews start quite suddenly, like at the end of Paranormal Activity 2. 5 minutes into the previews they STOP. People are screaming! It was weird, and embarassing if it was someone from our group! They let more people in. The previews start again. Then STOP!! Start. Stop.

We see Riley, I let out a No! Clapped my hand over my mouth! I knew it was like from NOT the beginning of the movie. It did that a few times and stopped again. Fudge was trying to calm people down. In our little theater. I think he likes Molly or her family or something.

I had had it. I had not peed in over an hour and the movie we heard might be 2 and 1/2 hours long. I could not hold it for THAT long. So I went and no lines. As soon as I entered the theater I saw the words ECLIPSE and ran to my seat.

I LOVED it! You all should know by now, how much I LOATHED New Moon, so I was hoping to like this one. Hannah was hoping I would like this one. And I LOVED it! Sure there are a few things I would SO change, some parts I prefer the book version of, but it was really really good! And Jasper, sure he does not look good blonde, but he NEVER makes a ugly face like in the first two, he looks normal man the whole movie!!

They never showed the Harry Potter preview, that is one thing some of us were pissed about. We were really excited about it and they didn't show it. Oh and it ended up being 10 theaters full, how that happened if they had only planned on 6 theaters, I do not understand at all. Anyway, our party cleared out in minutes once the movie ended. I was like where did everybody go?! Lindsay said goodbye at least and she had my name and Hannah's so we can be friends on Facebook. It was almost 3am because of how late the movie started but I was sad that we weren't going to the diner, so was Hannah. I stayed with Hann, Molly and Amber to watch the end credits. Hann likes to pay tribute to all who work on the movie. Then the two tallest people squeezed into the cab of Molly's truck and we drove back to Hannah's house.

We got there and there was a bunch of people and they were going into the house, including Zak and Naomi. And we were like, are we doing diner, and Zak was like I could so go for breakfast. So I got my hopes up. But instead we watched the says E!News for some odd reason and then everyone was leaving. It was 4 am. Hannah asked me to stay and watch Pretty Little Liars and eat leftovers, and I really wanted to and said yes. I could have watched a show I love, hung with Hann and her cool Mom and sister. But then I was like, I still have to drive home, shower and Dad's birthday is today. Grrrr, so sense won out and I said I should go, even though I really wanted a chance to get to know Molly and Nay better. I hugged Hann goodbye and left.

So I drove home, showered, talked to my Mom and then Dad as he was up since he is sick, ate some food, took my pills and fell asleep within 10 minutes of putting Pretty Little Liars on. My Dad wanted a project to work on during the day so he took my laptop to nuke.

Can I Really BE SAYING THIS AGAIN??!!

2010-07-01T00:21:00.000-04:00

YES!!

My Computer is D.E.A.D. I don't even know WHAT site is doing this, heck the only sites I commonly go to that I was on when I was hit by THIRTY

Trojan viruses were blogger, yahoo and stop and shop. Otherwise all I did was look for a sight to help with with a puzzle I can't figure out on my DS and so that is two games I won't be getting anywhere on because I can't find cheats for the DS versions.

Anyway, my Dad is blowing my laptop away as we speak, because I continued to use it for another 2 days and accrued about a total of 100 or more Trojans total, and sometimes I wasn't even online. Heck, all I had to do was turn my laptop ON and I got hit by multiple Trojans. This means so much work, I am so not happy.

My BIRTHDAY is Sunday and I am not even looking forward to it. Too much has been going wrong and I am still sick.

So, I am SORRY NOW. If I don't comment, it is only because I can't get the fossil in the dining room to work, or I just don't feel good enough to sit on a metal chair for more than 5 minutes. PLEASE be patient with me as I hope Dad can fix it, but with birthdays and anniversaries in the next 8 days, I don't know how likely. I WILL be typing up Eclipse Party though, I vow this!

Do you guys understand and swear not to leave me? I did not mean to break my computer again!!

Excited Nauseous

2010-06-28T23:33:00.002-04:00

I know that seems so contradictory. I am a contradiction though. I am incredibly excited for the Eclipse party tomorrow, but I am so nervous too I could throw up. Yeah it is so good to be me. I have what feels to me like a hundred little things to do to be ready for me to go. So that I am set and feel prepared and have stuff in case of emergency so I don't go hypoglycemic or if I start coughing, etc. I am making a checklist so I don't forget to take a Nebulizer treatment, etc before I leave.

So I need to go. Plus I have a few things to do for my Dad's birthday which is Wednesday! OY!!

Good Earth Giveaway Winner

2010-06-28T23:20:00.002-04:00

Congratulations to Cheryl F. of The Lucky Ladybug for winning the Good Earth Giveaway Prize Pack! I just need your full name and address to send to BlogSpark so that you too can enjoy your awesome prizes!!

Friday Fragments

2010-06-26T01:25:00.002-04:00

*I can't get enough watermelon and strawberries lately. Though I never seem to get very much watermelon and I keep picking up more, and even cut up half a watermelon on my own, but it is like other people think they have more of a right to eat it than I do! And as for the strawberries, Katie thinks she has a bigger right to them than everyone else. She says better she eats them than they go bad. But they don't, even my Mom says that concept doesn't go into effect until later in the summer when people are tiring of the summer fruit. We all eat the strawberries, but Sam and I are the ones who buy them and cut them up. So when we go to eat them and the container has only like 6 strawberries left, when 24 hours earlier, it had like 60, yeah we are pissed. We have a right to have strawberries in the house, if she wants MORE, go pick them up and cut them up!

*I am on Nebulizer treatments for my cough now, I start 2 tomorrow as they seem to be helping with the cough and my breathing.

*I found a new favorite place to get graphic t-shirts. Kohl's Apt. 9 t-shirts seem to get new shirts quite often and are more often thin and comfy, which is a must for me! I bought 5 new shirts on Tuesday. Target used to be my GO TO place for tee's but they seem to rarely change what tees they are selling and now they often have thick tees too. Yuck. I have an addiction though, because I haven't even worn these 5 new tees yet and I already want MORE! All my other tees feel too thick now compared to the ones I bought for Florida and in Florida.

* Did you hear one of the rides in Harry Potter World in Universal Studios is apparently discriminatory regarding weight, and it seems breadth of person? You apparently need to be able to buckle up THREE different things so MANY people are being turned away. And there are only 3 HP themed rides in this new area attraction of Universal Studios. I think that sucks BIG time. If my weight didn't get me turned away, I am wondering if my boobs would?!! They are quite large, I have had trouble getting life vests big enough to click shut over them!! Stupid Harry Potter rides!

*And what is this? Kevin Costner is like a genius or something? This is mind boggling. And it was so news worthy when Robert Redford said these are some bad times going on...yeah thanks for the update Robert, we are shocked by your huge insight (I prefer to hear from people like Ian Somerhalder who are FROM places like Louisiana and are there currently trying to help out, even sleeping in their cars, etc...sorry Robert, I can't find your amazing *gagging* insight helpful from your palace in Utah).

*What? Has anyone ever told me I am a sarcastic person?! Nahh! I am a sweet, dainty, delicate flower who *burp* never gets grass stains on her delicate dresses.

I'm A Gleek

2010-06-25T00:19:00.002-04:00

I am such a Gleek. And you know what is odd, about this show? The longer you watch, the more addictive it becomes! You watch one episode and you are okay. I was okay. But then I was in the car accident in November and we had it playing while I was in the ER room, and I wasn't even paying attention, but a song made me want to hear that song again, and soon I was catching up online and then was watching every week just like my sister Sam. And when it disappeared after Sectionals, I had downloaded all the songs I could find onto my Ipod. It was a sickness.

Then it was released on dvd and we began to watch it with my Mom and sister Kate and it was just as addictive, and then they began new episodes and it was like better than ever, and I am such a GLEEK! It made my nights! I would watch the episode and then go get the music ASAP! It is a sickness I tell you! Anytime I see a bit of info that says Glee I am hooked! It is like, a drug, I need to know, WHAT, WHAT IS IT? WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME?!

Do you know how many times I have listened to this song? SICKNESS! Is there anyone with me?! Any fellow Gleeks? I have 97 Glee songs in a Glee playlist on my Ipod...tell me I am not all alone in this Gleek disease? Tell me I have fellow inpatients in the Glee Hospital?!! As I breathe Mr. Schuester, Finn, Quinn, Puck, Rachel, Kurt, Artie, Tina, Mercedes, Santana, Brittany, Sue, Emma, and all the lovely guest stars. Oh Glee where are you?! Glee Season One gets on dvd September 14th....oh yes I DO know that!! Agghhh!!!

The Heat is On

2010-06-24T00:35:00.002-04:00

It is a busy next 2 weeks in my household. Seriously, my Mom does not love this time of year for some reason, she feels it is somewhat close to being like Christmastime. I have no idea why she would say such a thing.

Just because June 30 is my Dad's birthday, July 3 is their wedding Anniversary, July 4th is my birthday and July 8th is Sandy's birthday...what is the big deal? LOL, no I get it. But hey, apparently Sandy and I did not want to be born in June, we were both over a month over due. But really she needs to get over this fact, since she has had to deal with this since Sandy was born, almost 27 years ago.

And we have to deal with the fact that there is Christmas and almost exactly 2 months later she has her birthday and then like 2 months later is Mother's day. See, also unfair. At least we put 6 months between Christmas and our birthdays, I find that VERY thoughtful!!

It is a very busy time in the house though, always something to be doing, making, buying, etc. So if you haven't started shopping for people yet, YEAH, the heat IS on! I am thinking Katie right now. She never thinks ahead. I have no idea what I want to do on my birthday or even what kind of cake I want. The downside of having your birthday on a national holiday? Nothing is open. So while the rest of the world can go to theme parks or mini golf or whatever, I have very limited options on my birthday. Poo!

Father's Day Was a Success...Mostly

2010-06-23T00:25:00.004-04:00

Let me tell you how our Father's Day went in our house. Here is my Dad, as a senior in high school. Hi Dad!

Father's Day was for the most part a complete success! Dad was very pleased with the day. I had to stop into Target to get powdered sugar as we ran out while making frosting for his cake. We also picked up candy to bring to the movies. What? We don't like to pay the prices they charge for candy at the movies, it is RIDICULOUS! Rip off! It's why I have a special movie purse. Hehe.

We went and saw The Karate Kid, which we all loved, as did my Dad, he is a Jackie Chan fan. When Jackie is fun anyway. So like the Rush Hours and Shanghai Noon, etc.

We went back to the house and Katie was finally back from Maine. She was supposed to get home in time for the movies, but was in bumper to bumper traffic in Wooster, Mass. for 2 hours. So, she was finally home to be with Dad too. We were able to do gifts after my Dad had to talk to work though. Bloody pains in the butt!
Dad got gift cards, money, tools, candy, etc from everyone else. And cards, he loved everyone's cards. Mine too. Plus I got him 2 dvd's. The dvd queen I am. I got him a Jeff Dunham special, his favorite one he watches on TV. And a triple-play of Mel Brooks' movies: Young Frankenstein, History of the Earth and Spaceballs. That should help with his boredom for a few nights, he sure does hate summertime having no shows on! He also got what I think is his favorite gift from my Mom, a new HUGE water cannon gun. We do a water fight around my birthday for my birthday and now all he wants to know is if he can fit ice cubes in the water holder. NOOOOO!!
We ordered pizza and grinders from an Italian place down the street and went and got it and watched a Chuck which my Dad had never seen before. I think it would make more sense seeing it from the beginning, but he said it wasn't bad. Then we had cake and ice cream, which made my Dad very happy.There was only one thing that my sisters and I and my Mom noticed. We had hoped my Dad hadn't noticed, that he had been too distracted. But apparently he had noticed. And it kept him awake all that night, because he knew it was deliberate. Certain MidWest relatives had not called, even though my Mom had called the day before and left a message reminding, and Katie called on Father's Day. No one answered. Because those relatives screen their calls so they don't pick up when we call. A card arrived the next day, no personalization, not even a Love so and so, just the card message and name. It proved to be a harsh reminder every time he walked by it, so we moved the cards (there was one for his birthday next week too) so he wouldn't see them anymore. Only bump in our day.

My Dad, Kenneth, is an awesome guy. He is a big kid at heart, but he also has a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. He tries to stretch himself in a 100 different directions to make everyone happy, even if he isn't feeling so happy. Thus the big kid inside tries to get out and alleviate the tension build up and make people laugh which makes him relax and laugh. He loves to laugh, he loves to have fun. He loves history and memories and family. He will fight for you and keeps trying to learn. My Dad is a good man, and deserves the best.

And shhhh he is going to be 60 in 1 week, June 30th!!!

Dang which one of you opened your traps?!! LOL!

Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?

2010-06-22T01:04:00.002-04:00

Would it seem immature if I told you I wanted to throw something on the floor, stomp my feet, and have a hissy fit, until I was made miraculously better of my current ailments? Crap. I knew you were going to say that. What about if I do it mentally, because it is too late, I am doing it in my brain right now! In fact, lil Wendy is even on her butt on the floor, banging her feet and her fists on the floor having the temper tantrum from HELL.

I am just SO sick of being SICK! I think my Mom was right about the Topamax being what caused the projectile vomit feeling because since we went down to 100mg I am starting to not feel that feeling, for the first time, but I am still having trouble with the constipated thing. So I have to suck back Metamucil or take Amitiza, which is doing nothing much at all. So you might be thinking, Wendy that is one thing gone though so you must be excited. Well, you are right in the fact that not feeling like I am going to go all Linda Blair on everyone, is a relief. It IS. That was the scariest aspect of it ALL.

However, something else is worsening. My cough/respiratory inflamation thing. I was sure it was at it's worse the day we saw the doctor, constant cough, ribs wit stabbing pain, etc. But it has been getting worse. The cough is worsening, more often, getting a barky sound sometimes. It is hard to breath even on the Pregnazone, so my parents have me taking an inhaler. I can feel a kind of raspy, crackling when I cough, and I know that this is probably a BAD sign. The fever is going nowhere and MAN, when I cough I get SO hot, I feel like I am going to explode!

I am just so tired of feeling like doing nothing, going nowhere...I am always in the house just laying on the couch watching BAD summer TV. Nothing good is on in the summer. (Okay lucky for me a few good shows are on at night this summer but still, those are rare times) I am just feeling very belligerent and pouty and want my turn to wake up and feel like a person who can breathe and eat normal and go out and have a fun day out or something. Right now, with all my meds and the codeine cough medicine, I sleep like 12 hours and spend the other 12 others awake feeling exhausted, laying down. That makes NO sense!

Yes I AM complaining about sitting at home, doing nothing but watching TV! Yes, it CAN be too much! TRUST ME, this has been going on almost 1 MONTH and 1 WEEK LONG!!!

Good Earth Giveaway

2010-06-21T03:53:00.006-04:00

Thanks to MYBLOGSPARK, I got to try a Good Earth dry dinner kit, before it makes it's debuts in the supermarkets. Good Earth dry dinner kits offer a selection of four delectable meals: Mediterranean Chicken with angel hair pasta, Spicy Citrus Glazed Shrimp with angel hair pasta, Herb Crusted Chicken with mushroom risotto and Tuscan Chicken with penne pasta.

Thanks to MyBlogSpark, I received a Good Earth gift pack that included a Good Earth Mediterranean Chicken dry dinner kit, two sets of bamboo flatware, two bamboo dishes, a bamboo utility board and a 100% recyclable grocery tote.

With appetizing entrées from Good Earth, dining in is sure to become the new dining out. Enjoy cooking a sophisticated, restaurant-quality meal in the comfort of your own home. Each variety includes vibrant and flavorful sauces along with specialty ingredients like sweet basil, white wine and dried tomatoes. Delicious dinners that allow you to keep a healthy lifestyle without sacrificing taste, Good Earth dry dinner kits are perfect for whipping up a no-fail, five-star cuisine in less than 30 minutes.

100% whole grain, no trans fat, no artificial flavors, no artificial preservatives, no MSG - just add meat and, voila! Dinner is served.

We were sent the Mediterranean Chicken with Angel Hair Pasta, but being as we are a household with five grown adults, one box is not enough to fully feed us all, so it was more of an appetizer for us all to try. It seemed to be tasty, but I overcooked the pasta so I think we will need to try it again and with two boxes.

Thanks to MyBlogSpark, I received a Good Earth gift pack that included a Good Earth Mediterranean Chicken dry dinner kit, two sets of bamboo flatware, two bamboo dishes, a bamboo utility board and a 100% recyclable grocery tote.

1 lucky reader will win a Good Earth gift pack like the one I received. The gift pack includes:

Good Earth Mediterranean Chicken dry dinner kit
Two sets of bamboo flatware
Two bamboo dishes
Bamboo utility board
100% recyclable grocery tote

To Win:

Leave a Comment about which flavor kit you would like to try out...1 Entry

Tweet about this and Leave Proof...1 Entry

Follow My Blog...1 Entry

Add My Button to Your Page...2 Entries

BLOG About my Giveaway and Leave me the URL...5 Entries

*PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT FOR EACH ENTRY!!!

Giveaway ends Monday, June 28th!!

*Disclaimer: I received a Good Earth gift pack in exchange for my honest opinions. The gift pack, information, and additional gift pack for giveaway were provided by Good Earth and MyBlogSpark. I did not receive any monetary compensation. All opinions and thoughts expressed in this post are my own, and different people may have different outcomes.

Book Review: Sixteen Brides by Stephanie Grace Whitson

2010-06-20T03:22:00.002-04:00

This was an enjoyable historical novel. Though like many other readers I have seen now, I too, had a lot of trouble at the beginning. With sixteen brides, plus the evil Mr. Drake, etc., you have yourself a lot of characters to try and keep up with. It was quite a bit confusing, and kind of aggravating, I almost threw the book down.

Then things began to click and the story developed nicely and you began to see certain characters stand out, and of course this made all the more sense when Drake's evil plan was revealed. And the stronger women escaped to forge the life they really wanted. Land of their own. A place to call their own.

Strong women is so good to see in literature, especially historical literature. And their solid friendships were very enjoyable. It could be very predictable at times, but the characters more than made up for it, Stephanie Grace Whitson made the bleak Nebraska frontier seem very full of hope and second chances.

*Disclosure: Bethany House provided me with a complimentary copy of this book to review and all opinions are my own.

Maxie Says Hi

2010-06-20T02:59:00.002-04:00

Friday Fragments

2010-06-19T02:19:00.002-04:00

* I have no idea what I am going to do about my meds at this point. I am taking my Mom's advisement, who has never turned me wrong, and trying her way first. Which is the lowered Topamax dose and keeping the lithium dose as it it for now. So right now I am on 100 mg of Topamax (supposed to be on 200), 600mg of Lithium (supposed to be going up to 1200 a day). And then there are my normal meds, which I know don't make me sick, (I also have no idea of the mg) my Toprol for my heart, my Ambien so I sleep, 2 Celexa a day and 3 Xanax per day. I used to have this cute med case, fit in my hand basically. I was so proud of it, because after the gastric bypass, I was on so few med pills. Now my Mom had to bring me home one of those huge suckers again. That has the day, and 4 compartments for that day. Morning, Noon, Eve, Bedtime. Ugh. I am back to needing to take my meds with milk. Oh you should see me I am frickin amazing...yes that sounds so vain. But with milk, I can take like 15 pills, some BIG, all at once. I know, it's a sad talent.

*I so want to be better for my friend Hannah's Eclipse party! I have wanted to go since I got back from her New Moon party and I hated the movie! But I had so much fun with Hannah and people there! And this time we were going to make sure we ate the amazing food that was there and I was going to get there early to help out and eat as I helped, diabetes be darned! But I am so worried this stomach trouble is going to keep me away and that has made me cry so many times already! I wanna be there so bad, I paid for my ticket already just in case!! Even though there is a person or two going that I am worried will ruin it for me, I want to have fun with my friend who I haven't SEEN in person since Christmas time! So I am freaking out, because I want to go so badly. I was in a car accident the night before the last party but I made it, but that was strangely different. The pain had not fully set in and I was on Percocets. This stomach thing has me more scared than that did. But I dream of being there. Of sitting with Hannah and laughing as I fail her Mom's Twilight quizzes, her mom Naomi does HARD quizzes. Yes I know many Naomi's. It deserves it's own fragment.

* I know Hannah's mom, who is a Naomi. She and Sister H/Jahoodie are sisters. Then there is Jahoodie's daughter Naomi, who is one of my oldest and dearest friends. Pretty sure that would by why she was named Naomi Beth, Beth being one of Jahoodie's other sisters. Then their is the Naomi who is one of my sister Katie's BFF's. She is one of the few friends of Katie's that I like. And now one of my good blog buddies Whitney, had a baby daughter and named her...Naomi! LOL! I have Naomi's all over! I swear there is one more Naomi I just can't remember right this second...and she will probably kill me, crap! Anyway, you might think it would be hard to keep them all straight, but it's not actually. Baby Naomi is easy naturally, you add baby first. Or 'lil, like when I relay a story to someone in my family about something Whitney has posted about her daughter that is especially cute, I may say 'lil Naomi, because they all know these Naomi's too. Then there is Hannah's Mom. She is either Ant Nay or Nay. I call my Naomi, Nao, Nome, and Huey (family nickname, we are family). Often we call Kat's Naomi by first and last name or say Katie's Naomi. It only sucks when Katie calls her friend by the names we gave my friend, now THAT gets confusing!

*Has anyone else been watching the VH1 show The OCD Project? I am finding it fascinating. Sure, okay, maybe part of it has to do with the fact that I have OCD, but nothing compared to the extent these patients have. But I find it interesting that I can pick out things from most of the patients that I do think or fear or do. And seeing them overcome some of their fears is just amazing, especially since there are some things I could NOT do! Could I go to Skid Row and hand out meal tickets and shake peoples hands? Yes. Would I find myself thinking I would like to wash my hands? Yeah probably, I am afraid of germs, but I could do that task. Could I rub my food on a toilet and IN a toilet and then eat it? NO FREAKING WAY. Kick me out of the program, that would not happen. I am proud that Arine could do it, but seeing her do it, made my anxiety rise, LOL! That would be too far for me. I also was fascinated when the Doc realized one of hs patients might have Asperger's so he might not really fit in this program because he doesn't process things the same. I wouldn't think so. I wouldn't think someone like me, who has a bunch of different disorders including bipolar would fit into this specific program. The doc takes no bullcrap, tantrums, etc. And the guy he thinks has this mild form of Autism just makes everything into a math problem and for every thing the doctor says he has an answer that sounds logical to him to counteract that. It is just really interesting to see, and I wonder if this doctor can really cure these MAJOR OCD patients with only 2 weeks of care.

*I am all set on presents for Father's Day, Dad's Birthday and Sam's birthday, YAY! Are you all set for Father's Day?

MD Visit

2010-06-18T02:40:00.002-04:00

So my Mom went with me to see my MD today. Told him about the headaches, coughing, my ribs hurting, etc. He listened to me lungs, my cough, checked my throat, etc. Apparently my respiratory system is inflamed and also, in layman's term's, rattling. He also took my temperature and I have a fever. I am normally about 97.1, so I am subterranean, but I had 100 fever at his office. Now I have been complaining about getting really, really hot, on and off, and I wasn't even hot right then, so we think I might have an even higher temperature at other times during the day and night. OY! So he prescribed an antibiotic, prednazone (I know I probably spelled it wrong) and a cough medicine with codeine. He also gave me a shot of something that is like prednazone right then and there.

We then asked him about Topamax. As it is what my Mom thinks is making me sick to my stomach, though we tried to refrain from saying that to see what he had to say about it. He said the top 2 scariest things people had complained about were the tingling sensation in their hands (hello I have had it in my face and head too!!) and this medical word I can't remember but basically it is the reason I think I got dumb while I have been sick!! Seriously! He picked up his pen and said while people are on Topamax they will want to SAY pen, but they can't get the word out, they know they know it, but can't remember it right then, and it was like *DING DING!!*, my "place where water rains down" for the word SHOWER!! It isn't me, it is the freaking Topamax, I am not dumb, the med is making my seem dumb! Whoo!

Anyway, when we mentioned stomach trouble he said he was shocked my pshychiatrist tried to make me go up to my max dosage so fast, but he thought, as I said it was in conjunction with Lithabid aka Lithium, that I was talking a max. of 100mg. I actually had no idea so we left to go drop the scripts off at CVS. I was upset though. I had been telling my Mom I would only see Dr. A if it was understood that I was not going on any more antibiotics. I have been scared off antibiotics after what happened with the 2 in Florida.

And I want to feel BETTER, not worse. There is an Eclipse party on the 29th I really want to go to, but I am already worried I won't make it because I feel so sick, plus my Dad's birthday is the 30th, mine is July 4th, Sam's is the 8th and my parents 39th anniversary is the 3rd, so I want to feel better for those things, not worse. So I was MAD. And mad ended up being sad, which is depressed and scared, which meant crying. I am scared of these pills. I am one of the most sensitive people to side effects ever, and I cannot handle the thought of the nausea or bathroom troubles getting any worse. I am already crying everyday. So we reached a compromise. I would take the prednazone and cough medicine and see how that went for a week. We would re-evaluate together if things were worse or the same then. We got the pills, they are in the fridge. They got it, I have been like this for a month. And it is not okay, and I am so tired.

Plus my Mom and I had just decided to go down to 2 Topamax yesterday, so I think it is good to not start an antibiotic right now. How am I supposed to tell if I start to feel better if I go on a med that might make me sick? And I did check the mg when we got home. Dr.P my psych. wants me on 200mg of Topamax a day, even though I asked for it just to be in conjunction with the lithium to combat weight gain...I am now not even sure if he got that. Dr A thought my max. dosage was 100 mg and that was what I was working UP to...nope. I just worked my way back DOWN to that, because my Mom thinks I was doing okay when I was on just 2. So Dr. A thinks I am on 50 and need to slowly work up to 100...yeah no doc, I was up to 200 and Mom thinks it is what blew my stomach apart. So when I go to bed tonight it will be my second day back on 100 mg. PLEASE let that be the key to making my stomach heal!

I am so scared all the time. I am a hermit in my house. I don't even go to the movies or errands like I did before, I am always sick and tired. Sure, I really am sick, fever and all, but it is my stomach keeping me in ALL the time.

I just want to feel better. I am eating yogurt, taking pills with acidopholous and probiotics...nothing makes it better!

I tell you...I told my Mom...I am getting so scared I am starting to get tempted to say forget it and get of everything new. You may think I am a chicken, but...

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-17T01:18:00.007-04:00

Florida 2010 The End

2010-06-16T00:19:00.001-04:00

5/29 - Got up at 11 am, so we could go over and see a movie. Dad and Kate were supposed to see Robin Hood, and Mom and I were going to see Prince of Persia. Sam stayed home but she had looked up the movie times. She said Robin was at 1:05 and Persia was at 1pm. Well we get there and Robin wasn't until 2:05, and Persia was only at 1 if we were willing to pay an additional $3/person for the THX theater. So, $13 a person. We were so stressed out. We ended up all going to see Prince of Persia in the THX, as waiting an hour did not appeal to any of us, at ALL! WE LOVED THE MOVIE!! Adored it! Dad was getting really depressed though. And him and Katie constantly talking packing and travel made me anxious and depressed. So much for a half a day of nice vacation. I'm still so sick, so was it too much to ask? We stopped at BArgain World on the way back to the house for a few last minute gifts and got home just as the worst storm of the vacation hit. Torrential downpour. We packed up basically everything else. Left out pajamas and outfits for travel the next day, and what we would need for showers, etc. The vacum at this place did NOT suck air so my spacesavers were not working well, so I had to basically sit on one of my bags to zip it closed. Sandy packed our faeries, and breakables in a crate that she would place on top so it would make it safely home. Sam packs the car, she can get stuff to fit like a jigsaw puzzle. Anyway we packed for hours and then packed up the car in the rain. Packed food items we wanted to make it home too. Thank you for a big car! My Mom wanted me to have as little to carry on the plane as possible, because while I was having less sinus trouble, I now had a cough and bad headaches and had a lot of stomach issues still. So I made my backpack as light as possible and then just had my dvd player.

We had dinner at Bob Evans...I lost, I really didn't want to eat there. I didn't like my meal and didn't eat much, but still felt sick after. We went back to the house and were finally able to swim. I got so cold though so I went swimming in the hot tub.We all ended up in there for about 20 minutes, before we began to feel like boiled lobsters. Dad went inside, but us females went back in the pool and it felt so good. But sad as our last swim. I took a shower and ate crackers with cheese.

I am so stressed and scared about having to get to the airport, get through security and fly home. I feel sick and my stomach is making bad noises. What if I get sick on the plane? What if I throw up? What if I get a migraine? What if my ears hurt on the flight?! What if??!!!!

5/30 - Got up at 8am to get ready and leave for the airport. Drank Instant Breakfast, loaded the car and left with Mom and Sam. Kate, Dad and Max had been gone since 5am. We drove up and dropped the car off. We found it really ironic that it was a gorgeous day in Florida, now that we were leaving. None of us ever wanted to go in May again. And yes, we know it could be worse, we have been there for July before, but we do not like May either!! We got to security and the lines were gigantic. But this one security guy waved us to his line and we were through in 20 minutes. He was an ANGEL. I don't think we would have made our flight without his help. We got magazines and drinks and some snacks to eat on board all before our zone was called.

We all agreed to go grocery shopping together after we dropped off our backpacks at home and turned the water and plugged everything back in. Dad had said it should be gorgeous like in the 65's when we got home, so when we landed and it was 85-90 we were NOT happy. The humidity was nothing like Florida's but it was still bloody, flippin' hot! We went and got out car from long term parking and Sandy drove us home where our house felt so big!! We had to air stuff out, plug everything in, etc.

Then we went shopping and bought the food for the week and went home and put it all away. Then put away what we had in our backpacks. Before I showered I decided to check Dad's dvr to see if I could figure out how to finalize it so we could have all 4 tape/dvd's to choose shows from. Except that was when I learned Dad's stupid dvr did NOT tape ANYTHING. No Fringe finale, Bones finale, etc, etc!! I was so upset! All 3 others did their job and taped. Aghhhhh!!!!

So I took a shower, and we made sandwiches and we watched the Medium finale and then the 2 Glee episodes we had missed. Then we all kind of floated to where we wanted to be for the night. Mom went to bed and I thought Sam had too. I was watching shows only I watched. I was also waiting for Dad, Kate and Max to show up. They got home around 2:30am and Max was so excited to be home, and Sam showed up, he peed he was so happy to be home!

Me? I can't get rid of whatever it is I have. My coughing has gotten so bad my right ribs hurt so bad, it is like a knife stab even when I move. I have had more migraines in a month, than I normally have in a year. I feel like vomiting and other things 24/7 and have an overall feeling of wrongness and yuckiness. I have to go back and see my doctor on Thursday but I now have a, what I think is a rational fear, of antibiotics.

I need a vacation. But only when I feel better.

Florida 2010 Almost the End

2010-06-15T02:05:00.003-04:00

5/27 - Slept until 1 pm again. What can I say, I'm sick! We went swimming with Max again. He was SO cute today! He was using me as a floatie! He laid on top of me so he was in the water a little but, but was mostly out of it, his head snuggled into my neck, and he sat there for like 4 minutes, it was so sweet! The people made splash noises or grabbed him so he would be swimming again but he kept swimming BACK to me and going back into that same position! He stole my heart all over again!

Dad and Katie ended up going to Epcot for a second day, so it was my shopping day. Mom went with me (and drove!) and Sam decided she wanted a day at home. Mom and I stopped st Checkers and ate lunch first. Then I ran into Old Town and got 2 pounds of mint taffy, which is my favorite, at least from this place in Old Town. We went over to the further away Super Target and I found Merlin Season One, new gaucho/shorts and a fun t-shirt. We also stopped at a Gamestop so I could buy Safecracker, which took forever, because the lady in front of me decided to buy her kids TWO game systems, and all I wanted was to buy my one lil game! Oy!

Then we headed over the old reliable outlet mall. I went in to the Old Navy and it was like a jackpot, everything in the store was 40% off! I bought my Mom 2 shirts, and I bought myself a purse (crazy purse) for summer, 3 more scarves and some flip-flop keychains. If only I had known some of the scarves I bought for 10 dollars a pop at the mall would be HERE for 6 bucks, but it's okay, I got 3 more! I also stopped by Claire's and found one more headband I HAD to have, so that is like 12 headbands I ended up buying in Florida, lol. And an awesome vampire necklace!

Then we stopped by Bob Evans and bought a loaf of Blueberry bread and a loaf of Banana bread. And Target and Publix for groceries before heading home. Sam was not interested in even going out for dinner so she asked that we bring her food back, so Mom and I went out to Cracker Barrel for dinner. I got all OCD when Sandy mentioned we would be packing the car at 5pm on Saturday, so I ended up packing half my belongings, for an hour and a half. Then I finally showered and laid down to write this down. I am feeling overwhelmed with packing and stuff. And I don't feel good so I want to be home so bad, but I have been sick the whole time, so it's like I never got my vacation. I waited 14 months and I am still waiting for that carefree feeling!

5/28 - I got up with a migraine. It would stay with me all day. We go swimming but my thermostat is off gain so I sit in the hot tub again because I am shivering. It gets cloudy and by the time Katie joins us, it's sprinkling. Then thunder rolls and I think I, at least, saw a lightning bolt, so Dad made us get out. We all got ready and went to Olive Garden for lunch. They all even encouraged me to drink a 5 hour energy drink for my migraine, except Katie who made claims about bi-polar's drinking caffeine. I am NOT okay with her making comments about a condition she doesn't have, just because she worked at a facility for 8 whole weeks, does not make her any sort of expert. Caffeine constrict blood vessels which is what you want if you have a migraine. it didn't really work, this time, but for all I know it stopped it from getting worse.

We stopped at Target and I got Mom a better size Gold chain necklace which she wears about every day. We went back to the house to freshen up before leaving again. We stopped at Downtown Disney real quick. The girls wanted a dog tee for Max, and it just so happened I wanted 2 more of those Vinylmation keychains. It would be our last chance to shop here. But Dad didn't want ME to go in. He made a big deal how if I went in, we would be late and miss the movie. Even though I said I knew what I was going in for. It really hurt my feelings. REALLY. I knew what I was getting, just like the girls. But apparently I couldn't be trusted. It made me sick and furious. Mom said I could go in and went with me and I found my stuff just as fast as the girls and we all finished together. Dad wasn't even around with the car, he hadn't even expected the girls to be that fast. So we had to walk the parking lot to trek HIM down. I opened up my boxes and found a repeat and a boy one, I was pissed and blamed my father, not that I said it to him, but I was pissed the whole time I was getting them, etc. What a waste of money. The girls and Dad went into the theater while I went into the candy store with Mom. We got 3 chocolate covered strawberries, 2 for me and 1 for Sammie.

And a churro for me, and 2 more for Dad, Kate and Sam to share. I told Mom all about my anger at Dad, how he didn't trust me, but trusted the girls, but it was MY last chance to shop there too. How I wasted my money and we passed a store and they had some and I almost bought some and was like no they could be the same ones I had in the car and that would be more wasted money, so much to my saying nooooo, I would feel horrible if they were repeats and you wasted your money too, Mom bought me two more and wouldn't open them until later. We went into the theater and Mom told Dad how I was feeling and we made up.

Then Shrek began and it was so fun! My goodies were so yummy! So yummy when the lights turned on, there were chocolate stains all over my shorts and strawberry stains all over my shirt! Oh embarrassing! Then we walked around a bit as for the first time, it was GORGEOUS! 76 degrees, a lovely wind, just beautiful. We got in the car and picked up half a bushel of valencia oranges on the way home. I took a shower and we ate cheese and crackers and blueberries, and watched (us girls) bride shows on TLC. I got another music note keychain (sorry Disney lady we have the magic touch, it could prove to be an investment this one) and this cool anime fish one, my Mom obviously had the good luck touch that day. Thanks Mom!

Review: God's Promises ... For Girls by Jack Countryman & Amy Parker

2010-06-13T23:31:00.003-04:00

Thanks to BookSneeze I got to review God's Promises...for Girls... by Jack Countryman and Amy Parker, Illustrations by Rachelle Miller.

This is a children's religious gift book. That is what it is supposed to be. There are verses from the Children's Bible on when you are lonely, angry, sick, etc. They are trying to get the message across that through any fears, feelings, any of these things, you are never alone. That God is always with you and won't leave you.

I think the message is clear if you are a girl of 12 or older. I do not think this is a book for an actual girl. I think if I had been given this as a little girl, I would have found it as confusing, as the actual Bible. The illustrations are beautiful, as are the messages, I just don't feel is it for girls. Maybe 10 and up, but that is as low as I think it could go and those are for exceptional girls who really think. This is not a children's book as much as the author may have wanted it to be. Children need thinks broken down into even simpler ideas. These were thoughts, I, as an adult, found inspirational. I would recommend it for other people, just not children.

*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Magic Kingdom Day....that Shaking is Not a RIDE!!

2010-06-12T02:16:00.014-04:00

Okay first off, there is NOTHING wrong with natural hair color! That was not what I was saying, I thought I was pretty clear. There is only something wrong with MY natural hair color, as in, it doesn't FEEL right on me. I am not saying it looks bad per se, it just doesn't feel like me. I have been doing reds for about 12 years now, so even the meanest lady at church, who has given me grief for years, finally told me last summer, that red suits me more than my original color! Do you KNOW how good that felt to finally hear and how much grief I have gotten over 12 years?!! So my natural hair color is just not something I like to see on me, it is like blech, bring on the red.

May 26th...Magic Kingdom Day...yes I am making it seem ominous I know, can you blame me, if you have been reading my blog?!!

Okay so I slept until 1pm. I still felt tired though. We were going to M.K. around 3. Dad made eggs and pre-cooked bacon. We swam, and my off-kilter thermostat was boiling today so the cool water felt magnificent! Sweet relief! We stayed in for quite awhile!

Then people showered and got ready. It was really hot out again, but a little better, and the park wasn't open as late so we were hopeful that it wouldn't be as packed. We all brought hats, put on sunscreen, etc. As we began to get ready to leave, I began to cry. Oy vey. I felt intense panic, not to screw anything up, not to ruin anything. And I was already hot, sick, emotional, tired, etc. My parents assured me I could leave whenever I needed to, but I knew I really couldn't, not for hours at least, and then we left. We parked at Ticket and Transportation and made our way to the monorails. The sun was hot and the promised over cast clouds were no where in sight! Boo! We got inside and all of us but Katie made our way to Cosmic Rays. Dad was hungry. Katie had gone and gotten me a DOLE WHIP!! When she showed up it was dripping everywhere, I mean it when I say it was bloody HOT, but it was SO GOOD!

I was like forget food for me! I just wanted my pineapple soft serve! Sure, I was hacking every other second, as it was ice cream, but who cares!?! I had waited 14 months for this! Okay here is a pic after I had started eating it for like 5 minutes...sorry! I didn't think of it until I was sitting there in ecstasy, holding a table by myself, and thought, I should take a pic of my yummy Dole Whip. It was like cold liquid pineapple, so pure and fresh. It made the sweat that had already started dripping down my back, so worth it!

It was much prettier before I ate from every angle, but as I said it was melting all over so I HAD to make it unpretty...mmmmm. My Katie rocks! Sandy got all freaked when I reached the cup part...and they lured me into trashing it by saying I could get another on the way out. That worked dang them. (I have to say though I should have eaten the rest! I was too tired when we were leaving, and stuffed from dinner to eat another...*sob*)

We finished up and for the first time in a million years, the cars was a short line. Mom and I got stuck behind slowpokes, which made Mom happy, lol!

Luckily we had the spray fan and Mom was spraying us with water the whole time. When we got off, I went to a drinking fountain and soaked my hair completely before putting my hat back on, it felt so good. My family convinced me to wait in a 20 minute line for Buzz Lightyear. I was not to keen on the idea but I decided to try for them. I was right to be leary. The people, so many of them, so close together, started getting to me. Seeing the tight, closer line ahead of me made me panic, so Kate and my Mom made me face them, and Kate asked me questions that were on her OTA exams. It didn't help, I as feeling boxed in, like people were stealing my air. I couldn't breathe. I then started to feel more nauseous than normal and dizzy. Then my Mom had me put my hands over my mouth and nose and breathe into them, which helped a little and we were finally at the place you get on the ride! I wouldn't have made it if it had been any longer, so thank goodness. My Mom won out of all 5 of us. I have no idea how but she got over 144,000 points! I got only 25,000 and I hit the button over and over at anything.

Then we all went on Tomorrowland Transit Authority, which just takes you around Tomorrowland basically, but we have always loved it. Here is Dad and Katie!

Then while Dad and Kate did Stitch, Mom, Sam and I shopped. At the first store they were selling these things which have become HUGE in Disney World: Vinylmations. You have 10" ones which are like 50 bucks for the plain ones you can buy things to decorate, there are 3" ones for like 15-20 the plain ones. The ones that are strange with designs and such can be 25 - 100, etc. And to decorate or buy pieces to switch, you can spend hundreds or more if you get hooked on these collectibles. Well Sandy decided she wanted to try out the $10 keychain ones. These are ones that you do not know what you will get until you buy it. There are 18 designs. And mean Disney (I say mean because with their pins, you can go up and swap with employees, etc.) has a no exchange, return,refund policy too. So you can spend like $100 on 10 and get the same one 10 times and you are stuck with all 10 of the same one! Anyway Sandy bought one and she got this one:

She thought it was princessy, and I was like Sam that is not pink! And it has hearts. That is like the King/Queen of Hearts, which made her happier!

Then we went into the next store and she bought another boxed keychain and a black 3" one and a thing of stickers so she could decorate it. I found a pair of mickey ears that were decorated like Jack from Nightmare Before Christmas! Sandy tried them on but said they were too pricey to buy. I asked my Mom if she thought I should buy them. She took them from me and SHE bought them for Sandy! And she bought me and Katie light up necklaces. Here is Sam in her hat and the next Vinylmation keychain she ended up with.

We met up with Dad and Kat and Sandy gave me her Hearts keychain, and Katie her rain one. She said she wanted too and was stubborn, and I mean stubborn so I thanked her. I found it charming and a little (uh oh) addictive. I began to feel a little shaky so we got me a water and some cinnamon almonds. I bought more to bring home (and they stayed good, I was eating some last night!) and re-soaked my head totally again. Sam and Kate did the teacups while I sat with my parents. You could hear Sammie's laughter over everything, which was magical. It was such a blessing to hear. She almost hadn't gone this year, so to hear her laughter, so free and innocent, it made all three of us smile. It was so lighthearted, she was having such a good time, proudly wearing her Jack ears. We did the Phil-harmagic, which is my most favorite thing in Magic Kingdom. I know I am weird. It isn't a ride, it doesn't even move. But I get to hold Tinkerbell in the palm of my hand!

Then I waited while they all went on It's A Small World...I can't stand that ride anymore, probably was on it too many times when I was younger, it irks me now. We walked down to Haunted Mansion, which I do love, but my heart dropped when I saw it said 20 minutes. Not just that it said 20 minutes, but that the line was all the way out to an area it is never out to. I didn't have another line in me. The sight of the people had my heart pounding in my throat, I felt sick. Sam wasn't feeling good so I went with her and we waited in a restaurant while the 'rents and Katie did the ride. Sam bought herself a piece of chocolate cake, and it was disgusting, I tried ti help her scrape the frosting off but it was hard too. Disney is supposed to have good cooks but this thing looked and according to Sam tasted like it had been made in an easy bake oven. When they finally joined us, like 40 minutes later, we had dinner. I had chicken nuggets and fries, some grapes too.

We went to Adventureland, and I was nervous. The other day Pirates had been a 30 minute wait and I knew I wouldn't even be able to do a 15 minute one...maybe not even a 10. We get there and they say it is temporarily closed, but to come back soon...okayyyyy. We went into the shop and when we got out it was open and we were able to walk right onto the ride. Thank goodness. It was after 8 by this point, which meant the fireworks were at 9, and Mom and I wanted to be long gone before the fireworks started. I can't handle the people trying to get OUT after the fireworks. We shopped as we left. I bought 3 of those Vinylmation keychain things. I liked them and with 3, I hoped I'd find ONE she'd like. I got in line and this worker was like "those tings are so addictive, be careful!I have 10 already and I just started! And it is all because I want the one! If I could just get that one!" Finally after she kept talking and I paid the cashier (no she wasn't our cashier, she was a random worker talking to us), I had to ask, WHAT is the one you want? She looked at me like I was an alien and said "the music note one". "The one everyone tries to get". I was like "Oh." and we left, LOL!

So Mom and I made our way to the car and sat in the A.C. and saw some of the fireworks from there. I then took out the boxes and opened the first one. I laughed as it is kinda freaky and I decided I was giving it to my friend Hannah, as it was something she could love. I then opened up the second box and my Mom and I both burst into laughter. Here is why:

Ooohhh. Look at this, I have THE coveted MUSIC NOTE Mickey Series 1 Vinylmation!! Heehee! We were laughing over this for quite a few minutes. My second box and I had THE one to own apparently. And then I prepared to open the last box. I really liked the music note one, but knew I would give it to Sandy if it was the only Sandy-ish one. She loves music and loves black and white stuff. So I opened the last box and shook out the keychain...and could not believe my eyes. I liked it...however... It was so cool. It was so perfect. It was so Sandy. I held it between my thumb and pointer finger and held it up to the light so my Mom could see it and she gasped! Yes I am not being melodramatic, she really gasped! "That's the one Sandy wanted!" And I freaked, excited, I was like "Are you serious? This is THE one she wanted?!!"? We were giddy! We planned on how to make it fun. I would be all nonchalant as I showed her the 3, that being the last, and I would be deadpan as I showed that one off, and only when she was apoplectic would I be like, oh and by the way, it's for you! Heehee! And so they finally arrived and they laughed at my first one, and liked the second and found it ironic too that I have the one people are after, and when I held out my skull one Sandy like squeal/gasp/choke noised. She was like "How did you, what, no, that's so, man, !!!!!", and that was when I said "and it is yours" and she was like like thanks you!! She loves it! She wanted the box it came in and it's sticker. I had no idea it came with a sticker so good thing I still had the trash with me! So yay! Sandy has a Vinylmation too and it suits her! :D

We got lost driving back, we listened to Katie, lol. I have to tell you before I forget my feet felt fine all day, these Dr. Scholl things are pricey but they WORK! We all went in the hot tub and then I took a shower. I was proud of myself. I wanted to make Dad happy and I think I did that. And I had some really difficult times, but I had some really great moments too. It just required multiple head soaks to get through the day. And I only needed to drink a total of one bottle of 5 hour energy drink to get through the day, so I am proud of myself.

But now it has all worn off. And I am very tired. And the gung ho feeling I used to psyche myself up is long gone. I am sludge that someone needs to scrape up and deposit in my temporary room. Oh wait I have to eat some yogurt and take another antibiotic, which is making me sick still. I am so sick. Shoot me now.

FUBAR

2010-06-11T01:20:00.002-04:00

I have a migraine again. So between that, the coughing that makes me want to cry because man does it hurt the migraine, and the fact that I still want to projectile vomit, I will bid you all adieu until the morrow. My Dad gave me a blessing tonight. I am a mess you could say, physically and emotionally. If the stomach stuff still isn't gone by Monday, he wants me to go in to see my physician. I have to admit, I am really scared. I have never felt like vomiting and had pains and cramps, etc before, for over 3 weeks. Okay leaving you now, feel myself starting to cry and that hurts my head.

Florida 2010 Part 3

2010-06-09T23:34:00.004-04:00

5/23 - I got a decent sleep but I felt like crap, and what was even worse was I felt so sick to my stomach. It didn't matter what I ate or didn't eat, I felt like throwing up. So that morning when I woke up feeling that way again, my Mom took a closer look at my antibiotics. She was shocked at how many mg of amoxocillin they had me on, she had never seen anyone put on 2000mg a day, when it did cause stomach issues. So she had me cut it down by half.

We went swimming with Maxie again, and he was so adorable!! When he got tired, he swam to Mom and he plopped his head on her and his rump on Dad! He could have stayed on that spot forever. We drove to Beef O' Brady's for an early dinner. It was one of the places I looked up for a new place for us to go. WHAT was I thinking?! It was like a sports bar!! There was no real choices unless you like wings! Dad loved it, but even I was stuck with fish and chips. And they took forever and it was not busy AT ALL. I should have chosen more wisely!! There were other places I had bookmarked that we never got to try that DID have cool diverse menus, and I picked Beef O' Brady's!! Bleh! We stopped at the flea market so Sam could get a watch like she always does. And then we went to Old Town to do some shopping!! Yay!

I got Mom some earrings and some good fudge. Dad had bought her some rocky road fudge from Dean's Candy Bar at the Florida Mall and it was so pricey and it sucked big time, awful! But Old Town has yummy fudge, I bought her a big brick of a piece. Only to find out later so had she, so she had it for a good long while and was quite happy too. Sandy and I were walking by the CandleStix and I never bother to go in there, I thought they just had candles but they have all sorts of figurines in there!! I bought my first two faeries!! One is the only pretty figurine by Amy Brown, and the other is one of Jessica Galbreth's figurines, and I think she will be one of my favorite artisits. I already have two more of hers on my birthday list. I also bought the one Sandy wanted for Sam's birthday which is 4 days after mine, so yay I have a gift for her! Here are pics from the web of my two faeries, as I don't have real pics yet.

I also got some jewelery from Black Market Minerals and a small surfboard statue. We went back to the house and I just wilted. My head exploded. I didn't even want to swim. They all went into the hot tub, and I sat there next to them. When my Mom heard my head hurt that bad and I started to cry from the pain, they actually dragged me in, fully dressed, to try and relieve some of the head pain, which it did. I told my Mom I wasn't taking the antibiotic anymore. That I just couldn't do it anymore. Then they had Katie escort me to my room, so I could shower and then we stayed in and ate food there and watched Broken Arrow on dvd.

5/24 - I knew I was going to get extra sleep today because everyone else was going back to Sea World today but I was staying. They were getting up at 9am, so I didn't think I would be alone, once I got up, for that many hours...for some reason. SO I slept until 1:22pm. I was kind of surprised they were gone still. Why, I don't know. Considering, if they didn't leave until 10, and then it takes like 40 minutes to get there and into the park, that would mean they were there for only like 2 and a half hours now, but in my brain it seemed to make sense. I figured they would be back soon though. SO I straightened up my room and made breakfast and Max was so happy to see someone was home, he went back in my room with me when I laid down and watched some Charmed episodes. By 3 o'clock though, I was like, WOW, this is lonely. So I texted Sam, where are you guys, and she said they were just leaving the park. They got home just before 4. We went Swimming when they got back and I got so cold, but the pool was not cold, and it was NOT cold out. It was ME! I got in the Hot Tub even though it was hot out. They told me how they had played phone tag for hours (awww) with my primary doctor and there was supposed to be a new RX at Walgreens for me. I still had goosebumps all over my body even in the heated water, it was so weird!

We went out to eat at Olive Garden. The waiter brought our drinks and proceeded to spill them all over us. He got one of my short bottoms really wet, so I rushed to the ladies room, but Samdy showed up a few minutes later and she was drenched!! I mean soaking wet pants in an air conditioned restaurant! Then we get out there and he disappeared! And I went hypoglycemic. And he never took our orders, so there was no salad or breadsticks coming, so Katie had to go and find him and tell him he needed to bring breadsticks for a diabetic ASAP. Which made him all antsy for the rest of the meal, he forgot the plates for salad and disappeared, etc. *sighs* Then everything I distinctly told him to leave OFF my dinner, arrived ON my dinner! He comped Sandy's meal, but I was still pissed. We went to Walgreens and because we didn't bring down our prescription plan card, the new RX cost us $120! We went home and tried to plan out the remaining days of our vacation. That was disastrous! I went to see Letters to Juliet with Mom and Katie. My stomach was so not okay still and was churgling when we got to the theater so I thought that meant it was hungry. So I got a pretzel. Now I think it was something else because it seems to hate me and is giving me awful pains and cramping. And I got to go back to the house and start the new med. I was so worried I started it with yogurt though. Loved the movie by the way, it was so romantic, and I recently found out, that IS Vanessa Redgrave's love of her life in real life, so that is even more romantic!! It is so good and a most own! I bought a lens scratch repair kit while we were at Walgreens today. I think I will try it out. It's drying. I am so scared for my poor glasses! Danger...danger Will Robinson!!

5/25 - Umm...it's 2:30 am! I ruined my glasses! NEVER USE THIS STUFF! They look like a rainbow nail polish threw up on them! But the directions SAID Step One would take Step Two OFF, so I tried that. NOPE!! I tried that again and again, and then soap and water. It says not to try any other chemicals to try and get it off or it will destroy the lenses!! Now after trying to USE step One like it said to get it off, they have a weird colored patch crystalline thing going on, and when I put them on, clouded everywhere, I can barely see anything! I woke up Mom. Tears were everywhere. How am I this STUPID?!! To try this NOW?! While on vacation?! When these are the only glasses I have?!! I am so stupid. Mom gets mad at me for saying it over and over, but that is all I can think. Mom makes me take my pills and says we will call the company in the morning. But there is NO phone number on the box, not even a website! I fall asleep crying.

Sam wakes me up. She woke up early and decided to try and fix them herself. She used a pre-moistened lens cloth...and it rubbed the crap off. Yes a freaking lens cloth wiped off what their own solution would NOT!! All that crying and nausea for nothing! Thank goodness for Sandy! I tried to buy her something all day but she was stubborn and wouldn't let me and said everything I showed her was ugly! Grrr! My personal thermostat is still broken because I was freezing again in the pool. We went over to Einstein bagels again and had lunch.

We drove to Downtown Disney. Mom and I found a perfume bottle, yay. I will post a pic when I take a pic of it in my room. I kept it wrapped up so it made it safely home. I tried to buy Sandy something Jack Skellington but she refused everything saying she liked none of it this year. Oy. We went into the World of Disney and I found a great tee to get Katie that she would actually wear! I was like finally!Sam wanted to buy one for me so I found one I have wanted for 2 years, it is the one that says the monorail saying in spanish. It is something I have been hearing since 1983 and they finally turned the saying into a tee so she got that for me. I can say it along with the voice, lol. My Mom found the cinnamon roasted almonds from a vendor outside, YUM!! Sandy also bought Maxie a doggie sized Mickey hat!! We finished up and drove home so we could try the hat on Max!

Isn't he adorable?!! Now some of you who have a good eye may notice my hair and go, what the...?! I agree. My mother tells me it is still red, so does Sam. And I will give them strawberry blonde but that is IT. I say the pool water and the sun TOTALLY bleached my hair of all it's red color. That is practically my *gulp* natural hair color and I don't wanna go back there. Tell me someone else can see that is SO not anywhere NEAR my normal hair color, either the bright or the dark reds!!

Anyway we sat around for awhile playing are you smarter than a 5th grader...we are not. LOL. Then we went to the Golden Corral, for Dad and Kate. It is a buffet they love. I hate buffets. There is too much of everything. Food, people, choices. Maybe if the choices were EVER food I liked...but it never has been. EVEN before I had the stomach surgery I never liked buffets. I always seen to wind up with mashed potatoes and gravy and a piece of pizza or something. Which was what I had. I couldn't even eat salad because with the heat it is too iffy. Sandy ending up taking a chicken apart for me, but even my Dad was surprised by the lack of chicken dishes. LOADS of ribs and fish and red meat but like not chicken dishes and chicken is like all I eat. Even Dad said it wasn't as good, but he ate plenty as did Kat and even Mom, it was just me and Sam who hated it, and felt guilt having Dad pay that much for us eating like nothing. I feel such pressure and panic at buffets, I am not going to one again I think. And when we left I felt so sick. These new antibiotics were not changing a thing. I took a shower as soon as we got back and then we women folk watched the last 2 episodes of the first half of Glee. Mom and Katie are in love with the show now too. LOL. Magic Kingdom is tomorrow. I said I wouldn't go back, but I have agreed to try. I am scared. I admit it. Really scared.

Continue 2morrow...

2010-06-09T01:00:00.002-04:00

I woke up with an almost migraine today. The neighbor's across the street, since we got back have been using chain saws, every single day. They chopped down about 10 trees at least in their yard if not more, and today, coupled with the storm, proved too much for my head. So coupled with the coughing and desperately wanting to throw up...is that wrong?...I am going to postpone continuing with 5/23 until tomorrow.

Oh, my Dad had me resend all the photos I took of my chest and legs after the car accident in November, maybe that means sometime in the next eon it will finally be settled. I knew I wasn't over the fear, but Florida reinforced how much I am not over the fear. Florida drivers are crazy and I swear we almost got hit about 10 times and it made me so sick to my stomach each time and I felt like I couldn't breath. One time, my Mom made me breath into my hands because I was hyperventilating...and I wasn't even driving. This one stupid teenager in his huge black truck has made me afraid of other drivers, I think forever. I am pissed!

2 Tough Florida Days

2010-06-07T23:34:00.007-04:00

5/21 -So I woke up early feeling even even worse if that was even possible. I had tossed and turned all night and was coughing up nasty green stuff. I sounded like a frog. My Mom heard me and decided I was going to the clinic at Walgreens. So no swim for me. I got dressed. I figured we'd leave for the Magic Kingdom after so I got all ready, camera, hat and sun lotion, etc, and we left, my parents and I. We were second on the waiting list, but we waited for quite a long time. Finally it was my turn and my Mom went in with me. I had a severe sinus infection, and I had fluid in my ears, etc. They prescribed me Amoxicillin, which they said I MUST eat with food, but after one dose it is already making me very nauseous. We went and got the girls to go eat lunch, it was that late and we get back and they hadn't even showered yet! In all that time!

We went to Red Lobster. Dad said he would make it up to me. You see I HATE it with a passion. I used to not mind it, even not liking seafood, but there is no longer anything I like to eat there. It makes me gag now. I like the biscuits but that can't sustain me. I thought I could be safe, I ordered plain grilled chicken from the kids menu, it had a glaze that made me feel more nauseous and it was really fatty. I need protein in a meal to feel right, so I left Red Lobster again feeling a lack of protein which always makes me feel ill.

We got back to the house and went in and hit a wall of HOT AIR. It was disgusting in the house, like it was that first day! The air conditioner is broken! The people who take care of the house for the owner show up, freaking Maxie out, saying they will send a repairman but they don't know what time the guy will show up. Dad says he isn't going anywhere until the guy shows up. Oy. Dad says go to the movies, but as sick as I feel, I am in "park" mode. So I need to DO something not sit in a theater for 2 hours. I mean, I know this is my OCD, I should relax, I feel like shittake mushrooms, but my mind thought I was going to do something more involved so I had to. So Mom and Sam stay home, and Kate goes with me to find these outlets I had looked up. We went to the Hunters Creek Kohl's Outlet, called The Loop. I know Kohl's has thin, cool, graphic guy's shirts I will love and they did. I also stopped in their Claire's and got some more headbands. You know we should have stayed at The Loop, but I had thought this other outlet called The Prime Outlets would be so much more fun as it was a real outdoor mall, while the Loop was a lot of stores, but not an outdoor mall, you had to walk a lot between stores. It took forever to get there, Gabby took us a LONG way to get there. The Prime is SO huge I found it really scary, and except for the Jeff Dunham shirt I bought for my Dad, I didn't find it worth it. We got lost at one point!! We kept turning a corner, hoping we would find an end, only to find another long corridor and it was like it was never going to end and I was starting to panic! And that was like one 1/3 of the outlet on THAT side of the road! I was so stressed!

We got in the car to drive back and I was so exhausted. We called home to say we were on our way and Dad said the guy had come and it was down to 79 degrees in the house (oh boy!) and that when we got back we were going to the movies at 8pm. I am exhausted, but I want to be with my family on this vacation, so I use the next 40 minutes to try and psyche myself up to do this. We got home and I showed them what I bought, and stuff. And while we sat there deciding what we were going to see, my Mom said I wasn't going anywhere which was a shock to me. I actually was like fighting a little and finally just gave up, so my Dad and Katie went to see a movie and I stayed home with Mom and Sam. Since I never got to swim, they let me swim for 20 minutes and then told me to go take my shower. Then we ate mac-n-cheese and watched a Medium I had recorded and brought down on dvd. Now I am sitting here writing this all down before I take my pills and fall asleep. I am SO glad Mom made me stay home. I got weepy, I am so tired and feel so sick. I am trying my best to not hole up like I know my body wants to. But this is our family vacation so I am going to try be with my family, even as they keep their distance now.

5/22 - NyQuil helped me sleep a bit better. Well one and a half doses did anyway. Woke up and we swam. It was a blistering hot day so the water felt so good. We ate lunch at Bob Evans. We stopped at the Big Orange for Sam's annual Big Orange t-shirt.

Then we made our way to the Ticket and Transportation Center. As we walked to the Monorails and I began to truly feel the heat beat down on me and the humidity seep in on me, and the sweat begin to roll down my back, I thought, this is going to be a very LONG day. And it was a scary thought. It was super crowded and hot as blazes. The sweat was dripping everywhere off of me. As soon as we got into the Magic Kingdom, I had to pee. And needed a drink. As we walked towards Adventureland, I grabbed ice from a drink stand and dropped it into my bra, but it was melted and gone in seconds! We made our way to Pirates and it was a 30 minute wait. I said they could go and I would wait for them. There was just no way. I'm sweating, sick and yuck. 30 minutes? No way. So they all decided no, they'd try later. We forged ahead. Mom and I stopped to look at the crystal cart, as I get a new perfume bottle every year. We saw nothing good so we went to catch up. They were in a line for ice cream and popsicles. Dad asked is we wanted to leave. We were shocked. He looked incredibly unhappy until one of the girls said, let's ask if we can get the day refunded, then he brightened up. We'd been there less than an hour. I was dripping wet. I felt so sick. I didn't think I was going to go back here, so I just wanted the one thing I had been looking forward to for 14 months, my Dole Whip. Pineapple soft serve. The lines weren't moving though so everyone said it was too hot to wait. So there went that dream I had waited 14 months for. Gone. Then I got to the shops on Main Street and Kate and Mom said NO. We had to get to Dad and Sam, we would shop after. It didn't make sense to me, but I listened. We get there and they did refund the day and then they escorted us, YES ESCORTED US, to the turnstiles. I felt like a criminal. I KNEW I was right to think we couldn't stay and shop after we got a day refunded, why would they give us the day back and then let us stay and shop?!! I was SO upset. I could feel myself losing it for the first time in this trip. I couldn't talk or stand next to anybody.I could feel myself losing it. And except for Mom trying to talk to me ONCE, no one tried to talk to me, which made me even more upset and made me want to cry even more. So I didn't speak all the way home. I went to my room and my parents followed. I cried and explained. They understood. I said I wasn't sure I would even go back there if someone paid me, it had been that bad an experience. I cried more. Dad explained he didn't like it either, too hot, too many people. We all went into the pool and watched a sky writer. I cried a bit in the pool too. I just am not feeling good, and it was not a good day. We went to Cracker Barrel for dinner, where I got down to ONE peg in that bloody game, and then went mini golfing. I did not do as well as normal, I believe it would be the fact that I felt like I wanted to Projectile Vomit the entire time. But I played through it. The antibiotics were really messing with my stomach. I stayed up too late that night and then slept until 12:44 pm!! NICE!

..doh...

2010-06-07T00:56:00.001-04:00

I forgot it was the weekend, so I am going to leave it as it is. Since most people don't read blogs during the weekend I will wait until Monday night to write the next installment! Now I can go lay down and die! Wahoo!

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